Board 8 > ITT I Rate Every Horror Movie I Watch in October

(+) Yeah! (+)

Snake5555555555 posted...

So what you're saying is I should've doubled down

or you could've at least not been two-faced

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Johnbobb posted...

or you could've at least not been two-faced

Damn I'm really getting it twofold now

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I watched that movie a couple of weeks ago and almost immediately got the twist for a silly reason. I'd been playing Hitman and one of the levels has a disguise where you're wearing a mask on the back of your head. I was like, hey wait a sec

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That's the Ark Society level right? That's a whole new level of getting spoiled!

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Movie #5, The Strangers: Prey at Night. Hahaha, well here's a movie for anyone who absolutely hated how the last movie ended. It feels like they played it totally straight until there was about a half hour left, then one of the writers hit the other writer over the head and went 'Nah, time for these killers to eat shit'

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The strangest part of The Strangers 2 is how they got Christina Hendricks to be a part of it. lol

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I am now watching Open Graves.

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20. Open Graves (Peacock)

So alright, this movie is the absolute shits. I remember seeing it before, but it's somehow so much worse than I remember it being. So completely awful.

Open Graves is about a bunch of college-aged people who play an ancient board game on vacation that curses them all and gives them a vision how they die if they lose the game.

It's a shitty curse movie that stars Eliza Dushku. This movie fails so hard at literally everything it tries to do. There is no tension, nothing interesting, just a bunch of frat idiots doing idiotic frat things. The deaths suck. The characters suck. The story sucks. It sucks.

And the board game aspect is just so poorly done it's laughable. It barely matters or makes a whole lot of sense. Like apparently in the medieval times, the body of a witch was crafted into this game. But wait! They get one wish granted if they win the game! That's the draw of this, is for them to go back a week and then not play the game. Only the winner goes back a week and they just repeat the same thing again, so they're stuck in a loop playing this stupid game forever.

And oh god, they pick one band to do the mediocre music for the whole movie. It's so bad listening to the same butt rock sound throughout the whole thing. I just don't know what this was aside from an excuse to visit some beach and film this awful movie. Just such a lazy film.

Rating: 0.5/10

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I am now watching Captivity.

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You know it's a banger when I keep checking every ten minutes to see how much is left and being shocked that there's so much movie left.

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Those are the best!

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21. Captivity (Tubi)

Like I said in a post above, I looked at this like every 10 minutes to see how close it was to being done. I was 24 minutes in and completely floored I still had an hour of this movie left. To put it simply, it sucks.

Captivity is about a model who gets kidnapped and tortured, and she must try to escape with another man she finds also kidnapped.

This is your standard torture porn movie, but it doesn't actually go to many levels you'd expect. It's just an awful film that is at worst so uninteresting. I check the Wikipedia page after these movies to see if there's anything notable or anything I missed, and the summary says, at one point, "Jennifer is subjected to various forms of psychological torture."

This is the second paragraph of a 6 paragraph summary. The sentence after that is at the 40ish minute mark of the movie.

Fuck me, it has a twist here where the guy is actually working with his brother to torture her so he can keep her forever and she had sex with him and it's twisted and god, who can care?

I don't like the torture porn genre and have concerns, usually, about people who enjoy torture porn movies for the actual torture aspects of them. But this one is just one I don't know who it's for. It's a nothing interesting, nothing going on, bore fest with just gross and weird shit going on, and it's just awful.

Rating: 1/10

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22. Brand New Cherry Flavor (TV Series) (Netflix)

So this is by the same guy who did Channel Zero, which is why I was interested in this show. And man, is it ever a fucking twisted, wild trip.

Brand New Cherry Flavor is about a girl who meets a producer to get her start in Hollywood directing a movie. He screws her over and takes the movie away from her, and she vows revenge through magic.

This is really just such a bizarre series that is just mindbending every step of the way. It's a very intense look at the dangers of using magic and the madness of revenge. There is so much going on in this show it's hard to really describe it adequately here, but it gets really dark, gross, and gritty all in one, while still leaving room for comedy. It's bloody and holds back nothing, and there is so much creativity put into this show.

It's such an entertaining show because you literally have no idea where anything is headed. It's a wild ride and if any of this sounds like it interests you, I recommend checking it out. It's a crazy show that will stick with me.

