Board 8 > ITT I Rate Every Horror Movie I Watch in October

(+) Yeah! (+)

7. Valentine (Tubi)

This movie is pretty bad. Like, in 2001 it's just another played out slasher trope movie. And it doesn't do any of it particularly well, and it feels almost like a parody with how much it falls into these tropes.

Valentine is about a bunch of girls who bullied the hell out of a kid in junior high school, and many years later now they're being picked off by a killer.

Let me just touch on the actual most infuriating part of this movie: every single character is completely unlikeable. Every single one. They waste so much time just showing you how shitty all of these characters are and I'm like... this isn't endearing! You all suck! I hope you all die! Even the side characters are all total jackasses. The main girls are the wooooorst. It's so distracting and impossible to enjoy any one of them. I think they're supposed to be funny, but absolutely none of these jokes land.

Any attempts at originality or scares are thrown out the window and, to put it simply, it sucks. There's like, one kill I was like "Alright this was cool." It's a shitty movie, so I'll spoil it. The killer kills someone with a bow and arrow because they have a cupid mask on. But then... that's one of few things done with the cupid motif? I just don't get it. And it's about the only good thing in this movie.

I remember seeing this a few times when I was young and wanting to like it because of David Boreanaz, but even as an idiot kid I knew it was awful. I think the only thing I give it any credit on is the twist ending which... I guess was done well and was subtle. But when the rest of the movie is so bad and at that point you just don't care, it falls flat still.

This movie does nothing original, nobody in this movie is likeable, and it's just not very enjoyable.

Rating: 1.5/10

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Gonna cleanse my pallet with one I know is good that I have been meaning to re-watch forever.

The Canal

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8. The Canal (Shudder)

The Canal is an Irish horror movie, and man do I ever really love it. This is only my second time watching it, but it is such an awesome film.

The Canal is about a man who he finds found footage of a man who kills his entire family in their home. When he suspects his wife is cheating on him, he feels his sanity being torn apart while ghosts begin to appear before him.

There is something absolutely haunting about this film at all times. Just a total sense of dread throughout the entire movie as you follow the protagonist as he tries to uncover this horrific haunting he has. Not only that, the whole thing feels completely grimy and dirty. The set pieces they choose for this are just amazing. It's also a film that you just don't know where it's going, but it wraps everyone up really well.

The found footage stuff adds to this, with a 8mm roll of recorder that looks awful, similar to how it's done in Sinister. They are completely different movies despite this, and you find yourself gripped and wanting to see through the protagonist as he tries to unravel this mystery.

I really can't say enough good things about The Canal. It's a gem that I feel is often overlooked.

Rating: 9/10

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I will definitely be watching that soon.

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I am now watching Demonic.

Thanks Red Letter Media.

Edit: I just realized I'm watching the wrong one. Fuck.

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Very interested to see what you think of Demonic (if you are watching the right one now)

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9. Demonic (2015) (Netflix)

Well, I meant to watch the 2021 movie by the same name, but I dunno how I can watch that for free.

So instead we get another one, which was fortunately a really good movie actually! It feels a ton like a more of a mystery as things unravel.

Demonic is about six college-aged kids who go into a haunted house. One person survived and is being interrogated while the police looks through footage the folks had recorded.

Surprisingly, some decent amount of scares, a bunch of creepy stuff, and a few wild things makes up this movie. It's more focused on the mystery of what happened and where they can find any more survivors that is the draw of this film. And it's a good draw! I wasn't sure about it at first, but this movie really delivered!

It feels like it does drag a little bit, but it's not too bad. The mystery and the happenings in the house are interesting enough to keep your attention. The third act is extremely strong though, and it's worth sticking around for, especially with the ending. It's really good stuff, and I recommend it if you're looking for something of this flavor.

Rating: 7.5/10

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Interesting, ironically I feel like you would've liked the 2021 one less. Personally I'm mixed on it, I think it has a great monster and one cool sequence but it's underbaked in a LOT of areas.

