Current Events > Choose a stupid superpower [0] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

(+) Yeah! (+)

[0] You can teleport to your current home from anywhere in the universe, but you require a straight hour of meditation to charge this technique.
[1] Every time you snap your fingers, no matter what the context, Mike Pence has a gay, sexual urge that makes him feel dirty and ashamed.
[2] You are guaranteed to win 9/10 of the rock-paper-scissors games you play from this point on.
[3] You get one free vending machine item per 24 hour period.
[4] You can talk to whales and dolphins, but they all think that you're a low-class plebe and they have nothing but disdain for you.
[5] You have superspeed that correlates with how much you have to pee. The closer you are to bursting, the faster you are.
[6] You lay one egg the size of a football per day... that's it. They won't hatch into anything good and they taste awful, as does anything you cook them into.
[7] You can stop time, but you're frozen with it (you mind and eyes still work, but that's about it.)
[8] Every time you throw up, your puke is your favorite guacamole recipe, fresh and untainted from your body. If you don't like guacamole, you puke hot queso. If you don't like queso either, you still puke queso.
[9] You can browse the internet in your head, but any viruses you get from harmful websites manifest themselves as actual viral illnesses. Some are minor, but others could be deadly. Your immune system acts as your firewall, so staying healthy improves your chances of safe browsing. Vaccines that you get irl can also be helpful here.
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I remember you.
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[7]

Fuck.
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SSBBSB posted...

I remember you.

Each time you hear a sad guitar, or just in general?
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DK9292 posted...

[7]

Fuck.

It beats 6.
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4. I'm cool with that.
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9 - Interesting, let me try th..

*dies from 80 viruses instantly*
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DK9292 posted...

[7]

This. Am I missing something or this one good? I guess its not super great, but it could help with problems I need more time solving, where I could just stop time and think about it
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7 actually isn't too bad, I can save time in my day reading books and what not by stopping time when I read a page. Would also give me unlimited time to make up a witty retort.
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The_Altrox posted...

[4] You can talk to whales and dolphins, but they all think that you're a low-class plebe and they have nothing but disdain for you.

Fuck you sea-mammals, at least I can walk on land and shit like a real mammal you fucks can't even breathe under there.

fuck i hate whales so goddamn much
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Seven is extremely powerful for tests, gambling, competitive games, etc.
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9- Depending on how quickly I can access that info, this seems like a complete win for me. Use only safe sites, and I can be a master at trivia. Hello to winning HQ every day
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WalkingWiki posted...

This. Am I missing something or this one good? I guess its not super great, but it could help with problems I need more time solving, where I could just stop time and think about it

Tropicalwood posted...

7 actually isn't too bad, I can save time in my day reading books and what not by stopping time when I read a page.

Not all of these are necessarily bad. You could totally abuse this one in stupid ways, like with memory games, reading, etc.
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2. Rock Paper Scissor champ,
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Picked 5, that's actually one of the few that are decent (the others being 0, 7, and 9).
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1 is clearly the best option. Too bad I picked 4.
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The_Altrox posted...

[1] Every time you snap your fingers, no matter what the context, Mike Pence has a gay, sexual urge that makes him feel dirty and ashamed.

The best power
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BLAKUboy posted...

1 is clearly the best option.

Would love to use this one during any live broadcast he's on, just so we could see him in a complete state of shame via snap spamming.
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[3] You get one free vending machine item per 24 hour period.

https://www.carvana.com/vendingmachine

lol
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AssultTank posted...

3 is actually pretty good. There are vending machines for a lot of cool stuff.

Never said these were bad. Just stupid. There are definitely sweet vending machines out there.
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7 would be pretty handy for a lot of stuff, I'd take that. I'd totally think "ZA WARUDO" when doing it too
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The_Altrox posted...

[5] You have superspeed that correlates with how much you have to pee. The closer you are to bursting, the faster you are

It could be worse. At least this one has some use.
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MabusIncarnate posted...

9 - Interesting, let me try th..

*dies from 80 viruses instantly*

Imagine if you got one of those screamer/porn virus that locks up your computer and forces you to unplug it to stop the noise.

Imagine unwillingly making loud sexual noises at the equivalent volume of your most intense shouting until you die or just screaming until you die.
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#1 is pretty good potentiallh actually. Makes for some incredible crime oppurtunities(being on the opposite end of the planet an hour after a robbing a bank is a pretty damn good alibi.) and is also amazing if you get stranded somewhere, an emergency pops up at home while traveling, or you need to escape from captivity.

Can you meditate for an hour and than save the charge?
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The_Altrox posted...

[3] You get one free vending machine item per 24 hour period.

I pass by one daily. Just have to watch my minutes and I can get free stuff lol
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pikachupwnage posted...

#1 is pretty good potentiallh actually. Makes for some incredible crime oppurtunities(being on the opposite end of the planet an hour after a robbing a bank is a pretty damn good alibi.) and is also amazing if you get stranded somewhere, an emergency pops up at home while traveling, or you need to escape from captivity.

Can you meditate for an hour and than save the charge?

#1 is the Mike Pence one.

But for the meditation one, no, you can't save charged teleportation.
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7. Not completely stupid.
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Mmmmmmmmmmm guacamole
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0. Real life Hearthstone, all for it. Work to become an astronaut, then confuse the hell out of a lot of people real fast.