Poll of the Day > Is it wrong to judge somebody based on who they have dated in the past?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I found out a person I listen to has dated a person I pretty strongly dislike. It seems this person hasn't disowned them nor were the ones that initiated the breakup.

Since then I've had trouble respecting this person and it has changed the way I think about them.


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Is it "wrong"? You're entitled to your feelings, but I see this as being a bit petty. It's no concern of mine who any of my friends choose to date. As long as it's legal and they're not hurting any one, or being hurt themselves, that's entirely their own business.

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If you respect the person you're with it's definitely petty. My wife's ex does some pretty shitty things and plays head games with my step daughter, but I don't judge her for having been with him. The fact is he was a different person with her than he is without. People's experiences with other people will differ and there's no point in worrying too much about it. Worry about how you can be the best person they deserve to be with.

TC, does this person you dislike wear his pants down to his knees, boxers out for the world to see?

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People who date fat chicks should be nicknamed herdsmen just like ruxin.


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Far-Queue posted...

petty

Yep

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Also, Im not dating nor would ever plan on dating this person. Regardless of this my problem is that I think the other person has questionable character so for them to be fine with that, and still seem to be fine with it later makes me wonder about their character.

For example if I found out someone dated Alex Jones and didnt regret it, I'd think that was kind of weird.

It just makes me wonder about their morals if they were okay with that persons morals.

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DrPrimemaster posted...

It seems this person hasn't disowned them nor were the ones that initiated the breakup.

Honestly originally just saw this and thought it was about a person you were in a relationship with. Just someone you listen to? I was gonna say "jealousy would be normal if they weren't over them" but this? lol come on dude.

everyone treats different people differently, so it's pretty weird to do this, unless they dated, like, strom thurmond or some shit

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Man, I really didn't feel like this was that controversial of a take.

So my situation is this. I listen to a podcast and there is a person on there I was relatively neutral on. I found out that they dated someone in the industry that I think is not a good person. And they dated for 2 years. So in my head I'm thinking, if they were willing to date that person for that long do they think like that person as well? What things are they ok with? Maybe this person I'm listening to isn't that great either.

It seems like y'all are saying that you don't judge people by the company they choose to keep. Which just doesn't make sense to me.

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BlackScythe0 posted...

Honestly originally just saw this and thought it was about a person you were in a relationship with. Just someone you listen to? I was gonna say "jealousy would be normal if they weren't over them" but this? lol come on dude.

I could also see it if it was a friend, like I'm sure it would get annoying watching your friend get used by a gold diggers over and over or something

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Yeah you can judge someone however you want for whatever you want, just dont be mean to anyone please

Being honest and open is healthy in my experience though so maybe you should sit down with this person and just be like Look, this is an awkward situation but I cant get it out of my head. I know you dated _______ but I really dislike that person because of _______ so the whole thing has thrown me for a loop.

and just see if they want to have a conversation about it. Maybe theyll hear you out and you can figure out how you both feel or maybe theyll think youre a weirdo and youll probably both be better off looking elsewhere

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well if it's someone you don't personally know and they'll never personally know you, i don't really think it matters because it shouldn't ever really be a problem for either of you

it sounds like a complete nonissue

you can hate random people you'll never meet if you want to

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DrPrimemaster posted...

Man, I really didn't feel like this was that controversial of a take.

So my situation is this. I listen to a podcast and there is a person on there I was relatively neutral on. I found out that they dated someone in the industry that I think is not a good person. And they dated for 2 years. So in my head I'm thinking, if they were willing to date that person for that long do they think like that person as well? What things are they ok with? Maybe this person I'm listening to isn't that great either.

It seems like y'all are saying that you don't judge people by the company they choose to keep. Which just doesn't make sense to me.

It should.
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agesboy posted...

well if it's someone you don't personally know and they'll never personally know you, i don't really think it matters because it shouldn't ever really be a problem for either of you

it sounds like a complete nonissue

you can hate random people you'll never meet if you want to

like, it's not related to dating, but i don't like sharon osbourne because i dislike piers morgan and bill maher to a gigantic degree

That is similar to me, I don't like bill maher to a gigantic degree and found out this person dated them. And now it has tainted my view of the person so listening to them on the podcast has a different tone that I dislike.

I think I should have phrased this topic differently. I would never hurt someone because of who they've previously dated but I would have trouble trusting them if I found out they trusted someone who I found untrustworthy. It makes me question their judgement.

