Board 8 > Could Donkey Kong defeat Cranky Kong (in his prime) in a fight?

(+) Yeah! (+)

as nominated by @tazzyboyishere

Arguments for Cranky:

• as the original Donkey Kong, Cranky was skilled at throwing barrels, climbing girders, and bending steel with the force of his stomps
• a cutthroat adversary, he could defeat Mario with one hit
• back in his day, games were harder and required more skill!

Arguments for DK:

• he comes armed with more than barrels: guns, bongos, and more mobility
• Cranky is weak to cages (then again, so are the rest of the Kongs)
• if DK shoots Cranky, it's gonna hurt

Last topic Ezio won handily, though there was some spirited discussion about stealth and poison knives. Today, tazzyboyishere provided this interesting nomination: the original Donkey Kong, also known as Cranky Kong, DK's grandfather. In his prime, Cranky was a force to be reckoned with, handling Mario with ease. But how will his more versatile grandson fare? It's a Kong-off that will shake the very firmaments of Donkey Kong Island!

Nominations are, as always, welcome!

In theory, Cranky has this. He claims to have beaten Donkey Kong Country in an hour using only one life, but this is highly debatable as Cranky has memory issues in DKC1 and can only recall hints up to the first world. HOWEVER, he canonically has beaten Donkey Kong Country 3 with 103% during his old age, meaning that his mind is likely far sharper than DK's, and would be even moreso in his prime.

To counter, Donkey Kong has since proven himself far more versatile than Cranky. Jungle Beat alone shows DK conquering 16 unique kingdoms, and he has accomplished everything that Cranky has presumably accomplished, becoming the Jungle Hero in DK King of Swing and inheriting the role of protector of Donkey Kong Island from Cranky, and being very much respected by Cranky in terms of brute strength. He's even tied Cranky's feats against Mario, with Donkey Kong (GB) and Mario Vs Donkey Kong being roughly even in terms of styling on Mario.

Thus, let's observe their greatest strength feats. DK's is, obviously, the moon punch, which is far greater than anything Cranky's ever pulled off. Even if we simplify it to his deadlifting of a sunken galleon, DK's likely got a large strength and speed advantage on Prime Cranky, AND has more tools to take him down with at any given time. All Cranky has is wits and skill, which we can intuit are much sharper than DK's from the DKC3 speedrunning feat, but are likely worse than DK's reaction time in Jungle Beat.

However, Cranky's greatest feat is greatly obscured. In the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country, we get to see the inside of Cranky's cabin, rather than just its exterior. And mounted on his wall is a decapitated wolf head, but not any wolf head - the head of the immortal beast, Sabre Wulf. Sabre Wulf is immune to conventional weapons, and is only temporarily stalled by his bones being melted by lava and other such instant death traps - it will always revive from death after a short respite. Cranky even received a photograph of thanks from the islands of Sabre Wulf for slaying it, which he displays proudly on his wall. As Cranky does not use weapons, we can intuit that Cranky Kong outsmarted an immortal werewolf, ripped its head from its shoulders, and mounted it on his wall as a trophy for years. I fully believe that the Sabre Wulf is likely more intelligent than Donkey Kong, and that DK would be more on-edge fighting his father-slash-grandfather to truly prove himself.

I am on the fence. If DK gets in good punches, he wins it, but Cranky Prime is very likely the far craftier fighter able to score the killing blow.

Cranky is almost certainly a blowhard who exaggerates his accomplishments, but he would also be willing to fight dirty in a way DK wouldn't. It's a tough call.

Kamekguy posted...

In theory, Cranky has this. He claims to have beaten Donkey Kong Country in an hour using only one life, but this is highly debatable as Cranky has memory issues in DKC1 and can only recall hints up to the first world. HOWEVER, he canonically has beaten Donkey Kong Country 3 with 103% during his old age, meaning that his mind is likely far sharper than DK's, and would be even moreso in his prime.

To counter, Donkey Kong has since proven himself far more versatile than Cranky. Jungle Beat alone shows DK conquering 16 unique kingdoms, and he has accomplished everything that Cranky has presumably accomplished, becoming the Jungle Hero in DK King of Swing and inheriting the role of protector of Donkey Kong Island from Cranky, and being very much respected by Cranky in terms of brute strength. He's even tied Cranky's feats against Mario, with Donkey Kong (GB) and Mario Vs Donkey Kong being roughly even in terms of styling on Mario.

