Board 8 > I have to socialize with people I haven't talked to in 20 years tomorrow...

(+) Yeah! (+)

This isn't something I would do normally and I am currently all sorts of anxiety ball.

My parents met up with parents of someone I was sort of friends with way way back through pre-high school baseball so naturally they were friends because parents of kids playing baseball are all friends or some shit. But these are the people everyone loses touch with when the activities stop. They met up at some place coincidentally last week and arranged a family-family get together that I am now roped into. Yes, I could say no but this crosses just slightly past the threshold of how willingly rude I am willing to be.

People that last knew me when I was like 16 and probably had all sorts of expectations of me that there is no way in hell I meet at all and I hate talking about me. I'm not a social butterfly and something like this has never really come up for me but brings up all sorts of existential anxiety dread.

I mean, its probably fine. I'm probably freaking out for nothing. But also about as far from a social situation I would put myself in as it gets. I like being a blank slate to people, or someone that people know in some way at least decently well. But having to fill in a bunch of blanks from A to B(For what I now realize is over half my life) scares the hell out of me on some level.

And I don't even know at this point the type of people I'm running into. 20 years is a long time. The world is different from 20 years ago.

Just.. don't go
Nobody will care in the end

I might be completely wrong on this but adults who originally met as adults usually have a better time getting along with each other years later. But like you say, when you have a friend when you're younger and still developing, you tend to become a completely different person later down the line and that can lead to some pretty awkwards reunions.

firefdr posted...

Just.. don't go
Nobody will care in the end

Yeah, I mean, you really don't have to go.

We're adults with somewhat busy lives and things to take care of, and we can manage our free time however the fuck we want.

You are definitely overthinking it. Any blank you don't want to fill, feel free to be vague. Also, keep in mind, the expectations you think they might have of you is probably not something they are even thinking of. It's just like that embarrassing thing you did that you remember and no one else does. The expectations you think they had of you are probably something you remember and they don't. Realistically, 16 year-olds very rarely turn into the person they or anyone else actually expects.

I don't know 16 year old you. I don't think I'd really know me from 20 years ago, either. You're a good person, just roll with that.

Pokalicious posted...

Yeah, I mean, you really don't have to go.

We're adults with somewhat busy lives and things to take care of, and we can manage our free time however the fuck we want.

I am definitely not above pulling this card.

Like, circumstances here are just on the edge of me pulling this card.

But these are people that were mostly good to me when I was younger. It is just over the line of where I'd feel guilty doing it.

Well what's easier for you to deal with, either feel guilty for a minute or experience uncomfortable social anxiety for a day.

Personally the guilt would fade pretty quickly, so I just wouldn't go.

CassandraCain posted...

Well what's easier for you to deal with, either feel guilty for a minute or experience uncomfortable social anxiety for a day.

Personally the guilt would fade pretty quickly, so I just wouldn't go.

I'm looking at it the opposite. The uncomfortable anxiety you know lasts for a day. But the guilt you never really know until it happens.

Maybe youll get laid

pezzicle posted...

Maybe youll get laid

Okay not that type of social gathering and I am likely the only person going to be present at this small gathering that isn't married.

I think it's natural to be anxious before meeting up with someone you haven't seen in a long time. Heck, it happens to be before I meet up with someone I haven't seen in like 3 years, let alone 20. But if you're anything like me, the second the "Hi how are you?"s are done, so is the anxiety.

ChichiriMuyo posted...

You are definitely overthinking it. Any blank you don't want to fill, feel free to be vague. Also, keep in mind, the expectations you think they might have of you is probably not something they are even thinking of. It's just like that embarrassing thing you did that you remember and no one else does. The expectations you think they had of you are probably something you remember and they don't. Realistically, 16 year-olds very rarely turn into the person they or anyone else actually expects.

I don't know 16 year old you. I don't think I'd really know me from 20 years ago, either. You're a good person, just roll with that.

I second this. I highly doubt they're going to grill you. Might ask what you're doing for a living, if you're married (just say happily single), and the rest is gravy. Be yourself. You don't have to put on a show.

red13n posted...

Okay not that type of social gathering and I am likely the only person going to be present at this small gathering that isn't married.

"Why aren't you married yet? You really should hurry up."
"I want to find the right person. I'm pickier than most people, and that's not changing. I'm done with this subject."

Man, do I hate questions like that. Or my mom insisting I lower my standards, because for some reason she doesn't want me to be happy. I'm happier by myself than with the wrong person. What's so wrong with that?

I suggest you drive yourself if possible. When you get uncomfortable (it's not an "if"), just get out of there. That might be ten minutes. But it might also be a few hours. You might find a friend who's still your friend. But that will resolve your "What if?" curiosity while not causing extended discomfort or being rude.

BlueCrystalTear posted...

"Why aren't you married yet? You really should hurry up."
"I want to find the right person. I'm pickier than most people, and that's not changing. I'm done with this subject."

Man, do I hate questions like that. Or my mom insisting I lower my standards, because for some reason she doesn't want me to be happy. I'm happier by myself than with the wrong person. What's so wrong with that?

I suggest you drive yourself if possible. When you get uncomfortable (it's not an "if"), just get out of there. That might be ten minutes. But it might also be a few hours. You might find a friend who's still your friend. But that will resolve your "What if?" curiosity while not causing extended discomfort or being rude.

I think it's becoming more and more socially acceptable to be single. Maybe not by previous generations, but enough of us are saying "So what? I'm happy" that it's become okay. When people really press me, I say "If I had more room if my life I'd just rescue another dog".

Just tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you impress them or not. It's okay to not put on the expected social niceties. You're an adult.

colliding posted...

Just tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you impress them or not. It's okay to not put on the expected social niceties. You're an adult.

Yeah that's the other thing. If you haven't seen these people in 20 years you're probably not going to start seeing them again suddenly. It might be an awkward few hours but after that, who cares.

BlueCrystalTear posted...

I suggest you drive yourself if possible. When you get uncomfortable (it's not an "if"), just get out of there. That might be ten minutes. But it might also be a few hours. You might find a friend who's still your friend. But that will resolve your "What if?" curiosity while not causing extended discomfort or being rude.

If you go at all, definitely do this.

It's a couple of hours with people who are essentially strangers at this point. You can survive, especially if it means something to your parents.

Lots of stupid shit to talk (sports, news, weather) if you don't want to go into a million personal details. The key to deflecting conversation is to listen and ask questions; most people will go on if you ask them.

red13n posted...

Okay not that type of social gathering and I am likely the only person going to be present at this small gathering that isn't married.

I dont mean AT the social gathering. What if you reconnect with an old friend and start hanging out and then they hook you up with their wifes sister or something

I think it sounds fun. There's literally nothing to lose.

Think of it like if Amazing Telephone or some other old school b8ers came back here, that was about 20 years ago.

foolm0r0n posted...

I think it sounds fun. There's literally nothing to lose.

Think of it like if Amazing Telephone or some other old school b8ers came back here, that was about 20 years ago.

lmao thats not even close to the same thing

It really is tho, just IRL

foolm0r0n posted...

I think it sounds fun. There's literally nothing to lose.

Think of it like if Amazing Telephone or some other old school b8ers came back here, that was about 20 years ago.

Okay you actually hit the nail on the head was actually a lot of fun.

how did it go?