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I also just rewatched Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. One of the best found footage/horror satires out there.

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Movie 2, Nightmare on Elm Street 4. Well this was an interesting premise, just because one of the characters could have stopped Freddy cold by dying and doesn't, causing about six more deaths to put him down. Moral ambiguity

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I am now watching Willy's Wonderland.

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10. Willy's Wonderland (Hulu)

Guess I'm just going to be watching a lot of Nicholas Cage this month.

Nicholas Cage stars in a Five Nights At Freddy's movie, since I guess that one will never get made. It's a very uh, well I don't want to say good but it's a unique idea that executes it.

Willy's Wonderland is about a man who doesn't speak for no good reason who has to survive a night as a janitor in a kid's party place with animatronic animals trying to kill him.

This movie is fun, at least. And that's fine. For what it is, it's fine with some dark humor thrown in. They clearly don't take it seriously, so why should I? For what it is, a fine fun movie with dumb animatronic BS, there's nothing to really complain about.

I don't know what more this movie could possibly be. I didn't love it by any means, but I was entertained throughout it. It had some good stuff in there but... you know, it's a man surviving in a Five Night's At Freddy's situation. I don't know what else to tell you guys.

If you want a super breezy, fun, dumb movie, then this can scratch that itch. Willy's Wonderland, ladies and gentlemen.

Rating: 6.5/10

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I am now watching I Know What You Did Last Summer.

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11. I Know What You Did Last Summer (Amazon)

It has to be at least a decade and a half since I last watched this movie, maybe even longer. But I remember having watched it many times.

It's an interesting one, because it's a typical slasher movie, but it has a lot more bite in it. I feel like, as far as a typical slasher movie goes, this is probably at the top.

I Know What You Did Last Summer is about a group of high school grads who run over someone when they were out partying and instead of calling the police, they get rid of the body. A year later, they're all being terrorized by someone saying that they know what they did last summer.

What makes this movie so good is that it just does everything perfectly. There's a killer, he doesn't immediately want to kill them and instead wants them to suffer. He has a great motive. He has a great, simple look. The characters are all extremely relatable in a situation that's absolutely fucked. And then the scares and thrills are just completely great. And then the twists and turns in the story feels so satisfying as well. And the entire ending sequence was done so well too, I thought.

Every scene feels gripping when things get real. There's a certain tenseness that ramps up because it does seem so vicious, and it's directed in such a way and the details are just great. It took re-watching it after so long to find such a huge appreciation for how well it really is done. And there are multiple scenes that just feel so iconic because of the amount of creativity and power behind them.

I feel like not enough people appreciate how well this movie is done, especially for the genre. It's something really special and brings a lot more creativity into it than a lot of other typical slasher films.

Rating: 8.5/10

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I'm not as high on it as you are but there's definitely something about the film that just works. I think i like that it sort of functions as a slasher satire of that late '90s era without really drawing much attention to it.

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I am now watching the original Poltergeist.

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12. Poltergeist (1982) (HBO Max)

God, I love this movie. There's something about it being the prototypical haunted house with a family film that just can't be touched.

Poltergeist is about a family whose daughter starts to get in contact with a spirit. Things are fun and friendly at first until it begins to become menacing and she disappears.

I don't know where to start, because there is so much awesome stuff in this film. But I guess we can start with the fact that the characters are all entirely likeable. You see them built up and they set it up as they have this happy, loving relationship and they're all just joking around and having fun before DISASTER.

And the plot is tremendous, and it gives an easy to digest explanation of everything. It adds so many interesting and good developments and somehow, everything escalates so perfectly until the conclusion. It's such a perfect story.

And everything from the mood, the visuals, and the usage of special effects in that time is soooooo amazing. It holds up, even today. There's so many memorable things in this film and you can't help but just let things be imprinted into your mind from it. If you've seen the movie, I don't have to tell you about the number of amazing visuals they have from this movie.

