Lurker > MariaTaylor

Camille


Holy cow why is this lady so thin? She looks like she is made of paper or something. I'm not even kidding or being hyperbolic, either, something about her just looks a little bit off...?

Her Coven skin looks really cool, though. I'm sticking her right in the middle, neutral ground, slightly above Ahri who I have no strong feelings about.

Cassiopeia


Skimmed her wiki entry quickly and I think it's pretty funny that she can't equip boots. Hopefully that doesn't count as racist humor... Uh, anyway, monster races are cool but I'm not a big fan of snakes. They creepy me out, honestly. I think placing her below Alistar works, and I definitely like her more than hipster braum, so that makes her placement easy.

Cho'Gath


Hell yeah now this is a monster. He regains health and mana by killing targets, he can smash people into the air, and of course he roars. The only downside is that his base design is not great and his skins... are probably the most cringeworthy set of skins overall, of every champion I've looked at so far.

If I ignore his skins and rate him just on his base he's definitely a somewhat cool guy.

Final verdict... ehhh... still pretty middling. I like his monster concept but his design could really use some work, and that's the main thing I'm raking champions on.

Corki


Corgi is just your stereotypical gnome that is good at engineering and blowing things up. I don't know if league of legend has gnomes but we all know what this is as soon as we see it. Low for originality, and since it's a trope I don't even care about that's low for design as well. He's not quite amumu bad, because I can tell what he is, but he's still pretty bad.

At least is name is easy to make fun of.

Darius


Well he certainly looks angry. He fits nicely into the badass action dude trope but his design doesn't quite hit the right notes for me. He'll certainly rank above all of the wimps, creeps, and furries, but I doubt he'll compare favorably against other badass characters who have more defining traits than a standard short hair dude + armor design.

I intentionally selected good fan art that made him look more cool and distinct than his original design, and he still kinda just looks like a budget Guts ripoff.

For now I'll stick him above the newly established blitzcrank line. If you rank below blitzcrank then you are probably bad.

Rankings
Caitlyn
Aatrox
Akali
Ashe
Azir
Camille
Ahri
Cho'Gath
Annie
Darius
---Blitzcrank---
Bard
Anivia
Alistar
Cassiopeia
Braum
Brand
Corki
Aurelion Sol
Amumu
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bumpo for now.

didn't even bother to archive this yet since I do want to get any last minute discussion and posts.
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alucard
phoenix
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Vlado posted...

Repent and change your ways. You'll thank me later.

lol

nah
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kateee posted...

i just saw the cosmic queen ashe splash for teh first time and it looks sick

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5tarscream posted...

Who hates moustaches?

I bet you can't grow one. Where's Kora?

hipster mustaches are just dumb, sorry
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I don't know if I have an exact type but a lot of times it has just as much (or more) to do with fashion than general character design. hats are cool, and I like the general vibe that she has. having a bunch of cool different outifts as her various skins helped a lot.

also we need some more predictions! I've now ranked everything that kateeee predicted so far.
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Vlado posted...

Drop hentai, drop porn and live a more fulfilling life. With the increased confidence and willpower from dropping them, the chances to find a worthy girlfriend will increase manifold, too!

I have plenty of confidence and willpower already, though

the confidence to admit to liking hentai, talk about it openly, and not feel shame is not to be underestimated!
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I mean opening a spreadsheet and typing the number '1' into an existing column is not that much extra work
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my sheet was a lot more simplistic but here's a part of one of them



too lazy to copy any more than that

I remember at least one, maybe two other people who were about as meticulous as natwaf in sourcing everything. I was more just curious what types of materials I was using the most, but the results were pretty inconclusive since my tastes tended to change drastically and go through cycles... causing the three months to all have wildly different stats; I'd ignore a type of material that I used for the majority in the previous month... and then start using something I hadn't used much before. etc. etc.

edit: for an idea of how often I watch animated hentai, note that the EastAnimated column is literally empty at least for all of the entries I captured in that snapshot lol
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snake_5036 posted...

i'm sorry but.... you really document everything you bust to?

