Current Events > Okay ce, I'm 21 and definitely getting my tubes tied

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Good luck, I really hope you can get the procedure approved. Im sorry you're having to deal with all of that

Birth control really fucked me up too, I was going through the worst depression for like 4-5 months, and then I stopped taking birth control as an experiment and I was fine within a couple days -_-

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Goldenguy posted...

I'm in on this. If it leads to a breakup, so be it; it's near impossible to really reconcile a difference in desire of children. The guy can always find someone who wants to have kids if he really desires.

and too, the lady can always find someone who also doesn't wanna have kids if she desires as well

it's a win-win, just not into perma

If the birth control is really screwing with your mood I would just encourage you to not rush in to something like this operation when you're not of sound mind. You're still really young and you might really not think so but how you feel about life and what you want from it will absolutely change in the future.


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VanananaHeyHey posted...

one of the nurses literally shrugged and said "It's hard to consent when you're asleep." Their shitty catheterization job is still causing me problems six years later. Since partial urinary incontinence was one of the things I wanted to avoid by never giving birth, I have to honestly say that I would reevaluate the procedure if I knew what I know now.

That is all kinds of fucked up. Not the least because how the hell do you fuck up a catheter?

Edit: well I know how, but catheters are basic bitch stuff.

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It sounds as if you have the right idea about the birth control as it's messing up in all kinds of ways. The mood swings pushing you into dangerous territory and you definitely need to be around someone to talk to. Just in case ideas start popping up in your head. Of course you can always post on CE as there's always someone awake and can offer some encouragement.

About the possibility of children and the boyfriend discussion, looks to me like you have it figured out already. Having kids is obviously your decision. I know you've been against it for the longest time (at least biological children) so you've already given it plenty of thought.

When it comes to your boyfriend, yeah, like you said you'll both have to discuss it. You're both so young right now that it isn't anything immediate, but eventually the relationship will come to that fork in the road. Either one of you will change your mind or not. The outcome is just....crap. There's no way to sugar-coat it.

There are a lot of difficulties ahead, but you're also tough. You'll push through it. Just remember you got some folks here to talk to if you need the support. Stay safe, Harp.

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Having your tubes tied when you're 21 years old may end up being the most clueless thing you do in your entire life.

You have literally no idea what you're going to want in 10 years.

Be careful with the regret.

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WallStreetWolf posted...

You don't know that. Maybe she will have a completely different mindset 10 years from now and consider adoption. Or maybe I'm completely wrong. Either way, you don't know that for a fact

You're right people should stay in relationships where they clearly don't have the same goal for decades or more just in case somebody does a complete 180 flip on everything they want at some indeterminate point in the future

Commenter in a 5+ year relationship going nowhere confirmed?

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Steve Nick posted...

Having your tubes tied when you're 21 years old may end up being the most clueless thing you do in your entire life.

You have literally no idea what you're going to want in 10 years.

Be careful with the regret.

OP needs to talk to women in their late 30's and 40's, and 50's about this because that's when the decision to have or not have kids has the biggest impact on ones lives. This is after the biological instincts kick in and if you're secure and comfortable enough with the people around you whom you deem family.

And I can't see any doctor signing off on any surgery for someone so young.

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Nice, break up with him and upgrade to dating me. I prefer to bang it out with baron chicks

I support it. You should be able to do what you want with your body, and if someone can't accept you for that, that's on them.

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Sad_Face posted...

OP needs to talk to women in their late 30's and 40's, and 50's about this because that's when the decision to have or not have kids has the biggest impact on ones lives. This is after the biological instincts kick in and if you're secure and comfortable enough with the people around you whom you deem family.

And I can't see any doctor signing off on any surgery for someone so young.

Thats probably some damn good advice. Both childless and non-childless women, for that matter.

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Im just gonna say that 21 is awfully early to be making this kind of decision, and I say this as someone who made dramatic life decisions before the age of 30. Id say give it a lot of thought, imagining as many possible paths for your life as you can before making the appointment, because its not like a vasectomy where its easily reversed. Either way, I wish you luck.

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It's probably just the surgical nature of it that would be scary. Or is it a pretty easy surgery?
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emblem boy posted...

