Current Events > You guys here who have been spent time single and in relationships...

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Smallville
03/20/24 2:35:20 PM
#1:


did you find that you were almost always happier when you were in a relationship than when you were single?

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UT1999
03/20/24 2:37:48 PM
#2:


sure usually

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Jupiter
03/20/24 2:38:18 PM
#3:


Good relationship > being single >>>> bad relationship

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Cocytus
03/20/24 2:39:16 PM
#4:


Jupiter posted...
Good relationship > being single >>>> bad relationship


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#5
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BewmHedshot
03/20/24 2:39:33 PM
#6:


I have a pretty high level of baseline happiness and being in a relationship tends to add as much stress as it does happiness.
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NoxObscuras
03/20/24 2:42:05 PM
#7:


Jupiter posted...
Good relationship > being single >>>> bad relationship
This. Going through a bad relationship really makes you appreciate how good you had it when you were single

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doesntcare
03/20/24 2:43:08 PM
#8:


I miss the quiet
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UT1999
03/20/24 2:43:18 PM
#9:


NoxObscuras posted...
This. Going through a bad relationship really makes you appreciate how good you had it when you were single
you guys in bad relationship why didn't you just very quickly break it off?

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NeonOPPAl
03/20/24 2:44:09 PM
#10:


Jupiter posted...
Good relationship > being single >>>> bad relationship
Basically

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DisgracefulSins
03/20/24 2:44:59 PM
#11:


There is both upsides and downsides, specially for introverts who lose a lot of their isolation.

But ultimately being in a healthy relationship is much better than being alone. Humans are naturally social animals.

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SunWuKung420
03/20/24 2:45:44 PM
#12:


You don't get into a relationship to become happy. You get into a relationship to share your happiness with someone.

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Gobstoppers12
03/20/24 2:46:00 PM
#13:


Only when the relationship is a good one. I've had bad ones, and being single is much better than that.

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UT1999
03/20/24 2:46:37 PM
#14:


DisgracefulSins posted...
There is both upsides and downsides, specially for introverts who lose a lot of their isolation.

But ultimately being in a healthy relationship is much better than being alone. Humans are naturally social animals.
really? maybe , like most other great apes chimps , gorillas also very social....many humans are not though

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NoxObscuras
03/20/24 2:47:03 PM
#15:


UT1999 posted...
you guys in bad relationship why didn't you just very quickly break it off?
For me, it was a combination of sunken cost fallacy and naively believing it would get better (it didn't). I'd put so much time and effort into the relationship, I wanted it to get better so that I could feel like it was all worth it.

I'm in a much happier relationship now though, so all is good.

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UT1999
03/20/24 2:47:25 PM
#16:


Gobstoppers12 posted...
Only when the relationship is a good one. I've had bad ones, and being single is much better than that.
any of you in bad ones. had a lot of trouble breaking up with her?

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Gobstoppers12
03/20/24 2:49:20 PM
#17:


UT1999 posted...
any of you in bad ones. had a lot of trouble breaking up with her?
Relationships are complicated. Especially when they start great, then fall apart after a while. Emotions get involved, good things and bad things coincide, and it's just a mess.

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DisgracefulSins
03/20/24 2:57:31 PM
#18:


A thing a lot of people don't realize is that relationships only work when both people are putting in the work. When one person is trying harder than the other, then it creates an imbalance in the relationship.

And these issues should not be allowed to build, rather you work it out as you go.

Communication and honesty are key

No one is perfect, we are all human and make mistakes and have imperfections. You aren't perfect, and neither is she.

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Horith
03/20/24 2:58:35 PM
#19:


UT1999 posted...
you guys in bad relationship why didn't you just very quickly break it off?

So different degrees of bad can make it easier or harder to break off. And ironically the worst relationships, the ones where a partner is abusive physically or emotionally, are usually the hardest to break off of.

Like, a bad relationship can be as simple as the two people not really connecting. Some people may try to stick it out to see if that connection forms, but the relationship I had where this happened I just flat out said This isnt working and that was more or less the end of it. I wasnt really in a spot where I felt like I could bridge the gap, and so breaking it off wasnt particularly difficult on my end. Cant speak for her of course, nor would I presume to.

On the opposite side, I was in a long-distance relationship for just under two years that was abusive. You would think being an LDR would make it easier, but no, not when your phone is constantly exploding with messages from your partner freaking out because youre not spending every minute of your free time with her. I was isolated from my friends because she was paranoid they were going to set me up with someone else, and at the time it was easier to give in to her demands than deal with the fallout of her being upset I wasnt talking to her. I was even told the relationship didnt look healthy by friends and family, but I was young and dumb and figured they were overreacting. It only ended because at one point I lost my temper, and she broke it off with me as a result. Thank the gods.
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Horith
03/20/24 3:04:48 PM
#20:


UT1999 posted...
really? maybe , like most other great apes chimps , gorillas also very social....many humans are not though

Individual humans may not be, but as a species we are aggressively social. I believe theres some thoughts Ive seen floated around that this contributed to us being able to domesticate dogs, another highly social predator species, but theres no way to know for certain.
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ClayGuida
03/20/24 3:06:45 PM
#21:


A little bit of both.

Relationships rock, but mediocre relationships suck. If I'm with someone I want to spend all day every day for years with, that's amazing, but if it's someone that I need my space with, that's drastically different.