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Revelation34 posted...

It should.

Really, so you find out that a person you know is best friend's with someone who routinely beats their spouse and they know about it and don't really care. You would not judge or wonder about that person's character at all?

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DrPrimemaster posted...

Really, so you find out that a person you know is best friend's with someone who routinely beats their spouse and they know about it and don't really care. You would not judge or wonder about that person's character at all?

You can like somebody for other reasons and hate other things they do.
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It depends on your philosophy.

I will judge others based on how bad they can be while still being aware of peoples situations that may have caused this action and lighten up. Other people judge based on how much good you do, and can ignore bad things if theres positive things.

I judge people based on who they are today.
If people only ever judged me on my mistakes of the past I'd only get worse and never grow.

Captain_Drek posted...

I judge people based on who they are today.
If people only ever judged me on my mistakes of the past I'd only get worse and never grow.

well, if someone today continues to like and associate with bill "vaccines cause autism" maher, they can eat my shorts

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agesboy posted...

well, if someone today continues to like and associate with bill "vaccines cause autism" maher, they can eat my shorts

I'm not saying give people a free pass if they're currently shitheads.
I'm saying if someone used to be a shithead but their actions today show that they are a better person I'm not going to judge them on their mistakes of the past.

DrPrimemaster posted...

That is similar to me, I don't like bill maher to a gigantic degree and found out this person dated them. And now it has tainted my view of the person so listening to them on the podcast has a different tone that I dislike.

I think I should have phrased this topic differently. I would never hurt someone because of who they've previously dated but I would have trouble trusting them if I found out they trusted someone who I found untrustworthy. It makes me question their judgement.

Well shit, this is normal enough. I just want to know who you're listening to now.

Far-Queue posted...

Is it "wrong"? You're entitled to your feelings, but I see this as being a bit petty. It's no concern of mine who any of my friends choose to date.

Not necessarily.

If I find out that one of my friends regularly hangs out with or dates neo-nazi skinhead types, it tells me things about them as a person I may not have realized on my own, and which I may strongly object to. If I find out that a lot of their friends are militia-types who advocate armed insurrection against the government, I might have cause to distance myself from them. What the people you are friends with think and believe can easily say a lot about what YOU think or believe - or at least, what you're willing to tolerate.

Granted, it CAN be petty - if you wind up writing off someone who you've been best friends with for years because you found out they used to be friends with someone who picked on you in high school 20 years ago, that's sort of getting hung up on minor things that may have completely changed in the years since. Same if you're a vegan and find out your current friend/significant other used to date a butcher or something. Or if you cut someone out of your life forever because you found out they voted for Trump in 2016, or just more generally support the opposite political party than the one you support.

But there are definitely things that can be major red flags for people, which people are fully entitled to be annoyed or bothered by. And which might justifiably lead to reevaluating your relationship with them over.
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ParanoidObsessive posted...

Not necessarily.

If I find out that one of my friends regularly hangs out with or dates neo-nazi skinhead types, it tells me things about them as a person I may not have realized on my own, and which I may strongly object to. If I find out that a lot of their friends are militia-types who advocate armed insurrection against the government, I might have cause to distance myself from them. What the people you are friends with think and believe can easily say a lot about what YOU think or believe - or at least, what you're willing to tolerate.

Granted, it CAN be petty - if you wind up writing off someone who you've been best friends with for years because you found out they used to be friends with someone who picked on you in high school 20 years ago, that's sort of getting hung up on minor things that may have completely changed in the years since. Same if you're a vegan and find out your current friend/significant other used to date a butcher or something. Or if you cut someone out of your life forever because you found out they voted for Trump in 2016, or just more generally support the opposite political party than the one you support.

But there are definitely things that can be major red flags for people, which people are fully entitled to be annoyed or bothered by. And which might justifiably lead to reevaluating your relationship with them over.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/3-poll-of-the-day/79415307/953048232
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Revelation34 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/3-poll-of-the-day/79415307/953048232

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/3-poll-of-the-day/79415307/953247032









"What the people you are friends with think and believe can easily say a lot about what YOU think or believe - or at least, what you're willing to tolerate."
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No. Depending the circumstances of course.

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I'm pretty non-judgemental, but certain things could be red flags for sure.

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I judge everybody. If I see you Im totally gonna judge you. So watch out.

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They could have been a different person in the past.

