Poll of the Day > "Americans treat family like strangers, and strangers like family."

(+) Yeah! (+)

What do you think
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Explain...
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your username is obnoxious
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No not at all
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No, ass kissing is for unknowns.
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I treat everyone like strangers.
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That statement can be interpreted in many ways and I can't think of one that would make it correct.
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helIy posted...

your username is obnoxious

YOUHAVENOH--**gets shot**
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for reference

this is a sentiment oft expressed by Chinese visitors to the United States
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For reference but not clarity. Reminds me of the guy who makes topics but never includes the link.

demonfang178 posted...

For reference but not clarity

if it must be explained to you
it is remarking on the difference in how Chinese (and many asians) behave for strangers as opposed to family

In America it's not uncommon to be extra polite to strangers, whereas in many places in China being a stranger means you get the baseline level of polite.

So the way Americans treat family, wanting to be away from them, openly hating in-laws, etc, is jarring to some because China has the Confucian-influenced social model, where elders and family are held in the highest esteem, and strangers don't need to be catered to *as much
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I think that's just capitalism at work. Strangers might give you money if you're polite to them. Family will give you the same amount of money regardless of your manners, up to a certain point.
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YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

for reference

this is a sentiment oft expressed by Chinese visitors to the United States

How would they know what Americans treat their family like?

Stop making up nonsense
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FatalAccident posted...

How would they know what Americans treat their family like?

Stop making up nonsense

im sorry are chinese nationals incapable of living in the US to work long enough to make observations about American family interactions
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YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

FatalAccident posted...

How would they know what Americans treat their family like?

Stop making up nonsense

im sorry are chinese nationals incapable of living in the US to work long enough to make observations about American family interactions

I wouldn't call them visitors, though.
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Sarcasthma posted...

I wouldn't call them visitors, though.

It's a matter of semantics now

I just wanted to see what PotD thought of the statement
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If your in-laws/brother/aunt/etc. are horrible people, are they worthy of respect or politeness simply due to their relationship to you?

If I have a friend since childhood who would stand by me through thick or thin, but a brother who I only see once a year for holidays - should I prioritize my brother simply because of blood relationship?

So I think the whole premise is bad to begin with - why should family get respect like that simply because they are family? For many of them, the only thing they did was have a common ancestry with me.

Beyond that though...

I think part of it is that its easy to fake being polite and show fake respect, especially if you follow the golden rule. I hold the door for a stranger because I would like them to hold one for me. I know nothing about that person, but being rude to them accomplishes nothing, it could actually backfire to basically treat them as nothing because then I cant expect them to do more than that in return.

On the flip side, Im comfortable with my family. We joke around with each other and say pretty harsh things to each other, but we still love each other. I think having that level of comfort and honesty with family is a better sign of respect than simply faking it and following their orders simply because they are the elder.

An abusive family member is not worthy of respect, regardless of their position, why should they be.

People dont just hate their in-laws for no reason. People dont just break ties with their siblings without a reason.
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where did that quote come from tc? and how do you think it applies to most americans if it does?

CwebbMichSac4 posted...

where did that quote come from tc? and how do you think it applies to most americans if it does?

we don't extend the same courtesies that we do strangers often

at least, in my observation

a lot of americans seem more focused on being nice and courteous to strangers; etiquette and manners matter a whole lot less to some americans and their families

also i've seen the quote in like three separate articles regarding foreigners visiting the US
most recently one about why Chinese people "seem" rude compared to Americans
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chinese seem rude compared to most americans? you mean actual people in china? I've been to china and i don't notice a huge difference. Almost everybody treats those that they know and are related to better than strangers though.

YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

a lot of americans seem more focused on being nice and courteous to strangers; etiquette and manners matter a whole lot less to some americans and their families

No shit? Family know what you mean, strangers don't.
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Im really confused as to where this hostility is coming from
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YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

Im really confused as to where this hostility is coming from

your topic doesn't make much sense. Who treats strangers better than people they know and trust?

YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

demonfang178 posted...

For reference but not clarity

if it must be explained to you
it is remarking on the difference in how Chinese (and many asians) behave for strangers as opposed to family

In America it's not uncommon to be extra polite to strangers, whereas in many places in China being a stranger means you get the baseline level of polite.

So the way Americans treat family, wanting to be away from them, openly hating in-laws, etc, is jarring to some because China has the Confucian-influenced social model, where elders and family are held in the highest esteem, and strangers don't need to be catered to *as much

So what you're saying is, the Chinese treat family like strangers, and strangers like family.