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Smallville
03/20/24 3:07:15 PM
#22:


Horith posted...
Individual humans may not be, but as a species we are aggressively social. I believe theres some thoughts Ive seen floated around that this contributed to us being able to domesticate dogs, another highly social predator species, but theres no way to know for certain.
Have you ever read anything about, that through most of human history pair bonding and monogamy was the norm......

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"That won't work Boss, hide the target in a place they're unlikely to be found"---GZ
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Horith
03/20/24 3:26:40 PM
#23:


Smallville posted...
Have you ever read anything about, that through most of human history pair bonding and monogamy was the norm......

Aggressively social was not meant to imply romantic or mating connections, just that socialization is a huge part of how our brains function, allowing us to survive as a species. We form large communities and families for instance, and its part of why we have such strong impulses with regards to in-groups and out-groups. Those in-group are aggressively protected and defended from any out-groups seen as a threat, even if that out-group is another set of humans. Its also part of why those who are socially isolated gravitate towards any group that will accept them, because our need to be a part of a social group is that big of a driving force in how we live.

As far as monogamy vs polyamory goes, that comes down to as much our created social constructs as anything else, and how we culturally make those connections. I know there have been cultures that recognized varying levels of relationships a lot better than we do in the modern era (especially in the US, where we have such a puritanical view on relationships that even having friends of the opposite gender can be viewed as a threat to a partner).
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Bishop_Hastur
03/20/24 3:55:36 PM
#24:


Bout the same happiness either way.

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Cuticrusader09
03/20/24 3:58:11 PM
#25:


Smallville posted...
did you find that you were almost always happier when you were in a relationship than when you were single?
No, I had some shitty relationships. But I was young and stupid and thought it was better than being alone. It is not.

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Ratchetrockon
03/20/24 3:59:08 PM
#26:


Ok last relationship I had was a while ago. But I remember whenever I felt unsatisfied about my life in that moment I'd blame it on my partner. Idk why I do this tbh and ik it's not good behaviour.

Now being single I got no one else to blame but myself. Imo this is worse like damn I need to stop hating myself.

Definitely tougher being single imo


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LightningThief
03/20/24 6:21:36 PM
#27:


Smallville posted...
did you find that you were almost always happier when you were in a relationship than when you were single?
All depends on the relationship.

Context matters.
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Relient_K
03/20/24 6:25:06 PM
#28:


I haven't been single in over a decade. But during the height of COVID I was so happy to be married. Would have been lonely being home by myself all the time.

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JKwaffle
03/21/24 12:36:00 PM
#29:


Jupiter posted...
Good relationship > being single >>>> bad relationship


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FaytlessHearts
03/21/24 1:04:33 PM
#30:


literally any kind of relationship >> single.

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Lel
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bsp77
03/21/24 1:24:16 PM
#31:


FaytlessHearts posted...
literally any kind of relationship >> single.
Literally wrong

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Evening_Dragon
03/21/24 1:33:25 PM
#32:


I am much happier in a healthy relationship, yes.

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Blue_Dream87
03/21/24 1:34:56 PM
#33:


Been in a lot of short term kinda toxic relationships and currently in a wonderful one, with like 8 years being single in between.

The bad relationships sucked all the energy out of me and made me relapse into some bad behaviors. Single was better than that but I wasn't really happy/always lonely. Been living with my fiance for 2 years and I actually get to wake up and sleep happy. Gotta put in work and change your routine but it's 100% worth it.

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FaytlessHearts
03/21/24 2:05:44 PM
#34:


bsp77 posted...
Literally wrong

I mean I guess to some, sure.

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Lel
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LightningThief
03/21/24 2:13:53 PM
#35:


FaytlessHearts posted...
I mean I guess to some, sure.
What you are saying is just ignorant.

Being in a toxic or abusive relationship is not better than being single.
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bsp77
03/21/24 2:17:53 PM
#36:


FaytlessHearts posted...
I mean I guess to some, sure.
It isn't even about certain people, although that can be the case for some

LightningThief posted...
Being in a toxic or abusive relationship is not better than being single.
It is this for everyone else.

For me: Current marriage > single / dating around / hookups > first marriage

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FaytlessHearts
03/21/24 2:22:52 PM
#37:


LightningThief posted...
What you are saying is just ignorant.

Being in a toxic or abusive relationship is not better than being single.

Call it whatever you'd like. I'd prefer quite literally any kind of relationship, period, in my life than being alone. I'm happy for you that you are happy enough in life that you'd be okay single or with a partner regardless though.

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Lel
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Vengeance29
03/21/24 2:25:16 PM
#38:


I usually want it the way I don't currently have it.
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bsp77
03/21/24 2:33:31 PM
#39:


FaytlessHearts posted...
Call it whatever you'd like. I'd prefer quite literally any kind of relationship, period, in my life than being alone. I'm happy for you that you are happy enough in life that you'd be okay single or with a partner regardless though.
So have you never been in a relationship? Trust people who have that being in a toxic or abusive relationship is worse than being single. I have never felt so alone in my life as the last few years of my first marriage.

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PoopPotato
03/21/24 2:36:59 PM
#40:


Always happy clappin cheeks

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FaytlessHearts
03/21/24 2:37:06 PM
#41:


bsp77 posted...
So have you never been in a relationship? Trust people who have that being in a toxic or abusive relationship is worse than being single. I have never felt so alone in my life as the last few years of my first marriage.

I have been. And I do.

I would take any kind of relationship over being alone. Every time.

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Lel
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Cobra1010
03/21/24 2:42:33 PM
#42:


Is it hard to break off bad relationships tho?

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