And it's all tied up in such a perfect little knot. It's all so incredibly well-done and tells a tight story with the whole concept. And it's fun which is the best part. The whole thing is such a joy ride, even if there's scary and terrifying things happening.

There's so many movies that emulate it, but they never come close to touching it. It's such a distinct movie that, even with all of the attempts on the formula, it still stands out in such a special way. Absolute must-see if you haven't.

Rating: 10/10

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I am now watching Halloween Party.

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Only saw the trailer for this next one.

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PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

10. Willy's Wonderland (Hulu)

Guess I'm just going to be watching a lot of Nicholas Cage this month.

Nicholas Cage stars in a Five Nights At Freddy's movie, since I guess that one will never get made. It's a very uh, well I don't want to say good but it's a unique idea that executes it.

Willy's Wonderland is about a man who doesn't speak for no good reason who has to survive a night as a janitor in a kid's party place with animatronic animals trying to kill him.

This movie is fun, at least. And that's fine. For what it is, it's fine with some dark humor thrown in. They clearly don't take it seriously, so why should I? For what it is, a fine fun movie with dumb animatronic BS, there's nothing to really complain about.

I don't know what more this movie could possibly be. I didn't love it by any means, but I was entertained throughout it. It had some good stuff in there but... you know, it's a man surviving in a Five Night's At Freddy's situation. I don't know what else to tell you guys.

If you want a super breezy, fun, dumb movie, then this can scratch that itch. Willy's Wonderland, ladies and gentlemen.

Rating: 6.5/10

Momentarily misread this as Balan's Wonderworld.

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13. Halloween Party (Peacock)

There is no Halloween party in this movie.

That's not even a joke. I figured I was watching too much stuff I knew would be good, so I decided to watch something I had no clue about! This is what I was rewarded with for my creativity.

Halloween Party is about a meme (they need to find out what a meme means) where you type in your greatest fear on a webpage, or else it will come to kill you.

So this isn't a good movie by any stretch. It's basically a movie with a few pretty good scares and a creative enough of a concept to drag it kicking and screaming to the finish line, with some middling comedy thrown in. The comedy is absolutely the draw of this movie, if anything else, because you can at least get into this story about them solving an insipid mystery because nobody in it is taking it that seriously.

It's not very good, and it's clearly an independent movie where they threw some money at it. I dunno, it's weird and not really worth your time, but I didn't hate it. I don't know what else I can say.

Rating: 4/10

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There's a reason I didn't watch it based on the trailer!

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Next, I will be watching Terrifier.

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Terrifier is amazing

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Movie #3, Eraserhead. That, uh, was definitely the most David Lynch movie I've ever seen

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Eraserhead left me pretty staunchly saying "What the fuck?" after I finished. It was oddly entrancing in what an absolute fucking absurd film it is.

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14. Terrifier (Tubi)

Well, that certainly lived up to the title. Fuck that clown.

Terrifier is about a horrifying clown that stalks a pair of girls and leaves a bloody path behind him.

This movie has such an awesome 80's feel to it. I guess we should start there in that it's a very twisted slasher that pulls no punches with the deaths. It's fucking horrifying the lengths he goes, and it's honestly impossible to predict as it zigzags through the plot beats.

Art the Clown is, in a word, a nightmarish horror. He does sick and twisted stuff, seeming to get complete joy out of it. And not only that, he peppers in typical clown jokes throughout it. He doesn't speak at all, which adds to the dread. I mean look at this demented fucking thing.



That's the wooooorst. This gets extremely gruesome, and really, it's all still creative because Art is... well, creative himself. I need to mention one part of this, so I'm going to spoiler it.

The part where this dude is doing typical slasher stuff just stabbing and carving people up, and then out of nowhere he just pulls a gun and fucking shoots someone and just looks so god damn cold while doing it. Just such a good moment.

And what this movie does is keep you always second guessing, always feeling uneasy, not knowing who could possibly live or die at any moment. This movie is great stuff. Recommend checking it out. The director really did an awesome job putting it together.