Though to be honest, when you consider how many Asian cultures lean heavily into excessive submission and respect for superiors - to the point of having different pronouns for formal and casual speech - falling back on more relaxed and casual attitudes towards family, I'd say both cultures have similar views towards strangers and family in many ways.


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YOUHAVENOHOPE posted...

What do you think

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clearly u have no idea what on earth a visitor is

next time get your facts straight before making garbage topics
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Depends.

Family can fuck you up more than a stranger. So why shouldnt those types who do be kicked to the curb?

family needs to act like family if they want to be respected as such.
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My gramps is polite to everyone.

He's also a massive bigot who shouts racist, sexist, and homophobic expletives at most behind their backs. He's also stolen thousands of dollars from his family over the year, and he's amazing at making you feel sorry for him.

My best friend is really uncomfortable around strangers. She'd also do just about anything for those she loves, and is a never ending supply of great advice and compassion, and just sorta leaves everyone else alone.

Being polite only says so much about you.
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I've never heard that belief before. I treat some strangers better than my family but this is only because I know them all too well. lol

https://www.rw-3.com/blog/2014/01/why-the-chinese-dont-smile-at-strangers
Today, it all comes down to in-groups and out-groups. The Chinese, in general, learn to see the world in these terms, with a trusted inner circle and everyone else on the outside. Westerners should also know that many Chinese find some of their behavior equally as puzzling. For example, many say that Americans, treat strangers like family and their families like strangers.

http://www.china-mike.com/chinese-culture/understanding-chinese-mind/in-out-groups/
Many expats and longer-term residents complain that the Chinese have a Not in my backyard view of the world. The general attitude is It doesnt affect me or my family so why should I care?

I remember reading a story told by an expat who was buying something on the street with his expat friend. There was a near-accident that somehow caused a manhole to come free. Everyone on the street watched as other cars almost got into accidents as they swerved to avoid the hole. Finally, the two expats walked over and replaced the manhole. When they returned, the vendor said that no Chinese wouldve gone to the trouble to do what they did.

Some folk treat friends like family and and family like strangers but that's understandable. I wouldn't say many folk treat strangers as family.
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Here's another thing to think about.

My grandma is essentially a walking Texas stereotype. 5 seconds of her and I immediately want to hang up the phone.

Meanwhile I run into someone outside of starbucks and strike up a conversation, and I find out that she's super sick of bigots too, and she comes off as a really kind person with similar interests.

I've never seen her since, but that conversation we had meant a hell of a lot more than just about any time I've spent with my extended family on my moms side.
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Superrpgman posted...

Meanwhile I run into someone outside of starbucks and strike up a conversation, and I find out that she's super sick of bigots too, and she comes off as a really kind person with similar interests.

Wow thats radical.

And pretentious.

And everyone clapped. The fact that its Starbucks too makes people uncertain. Was that the goal?
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Relinquished posted...

And pretentious.

I don't think you know what that word means.
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Superrpgman posted...

Here's another thing to think about.

My grandma is essentially a walking Texas stereotype. 5 seconds of her and I immediately want to hang up the phone.

Meanwhile I run into someone outside of starbucks and strike up a conversation, and I find out that she's super sick of bigots too, and she comes off as a really kind person with similar interests.

I've never seen her since, but that conversation we had meant a hell of a lot more than just about any time I've spent with my extended family on my moms side.

You should make an advertisement on Craigslist seeking her out.
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I work in customer service. That's true.

The thing is, before I started being a smiley idiot at work I'd get a complaint a month from some idiot that didn't like my "attitude". If I'm not a smiling idiot, I can tell my intelligent customers actually appreciate it, but then I get that grown child drama queen once a month. I honestly do not care about those people anymore, nor should I have ever cared.

I'm not your friend, I don't know you, I won't remember you, I shouldn't be more friendly to you than I am any member in my family.
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Superrpgman posted...

Relinquished posted...

And pretentious.

I don't think you know what that word means.

That means you dont know what it means, thanks for telling us.

And deflections means I was right. Ciao.
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I don't see it as true. It doesn't make that much sense to me. And I'm usually nice to everyone. But, at the same time, I love my family. And like them, too. I've heard a lot of people seem to hate their family, or hate being around them, or avoid them, etc... Especially on this board. By family, I mean other than significant other & children. And it's not always everyone, but sometimes, lot of them.

When it comes to strangers, I do things like hold the door, or polite conversation at certain times, and stuff like that. But that's just being polite. But I don't treat them like friends or family.
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