Lurker > FortuneCookie

Dark_SilverX posted...

Would you rather be Godzilla or Super Mario?

The one with the better girlfriend.



I hope you all are saying Mario.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Quality over quantity.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Vince Russo was sent to WCW to ruin them

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

My local Kroger still has toilet paper in stock.

Good luck getting Tylenol though. <_<

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

• Disney releases a special edition version of Episode I which digitally removes Jar Jar Binks in favor of Knuckles.

• The Blu-Ray edition also includes commentary from Ugandan Knuckles.

• Other SEGA IPs also go to Disney. Streets of Rage, Golden Axe, Afterburner, Dinosaur King, Crazy Taxi, etc.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

After Mario's first mission, his victory celebration is interrupted by Peach who has freed herself from Bowser's clutches using her hidden power.

She reveals that she was never actually his captive, but only allowed him to think she was a prisoner in order for her to gain information about his plan to build a hate wall keeping mushroom people from seeking gainful employment in the koopa kingdom. Her hair is cut short, her pink dress is now a pink shirt with black pants, and she prefers to be called Queen Peach or General Peach. It's okay that she's no longer rule 34 fuel since Toadette is in the game now and has been made prettier than her previous incarnation.

Mario is now Justin Beiber and his hat is blue so as not to allow the audience to mistake him for a redhat. Also, gold coins are no longer collected as Mario is not a capitalist. Mario instead gains and additional star from collecting 100 peace symbols.

Also, Pauline is a lesbian.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Trolling 101: Make a vague, incendiary statement and watch the replies unfold.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

We all had a thing for Kanga and her big motherly hips, right?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Chicken posted...

The internet sexualizes Houndoom?

Yep.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

The one the internet keeps sexualizing?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

If you win the lottery, be conservative and live off of it. Don't invest in the stock market.

That's where they get you. There are people whose job it is to sell losing stocks to newly rich so that the original stock owners can recover their losses. That, and buying yachts is where most newly rich people lose their money.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

If you happen to masturbate at the same time as a pretty girl, you can say you're having social distance sex. ;)

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Big Titty Catgirl Squad

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

I had a guy come into the pharmacy and say that people needed to "wash they asses." He then went on to sexually harass one of the customers before being kicked out of the store.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

"He may be a moron, but he's our moron."

#IdentityPolitics

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

SrRd_RacinG posted...

Underage to run for president, though.

New porn genre?

"You can't run for president. You're only 34."
"So you're saying I'm... underage? *lip bite* I won't tell if you won't tell."

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Literally every president is accused of being this.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

DuranOfForcena posted...

voting for trump is like picking bowser

to be in charge of the mushroom kingdom

Don't insult Bowser like that.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

No. I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to have a job (pharmacy) when I have to work overtime during this crisis.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Everyone in the apocalypse still wears factory-manufactured shoes.



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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

After all the times we rescued the princess together, you think I'm just gonna cast him aside? Fuck Toad. Little bastard was giving you the middle finger anyway.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Not me. I have my hall pass.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Whose side are you on?

Whichever one is most likely to sleep with me. I don't care who's actually right.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Yesterday, a masked man in the pharmacy was awaiting results of his Cornavirus test. He had credible reason to think he had contracted it and was being prescribed for the worst. Today, a patient came in saying that one of his doctor's coworkers was confirmed to have contracted it and that he'd seen his doctor earlier this week. Every day on the drive home, I start to feel feverish and wonder if it's tiredness, psychosomatic response, or early warning signs of the virus.

Tonight, I stopped and got a Coke at a convenience store; taking note of how many people had likely touched this bottle and wondering if *this* was how I would catch the virus.

I'm done. I'll still take every precaution, but I'm done worrying about it. I trust I can beat this virus if I contract it. I'm even mildly optimistic of the possibility that I'd be in the crowd which said it was the flu or a mild cold as opposed to the crowd which said it was the worst thing ever.

If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. But I'm not going to be afraid of it.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

President Pence would refer to Coronavirus as "the Homosexual Virus."



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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

I'm working overtime at the pharmacy, so I'm technically making more money.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Umbreon posted...

Yes but he's wearing a mask, and has a way to make sure you don't catch any disease ever again....

What a considerate axe murderer. I might survive after all.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

VitalGetPrank posted...

Friday the 13th PS4 - Camp Crystal Lake

I played it on NES. Staying 6 ft. away from Jason is not possible.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Sadly, the easiest way to incorporate minorities in mythology based stories is simply to have whatever non-human character played by a black actor or other minority. Like Mushu from Mulan. No black people in ancient China (correct the fuck outta me if I'm wrong), but plenty of dragons.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Tolkien said the stories were for the downtrodden Anglo-Saxons (white people) with no mythology of their own.

It was a rather pretentious statement, but he made some classic stories which inspired Legend of Zelda and the like. Though that one is also absent of black people. At least the ones I've played.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Is the level still beatable without coming within 6 ft. of another person?

If your game doesn't have levels, substitute last mission.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

winged_weltall posted...

I think we have to differentiate between "Chinese people", and the Chinese government. The regular people in China are like you and me. Most Chinese people that I know who talk about their disdain for China are pretty much all referring to the government over there. It's a shame people mix these 2 things up... Tons of people in China most likely hate the same people the Chinese Americans hate as well, they just can't speak up about it...

Humanity in a nutshell.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

I work in a pharmacy. I've had less time for porn since the coronavirus hit.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Would you rather it have bottomless pits that you fall into?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

R1masher posted...

Your godfather was there when you were baptized

What was your Godzilla there for?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Which Ed Wood movies?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

*spends the whole day watching kung fu movies*

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

GameGodOfAll posted...

Both Civil War and Infinity War are better.

Stopped reading there.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Indiana, btw.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

My pharmacist just texted me a memo, presumably to show a police officer in the event that I'm pulled over, stating that I provide a vital service and should be allowed to pass unencumbered.



I have approximately a month's worth of toilet paper.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

I'm actually pretty good for right now. I got my haircut in the early stages of the coronavirus scare. Not as a precaution. Just luck. The first time I saw a toilet paper meme, I snagged a $5 bag of 9 double roll toilet paper from the CVS I work at.

Of course, working in the pharmacy means that I have more work and more time away from home as opposed to less work and less time away from home. But it also means I'll be first in line to get a vaccination when one is finally available.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

It should've ended with her saying she didn't need a guy her own age because she's already found the one she wants to be with.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Politicians were never honest.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

R1masher posted...

cause she didnt grow up on tv.... and the creepers love that

They get turned on by the fact that she used to be a child? I'm not sure that's how pedophilia works.

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Sister (with or without benefits)

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Rest in Peace, Diego. A good name for a good cat. :(

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Veggeta_EDGE posted...

I take it as a compliment

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera

Is this what socialism feels like?

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2020 going to be a CE kind of year ~ Panthera