Poll of the Day > On Tuesday I have a consult to get my tubes tied

(+) Yeah! (+)

Desperately want to be sterile before June 8

What happens June 8?

Cupcake2006 posted...

What happens June 8?

I can't talk about politics

Cupcake2006 posted...

What happens June 8?

Big PotD orgy.

Jen0125 posted...

I can't talk about politics

That's fucked up in this context

Is the consult part of having difficulty with getting this done as a Woman?

Cruddy_horse posted...

Is the consult part of having difficulty with getting this done as a Woman?

The consultation is the hurdle. The consultation is where you find out if the provider wants to do their job or you need a new consultation with someone else.

Cupcake2006 posted...

That's fucked up in this context

Yes

Good luck, my mom had her tubes tied I've never thought to ask about the procedure

Out of curiosity how did you decide on tubal ligation vs a bi slap, or hysterectomy? Sorry if thats too personal, just curious.

slacker03150 posted...

Out of curiosity how did you decide on tubal ligation vs a bi slap, or hysterectomy? Sorry if thats too personal, just curious.

I might to a bi salp, it depends what information I get from my doctor. Edit: I'm reading bi salp can also trigger early menopause so I likely would not go that route.

I don't want to get a hysterectomy because I'm only 34 and I don't want to be on hormone replacement therapy until I go the age I'd be going through menopause/forever. My mom had to have a hysterectomy after I was born due to extreme endometriosis and she said she hated going through early menopause and having to deal with that. I also am a little nervous if they go in to do the laproscopic surgery they may find endo on my uterus and I won't have a choice.

I assume you live in one of those places in the US? That really sucks, I fear it becoming a thing here

Crimsoness posted...

I assume you live in one of those places in the US? That really sucks, I fear it becoming a thing here

I can neither confirm nor deny but you can make your assumptions ;)

yeah i'm just not trying to play ball on that court and i gotta take care of myself lol

Cupcake2006 posted...

What happens June 8?

An event of a nature which we are no longer permitted to specify happens in Arizona, which may or may not be related in some way to the subject of women's reproductive health.

May or may not

I'm at least 65% certain it's one of the two.

adjl posted...

An event of a nature which we are no longer permitted to specify happens in Arizona, which may or may not be related in some way to the subject of women's reproductive health.

Per admin Timmy

Anything that's say, a basic human right or even just a basic fact about reality? That's not political. Just because one particular group likes to make science and social denial their political points doesn't mean those things actually are politics.

Access to safe, legal abortion is a matter of human rights. Authoritative interpretations of international human rights law establish that denying women, girls, and other pregnant people access to abortion is a form of discrimination and jeopardizes a range of human rights. United Nations human rights treaty bodies regularly call for governments to decriminalize abortion in all cases and to ensure access to safe, legal abortion in certain circumstances at a minimum.
-human rights watch.

So unless a mod wants to directly contradict the admin the subject of abortion and abortion access should be fine to talk about.

It's when the Arizona abortion ban goes into effect. This statement is just a fact about reality, which is also fine to talk about.

The repeal of the law did make it through the house yesterday so there is still a chance for the law to be removed before it is put into effect.

Good luck Jen! I hope it all works out for you.

Yeah June 8th is when the 1864 law is supposed to go into effect. Then we also have the voter initiative that will defintiely be on the ballot in November as long as nothing WEIRD happens

slacker03150 posted...

"Just because one particular group likes to make science and social denial their political points doesn't mean those things actually are politics."

That's a highly charged political statement, I hope he was modded for that.

Yeah that makes no sense

Jen0125 posted...

Yeah that makes no sense

The rules don't seem to make any sense now anyway so probably best to err on the side of caution

I don't see how talking about restrictive abortion bills is NOT politics. Just because it's health related? So we can talk about health related politics? Like you said, I'd rather err on the side of caution.

If you have a hysterectomy without removing the ovaries you won't go through menopause. My wife had this done due to cancer.

slacker03150 posted...

"That's not political. Just because one particular group likes to make science and social denial their political points doesn't mean those things actually are politics."

One of the mods said something to that effect as well (specifically about gay/trans rights), which is just obviously nonsense and boils down to "'political discussion' just means taking a political stance we don't like." Ironically (or not, depending on how strict you want to be about defining "irony"), that's pretty much exactly the same way people complaining about media being "too political" use the term, except they use it as a dog whistle for "black people exist" whereas here it's a dog whistle for "racists exist."

Archgoat posted...

If you have a hysterectomy without removing the ovaries you won't go through menopause. My wife had this done due to cancer.

That's good to know. I def need to talk to the doctor to see what's best for me. Thanks for the info.

Jen0125 posted...

That's good to know. I def need to talk to the doctor to see what's best for me. Thanks for the info.