Rating: 8/10

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Oh shoot, I had no idea it was the same guy as Channel Zero. I was gonna watch it either way but now I'm doubly interested.

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Movie #6, Hellraiser 2. I don't really know how to feel about Channard, the hurricane of evil doctor jokes. That guy made Freddy look subdued

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Hey DeathChicken.

I have 10 minutes left to finish watching Hellraiser 2 right now. Lmao

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23. Hellraiser II: Hellbound (Shudder)

I was literally watching this at the same time as DeathChicken apparently!

Hellraiser II is a ton of fun, and I still like watching it every once in a while.

It's a sequel to the original, picking up directly after with Kirsty being in a mental hospital, but her doctor seems to have an interest in the Lament Configuration and the Cenobites at large.

In general, I love the direction they went with this one. Hellraiser was a bizarre and insane introduction to the Cenobites, Hell, and the Lament Configuration, and it really does a great job in this movie building on that. This movie is just fucking insane, potentially more than the original. Getting a deeper look at the Hellraiser universe is easily the best part of the movie, because it's such a terrifying and awful lore behind it all, and it's built up so damn well.

The plot itself isn't as engaging as the original. And spoilers about Pinhead is kind of deflating because Pinhead is the coolest damn thing in the Hellraiser universe, obviously. And the doctor himself as a villain, like DeathChicken said, is full of cornball jokes that aren't as good? Like when the Cenobites all tell jokes, they still have such a menace to them, but the doctor is just... quippy? I dunno, it's weird.

Despite all of this, Kirsty is still awesome in this movie, seeing other characters from the prior movie is great too, and just getting to see more of the Hellraiser lore is so cool and I love it for that alone. I think it's a worthy successor to the Hellraiser franchise.

I've only watched another Hellraiser movie after this one (I can't even remember what one), but uh... I think the consensus is that it all goes downhill from here, which is a shame. There's a lot of creativity needed to really take advantage of these films, and I think it's no mistake that when Clive Barker was no longer involved, it all stopped being as good as it was.

Rating: 8/10

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I am now watching His House.

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24. His House (Netflix)

Hey, this movie is actually great. You never know with Netflix ones!

His House is about a refugee couple that gets placed into a haunted home. There is an evil spirit who lives in that home though while they grapple racism while wanting to hold onto their old customs.

This was a very interesting film to me, because it tackled a lot of these social issues in a way I didn't expect and also got pretty bold with the choices they made. For the budget they had, they did an outstanding job with effects and the cinematography was outstanding as well. I felt some parts did drag a bit, but I found myself really enthralled with the direction they went with this film.

It's simple, it's obvious where the budget went for this, and man, I loved the twist they used for this, and it made everything make so much more sense in hindsight. Great movie.

Rating: 7.5/10

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Finished Midnight Mass.

Best Stephen King adaptation ever

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Aecioo posted...

Finished Midnight Mass.

Best Stephen King adaptation ever

lol Definitely a show with Stephen King's works in mind.

I am now watching False Positive.

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25. False Positive (Hulu)

I mostly wanted to watch this because it had Pierce Brosnan and Justin Theroux in it. It's, uh, well a mixed bag.

False Positive is about a couple that has been trying to conceive a child for two years now. The wife go to see a new doctor of theirs and after the visit, she suddenly becomes pregnant, but her mental state starts to deteriorate.

This is another metaphor film for pregnancy. I don't dislike the concept at all. You might remember I gave a film that also dealt with pregnancy, Still/Born, an 8/10 last year. However, this is not Still/Born. A cast as good as this attempts to tackle it in a more artistic way and falls flat for the most part. It's a little bit creepy, I guess, but it really fails in a lot of ways to stick the landing and be as profound as it's acting like it is.

It makes me wonder why these actors signed on for it, because it honestly felt below them. They do a good job acting, but the script kind of fails them. The mystery surrounding this just isn't interesting, and following the wife around as she loses it in, well, not very interesting ways doesn't really do much. The twist ending isn't that good. In fact, it's very lackluster. It's not tremendously satisfying either.

I give this points because it has a lot of nice shots, and Pierce Brosnan and others actually do a good job in this film. And I like the ideas of what they're doing. The execution just feels sloppy. But what works, works.

Rating: 5/10

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I am now watching The Hole.

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That was a film. I'm busy with work but I'll do a write up later.