it's actually something a few of us did on a private board last year, for a few months, and then everyone kinda gave up. that topic also died when natwaf got married and stopped looking at porn anyways.
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I think the games do have their own unique style and charm, that's true. it's one of the reasons I still love Shining in the Darkness despite it being very dated. also agree the GBA remake of Shining Force 1 was great. the cards added an extra element of collectibles that made me feel more invested in completing things and searching areas.
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for anyone who hasn't played shining force and is thinking about it, or hasn't played for a long time, consider the following:

shining force, I loved them as a kid, they are responsible for getting me into turn based strategy honestly
but I try to play them recently and.. ehhhh...
there's no visible turn order
there's no way to determine what will happen before you do it
the character classes and fighting styles are all very basic
it's less of a turn based strategy and more of just a turn based RPG that happens to take place on a top down grid
there's no real strategy because you can't efficiently compare units or determine when anything is going to happen

I'm not saying 'don't play' but definitely temper your expectations.

still a huge fan of Shining in the Darkness though, love that game. really cool to see that was included too instead of the more well known SF 1+2.
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I've been meaning to check it out, myself. just haven't gotten around to it yet.
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Blitzcrank, steam golem


I'm sort of tired of copying everyone's title over, especially since many of them are very self evident. no one better embodies this more than blitz"crank." from now on I'll probably be more lazy about it or at least make jokes.

robots are something I'm pretty into, but blitzcrank definitely looks more like the type that I tend to think is less cool or outright lame. some of his abilities sound neat and his Lancer Rogue skin looks a lot cooler.

overall placement: average, leaning cool... god but then I see the little mustache in the picture above and all I can think about is how this guy is clearly designed for the hipsters that don't actually like robots...

Brand, BURNING VENGEANCE


another ranged fire champion, never seen one of these in a MOBA before...

pyroclasm is a hilarious name for an ability

apologies to any of my pyro bros here but I do think all of his alt skins are even more lame than his default design

overall placement: low

Braum


reasonably manly dude whose physique is maybe a little too exaggerated for me to really think he's cool, but that wouldn't hurt his points too much. the hipster mustache hurts his design a lot.

overall placement: low. not particularly a fan of 'big shield guy' designs. feels like the laziest way to design a tank.

Caitlyn


okay unfair bias I literally stopped to read more about her abilities and playstyle just because I thought she was really hot. she has some really great skins too, and if you know my tastes you would know I'm actually NOT talking about the more skimpy/sexy ones. the more normal looking alternate outfits look very cool and add a lot of variety.

easily my favorite champion so far. honestly I don't know how I haven't heard of her before. ironically after reading more about her playstyle I thought it was pretty 'whatever' since I don't care that much about ranged offensive champions. wouldn't really hold that against her too much though since I doubt I'll ever play the game and I haven't paid attention to what over half of them can do anyway.

overall placement: near top

Rankings
Caitlyn
Aatrox
Akali
Ashe
Azir
---Ahri---
Annie
Blitzcrank
Bard
Anivia
Alistar
Braum
Brand
Aurelion Sol
Amumu
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I read a good amount of hentai

the animated stuff is generally pretty garbage due to low budgets. there's some good amateur made animations but those are usually only a few seconds long. it's been a long time since I watched an actual hentai OVA. most of them don't appeal to me anyway and the low quality is a pretty huge hurdle when there's so much high quality porn everywhere else on the internet.
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truly a great match

(and I say this as someone who voted X!)
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also black turtle having a meltdown
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can NFUN do anything correctly
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VeryInsane posted...

are you calling the entire country of Poland basement dwelling hentai perverts

any of the ones who frequent gamefaqs, sure
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black turtle I've got some bad news for you

probably every contest in gamefaqs history was decided by basement dwelling hentai perverts
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ya
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MariaTaylor posted...

I am so sorry. I have no idea how this happened lol

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Maniac64 posted...

now for this new one.

see you in about 12 years when you finish reading it...
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that's some good macross hype
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as an entitled male loser I voted for the robot over the female character
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foolm0r0n posted...

Don't worry it's a hypothetical question

at this point I would really hope so. there's no way anyone as oblivious as the TC actually exists, and so this must be an intentional joke topic... right...?
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okay well if there's a tie for 9th place between me and one other person feel free to remove 1 point from my score
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3) Had cavities in multiple teeth at the same time.
5) Purchased a game to play only to never actually play it (bundles don't count).
6) Enjoyed a TV show everyone else said was terrible (and not in a 'it's so bad it's good' sense).
7) Refused to try a product simply because you were fed up with other people insisting it was amazing.
8) Stayed overnight in a hospital (not including when you were born).
9) Had a full-body X-ray.
10) Caught a wild animal (fish, bird, reptile, or mammal) with your bare hands. [amphibian, but yes]
24) Spent the night sleeping outdoors unprotected.
27) Owned a particularly rare and sought-after object.