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Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is dating that girl and he really likes her then finds out she dated Newman.. and not just did she date Newman, but HE broke up with HER!

such a good episode

newman says shes fine for you.. but I need a REALLY pretty face

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Not necessarily.

If I find out that one of my friends regularly hangs out with or dates neo-nazi skinhead types, it tells me things about them as a person I may not have realized on my own, and which I may strongly object to. If I find out that a lot of their friends are militia-types who advocate armed insurrection against the government, I might have cause to distance myself from them. What the people you are friends with think and believe can easily say a lot about what YOU think or believe - or at least, what you're willing to tolerate.

Granted, it CAN be petty - if you wind up writing off someone who you've been best friends with for years because you found out they used to be friends with someone who picked on you in high school 20 years ago, that's sort of getting hung up on minor things that may have completely changed in the years since. Same if you're a vegan and find out your current friend/significant other used to date a butcher or something. Or if you cut someone out of your life forever because you found out they voted for Trump in 2016, or just more generally support the opposite political party than the one you support.

But there are definitely things that can be major red flags for people, which people are fully entitled to be annoyed or bothered by. And which might justifiably lead to reevaluating your relationship with them over.

Why'd you cut off the second half of my post to make your point?

Far-Queue posted...

As long as it's legal and they're not hurting any one, or being hurt themselves, that's entirely their own business.

Don't cherry pick my post to misrepresent what I'm saying. I didn't specify how people can be hurt in a relationship. Physically, emotionally, financially, etc etc...

I'd say dating a neo-Nazi skinhead would qualify as being harmful. I'd have concerns with that and would hope they come to their senses.


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MICHALECOLE posted...

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is dating that girl and he really likes her then finds out she dated Newman.. and not just did she date Newman, but HE broke up with HER!

such a good episode

newman says shes fine for you.. but I need a REALLY pretty face

Someone who judges people solely on past decisions would fit right in with the Seinfeld gang.

No I don't think it's wrong at all. If someone isn't a good judge of character, they're liable to involve you in future drama. And frankly I wouldn't trust them to appreciate being with someone who has good character because evidently they can't tell the difference

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Captain_Drek posted...

Someone who judges people solely on past decisions would fit right in with the Seinfeld gang.

Jerry: Newman! She went out with Newman!
Elaine: It must be a mistake.
Jerry: No. It isn't and the most distressing part of it is, not that she went out with him but that HE stopped seeing her. Do you understand? He, Newman; Newman stopped seeing her. Newman never stopped seeing anybody. Newman will see whoever is willing to see him. Not so much why she did see him as disturbing as that is. But why, did HE, Newman, stop seeing her?
Elaine: Perhaps there's more to him than meets the eye.
Jerry: No, there's less.
Elaine: It's possible.
Jerry: No it isn't. I've looked into his eyes. He's pure evil.
Elaine: He's an enigma, a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Jerry: Yeah, he's a mystery wrapped in a Twinkie.

DrPrimemaster posted...

It seems like y'all are saying that you don't judge people by the company they choose to keep. Which just doesn't make sense to me.

Nah, I agree w/ you. That's pretty age old wisdom.
Doesn't mean you necessarily cut ties, but absolutely you should be wary. Narcissists, sociopaths, and others are really good at presenting a mask of themselves to others only for the real person to be discovered much later.
Some people maybe legitimately did learn from their mistakes and grow, etc...
But plenty of them just pretend they did or are even lying to themselves about it.

Good people generally don't stay close to crappy people, at most they maintain a polite acquaintance or such (b/c they have to deal w/ them or figure it's best to not get on their bad side, etc...), but would not be in / stay in a romantic relationship or consider such people close friends (or are "former" friends/partners but feel the need to defend/justify that person). Major red flag if they do.

does anybody else kinda not judge anybody ever on anything except if theyre cool or not

Short answer: It depends.

Basically it comes down to how much you judge people for past mistakes. On one hand, everybody makes mistakes and the important thing is our ability to learn enough from them to not repeat them. On the other hand, there are some mistakes that show an underlying lack of good judgment and expose potentially problematic trends (which, if it's somebody you're dating, can be pretty important).

Realistically speaking, unless you're dating or thinking about dating the person who dated sketchy people in the past, most of the time it doesn't really matter. You could consider it a mark against their character -- and everybody disagrees with some things other people do -- but it only has any real impact when it comes to that arena. For example, if I knew a guy who had been in a terrible relationship with a woman, the only relationship advice I'd take from him would be red flags to watch out for.

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