Current Events > Guy on Tinder gets 3 matches out of 5,000 swipes, no dates.

(+) Yeah! (+)

this is exactly why I never relied on them

Why are we supposed to care about this one particular profile on Tinder?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Dating apps give the brutal reality that you(people in general) aren't as attractive as you think.

LiberalAgenda8 posted...

Dating apps give the brutal reality that you(people in general) aren't as attractive as you think.

Successful matches on dating apps involve more than just how good you look in a pic

I've literally had a ton of dates from Tinder. This isn't indicative of anything other than the person probably doesn't have a very appealing profile.

Has he considered not using tinder

I will say that the last time I used Tinder was abysmal and I got practically no matches. It was enough to keep me off the dating apps for a while. I recently tried Hinge and it's way better; no dates yet but I've at least had matches and conversations. Though I'm also in a bigger city now as well.

We been off tinder bruh, nothin but bots and OF models

Hinge is the move here in Phoenix

If you aren't getting matches on Tinder, chances are your bio really needs work, or you need to take better pictures. It's not necessarily how attractive you are (obviously that helps), but more so the kinds of pictures you use and what your bio says.

Arcanine2009 posted...

If he only gets 3 out of 5000, he is probably doing something really wrong with his profile and/or he really narrowed down his settings.

I might swipe 25-50 times a day at the most and I get one match per week. So maybe 1 match out of 100-350 swipes a week. Granted that's not a lot but any means. I'm not in the 10% and most matches I get I'm not attracted to.

Coffee Meets Bagel is way better if he's looking for a relationship. I get a lot more matches. Maybe 2-3 a week, but they limit you to like 20 something likes a day (though they allow you to "skip the line").

In general I'd highly recommend getting a subscription with dating apps too, cause the free ones are rigged to get you less noticed, as well as give you less options. It's blatant with CMB, and I'm sure there's some algorithm with tinder and other dating apps..

I'm gonna give Meet Up a shot. That seems more natural to meet some strangers in a shared event, get to know someone and turn into friends and then date.

No.... sounds about right.... There was a study by a female a couple years ago that almost drove her to suicide. She pretended to be a man for a period of time on Tinder and sent out hundreds of messages, not a single response. The online dating market is just screwed up.

Ivany2008 posted...

No.... sounds about right.... There was a study by a female a couple years ago that almost drove her to suicide. She pretended to be a man for a period of time on Tinder and sent out hundreds of messages, not a single response. The online dating market is just screwed up.

Just because she pretended to be a man doesn't mean her profile was appealing to other women (or her actual first message). I would say I'd get a response from maybe 7-8 out of 10 matches when I was on Tinder.

So glad I've ditched the dating apps...

Indiscriminate swipers actually get shown significantly less on most apps. That ratio of 3 matches out of 5000 is not at all surprising.

It's sad how quickly people are to blame the guy when so many people can relate to this, and everyone knows how badly the system is rigged against men.

SwayM posted...

It's sad how quickly people are to blame the guy when so many people can relate to this, and everyone knows how badly the system is rigged against men.

It's only rigged in the sense that men outnumber women 2 to 1 on most apps, so at least half of the men on these apps aren't going to get dates simply due to how the numbers break down.

Will_VIII posted...

Indiscriminate swipers actually get shown significantly less on most apps. That ratio of 3 matches out of 5000 is not at all surprising.

Those posted stats say that he swiped left a little over 40% of the time, so I'm not sure he was just swiping indiscriminately. But this guy's issue is probably that his profile just sucks or something. He's clearly not making himself very appealing, whether that be because of his pictures or because of something else listed on his profile.

gamer167 posted...

We been off tinder bruh, nothin but bots and OF models

Hinge is the move here in Phoenix

As a medium attractive, 30-something year old dork, I've had some moderate success with Hinge. I don't normally take a lot of photos and therefore didn't have a lot of good pictures to line my profile (one of my pictures is just my cat and another one is literally a meme), and I don't generally have this many issues getting matches.

Of the people I've talked to, seeing profiles that are super macho, show a "victim mentality" (as in putting things like "I probably won't get any dates on here" on your profile), and/or misogynistic are immediate red flags that turn people away.

Yeah we'd really need to see the profile too

Will_VIII posted...

It's only rigged in the sense that men outnumber women 2 to 1 on most apps, so at least half of the men on these apps aren't going to get dates simply due to how the numbers break down.