Rating: 8/10

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I am now watching Them.

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15. Them (Shudder)

Them is a French horror movie that was said to have inspired the American movie, The Strangers. I can see why.

Them is a home invasion movie where a couple's home is broken into and they must try to escape from their murderers.

It's hard to discuss without mentioning the twist, because it's clear that's the main draw of this movie. I'll try my best though. Them has a lot of tense scenes and ultimately, I probably wouldn't rate it as high as I did if it weren't for the twist and the climactic scene. It's a pretty iconic shot that's really gripping.

Otherwise, this kind of feels like most other home invasion movies, but the twist is super twisted. The entire third act feels really good though. But beyond that? I really wasn't that into this. I don't know if that's by design, but that's kind of how I felt. Maybe I'm just kind of over the home invasion films? In fact, that's probably it.

But hey, Them is good if you're looking for a home invasion flick with a good ending.

Rating: 6.5/10

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The twist is they're actually the bugs from Them!



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I am now watching A Classic Horror Story.

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16. A Classic Horror Story (Netflix)

This is an Italian horror movie that I came around on in the second half of the movie.

A Classic Horror Story is about a group of strangers who all travel, but a car crash makes them stranded in the woods mysteriously in front of a cabin in the woods while they are being hunted by cult-like serial killers.

This movie is all about the twist, but in a more huge way. Because otherwise this movie is... well, just another horror story. It's extremely hard to talk about this in depth without getting into spoilers, so I'll save that for later and comment on the other stuff.

This movie is gruesome and pulls no punches, and the visuals are actually pretty outstanding. The set pieces and horror characters involved are extremely well-done and add another level of dread to it. All of that is done great.

Spoilers ahoy! If you're actually interested in the movie and haven't seen it, I recommend not looking at spoilers.

The whole first half is the mafia filming the whole thing as a horror story to create their own horror franchise. And it does this meta stuff pretty well, I thought. It makes a lot of the movie better from that point onward, since it's made to be a generic story quite literally intentionally. When it gets to that point where you figure it out, it clicks and it's elaborated on well after that. And once you go from there, it does a great job sort of twisting it all around.

So yeah, it's a solid film that's propped up a lot higher based on the twist. I recommend it if any of my babbling here has you interested in it.

Rating: 7/10

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I want to watch it this month too.

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I have started watching Brand New Cherry Flavor.

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Movie #4, The Strangers. Honestly it's a creepy little movie and I don't hate it, but the ending makes me want to go watch the incredibly stupid and funny sequel and for that I can't forgive

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The sequel is so bad. lol I really enjoy the original though. Just the issue with the sequel is that it takes everything good about the original and makes it a generic slasher deal.

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I like the sequel but yeah in a fun way.

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DeathChicken posted...

Movie #4, The Strangers. Honestly it's a creepy little movie and I don't hate it, but the ending makes me want to go watch the incredibly stupid and funny sequel and for that I can't forgive

I didn't care for The Strangers at all

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The next movie I'm going to watch tonight is Halloween 2018.

Because I need to be ready for Halloween Kills this weekend!

(And potentially more importantly, LAMB)

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What's your opinion on Laurie in 2018? There seem to be two camps from what I've seen, the ones that like her being Ellen Ripley, and the ones that wanted her to stay as the Laurie from 1978.

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I personally like her in 2018 and think her character progression makes total sense.

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17. Halloween (2018) (Hulu)

I'll just cut to the chase and say I absolutely love this movie. I think top to bottom, they did the best they could with this franchise.

Halloween is set 40 years after the original, where Michael Myers is back on a tear again and after Laurie Strode's family.

This movie does pretty much everything right as a homage to the original. It really wants to be a love letter and invoke the feelings of the original. Just so much wanton violence, Michael Myers looks like a complete fucking impossible demon and feels so imposing, and they give you plenty of characters to witness dying terrible deaths.