It's probably just the surgical nature of it that would be scary. Or is it a pretty easy surgery?

Its a 30 minute surgery. Women are usually home a few hours after the surgery ends. Its just numbing medicine, one or two incisions, gas pumped into the abdomen for a better view, a tube with a light inserted, then long thin instruments to cut the Fallopian tubes, and finally stitches.

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Ahh, got it. Is it as equally safe as a vasectomy? With the main difference being that a vasectomy might be reversible
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It seems like the type of decision that you should spend a couple of months thinking about. The idea of not having the option to do something ever again scares the shit out of me. But youve gotta do whats best for you, so hopefully things work out for you
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Harpie has been talking about this for like years I believe. Not really a sudden decision
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Depending on where you are or where you go, they might not even let you do it.
But I say go for it. If you end up wanting kids, you could always adopt. Having a functional uterus sounds like hell 99% of the time, and the 1% is if you want to be pregnant, so it just seems like a loser here.

Harpie posted...

Hes banking on me eventually changing my mind by him showing me what a supportive family looks like. Im firm that I dont want kids, though

You should probably be the one to break up with him if this is the case. Dude may just stick around hoping you'll change your mind even after.
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King Rial posted...

Even in her 30s no doctor would give my sister a tubal ligation.

This is a major problem.

Go to r/childfree and ask for doctor recommendations who will do it to anyone. Most will not.

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emblem boy posted...

Ahh, got it. Is it as equally safe as a vasectomy? With the main difference being that a vasectomy might be reversible

It's extremely rare but a vasectomy can even heal on its own.

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Great TC now we don't have to worry about you getting preggos

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emblem boy posted...

Is it as equally safe as a vasectomy?

No, vasectomies are much, much safer, largely because they put women entirely under for the surgery instead of just local for men. No need to, I say. Though they're also safer because testicles are more external and not as close to as many things. Plus you don't need to cut through fat and muscle in the same degree on a scrotum.

There used to be a permanent sterilization procedure for women using a minor scarification that was good, but a spring-based scarification product that was bad (disfiguring women) sued them into oblivion.

Tubals can also be reversed, but that is harder and more risky (for many reasons), plus less effective.

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I haven't read any of this topic

An IUD is a much safer option.

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21 is too young to get your tubes tied. As far as a cursory googling tells me, it's a permanent procedure.

21 is too young to do anything permanent to your body. 21 feels old but you live for a long time. 10 years down the road, you may wind up regretting your decision.

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MutantJohn posted...

21 is too young to get your tubes tied. As far as a cursory googling tells me, it's a permanent procedure.

21 is too young to do anything permanent to your body. 21 feels old but you live for a long time. 10 years down the road, you may wind up regretting your decision.

Everyone says this and yet the only people who have regrets are the ones who don't go through with it.

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Tyranthraxus posted...

Everyone says this and yet the only people who have regrets are the ones who don't go through with it.

This is blatantly not true.

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oh
no
don't do it
stop
no

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MutantJohn posted...

21 is too young to do anything permanent to your body. 21 feels old but you live for a long time. 10 years down the road, you may wind up regretting your decision.

Disagree, but its certainly something to put a lot of thought into.

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Wow I remember when you were still a virgin. Now you're getting laid so much that you actually have to get your tubes tied to keep from getting pregnant. Girls sure do get it easily.

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I know im going to get flak for this, but 21 is way too young for that kind of decision.

I also think tattoos and 21 y/o vasectomies are a bad idea too fwiw i am coming from an ageist perspective notba sexist one
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emblem boy posted...

Harpie has been talking about this for like years I believe. Not really a sudden decision

She's also only 21. I don't mean to say that in a disparaging manner, but I know that when I was a teenager and younger adult I also felt very strongly about certain things and my place in the world and who I was and with the passage of time my views have changed.

We go through some serious phases in life and making a life-long permanent decision like this when your attitudes could change in 10 or 20 years requires more than just serious consideration but also other life experiences and some more maturity.

I'm not trying to say you're immature Harpie, just imploring you to not try to rush into something that has other, temporary, non-medical solutions.

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Imagine having enough sex for this to be in consideration.
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Anyone at 21 is immature.

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Hexenherz posted...

emblem boy posted...