But now I am starting to watch Scream Queens Season 1.

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26. The Hole (Amazon)

Hey, Kiera Knightley was in this movie before she got famous! I bet she wishes she wasn't!

The Hole is about a group of friends that hangs out in an abandoned bomb shelter to avoid a school trip. However, they aren't able to escape, and a lone person who is found later goes on to tell what happened.

So this movie isn't great. I remember seeing it a couple times back in the day on syndication, but it sucks still now. Basically, the story is told through the perspective of the survivor, and it changes a few times as she gets pressured. And fuck it, this movie sucks and isn't worth watching. The survivor was obsessed and locked them in there and made a bullshit lie out of it so she could have A BOY say he loves her. Half the movie is bullshit stories about what happened there, and it's a complete waste of time. It's four idiot college kids doing frat stuff.

Like it just sucks. It's not interesting, it's not compelling, and then at the end everyone dies in like the least eventful ways that it's just barely worth even discussing and the girl gets away with it because, technically, she didn't kill any of them. And you feel so cheated when you learn everything. I have no idea what prompted someone to make this film thinking it would be an awesome conclusion. It isn't. And it's a snoozer. I only watched it because I noticed it was leaving in 4 days.

Rating: 1.5/10

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Movie #7, Let's Scare Jessica To Death. Uh wow, that took awhile to get rolling but was really good once it did. Basically a woman gets released from a sanitarium for unspecified issues, her husband and his friend take her to go live in a secluded house in the woods. They meet a homeless woman squatting in the house who befriends them, and then shit rapidly gets *really* weird and it becomes a matter of whether Jessica is crazy, being messed with or if there's something else at work. Yes

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I LOVE Let's Scare Jessica to Death, one of my favorites from the 70s. Love the sense of psychological paranoia.

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27. Underwater (HBO Max)

Hey, fuck underwater bullshit. The deep sea is always terrifying.

Underwater is about a group of underwater drillers hit by an earthquake, and they try to survive. But something else is down there too.

So I think this movie does a ton right. It's very stylish, it's got the atmosphere down. And, like I mentioned, deep sea bullshit is awful to see. And I think the cast does a great job with the movie as well. And the creatures? Done so freaking well. Loved the visuals they gave you and the sense of dread.

Aside from that... it kind of drags at parts. The isolated survival aspect wears kind of thin at points, even if they manage to get you back into it. I also wasn't a huge fan of the ending. It left me sort of shrugging my shoulders like "Alright, I guess that's a way to finish it off I guess." There wasn't nearly enough character growth in it for me, if I'm being totally honest.

I need to stress how great the visuals are here. The director did an outstanding job, and far better than I could have expected out of this. I hope the director gets a lot more to play with... apparently he's got the new Paranormal Activity that's releasing this month? At the very least, it makes me more optimistic for that.

As for this movie, I give it a thumbs up. Solid stuff all around. The driving part of the rating here is just the visuals and general feeling of dread and claustrophobia.

Rating: 7/10

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28. A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (Peacock)

I forgot how bad this movie was. God damn.

A new kid moves into Nancy's old house, and he's trying to kill everyone in their sleep again. This time, trying to take over the body of the new kid.

To say this movie misses the mark on what made the original so good is an understatement. I guess first I need to address that this movie has some very clear homoerotic elements. Like outrageously so, and it's all but been confirmed that was the intent. That said, it doesn't save this movie much at all with that subtext.

The plot, otherwise, just isn't as compelling. Where the original had such a tight script to it and it really built up the tension, Freddy's murders here are just... not as inspired and not as dreadful. You don't get the looming threat that death could be around the corner, and the rules they throw on Freddy as he tries to take over the protag's body is just not interesting at all.

I want to say it feels a lot more... silly, also? Not in a good or fun way though. It's a bizarre direction for the sequel and I just don't understand what they were thinking. Just give us more of the original, man. Or at least make it fun. It's weird. I don't like it. It gets points for at least being a Freddy movie with mild creativity.

Rating: 3/10

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Yeah it's a pretty abysmal sequel all things considered. My least favorite Freddy sequel next to Freddy's Dead. I think the subtext does make it considerably more interesting from an analyst's perspective and how it positions itself in horror film history because of it. It's more relevant than ever in that regard. As an ACTUAL film however, it really leaves a lot to be desired.