29) Watched an entire series with three or more seasons in one mega-binge.
41) Got into a full-on fight. No hit-and-run type stuff.
42) Got arrested.
43) Fired a gun.
44) Changed a personal belief due to a movie/game/book/etc.

60) Saved the health/life of an animal. [arguable, but in the loosest sense, sure]
61) Almost lost your life from non-illness causes.

66) Survived a flood. [it floods a lot around here, not sure how vague this is supposed to be]

67) Jumped off a cliff for any reason.
68) Trained in swordsmanship

a lot of these are from when I was younger, my life has been pretty boring the last 5-10 years.
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not to laugh at your misfortune but

lol this topic holy shit

I can't help myself
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KommunistKoala posted...

From looking at the wiki (basically which champions they gave ranged and which they gave melee to, not sure if there's a better way to find this info), it looks like it's around 62 ranged to 73 melee, with 5 champions that are hybrids with ranged and melee forms

ah so it's just a coincidence that like 2/3 have been Ranged so far
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haha dang you guys are more into this than I am! wasn't really sure if this topic would get much response at all so it's cool to see the level of response that I have gotten. also I promise I am not trying to milk this topic for replies with slow rankings... I just... haven't gotten back around to doing any for like half a day.

anyway, suppose this is a good time to at least finish up the A candidates since I have a bit of free time now!

Ashe, the Frost Archer


And here we have another character who can be summed up as 'uses element.' Yes, I am being totally fair here in giving them credit for me doing 10 seconds of research vs how much time the character designers actually put into the game.

As for her design, she's kinda good looking, but nothing about her design really says 'frost archer' to me, either. It's more like, uh... someone came up with another hot girl to stick on the roster and they were like, shit, what fighting style do we give her? um, I guess she shoots arrows.

frost arrows

genius!

She does have a couple of really cool skins, though, notably the cosmic one and I guess the picture I chose to use is the best of her more traditional 'I'm a normal fighter person' looking skins.

final ranking: pretty solid, actually.

Aurelion Sol, the STAR FORGER


pretty cool title, slightly less cool looking dude. I don't have too much else to say about this guy. predict how you imagine I'd feel about aatrox if he were a giant goofy lizard instead of a badass demon.

yeah I'm literally a dragon hater... apologies to all my scalie bros....

final ranking: very low

Azir, emperor of the sand


he has a pretty neat aesthetic and I actually found his design intriguing enough to look up a little bit of info on how to play him, which is not something I could say for everyone on this list. emperor of the sand is a pretty lame title since that is like a resource I can literally find by going to any beach in the world, but there you have it.

final ranking: cool but not top tier or anything.

Bard, the wandering caretaker


okay to be honest all I wanted was for this guy not to be a bard named bard, and while he did pass those expectations... I think...(?)... I can't figure out what the hell this thing is.

it's kind of funny, I guess. also I don't know if this is a problem with me going alphabetical or just a big coincidence but it feels like almost every champion listed so far has been noted as a 'Ranged' champion. could just be confirmation bias of me noticing it every time it's listed. anyway, is this game known for having mostly ranged fighters or something?

final ranking: kinda stupid looking but funny I guess, like, stupid enough to be funny

Rankings
Aatrox
Akali
Ashe
Azir
---Ahri---
Annie
Bard
Anivia
Alistar
Aurelion Sol
Amumu
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LapisLazuli posted...

abrupt ending

we call those 'netflix season finales'
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corella ~
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ScareChan posted...

Rpg maker?

as someone who has a lot of experience in RPG Maker

RPG Maker would not be good for this

foolm0r0n posted...