Harpie has been talking about this for like years I believe. Not really a sudden decision

She's also only 21. I don't mean to say that in a disparaging manner, but I know that when I was a teenager and younger adult I also felt very strongly about certain things and my place in the world and who I was and with the passage of time my views have changed.

We go through some serious phases in life and making a life-long permanent decision like this when your attitudes could change in 10 or 20 years requires more than just serious consideration but also other life experiences and some more maturity.

I'm not trying to say you're immature Harpie, just imploring you to not try to rush into something that has other, temporary, non-medical solutions.

Ya, I probably agree. I guess my post was more about the people saying she should wait a few months. It doesn't seem like the kind of decision someone will change their mind about in just a few months.

Like you said, it's something that could change many years after.
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Twelf posted...

Imagine having enough sex for this to be in consideration.

I know right. Girls are just so fortunate.

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Dont do it

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Twelf posted...

Imagine having enough sex for this to be in consideration.

It only takes one night man, lol.
Man, pregnancy risks made me paranoid as fuck in my relationship. Despite my partner being on the implant, I still insisted on using condoms. I can see someone just not wanting to have to think about those risks
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No doctor will do it at such a young age

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As others have said, you're in for a hell of a time finding a doctor to do this. Not just your age - which is a factor - but that many try to talk them out of it (even the female ones).

One of my friends is in her early 30s, and has been trying to have it done for nearly a decade. She's talked to half a dozen doctors, and they still won't do it.

Probably best to just look into getting an IUD.

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Im sorry youre experiencing those awful side effects. I was fortunate that birth control actually helped me feel better and not worse, though it hid the fact that I had whacked up periods for years until I got off it.

Have you tried a hormonal or copper IUD?

As many mentioned, it might be really hard to find a doctor who will do the surgery sadly. In any case I hope you find some relief soon.

As for your boyfriend, I think you have to sit him down and have a heart to heart that you are set on not having children and that he cant change your mind. He can stay or go knowing that. I know it sucks when you differ on core issues like that but otherwise get along well. Ive had a couple of relationships in my early 20s end that way too. But its how things go and you end up finding someone more compatible.

You won't be able to get on the internet if you tie it

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You might as well tell your boyfriend now instead of making him hang on without knowing. Mostly all guys will want a child at some point with woman they love, and if you really don't ever want kids, to go as far as getting your tubes tied, you need to find a guy with similar wants about not having any children ever. Its a major decision and you can't expect just any guy to be fine with that

Best of luck and wishing you a speedy after surgery recovery.

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I'm sure someone else has said this but I burnt through 4 pages of comments of the same circle jerk responses so here goes:

You should do your research about the female human brain, the hormonal drive to have kids that typically takes place around your 30's and how it won't go away even if you tie your tubes, the depression caused by not being able have them when your body will be craving them, and the dozens of horror stories of women who get their tubes tied early in life and then immensely regret it.

You have TONS of other options...like making your bf wear some damn condoms, making him get better at pulling out, and if he's too slow, just use day after pill and I would argue even an abortion is far less mentally damaging than outright sterilizing your body.

The reality is, at 21, you don't even have a fully functioning adult brain yet. This isn't meant to be rude, it is 100% scientific fact. The human brain doesn't stop developing until about 25. Further more, at your age, there is ZERO biological incentive to have kids. It is completely NORMAL to not want or like kids at age 21.

However, this changes over time because your brain chemistry changes. They have done polls of women and their desire to have kids and while it is extremely common for very young women to have no desire for kids, it spikes up dramatically usually around late 20's, early 30's. It is NOT societally enduced and has been shown to be literal hormones in your brain that play with your dopamine and oxytocin levels to try to get you to have one as it's your bodies "friendly" way of reminding you that your biological time clock is running out.

This hormonal incentive is so powerful, it can make women go from thinking babies are "meh" into enducing full blown depression if some of them can't have them...

Also, there is a very large percentage of men who won't wife a woman up if she's sterile. I'm married and I'd probably second guess putting a ring on my wife if she can't produce kids as marriage is literally the ONLY reason to sign some government contract to stay together from a man's perspective. So you're not just looking at potentially losing your bf, but years down the line you might very well lose the love of your life over this. I factually know of TWO couples who divorced and the biggest reason was they couldn't have kids. It doesn't seem like a deal breaker when your 21 and most guys that age also have no desire to have kids and just want to get laid, but if you get married later in life, it will matter. It's also common in marriage for things to not matter until they do, which means something that doesn't matter to someone early in a marriage matters 10 yrs later, and it's enough to cause divorces.