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I am now watching the original Suspiria.

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Best horror theme of all time!

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Snake5555555555 posted...

Best horror theme of all time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VB2vjfNp_o

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It's a good one but it's no Suspiria!

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Movie #8, Halloween 2018. I can't say enough good things about this movie. It's almost a remake of the original as far as the scenes go, just turned on its head because Laurie has had 40 years to evolve as a character. The rest of it is a string of people trying to ascribe human motives to the black hole of evil that is Michael and inevitably eating a knife for it

It was kind of an amazing moment when I was sitting there trying to figure out if there was a pattern to the shit Michael was doing, then I was like wow, I'm doing it too

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Rewatched High Tension, classic New French Extremity film. Bloody as all hell. Twist still conflicts me to this day.

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29. Suspiria (1977) (Tubi)

God it's been so long since I re-watched this and I forgot just how atmospherically good it is. And how weird it is too.

Suspiria is about a girl who ends up in a ballet school, but when she arrives she keeps noticing suspicious murders happening. Also magic.

As mentioned, the theme song and soundtrack are astounding. Great, positively great stuff. It really helps set the mood for every scene.

Aside from that, there's such a strange, awkward feeling surrounding this movie. You just feel uneasy because everything is so weird and you're trying to make sense of a lot of it with the protagonist. I love the way this film just gives you such a wild feeling of uncertainty.

Nothing feels right in this movie, and it's a very difficult feeling to evoke so consistently. This is a very special movie, and I've been wanting to re-watch it for a while because it's just got a style unlike most horror movies that you can really appreciate.

Rating: 8.5/10

And the theme song, because it needs to be listened to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pins1y0XAa0&ab_channel=ProgOrDie

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I am now watching The Audition.

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I didn't realize how tired I was from a long night and ended up pausing The Audition to "rest my eyes". So I dunno when I finish it because today there will be

LAMB

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It is time

for

LAMB

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Lamb was ehhhhhhhhh okay. I dunno if it counts as horror.

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Movie #9, Nightmare on Elm Street 5. It's not a bad premise really, but Freddy is full on silly asshole here. He was scary for like three movies

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Haha and I just watched Nightmare on Elm Street 4 myself! Where Freddy has his jump the shark moment and literally pretends to be a shark. Really difficult to take this film seriously at times but I do like Alice as a lead and the roach motel kill is top-tier Freddy.

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My Lamb review is this: it was mismarketed as a horror movie when it's just a drama and the people actually saying it will chill you to your core are full of shit.

It is a decent movie that builds up to a shocking moment that is fine but not nearly as great as it should have been.

This movie is not scary at all. I will not count it as a horror movie. It is a drama with fantasy elements and I will not be told otherwise.

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I just watched The Invisible Man reboot. Review tomorrow!

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30. The Invisible Man (2020) (HBO Max)

I don't know how the Dark Universe didn't lead in with this kind of stuff. Universal has no idea what they're doing sometimes, because this movie is astoundingly good.

The Invisible Man is about a woman the escapes her abusive, tech-millionaire husband. She then learns he died shortly after, but she swears he is watching her as weird things begin to happen.

This movie is by Leigh Whannell, known as James Wan's running buddy for a while, and he has his own distinct style in this film that is just beyond perfect. The usage of space here is brilliant. It pans around. The camera acts as a second viewpoint. You feel oddly creeped out because nothing is there, rather than there ever being something there. Just absolutely perfect cinematography in this film. Completely brilliant.

Elizabeth Moss is great and following her as she descends into madness over all of this is great too. They really do a great job building every single thing up until the reveal. And from there, they find ways to escalate this film even further. The twists and turns here are impressively smart, and I think this movie makes a great point to build up tension, again, but having NOTHING there. Having nothing there is the scariest part!

The effects are done great, the plot is done great, the acting is superb. This is what Universal Monster Movies needed to be: fresh, modern takes on old franchises. This is pretty much among the best we can hope for. I love this movie.

Rating: 9/10

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Simply superb, it's the gold standard for remakes.

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I still haven't seen Invisible Man yet. Didn't realize it was on HBO Max, I'll have to check it out!

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Movie #10, Event Horizon. Still probably one of the top five creepiest movies I've ever seen

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Also I really like the TVTropes theory that this is a prequel to Warhammer 40K and the ship went through the Warp

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