Ok first make a simple thing where you you can walk around with a top down view and talk to people

Then make another simple thing where you just have dialogue trees

Then make another thing that has really basic 2d fighting

If you can do all those THEN you can begin to imagine making a super game that mashes all 3 of them up

this is the better idea

just need to make sure you can stay satisfied with each of these smaller projects as you build up your skills, and stay focused on the idea of the eventual finished product... but don't be afraid to abandon the concept in your head right now. refine it or even scrap it if your experience leads you to new and better ideas along the way.
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man I know I wasn't updating every day or anything but the current feeling I have is still veryyyy weird. like it's been 16 hours since my last update and I haven't needed to think at all about the next update or when I'm gonna start writing another chapter.
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haha yeah I had to get one last, good, glasses SMASH in there

jamison bullied
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JonThePenguin posted...

Yeah. First season hit in June 2016. The eighth season comes out in December and is also the last.

okay damn that is a relief

if seven years somehow passed THAT FAST without me noticing I was really going to start dreading my own mortality
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apologies to my furry friends
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oh and a purely special interest poll

How many people knew that Kyne was the God of Magic?
A. I knew literally right away.
B. I knew once he started describing the God's thoughts in first person.
C. I didn't realize it until basically the scene where he reveals himself.

this is another one of those situations where since I wrote it and already knew, the answer A feels really obvious to me. should be interesting to see if it was as 'obvious' as it felt in my head. I don't think it needed to be a twist to be shocking or anything, though.
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lordjers posted...

I still hate what they did to my girl Akali. She had this innocent yet deadly look to her, looked like The Bride in one of her skins and like a Mortal Kombat ninja in another. Black suited her perfectly too. Now not even nurse Akali looks that great and she kinda does look like a rapper uhhhh....

League changes skins so frequently I sometimes don't recognize that game anymore.

looking over her skins I thought the most consistent and best feature about her was her eyes, so at least that's pretty much the same between all of the iterations.
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oh yeah and for those keeping track, Pelengreer is the country that Aaron was from. he is one of the soldiers who fought in the war against the Blight King which ended four years ago, and his backstory talks about how he was one of the soldiers who left the country because he didn't know what to do after the battles ended.

lastly the text was already very dense and I couldn't fit any of the other submissions in directly, but the "lost and forgotten" soldiers mentioned along Gabriela's journey was a reference to the ajdectives that were used for some of the character descriptions that you guys submitted!

Zigzagoon posted...

Oh no D:

zeph got a deceptively happy ending here. he literally states that if one person is able to see things the way he does it would mean the world to him. he gets Jamison to help him out, and the chapter ends with Jamison "Making Contact" and then escaping. this means you can reasonably expect that at least he has Jamison on his side for now!
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haha yeah that's one of my favorite traits of Thanos and I think a lot of people feel similar. interesting that they chose to remove this from the movie version, although they did also still do a really good job with him.

anyway this was my typical final epilogue where a character from a foreign country goes on a quest that brings them to a location which sets up the new plot for a potential sequel. I couldn't really make her a Knight (and didn't want to), but I kept the theme of giving her a US President based name (Washington)

also I think "I'm starting to get into it" as the final line really demonstrates just how fucked this world is right now. hearing that alone makes me feel like I do want to come back to this setting at some point and write a sequel. think about all of the stuff that Kyne has done already... and he's just STARTING to get into it now. hahah....
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Amumu, the Sad Mummy


Well that is certainly a creative title. I don't think I understand the appeal of this guy at all. I checked out his alternate skins and they are somehow even worse. I'm having a hard time believing this is even real.

Anivia, the Cryophoenix


Another animal character, although it's at least cooler than Amumu. Some of her skins actually look pretty cool, but I think the default one is pretty bad. And yes I read a little bit -- at least enough to know that this thing is a she. Although it sort of looks like a robot, too.

I guess if it's a robot you get to decide her gender.

Alternate explanation; they built robotic bird privates on her.

Annie, the DARK CHILD


Being named after a great character from one of my favorite manga, she had some pretty big shoes to fill. Uh... I don't think this little girl really meets my high expectations. She does have a lot of really cool skins and that puts her above some of the current field, and will help her hold a decent placement over time I would think.

A ranged pyromancer is very whatever, standard fare, but the fact that she can summon a giant stuffed bear onto the field to wreck shit is pretty amusing.

Rankings
Aatrox
Akali
Ahri
Annie
Anivia
Alistar
Amumu
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bumpo for lunchtime board 8 crowd hype

because uh

why not
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Kyne has joined the server.
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LapisLazuli posted...