I mean even if it were "only" this, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

But it's not just that. It's the fact that unless you're in the top % of men, no one's even going to see your profile. The more frustrated and desperate you get at a lack of matches, lowing your standards and swiping more punishes you, and further reduces the likelihood of matches. Everything about the way the algorithms work contributes to kicking the shit out of you when you're down.

Will_VIII posted...

Yeah we'd really need to see the profile too

The last thing anyone on this planet needs is for the internet to sit in their comfy chairs and judge the shit out of them.

SwayM posted...

I mean even if it were "only" this, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

But it's not just that. It's the fact that unless you're in the top % of men, no one's even going to see your profile. The more frustrated and desperate you get at a lack of matches, lowing your standards and swiping more punishes you, and further reduces the likelihood of matches. Everything about the way the algorithms work contributes to kicking the shit out of you when you're down.

I don't think I'm anything particularly spectacular and I don't live in a heavily populated area (and it's politically split) but when I was on apps up until about a year ago, I always had a conversation going if not a date planned.

Bios and recent pics are pretty important.

SwayM posted...

The last thing anyone on this planet needs is for the internet to sit in their comfy chairs and judge the shit out of them.

In this case, I think they meant it in the sense of "we'd really need to see the profile in order to know why this guy is actually getting so few matches" and not to just laugh at and judge the person.

SwayM posted...

The last thing anyone on this planet needs is for the internet to sit in their comfy chairs and judge the shit out of them.

No, but constructive criticism can go a long way. Are the pics all with a bunch of people meaning you don't actually know who it is? I've seen that in women's profiles before.

Are they punching down a group or say something ridiculous and generalize?

All things I swiped left on immediately

Gray_Areas posted...

In this case, I think they meant it in the sense of "we'd really need to see the profile in order to know why this guy is actually getting so few matches" and not to just laugh at and judge the person.

This is exactly it. No one's trying to laugh at the guy, but we can offer advice on what might help get more success.

Jupiter posted...

Just because she pretended to be a man doesn't mean her profile was appealing to other women (or her actual first message). I would say I'd get a response from maybe 7-8 out of 10 matches when I was on Tinder.

I get a response message, maybe once every 4 months. I'm not a bad looking dude. I'm a bit overweight, but I have a decent personality and most women who I actually go on dates with enjoy my personality and want to go on 2nd and 3rd dates. That said, its very skewed in one direction.

I talked about this with a few of my female friends, if I send them a message, I'm literally playing a roulette wheel if its going to even be seen by them on a dating app. I'm not even talking about the quality of a message. Dating apps in general are very bias towards women. Women get free access to the app, they don't have to pay for anything and they get the full experience and lineup of men that are signed up. Meanwhile men see less than a percentage of the available female on said app. That's how these dating apps make their money. They goad men to paying for the full service so they can see the full amount of women on the app, and even then it might not be the full amount.

As per my previous point, I might get a response every 4 months. Meanwhile my female friend gets messages every 5 seconds. It gets to the point where she has to turn off notifications if she is around anyone otherwise her phone will constantly be going off. So imagine if you will, a decent looking male trying to get his message seen in between the 900 other messages just for that hour alone.

Which is why some people took it upon themselves to make apps where the woman has to message first.

This is also an inconvenient truth, but if you're right leaning that's going to be a deal breaker for a lot of single women.

This is why apps like "the right stuff" came around, and women on this app even say the men there aren't desirable.

SwayM posted...

The last thing anyone on this planet needs is for the internet to sit in their comfy chairs and judge the shit out of them.

I get it. I can say that if anyone DMs me their profile, I would give constructive criticism, not judge, and not share with anyone here. But I get that trusting someone here is hard to do. There are a few people here who know I am trustworthy.

Will_VIII posted...

This is also an inconvenient truth, but if you're right leaning that's going to be a deal breaker for a lot of single women.

This is why apps like "the right stuff" came around, and women on this app even say the men there aren't desirable.

Even for a lot of men I know that use these apps (myself included), seeing someone willingly list themselves as conservative on their profile is almost an immediate "no."

bsp77 posted...

I get it. I can say that if anyone DMs me their profile, I would give constructive criticism, not judge, and not share with anyone here. But I get that trusting someone here is hard to do. There are a few people here who know I am trustworthy.

I'm also happy to offer feedback but I think people like you a lot more than me

Gray_Areas posted...

Even for a lot of men I know (myself included), seeing someone willingly list themselves as conservative on their profile is almost an immediate "no."

Yup conservatives and antivaxxers were an immediate left swipe for me.

