Current Events > ITT: We quote Grand Theft Auto games

(+) Yeah! (+)

I left a pot on the stove!

I could listen to Chatterbox all day lol.

You just had to follow the damn train CJ
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Them white boys had me on crystal meth.

CJ: Alright, Woozie, relax. Don't beat yourself up about it. Look, I'll do it. Uh, one last thing. You do know that I'm black, right? And not Chinese.
Woozie: I'm blind, Carl, not stupid.

"If you don't give money to VCPR, we could be thrown back to the stone age. Liberals will be set on fire in the streets. Give now. Let's return to Pressing Issues. Over to you, Maurice, in the studio!... Useless, talentless asshole."

"You're correct, he is an asshole!"

"I love those guys! Really professional."
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They've got your wife!

But I'm not married!

You are now...to America!


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I can shit on you from such a height, you'll think God himself took a crap on you.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?
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Oh I'm at my phone at work so someone post the Citizens Raging Against Phones skit from GTA 3's Chatterbox

"You're organization is called crap? What kind of moron are you?"
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Citizens are raging against phones, Lazlow!

Lazlow: Hello caller, you are on the air. Are you sane!?! Eh-heh...are you a sane caller?!?

Caller: Absolutely Lazlow. Killer bees!

Lazlow: K..killer bees!?

Caller: Yes, killer bees! Did you know that the current migration north continues, we will all be dead in 3 years?!? Do you want to become a bee's supper?!? I don't! That's why we must act now!!! Killer bees must be stopped!

Lazlow: I wonder why more people aren't talking about this, I mean, killer bees swarming, and it sounds pretty serious!

Caller: Aah...but the killer bees are nothing compared to ants! You can't kill them! They are like sheep, they are going to take over!!

Lazlow: Alright, thanks caller.
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Lazlow: "Alright, thanks caller. Ants, killer bees, fat people, what's plaguing you? Call now! Chatterbox, hello, you're on the air..."

Caller: "Err yes...I'd like to say something about these damn people on trains and busses in this city who yammer on and on into their cell phones. I'm really glad to hear about what your having for dinner! What we should do, is herd them up, and put them on an island. I am the President of a group called Citizens Raging Against Phones."

Lazlow: "CRAP?!?"

Caller: "Exactly!"

Lazlow: "Your organization's called 'crap,'...wh...what kind of moron are you...you wanna round people up for using a phone?!? But you...your calling up on a phone t...to tell the world about it! I...I mean, how many people are there in this 'crap'?"

Caller: "Citizens are raging against phones, Lazlow!!"

Lazlow: "How many people?"

Caller: "There are three of us. It's hard organizing meetings without the phones though. We've had to resort to carrier pigeons, and they keep disappearing."

Lazlow: "What are you speaking to me on? What...what's that in your hand?"

Caller: "I am not the problem! You are! And you're perpetuating the downfall of mankind! Liberty City was great before phones ruined everything."

Lazlow: "Liberty City was a church, a cow pasture and 3 houses when the telephone was invented!"

Caller: "Liar!!"

Lazlow: "You're the liar!"

Caller: "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Lazlow: "What are...are you three years old?!?"

Caller: "Lazlow's a liar, Lazlow's a liar!! I bet that isn't even your real name"

Lazlow: "Shut up!!"

Caller: "You shut up!!"

Lazlow: "Stupid!"

Caller: "Nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo!"

Lazlow: "Ohh...we're going to commercials!"
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Lazlow: "Alright, Liberty City, this is your talk radio show Chatterbox, where your opinion matters. Let's go to the phones...hello caller, you're on Chatterbox."

Caller: "Hey, ya ever ate possum, that's some good eating."

Lazlow: "Naah, I really can't say I have."

Caller: "Hell, ya aught to try it sometime, I tell ya man, it's good eating. Possum, raccoons, even zebra meat, cooks up pretty good."

Lazlow: "Err, do you have anything else to say, or..."