Which...what the fuck there are 7 seasons of Voltron??

wait what really. how can this be a thing? I remember stalling out before finishing season one, but there's no way that was 7 years ago. did they release multiple season per year or something?
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It was something only a callous and careless God could come up with.

Something that had no regard for mortals whatsoever.

It seemed Gabriela's experience, her impression of the Gods, wasn't going to be much different from Corella's after all. History was repeating itself now. The only difference was that Gabriela felt her eyes fading, her personal light grew dim, and it almost felt like she was losing control of her own body.

Regardless of what she wanted to do or not, all that mattered was that she would probably be turned into one of his Champions. And, as Gabriela's light faded, Kyne's light began to shine a bit more brightly. He smiled for real, for the first time since she had met him, and his eyes opened from that narrow glare they had always shown.

Now, open fully at last, she could see them shining like bright red autumn moons. But it was really that smile which scared her. Because she saw, in that moment, the madness which had infected him. Mona's purely evil and warped conception of Love had infected a God. It had brought him here... by coincidence or whatever you want to call it....

Everything that Mona had done had actually summoned a God to this exact place after all.

Now, thinking the same way that Mona thought, Kyne was imagining returning back to see a special and warm smile, a smile that he had always yearned to see. And in his own warped and purely evil mind, he thought this was the way to achieve it.

That mortal worm had somehow crawled back out of the tunnel and escaped, but that was fine. Jamison would serve as a nice pawn; a piece who could set up the forces on the other side and make sure that there was a story to tell at all. It would be better than having the Champions run over this world and effortlessly destroy it.

Kyne knew how fun it was going to be to burn this world down. He finally understood the joy of playing games with mortals. They could always do things you might not expect, and you'd be forced to react to the 'free will' that had been imparted upon them. That was such a novel idea to a God of Magic who had ignored the Mortals for so long!

Now, at last, he understood.

"... I'm starting to get into it..."

[...]

Well, to whoever said they would actually like a very long chapter, be careful what you wish for. I couldn't figure out any other way to complete this except to post it exactly as it ended up. There's nothing I felt I could safely edit and keep the spirit of this epilogue intact. Hopefully this ending doesn't leave anyone feeling too unsatisfied.

It actually ended up being well above 35k

I believe the longest chapter I've ever written/posted for one of these projects...

For those who didn't want a galactic sized update: I am so sorry. I have no idea how this happened lol
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It can't be a coincidence, can it, that both of them were sent to meet with the Gods. And, in both cases, Kyne showed up at that place at the same time as the person who made the pilgrimage. Maybe it was another case of coincidence, or part of the grand plan. Maybe Kyne was going to recruit her and Jamison and, together, they would travel to go and meet with the Gods.

Somehow, though, even Gabriela couldn't be that optimistic.

This didn't feel like a journey that could continue. This didn't feel like a story that could go on for much longer. This felt more like the end of the story.

Jamison turns, opening his mouth. He doesn't know these people who have come here, and he's not sure how to greet them. His eyes flicker nervously to Gabriela. She is very pretty, and not too young for someone like him to be properly attracted to. If someone were to ask him he might just admit that he actually was very attracted to her in that moment. It wasn't just his normal shyness.

But, before he could even speak those words of greeting, Kyne's open palm smashed into his face.

Jamison's glasses shattered and he was knocked back off of his feet. He had the build of someone who had been a bit of a shrimp, a desk worker before, and had slowly gained hands on skills and a bit of muscle over the last half of a year. But, despite all that, he was easily overpowered by the seemingly small guy known as Kyne.

Kyne struck him so hard that he stumbled backward, fell, and slid across the ground.

"Ugh!" Jamison ended up at the edge of the bottomless pit. Yet, somehow, he found the strength to hold onto something. He didn't fall. He held himself up, as any mortal should do when faced with death! He looked very strong and courageous in that moment.

"Kyne, what are you doing?" Gabriela says, walking up behind him as he approaches the Altar of the Gods.

"I think she probably wants to hear a story with unexpected and exciting twists, don't you?" Kyne replies, answering her question from yesterday. "I think she wants a story of heroes facing impossible odds and the raw human emotion that is created from those kinds of circumstances. It's a tone you can only create if you're not afraid to senselessly kill off heroes, destroy the world, and create a real sense of danger in the text."