Will_VIII posted...

I'm also happy to offer feedback but I think people like you a lot more than me

I like you

I also think theres a lot to be said about how men have to put in the work on dating apps.

When you do get a match, whos sending the first message. Whos carrying the conversation. Whos asking all the questions. Whos supposed to be funny. Whos supposed to be interesting. Etc.

Its the guy. In almost all cases its the guy.

Speaking from experience. It gets so fucking exhausting. To the point where when you do get those few and far between matches. You arent throwing your A game anymore, you just cant be bothered. But why bother when even when you are the best version of yourself you just get ghosted or something else.

SwayM posted...

I also think theres a lot to be said about how men have to put in the work on dating apps.

When you do get a match, whos sending the first message. Whos carrying the conversation. Whos asking all the questions. Whos supposed to be funny. Whos supposed to be interesting. Etc.

Its the guy. In almost all cases its the guy.

Speaking from experience. It gets so fucking exhausting. To the point where when you do get those few and far between matches. You arent throwing your A game anymore, you just cant be bothered. But why bother when even when you are the best version of yourself you just get ghosted or something else.

I was thinking this a few of your posts ago, but every post just confirms it. You seem to have a self-defeating personality. That could factor into your success on dating apps.

Jupiter posted...

I was thinking this a few of your posts ago, but every post just confirms it. You seem to have a self-defeating personality. That could factor into your success on dating apps.

See what I mean about people on the internet judging you?

why would you post your L like this

SwayM posted...

I also think theres a lot to be said about how men have to put in the work on dating apps.

When you do get a match, whos sending the first message. Whos carrying the conversation. Whos asking all the questions. Whos supposed to be funny. Whos supposed to be interesting. Etc.

Its the guy. In almost all cases its the guy.

You're mad because you're supposed to be interesting?

This is what kills me with you guys. You have it in your head that guys have to meet impossible standards and then when you lay out what those standards and expectations are its like... yea just be a normal human who is fun and interesting.

And its fucking weird how transactional you make it out to be.

SwayM posted...

I also think theres a lot to be said about how men have to put in the work on dating apps.

When you do get a match, whos sending the first message. Whos carrying the conversation. Whos asking all the questions. Whos supposed to be funny. Whos supposed to be interesting. Etc.

Its the guy. In almost all cases its the guy.

Speaking from experience. It gets so fucking exhausting. To the point where when you do get those few and far between matches. You arent throwing your A game anymore, you just cant be bothered. But why bother when even when you are the best version of yourself you just get ghosted or something else.

No, I think that's just considered "putting in effort." If you want to try to date people or get people to want to date you, you're kind of required to engage in conversation, make yourself appealing to some extent, and try to get people onboard with the idea of spending time with you.

Can that be a little exhausting sometimes? Sure, but that doesn't mean that only one side has to contribute. In fact, I'd say it's the opposite. If someone on the app tries to talk to me but isn't willing to engage or put in any real effort to try and communicate, then I'm not going to be interested in them and will instead put my effort into people and conversations that were willing to reciprocate that effort.

If you're having issues with the apps, it might be worth either going back through your messages and profile to see if you see any specific things that stand out or even just asking some of the people you matched with that didn't work out what was problematic or what went wrong?

Shadow_Don posted...

You're mad because you're supposed to be interesting?

This is what kills me with you guys. You have it in your head that guys have to meet impossible standards and then when you lay out what those standards and expectations are its like... yea just be a normal human who is fun and interesting.

And its fucking weird how transactional you make it out to be.

You'd be amazed how many women can get away with being the dryest people on the planet and are like talking to walls.

But as a guy you definitely have to put on a show and make yourself stand out on the apps, otherwise you go nowhere.

Shadow_Don posted...

You're mad because you're supposed to be interesting?

This is what kills me with you guys. You have it in your head that guys have to meet impossible standards and then when you lay out what those standards and expectations are its like... yea just be a normal human who is fun and interesting.

And its fucking weird how transactional you make it out to be.

The double standard is that you have to have everything going for you, pursuing someone who may not have much interesting things about them in the first place. This is a concept foreign to most people but a lot of people are boring . Yet you're putting tons of effort into someone who doesn't engage

SwayM posted...

See what I mean about people on the internet judging you?

I am not judging you.

SwayM posted...

You'd be amazed how many women can get away with being the dryest people on the planet and are like talking to walls.

But as a guy you definitely have to put on a show and make yourself stand out on the apps, otherwise you go nowhere.