Thus, let's observe their greatest strength feats. DK's is, obviously, the moon punch, which is far greater than anything Cranky's ever pulled off. Even if we simplify it to his deadlifting of a sunken galleon, DK's likely got a large strength and speed advantage on Prime Cranky, AND has more tools to take him down with at any given time. All Cranky has is wits and skill, which we can intuit are much sharper than DK's from the DKC3 speedrunning feat, but are likely worse than DK's reaction time in Jungle Beat.

However, Cranky's greatest feat is greatly obscured. In the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country, we get to see the inside of Cranky's cabin, rather than just its exterior. And mounted on his wall is a decapitated wolf head, but not any wolf head - the head of the immortal beast, Sabre Wulf. Sabre Wulf is immune to conventional weapons, and is only temporarily stalled by his bones being melted by lava and other such instant death traps - it will always revive from death after a short respite. Cranky even received a photograph of thanks from the islands of Sabre Wulf for slaying it, which he displays proudly on his wall. As Cranky does not use weapons, we can intuit that Cranky Kong outsmarted an immortal werewolf, ripped its head from its shoulders, and mounted it on his wall as a trophy for years. I fully believe that the Sabre Wulf is likely more intelligent than Donkey Kong, and that DK would be more on-edge fighting his father-slash-grandfather to truly prove himself.

I am on the fence. If DK gets in good punches, he wins it, but Cranky Prime is very likely the far craftier fighter able to score the killing blow.

Posts like these are why I get out of bed in the morning.

Cranky


He has the high ground

Cranky was just too good of a gamer, sorry DK

Cranky Kong too busy fighting Ms. Pac-Man and the dude from Dig Dug.

I just watched 20 minutes of Sabre Wulf gameplay to try to be informed for this topic

Cranky

Kamekguy posted...

In theory, Cranky has this. He claims to have beaten Donkey Kong Country in an hour using only one life, but this is highly debatable as Cranky has memory issues in DKC1 and can only recall hints up to the first world. HOWEVER, he canonically has beaten Donkey Kong Country 3 with 103% during his old age, meaning that his mind is likely far sharper than DK's, and would be even moreso in his prime.

To counter, Donkey Kong has since proven himself far more versatile than Cranky. Jungle Beat alone shows DK conquering 16 unique kingdoms, and he has accomplished everything that Cranky has presumably accomplished, becoming the Jungle Hero in DK King of Swing and inheriting the role of protector of Donkey Kong Island from Cranky, and being very much respected by Cranky in terms of brute strength. He's even tied Cranky's feats against Mario, with Donkey Kong (GB) and Mario Vs Donkey Kong being roughly even in terms of styling on Mario.

Thus, let's observe their greatest strength feats. DK's is, obviously, the moon punch, which is far greater than anything Cranky's ever pulled off. Even if we simplify it to his deadlifting of a sunken galleon, DK's likely got a large strength and speed advantage on Prime Cranky, AND has more tools to take him down with at any given time. All Cranky has is wits and skill, which we can intuit are much sharper than DK's from the DKC3 speedrunning feat, but are likely worse than DK's reaction time in Jungle Beat.

However, Cranky's greatest feat is greatly obscured. In the GBA version of Donkey Kong Country, we get to see the inside of Cranky's cabin, rather than just its exterior. And mounted on his wall is a decapitated wolf head, but not any wolf head - the head of the immortal beast, Sabre Wulf. Sabre Wulf is immune to conventional weapons, and is only temporarily stalled by his bones being melted by lava and other such instant death traps - it will always revive from death after a short respite. Cranky even received a photograph of thanks from the islands of Sabre Wulf for slaying it, which he displays proudly on his wall. As Cranky does not use weapons, we can intuit that Cranky Kong outsmarted an immortal werewolf, ripped its head from its shoulders, and mounted it on his wall as a trophy for years. I fully believe that the Sabre Wulf is likely more intelligent than Donkey Kong, and that DK would be more on-edge fighting his father-slash-grandfather to truly prove himself.

I am on the fence. If DK gets in good punches, he wins it, but Cranky Prime is very likely the far craftier fighter able to score the killing blow.

This might be my favorite post ever on this site. Thank you!

I'll go with Cranky

cronky vs dankey

Cranky

The argument is rather powerful.

Nominate the 1972 Miami Dolphins

clearly the next topic should be DK vs. Sabre Wulf