Poll of the Day > My crush just got back together with her ex, and I'm so conflicted.

(+) Yeah! (+)

They broke up before we met. I've known her for almost a year now, and we've become real close in the last couple months. I mean she's absolutely perfect. Super cute, has all the same interests, really kind and weird, and funny. The kind of person I could see a real future with. I asked her out myself a couple months back, but she said she wasn't over her ex. So I thought I would give her more time and her lingering feelings would pass. Today, I was getting ready to head over to pick her up for her birthday (we were gonna go see Thor), but before I left she told me her ex came by out of nowhere and now they're back together. I never felt this utterly devastated before. Told her I wasn't feeling well, and that I'll take a rain check. But now I can't think of her and not feel the worst pain imaginable, and I've passed a kidney stone.
I want to be supportive and hope she finds happiness, but I was hoping to be the one who she could find that happiness with. Should I just cut ties?
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Even if you guys got together, shes likely just start sleeping with her boss.

Sony always wins, baby
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313800 posted...

Even if you guys got together, shes likely just start sleeping with her boss.

I cut ties when something like that happened and everyone (every girl I knew) treated me like a villain for it.

Girls don't understand that men never get over these things. The best you can do is forget about it.
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If a woman doesn't reciprocate your feelings and you're sticking around as a "friend" just in the off chance she'll change her mind, you're already a bad friend.

In this particular case, you bailed on being a friend because the likelihood of it ever being more seemed bleak.

I really hope that pain you're feeling isn't anger at her for not choosing you.
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Yeah man you're not gonna fuck her. If you don't fuck a girl within a month of meeting her it's never going to happen.

Decide if you want her as a friend and only a friend. If not stop talking to her for your own sake.
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SmokeMassTree posted...

If you don't fuck a girl within a month of meeting her it's never going to happen.

Not true
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Don't listen to Sunny, he's a dick.
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Also Thor was really good
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SunWuKung420 posted...

If a woman doesn't reciprocate your feelings and you're sticking around as a "friend" just in the off chance she'll change her mind, you're already a bad friend.

In this particular case, you bailed on being a friend because the likelihood of it ever being more seemed bleak.

I really hope that pain you're feeling isn't anger at her for not choosing you.

I thought about this myself, and I disagree. When it all started I had no intention of trying to start a relationship. I just saw a lonely person sitting in the cafe at school and went up and said hi. It wasn't until about late summer that I was like "Oh shit, I think I'm falling for her, what do I do?". So I figured I'd just continue on as if nothing changed. Eventually I worked up the courage to ask her, and after she said no I thought I'd be okay. Now I know that I don't think I can just be friends, which is why I think it'd be better to just cut ties.

And no, I'm not angry at her. I'm just really sad is all.
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Yellow posted...

Don't listen to Sunny, he's a dick.

Actually, most guys are the dicks for getting mad when a lady doesn't feel the same way. Don't be upset at me for speaking the truth.
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IceDragon77 posted...

SunWuKung420 posted...

If a woman doesn't reciprocate your feelings and you're sticking around as a "friend" just in the off chance she'll change her mind, you're already a bad friend.

In this particular case, you bailed on being a friend because the likelihood of it ever being more seemed bleak.

I really hope that pain you're feeling isn't anger at her for not choosing you.

I thought about this myself, and I disagree. When it all started I had no intention of trying to start a relationship. I just saw a lonely person sitting in the cafe at school and went up and said hi. It wasn't until about late summer that I was like "Oh shit, I think I'm falling for her, what do I do?". So I figured I'd just continue on as if nothing changed. Eventually I worked up the courage to ask her, and after she said no I thought I'd be okay. Now I know that I don't think I can just be friends, which is why I think it'd be better to just cut ties.

And no, I'm not angry at her. I'm just really sad is all.

You've been hanging out as friends for a year and you're just now thinking you can't just be friends. Dude, that's some selfish and cold shit.

But hey, go ahead and bail. I'm sure she won't mind at all. At least her ex came back.
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SunWuKung420 posted...

You've been hanging out as friends for a year and you're just now thinking you can't just be friends.

Yeah, well when you fall for someone it changes things.
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Sometimes I see Sunny being nice and stuff and people just start blasting him out of nowhere and I think "why?", then I see this antagonistic shit and i'm like "oh yeah, that's why."
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darcandkharg31 posted...