So overall, the doctors that are hesitant to give you a tube tying at age 21 aren't patriarchal assholes, they simply know you are young AF and when you get older and closer to menopause, your brain is going to change drastically on top of the fact this decision might fuck up your love life for the rest of your life.

My advice? Wait until your 30 before deciding to tie your tubes. If you aren't feeling baby fever by then, you might be one of the few women simply impervious to it's wiles and there are a LOT of other options than birth control. I'd argue abortion is safer than outright tying your tubes.

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VanananaHeyHey posted...

Jessie Marrs of Pacific Gynecology Specialists did mine after another doctor at the same group wouldn't. The doctor who wouldn't was happy to recommend sight unseen vasectomy appointments and did endorse me as "definitely not crazy." Dr. Marrs was perfectly adequate, though I only spoke with her three times (before, day-of and one follow-up), so I don't know much about her ethics beyond that.

Don't let anyone tell you the tubal ligation itself is major surgery. It has a major effect, but the procedure is very minor and the chance of side-effects nearly zero.

I was 25 and had to lie a little about how long I'd been married to get it, so they're unlikely to do it for a 21 year-old (they made a big deal about how young I was). You may have better luck saying you want it done for dysmorphia than saying you want it done because you have the right to not. There are lots more gender clinics that will give you a recommendation than gynecologists, unfortunately.

(I never had trouble with hormonal birth control other than it didn't stop the cystic issues it was supposed to, so I spent a year or two on BC after getting my tubes tied, too. I got my tubes tied for reasons that include, but go beyond, not wanting kids, so hit me up if you've got questions.)

Heads up: The doctors at Swedish are ghouls, though. After signing eighty forms releasing their liability for everything from minor skin tears of IV needles to sudden death a week after, they waited until I was in the operating room and prepped before saying "Also, we need a cath [for a sub-30 minute procedure you already emptied your bladder twice for]." It wasn't on any of the forms. I said "I do not consent to this, please give me a waiver for any ruptures or infections during surgery" and one of the nurses literally shrugged and said "It's hard to consent when you're asleep." Their shitty catheterization job is still causing me problems six years later. Since partial urinary incontinence was one of the things I wanted to avoid by never giving birth, I have to honestly say that I would reevaluate the procedure if I knew what I know now.

I'd almost certainly totally still do it though; dysmorphia is slightly less; barebacking is phenomenal; and all the end-of-late-capitalism dystopia feature a eunuch elite, so I'm ahead of the game.

Yikes! What an asshole nurse.

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MutantJohn posted...

21 is too young to get your tubes tied. As far as a cursory googling tells me, it's a permanent procedure.

21 is too young to do anything permanent to your body. 21 feels old but you live for a long time. 10 years down the road, you may wind up regretting your decision.

I find it rude that people get to dictate to others what they should do with their own bodies.

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I would suggest going to a clinic like Planned Parenthood. Regular doc's tend to be judgey about doing tubals on young unmarried women who don't already have kids. I mean even as a 28 year old married dude who at the time had been married for 6 years, they were kind of iffy about doing my vasectomy because I didn't have kids. I mean maybe it's changed in the 10 years since I had it done but I doubt it.

At least at planned parenthood their whole focus is reproductive freedom and bodily autonomy, so they are more likely to not outright refuse.

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Harpie posted...

Ive been on birth control for a while now, and Im over it. I love the security of knowing I cant get pregnant, but the increased anxiety, extreme mood swings and three week long periods arent worth it.

When I get it taken out in a few weeks, Ill ask about tubal litigation. I gave the implant and iud a fair shot, and neither worked. I really want to get it done. I know I will never and should never have kids.

My bf will probably break up with me if I tell him though. Oh well, better sooner than later I guess.

You should tell your bf. Its one thing if he doesn't want kids, but he has the right to know.

You're still pretty young and opinions about kids will change when you get older...

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