Even if you can get a doctor that is willing to do it, you would probably have a hard time getting insurance to cover a hysterectomy solely for reproductive reasons since there are less expensive alternatives. They are cheaper and less invasive than they used to be now that they are laproscopic, but it is still removing an entire organ.

Just so im aware, you pay for this right ? why would they say no if you do ?

Jkd91 posted...

Just so im aware, you pay for this right ? why would they say no if you do ?

That is an excellent question and yet they do. It took my wife over ten years to get her's done.

Jkd91 posted...

Just so im aware, you pay for this right ? why would they say no if you do ?

My insurance covers the procedure at 100% so the provider is getting paid. It just has to do with whether the provider wants to do the surgery or not. A lot won't on fertile women who don't have kids.

Jkd91 posted...

Just so im aware, you pay for this right ? why would they say no if you do ?

Part of it is a fear that the woman will come back and sue for malpractice for not doing enough to discourage her if she changes her mind down the line. Most of it, though, is the assumption that all women want kids and that any who say they don't are just wrong and the doctor knows better.

That's actually pretty crazy that you could then sue if you change your mind, seems like the sort of thing that if you decide to go through it then you're done.

I got a vasectomy at the beginning of the month and needed a referral from a doctor which took about 30 seconds, he literally asked if i wanted children and if i was sure then sent the necessary stuff to the clinic.

I've no idea how easy it would be for a woman to get it done here (england) but for a man its super easy.

Jkd91 posted...

That's actually pretty crazy that you could then sue if you change your mind, seems like the sort of thing that if you decide to go through it then you're done.

I don't know how often it actually happens, nor how often those suits are successful, but with the prevailing cultural norm that women are expected to want kids and there there's therefore something wrong with any that don't, many doctors choose to simply avoid the issue entirely by refusing to do sterilizations. Unless a woman already has multiple kids (and even then it's still often an uphill battle), it's not at all unusual to have to go through multiple doctors, get psych evaluations, and/or have their husbands sign permission slips (if they aren't married, they're out of luck) before any doctor will be willing to do the procedure.

Of course, this is assuming the woman in question is white. Minority women still pretty often get sterilized without their consent, because there are still too many genocidal maniacs practicing medicine.

Jkd91 posted...

I got a vasectomy at the beginning of the month and needed a referral from a doctor which took about 30 seconds, he literally asked if i wanted children and if i was sure then sent the necessary stuff to the clinic.

I've no idea how easy it would be for a woman to get it done here (england) but for a man its super easy.

That's generally how it works in the US and Canada as well. Vasectomies are all but offered in drive-thrus; men not wanting kids is seen as totally normal and something doctors are happy to accommodate. There are the facts that vasectomies are a less invasive procedure than tubals, and are a more effective form of birth control, and can be reversed more easily (the failure rate is non-negligible, but low enough that changing your mind later due to changing circumstances isn't the end of the world), all of which mean that if a couple wants to be sterilized it makes more sense for the man to do it, but even outside of couples or other cases where a decision is clearly being made between a vasectomy and a tubal men have a much easier time of getting sterilized.

I asked my boyfriend if he would be open to a vasectomy but he said no because he "doesn't want to alter his body" which is his choice but also a little weenie imo when his procedure is defintiely way easier. So I made an appointment for me right away. His body his choice.

Jen0125 posted...

I asked my boyfriend if he would be open to a vasectomy but he said no because he "doesn't want to alter his body" which is his choice but also a little weenie imo when his procedure is defintiely way easier. So I made an appointment for me right away. His body his choice.

Yeah ultimately his body his choice indeed, but make sure this kid conversation has been had. Not gonna pretend I know how long the two of you have been together, but better to find out now vs. later. If you don't want kids but he's hesitant to get a vasectomy, that might be a sign that his mind towards kids might change.

Cupcake2006 posted...

Yeah ultimately his body his choice indeed, but make sure this kid conversation has been had. Not gonna pretend I know how long the two of you have been together, but better to find out now vs. later. If you don't want kids but he's hesitant to get a vasectomy, that might be a sign that his mind towards kids might change.

Oh it has. Neither of us want kids. He just doesn't like surgery. My last relationship of 6 years ended because of resentment of me not wanting kids even though I was clear the entire time. My relationship now I made sure my partner did not want kids at all.

Jen0125 posted...

Oh it has. Neither of us want kids. He just doesn't like surgery. My last relationship of 6 years ended because of resentment of me not wanting kids even though I was clear the entire time. My relationship now I made sure my partner did not want kids at all.

Good deal

Jen0125 posted...

I asked my boyfriend if he would be open to a vasectomy but he said no because he "doesn't want to alter his body" which is his choice but also a little weenie imo when his procedure is defintiely way easier. So I made an appointment for me right away. His body his choice.

I was in and out of the clinic within the hour with very little discomfort apart from the initial needle in the balls.

Neither me or the girlfriend want children so figured it was the best option, i was alittle nervous more so in case something went wrong than me changing my mind and considering she'd have to be in the hospital for at least 2 days me getting the snip was much easier.