Caller: "Pigeons. Pigeons are good too. Sometimes, they come with notes attached...it's like...a fortune cookie with wings. Squirrels...squirrels is not so good, they...taste like goldfish...meat's real stringy...ya know what I mean?"

Lazlow: "Ermm, actually, I can't say that I do...umm...but if I did eat too much squirrel and put on a few extra pounds, I'd use the Dormatron...unlike those other exercise machines that require you to be awake, the Dormatron actually exercises you over night."
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Since this is too much to type I'll just drop this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqe3PKVqI3A" data-time="
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All we had to do was follow the damn train, CJ
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Sometimes I like to wear women's panties and walk around fifth street.

Tommy, what was the big plan? You think I'd just take the fake cash, save face, and run away with my tail between my legs!?

No. I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you.
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Cops everywhere, but is there ever a cop when you need one? No!
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Pets overnight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xem8Gn9HOcw" data-time="

Pogo the Monkey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFF5AnLVmmM" data-time="
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Lazlow: "Let's go over here to line 4, hello caller, what's your name?"

Jeff: "Jeff from Rockford."

Lazlow: "Hello Jeff, what's up?"

Jeff: "I want to tell you and your listeners about a once-in-a-lifetime chance to make a difference. There's a rally tomorrow evening at the park. Starting at 7. Although we'll be painting banners and singing songs and all day to prepare for it. Then, when tens-of-thousands have gathered in the park, we're gonna march onto Town Hall. Lazlow, the people have spoken! And they have said 'no, not in my town!' So folks, if you're listening, and want to make a difference, get yourself down to the park, and prepare to bring democracy back to the people."

Lazlow: "So...what's this rally about, Jeff?"

Jeff: "It's about people standing up and being counted. It's about the future. It's about telling those morons in the suits 'no thanks! Not in my town! Not while I have a breath in my body and hope in my soul! I will not, I cannot let this pass!'"

Lazlow: "Let what pass?"

Jeff: "It's about grabbing the town by the balls and saying 'listen son, either put-up, or shut up! No more Mr. Nice-guy. No more easy solutions for difficult problems!' It's about what it means to be an American. It's about giving something back."

Lazlow: "Giving what back, Jeff?"

Jeff: "Hope! Dreams! Belief!"

Lazlow: "Belief in what, I mean, look Jeff, I..I admire your passion, really I do, but...what will people be marching for? Wh..what's your rally about!?"

Jeff: "It's about justice, Mr. Low! A chance to shine and make a difference! About thousands of people walking side-by-side as brother marchers. Only one thing on their minds - the chance to make a difference! Bring your friends! Nothing shows a man how much you mean to him more than the chance to walk together for justice! Bring your kids! They can paint signs, and we'll even have a face-painter, and a vegen bar-be-que. Bring your parents, dude, even the elderly care about tomorrow!"

Lazlow: "I understand that, it sounds like a great rally, but w..we're not a political station and you haven't really told us why people should do this...what is it about?!?"

Jeff: "Look..look, do you wanna help or not??"

Lazlow: "I don't know what I'm helping!"

Jeff: "You're helping America! What kind of patriot are you? It's a rally!!"

Lazlow: "You don't know what it's for, do you!?!"

Jeff: "It's for hope. Please come, everybody! It'll be real good!"

Lazlow: "Alright, you fight the power, brother!"
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Sonny (over phone): Obviously you are suffering from hearing problems, so I'll try again. WHERE'S THE GODDAMN MONEY?! WHERE'S THE GODDAMN STUFF?! AND WHERE'S MY CUT OF YOUR NEW ACTION?! You are making an idiot out of me, Tommy, and I'm not laughing yet.
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Pet Stuffers: For when you can't let go

And coming soon: Grandparents Forever
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Michelle: Good, don't bake a cookie, smash him in the face with a baking tray instead. he's a brainless dolt, he's a man. Did you know men enjoy looking at pictures of naked women, it's called pornography, it's sick and foul. I'm giving a talk about it this weekend at the women's center. That's women with a y.