"Because, in that kind of story you can find it; Brief moments of true, pure, really... it's just really... she'd say... Really interesting stuff! Weak and cowardly folk who are forced into situations where they must be brave or perish. Guys who are brought down by their own vital character flaws. Senseless and stupid cruelty -- because you will always have those with amazing courage and will standing up against it."

"What are you doing, Kyne?!" Gabriela shouts at him.

"I'm creating my Champions, of course," Kyne tells her. "You're the first one."

"Did you think those prophetic dreams were a natural power? We already concluded it was a divine intervention. You came to that shrine for exactly that purpose, didn't you...?"

"No," Gabriela retorts. "I came to the Shrine of Storms because I needed to find a way to save our world."

"Relax, don't worry. We're only beginning to tell the story," Kyne responds. "Things need to become really terrible first, otherwise there's nothing to save. You can understand that much... can't you?"

Gabriela knew what he said was true but it sounded completely absurd. They were going to try and destroy the world just so that it could be saved? All for the sake of telling a story? What kind of madness, what kind of disregard for the sanctity of life was needed for such a plot...?
---

~* and now I only see your dull imposter ~*
https://i.imgtc.com/VKVxOSK.png

Jamison nods. "Yeah... Of course." He was feeling a bit guilty at snapping back earlier and, really, when he thought about it, he wasn't acting like himself anyway. Of course he'd do anything to help out Zeph. That much was obvious. "What do you need me to do?"

Gabriela wondered where Kidd and Leone were, but maybe they were waiting outside.

"Just go there," Zephyr said. "Tell me if you see anything. Any sign of the Gods. I don't know why, but it's just a feeling... if you go there you might meet something, and then maybe you'll be able to see things the way I do." His way of viewing the world had changed completely, but maybe it was possible to open Jamison's eyes and bring that guy back as his ally.

Having even one person he could rely on would mean the world to Zephyr right now.

"The Altar of the Gods..." Jamison muttered.

"I don't know if Mona was insane or maybe she was really onto something," Zephyr tells him. "But didn't you feel a strange energy in that place? It wasn't just because our lives were in danger. I feel it now. My fur tingles... I sense something..."

The next day Gabriela and Kyne explore Canlan village some more. She recognizes this place from her dreams but it takes her a while to realize it. She looks around for Jamison or Zephyr but doesn't see any signs of them. Was that a dream of the past... or the present...? Kyne told her she would see those kinds of dreams, but she didn't know which was which.

They travel east together to an abandoned keep at the edge of a murky swamp. The village here has been destroyed and then folks nearby must have come through and finished tearing all of the buildings down. Perhaps Canlan was rebuilt from this village, which had been abandoned after the keep fell into disrepair.

The place looked surprisingly well tended, but there was no one who was looking after the place either.

"Don't worry," Kyne tells her. "I have permission to enter this place."

"Permission...?" Gabriela inquires.

"Of course... What I mean is that I'm free to go wherever I want." Kyne says something that sounds like a joke but he doesn't laugh or smile. He truly is a strange guy, but maybe she is just starting to get used to him. She noticed that she stopped acting polite and holding him at a distance long ago.

Though they don't feel intimate, or even romantic, there's a chance that maybe he feels a bit like her friend.

The lower chambers have mostly been cleaned out, and those open up to a series of well lit tunnels. Aside from the excavated walkways there are also side chambers with large pits built into them. It's hard to say what belonged in those pits because the area has already been cleared out of everything but rocks.

There are some stairs cut into the stone and other times they go down slopes.

Eventually, the two arrive in the lowest chamber at the place beneath the keep.

This is where Gabriela sees Jamison. She had expected him to be in Canlan Village, but he was here instead. But if her dream was right he should be in-... No, wait. That wasn't correct. Yes, in her dream, he had been in Canlan Village.

But in her dream he had told Zephyr he would go to the Altar of the Gods.

That meant, this place now, must be the Altar of the Gods.

That meant that Jamison, like her, had been told by a Hero to go somewhere to meet the Gods. The two of them were very much alike! She thought about that for a moment, but then, her mind started to wander somewhere else.

She began to look at the guy who was standing next to her.

Kyne.

What was he...?
---

~* and now I only see your dull imposter ~*
https://i.imgtc.com/VKVxOSK.png