Yeah, I'd like it if he'd get the surgery but he doesn't like the idea of altering his body so that's his choice ultimately, it's my responsibility to make sure I don't get pregnant.

Plus that gives you more control over the matter. Not to plan for breaking up with your boyfriend, but if you're ever looking for a new relationship this guarantees what happened with your ex won't happen again.

adjl posted...

have their husbands sign permission slips

While all of it is crazy, this is the one thing I think is the worst Why should the choice be up to their husband? It makes absolutely no sense at all I think a lady should be able to have control of their own body without needing a man to make her decisions She not a child

LinkPizza posted...

While all of it is crazy, this is the one thing I think is the worst Why should the choice be up to their husband? It makes absolutely no sense at all I think a lady should be able to have control of their own body without needing a man to make her decisions She not a child

Presumably, it comes from the attitude that it's a woman's obligation to provide kids to a husband who wants them. Which is... not okay.

LinkPizza posted...

While all of it is crazy, this is the one thing I think is the worst Why should the choice be up to their husband? It makes absolutely no sense at all I think a lady should be able to have control of their own body without needing a man to make her decisions She not a child

It makes sense when you think of who makes the rules for society historically

adjl posted...

Presumably, it comes from the attitude that it's a woman's obligation to provide kids to a husband who wants them. Which is... not okay.

It's probably more the mindset that "Women obviously want kids because maternal instinct", with the assumption that if you're denying you ever want kids you're just young and confused and will change your mind eventually. So there's always an implied "You're going to regret this decision" if you choose to have an irreversible method of birth control when you're "too young to know what you really want".

It's still sexist, just a different flavor of sexism.

adjl posted...

Presumably, it comes from the attitude that it's a woman's obligation to provide kids to a husband who wants them. Which is... not okay.

Its 100% not ok If they want kids, they can go out and find someone who also wants kids. Not force some woman who doesnt want kids to have them Why should only the husband get to decide whether he wants kids or not?

Jen0125 posted...

It makes sense when you think of who makes the rules for society historically

Its just so dumb, though Why cant we just let people do what they want with their bodies. If someone doesnt want kids, then let them not have kids

sorry you gotta deal with this. this topic reminds me that my mom who lives in Texas keeps saying my fianc and I should move to Texas. I haven't told her yet that we won't because we don't want to live in a state that will limit my love's reproductive freedom. thankfully we live in California.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

It's probably more the mindset that "Women obviously want kids because maternal instinct", with the assumption that if you're denying you ever want kids you're just young and confused and will change your mind eventually. So there's always an implied "You're going to regret this decision" if you choose to have an irreversible method of birth control when you're "too young to know what you really want".

It's still sexist, just a different flavor of sexism.

That's why the opposition exists in the first place, but specifically requiring their husbands' permissions is just outright stating "it's only okay for you to not want kids if your husband also doesn't want kids." While I would generally say that sterilization is a decision that should be discussed between partners and a consensus should be reached before going ahead with it (whether that consensus is being okay with sterilization or divorcing because it's an irreconcilable dealbreaker), asking the husband for permission is quite overtly treating the woman as his property.

The idea of wanting children being normal is so strange me me, when i told the people i work with that i didnt want children and planned to get the snip the main question they asked me was 'what are you gonna do with your life then if you dont have children' of course these are middle aged woman with multiple children but assuming you can live life without children is silly.

Jkd91 posted...

The idea of wanting children being normal is so strange me me, when i told the people i work with that i didnt want children and planned to get the snip the main question they asked me was 'what are you gonna do with your life then if you dont have children' of course these are middle aged woman with multiple children but assuming you can live life without children is silly.

It just depends for some people. Tbf, part of it is because they believe that people need to have a similar life to them to be happy. To them, raising a family made them happy They would have to understand that people want different things. Some people want children, and some dont. And thats fine But some people cant see life without children, even for other people

My entire life I haven't wanted kids. My entire life has been filled with people older than me telling me that I'll eventually want kids and I'm being silly. I'm 35 in June and still don't want kids. People really think they know better than you.

LinkPizza posted...

It just depends for some people. Tbf, part of it is because they believe that people need to have a similar life to them to be happy. To them, raising a family made them happy They would have to understand that people want different things. Some people want children, and some dont. And thats fine But some people cant see life without children, even for other people

I think it's the opposite. Misery loves company. They want everyone to have tied down lives full of responsibility directed at others. A lot of parents are absolutely miserable with their decisions but don't feel safe to say so. So they want everyone else to be as miserable as them.

I hate to use the word jealousy ever but from personal experience a lot of parents are jealous of people who have all the free time in the world and freed up finances to do fun things instead of sending Johnny to soccer camp or getting Annie's tonsils out.

I've met more unhappy families than happy ones, anecdotally.