Actually, if a girl can't carry a conversation or isn't interesting, I stop responding. I've done this plenty of times.

Gray_Areas posted...

No, I think that's just considered "putting in effort." If you want to try to date people or get people to want to date you, you're kind of required to engage in conversation, make yourself appealing to some extent, and try to get people onboard with the idea of spending time with you.

Can that be a little exhausting sometimes? Sure, but that doesn't mean that only one side has to contribute. In fact, I'd say it's the opposite. If someone on the app tries to talk to me but isn't willing to engage or put in any real effort to try and communicate, then I'm not going to be interested in them and will instead put my effort into people and conversations that were willing to reciprocate that effort.

If you're having issues with the apps, it might be worth either going back through your messages and profile to see if you see any specific things that stand out or even just asking some of the people you matched with that didn't work out what was problematic or what went wrong?

The market is oversaturated to where a random individual can post a pic on instagram, only fans, or twitter and will still get paid lots of money(only fans) or get tons of comments and praise.

Essentially the onus is on me to still be "traditional"(approach, be chivalrous, set everything up) regarding people im attracted to that aren't traditional themselves.

Jupiter posted...

I was thinking this a few of your posts ago, but every post just confirms it. You seem to have a self-defeating personality. That could factor into your success on dating apps.

But he's right. It's expected to
-be tall
-be good looking
-have good pics
-have lots of money
-be social/have tons of friends(one person in another topic outright said that not having friends is a deal breaker)
-be interesting

Yet if someone else has standards, those standards are insulted.

Jupiter posted...

I am not judging you

Agree to disagree. You're jumping to conclusions and assuming things about me, when I didn't ask.

Jupiter posted...

Actually, if a girl can't carry a conversation or isn't interesting, I stop responding. I've done this plenty of times.

And I have too.

But it's especially frustrating when you go through a drought of matches and finally get one...and she's got the personality of a strand of wheat.

Tinder can destroy self confidence if you use it with the wrong expectations - accept that for every woman there is over 100 guys vying for her attention. So, just like real life you gotta stand out. Go back to basics, and be punny/funny/eccentric as fuck to throw her off her game. Guarantee, you will make an impression.

don't think you gonna find your true love on that thing, and take yourselves so seriously. Use it for practice to raise your "game" stat.

LiberalAgenda8 posted...

But he's right. It's expected to
-be tall
-be good looking
-have good pics
-have lots of money
-be social/have tons of friends(one person in another topic outright said that not having friends is a deal breaker)
-be interesting

Yet if someone else has standards, those standards are insulted.

Lmfaooo

How dare those witches expect me to be interesting! Its unfair! Women shouldn't be allowed to vote!

Shadow_Don posted...

Lmfaooo

How dare those witches expect me to be interesting! Its unfair! Women shouldn't be allowed to vote!

Going out of your way to miss the point.

Shadow_Don posted...

Lmfaooo

How dare those witches expect me to be interesting! Its unfair! Women shouldn't be allowed to vote!

Being interesting is such a subjective take because many hobbies you have might be considered uninteresting to someone. There are people into certain movies, video games, or people who like combat sports. But if you share these same interests with the other person

A. They may not be into certain movies or be an avid movie watcher
B. They may not like video games
C. They may not like combat sports

Are you saying that you essentially have to be forced to like football, in order to be considered "interesting". The claims of boring and interest are essentially nonsensical at the end of the day. Because interest in something is always subjective and many people like to have stable boring lives. It's not bad to ideally want a boring stable life. Not everyone wants to go through something potentially dramatic.

LiberalAgenda8 posted...

The market is oversaturated to where a random individual can post a pic on instagram, only fans, or twitter and will still get paid lots of money(only fans) or get tons of comments and praise.

Essentially the onus is on me to still be "traditional"(approach, be chivalrous, set everything up) regarding people im attracted to that aren't traditional themselves.

I've only been back into the dating world for a few months at this point, but literally none of that has been my experience. If you're attracted to people who aren't "traditional," then maybe you don't need to be traditional yourself? Don't change who you are to approach people on the app, just change the way you approach them to better suit who you are.

If I match with someone and they aren't interesting to me or don't seem to be willing to actually engage, I usually just straight up tell them that it doesn't feel like they really want to interact. I try to be cordial about it, but if they don't really care, then I just unmatch with them. It's pretty easy to tell when someone actually wants to talk or if they're just going through the motions.

Don't waste your time and effort on people who don't really want you.