But this movie is really about the three generations of Laurie Strode's family, all of which are absolutely great to see. Laurie, in particular, is done so extremely well and this is probably the best she could be in these films now. She's traumatized and it feels real, and she doesn't ever find her peace, but she's able to find vindication for it. They make these characters all feel so real and I love it.

Most of all though, this movie is FUN! So much fun! I love watching it, and I've seen it multiple times now. Just something about witnessing Michael go on a tear against this entire town is awesome, and it takes itself just seriously enough while also poking fun at the franchise as well.

This is a perfect successor to the series, and it makes me so excited to see where they go now. I have nothing but good things to say about it, and I think it truly is an awesome film. It's got a few minor issues keeping it from being perfect, but it's still such an awesome ride.

Rating: 9/10

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18. The Ring Two (Amazon)

Fuck, this movie is so god damn bad. I hate that I watched it again.

Imagine a movie so tightly woven as the original American The Ring. You have this compelling mystery with all of this creepy bullshit surrounding it and the tenseness of you dying if you don't solve this mystery in a week. And then get rid of all of it to do a sub-par bullshit psychic killer girl story where you gotta protect your child.

The Ring Two is about Naomi Watts burning the tape that The Ring was on, and now Samara wants to possess her son.

We start off with a crappy first person view of Samara going to kill some idiot kid in a campy, irrelevant intro made to remind you of the better first film. It's so bad and just destroys the mystery and terror that came with the original movie's murders.

And from there we have a creepy possession and haunting movie that is just so bad in every way. Nothing about this is scary, nothing about it is interesting, and nothing about it is really enjoyable in the least. The interactions between Rachel and her son just suck and it's just not a good story. The mystery is barely even there and it just... fails at everything it sets out to do and it's boring. They have CGI deer and it's boring. I don't know how this story got greenlit. It's so bad.

Nothing about The Ring Two even comes close to the original film. Nothing draws you in. It's just a bad story without any originality in a film that was filled with originality. The dip in quality from the original to this is staggering. It feels a lot like Sinister 2 where it completely misses the point and interesting parts of the first one in favor of telling some kind of story from another angle that nobody wanted.

Rating: 2/10

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I am now watching Malignant.

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Fuck yeah Malignant, man I cannot get this film out of my head.

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Snake5555555555 posted...

Fuck yeah Malignant, man I cannot get this film out of my head.

bad pun

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19. Malignant (HBO Max)

I absolutely adore this movie like you wouldn't believe. It's among my favorite James Wan films.

Malignant is about a woman that can see visions of a bizarre murderer killing people as they're happening as she aids with an investigation to stop him.

Let's be clear. You aren't getting The Conjuring or Insidious with this movie. You're getting Dead Silence, but without anything holding James Wan back. And you may not have liked Dead Silence a ton, but he takes that campy feeling and turns it into an amazing experience.

Don't take this film too seriously. Just sit back and enjoy it. The movie never takes itself seriously, and it presents itself like the campy slasher thrill it is. But where it excels is the typical James Wan cinematography. It's an absolutely sleek and beautiful film that looks like a visual spectacle at many points.

But the real draw of this movie? The third act is among the best I've ever seen. Everything builds up to a climax of absolute fucking madness of the nth degree. The mystery leading up to it is intriguing, fascinating, and strange enough to keep you interested. But when they finally unveil everything? And then they give you some of the most satisfying scenes in a horror film brimming with creativity? God, you can't help but be blown away.

This isn't a perfect movie by any means. If you start trying to break down everything in this movie, you come up with more than a few questions about the plot that might not make sense. And maybe at times you'll think it's too campy. But as far as a fun, creative, mindblowing horror experience? You can't do much better than Malignant. Big props to James Wan for doing something so fucking crazy.

Rating: 9/10

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Johnbobb posted...

bad pun

I guess I should've reversed my course in posting that.

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Snake5555555555 posted...

I guess I should've reversed my course in posting that.

I mean either way it would still be at the back of your mind

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Johnbobb posted...

I mean either way it would still be at the back of your mind

So what you're saying is I should've doubled down

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