Amy: Hah, I think you spelt it wrong.

Michelle: Are you a woman Amy? Three of the five letters that make up your description are M. A. N. You're too dependent on men Amy. that's why I don't call myself a woman Amy.

Amy: Um, ok.

Michelle: I bet this radio station is owned by a man, white male conservatives monopolize the media selecting right wing blondes to propagate conservatism.

Amy: I don't have blonde hair.
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You've got insurance, so don't be a prick.

"HOW MUCH!?"
"AHHH HAHA.... A THOUSAND"

"You killed my friends for one thousand dollars?"

"How much do you charge?"
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No money, no funny bunny, honey.

Shut that bitch up with ice.

Darmik posted...

Caller: "There are three of us. It's hard organizing meetings without the phones though. We've had to resort to carrier pigeons, and they keep disappearing."

Darmik posted...

Caller: "Pigeons. Pigeons are good too. Sometimes, they come with notes attached...it's like...a fortune cookie with wings.

Just pointing this out.
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Heh I hoped someone hoped someone would catch that.

I also like how the 'Freddie needs a spanking!' guy pops back up again in Vice City.
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So I was driving to work, the other day. I decided that I needed some smokes to get me through. You know. So I pull over. Park the car, go in the store, then come out a minute later... The car is gone. Stolen! FIFTH. TIME. THIS. MONTH!!! These people, these car thieves, joyriders... I tell you, I wish they all had ONE, BIG, NECK, so I could put my hands around it, and choke the living life out of all of them all at ONCE!!!
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Rosenberg: Hey, just like old times, huh, Tommy?
CJ: Who the fuck is Tommy?

CJ: I'm a well-dressed maniac!

Big smoke! Remember the name!
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Freddy needs a nanny!

Making that Arab money!!!!
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"Tim! They've got your wife!"
"But I'm not married!"
"You are now! TO AMERICA!"
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"Hey cousin, let's go bowling!"
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"I'm going to Aruba"
"Gimmie your wallet"
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Ah shit here we go again
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No money, no funny bunny honey.
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The war where we kicked Australia's ass!
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My mother's my sister!

"I'll have two number 9's, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45's, one with cheese, and a large soda."
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Clothes lead to immorality! Nudity stops people from fighting. Have you see an issue of National Geographic lately? People around the world are nude. You don't want to shoot a machine gun or a howitzer or a flamethrower if you're naked. It could burn or scold in quite a personal fashion, quite frankly. Have you been to the zoo? Animals are naked. If everyone were naked, there'd be no war. Everyone's complaining about crime and the theft of cars in the city. No one's ever stolen my car. No one's ever pick-pocketed me. They've never even tried.
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"Hit me with the stick! I'm a pinata! I'm not a pinata! You hear me?"

"Why are you obsessed with pinatas??"

"Because that's life, Cheryl. You either is one or you isn't one. And sometimes you both is and you isn't. Ain't you learned nothing?"
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Hey Jeffrey, I thought you was going to uh... college.
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I know you ain't got no dick, but maybe you got a heart, homie!

You see, that's what's wrong with this city. Liberals just want to open the floodgates, let anyone in, and make you, the ordinary hard-working men and women pay for the pleasure. Well, you have my permission to beat them with sticks. We won't prosecute. You'd be doing us all a favor! Free love, wig out, don't work, make love in the field, and listen to rock-n-roll or whatever you call it. Meanwhile, Crayshaw, I know your father. He's made a lot of money which makes him a great person, but for every good conservative they end up having some wacko, commie kid just back from a vacation in the orient who wants to share. Go take that sharing business to Cuba or Canada or somewhere. I don't have a trust fund or a rich daddy. I know what it is to be poor
and to look at the world from the other side. I slept my way to the top.
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