Sometimes I see Sunny being nice and stuff and people just start blasting him out of nowhere and I think "why?", then I see this antagonistic shit and i'm like "oh yeah, that's why."

He's about to bail on someone he's built a friendship with because she's not into him sexually despite knowing she isn't for months. That's some fucked up shit. You think I'm the one in the wrong because you're the type of person that would do the same thing.

But I'm the dick for calling him out? Ok buddy. It's no wonder this world is going to shit with so many people only concerned with themselves.
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SunWuKung420 posted...

darcandkharg31 posted...

Sometimes I see Sunny being nice and stuff and people just start blasting him out of nowhere and I think "why?", then I see this antagonistic shit and i'm like "oh yeah, that's why."

He's about to bail on someone he's built a friendship with because she's not into him sexually. That's some fucked up shit. You think I'm the one in the wrong because you're the type of person that would do the same thing.

But I'm the dick for calling him out? Ok buddy. It's no wonder this world is going to shit with so many people only concerned with themselves.

Who said anything about sex? I'm in love with her, I don't want a relationship built on sex. I've been there before, and don't want to ever do that again. I just want to hold hands, and share umbrellas, go for walks, and that kind of shit.

Also, I think the moment when this all changed was the time she forgot her phone in my car but I hadn't realized it until I got home, so I drove all the way back to her place to give it back. She kissed me... And it was like my life was black and white before, and suddenly all the colour came back.
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SunWuKung420 posted...

He's about to bail on someone he's built a friendship with because she's not into him sexually despite knowing she isn't for months.

Not like he became friends to doink her, those feelings developed over time, asks her out, she says not right now(which is leading) so he waits and then she goes back to her ex, now he's down about it. It's not his obligation to be chipper and suck it up, sometimes circumstances happen where people can't be friends anymore.
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You're in love with her but because she isn't going to reciprocate after you've spent all this time being her friend, you think the kind and caring thing to do, for someone you love, is to stop being her friend so you feel better?

I love all my friends and they love me, all non-sexually. So love her as a friend, but can you? Is it really about your love or your unrequited feelings or that she is banging her ex?
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SunWuKung420 posted...

But I'm the dick for calling him out? Ok buddy. It's no wonder this world is going to shit with so many people only concerned with themselves.

Nah, you just like being a dick in general. And yes, a lot of people in the world are out for themselves, freakin shocker I know!
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darcandkharg31 posted...

SunWuKung420 posted...

He's about to bail on someone he's built a friendship with because she's not into him sexually despite knowing she isn't for months.

Not like he became friends to doink her, those feelings developed over time, asks her out, she says not right now(which is leading) so he waits and then she goes back to her ex, now he's down about it. It's not his obligation to be chipper and suck it up, sometimes circumstances happen where people can't be friends anymore.

SunWuKung420 posted...

you're sticking around as a "friend" just in the off chance she'll change her mind, you're already a bad friend.

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I wouldn't call them a friend anymore if you're trying to court them, more liek romantic interest sort of, idk, it's past friend territory anyways.
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So what if you think that makes him a bad friend? She can make more friends and so can he. Not every friendship is compatible just like any other relationship.

If youve been in love with her for a year and this is as far as youve gotten, there probably is never going to be anything between you two anyway. One person getting a spark is utterly meaningless outside of ending in their own misery.

Sure, priorities change and people grow towards each other, so you have as good a shot as anybody, but odds are not in your favour right now. You have to be willing to risk losing the friendship with a bold move in order to get it started in the first place.
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IceDragon77 posted...

They broke up before we met. I've known her for almost a year now, and we've become real close in the last couple months. I mean she's absolutely perfect. Super cute, has all the same interests, really kind and weird, and funny. The kind of person I could see a real future with. I asked her out myself a couple months back, but she said she wasn't over her ex. So I thought I would give her more time and her lingering feelings would pass. Today, I was getting ready to head over to pick her up for her birthday (we were gonna go see Thor), but before I left she told me her ex came by out of nowhere and now they're back together. I never felt this utterly devastated before. Told her I wasn't feeling well, and that I'll take a rain check. But now I can't think of her and not feel the worst pain imaginable, and I've passed a kidney stone.
I want to be supportive and hope she finds happiness, but I was hoping to be the one who she could find that happiness with. Should I just cut ties?

So you weren't even dating her? Don't waste your time dude. Getting hung up on girls you're friends with but don't have the courage to do anything further (or are possibly friends with because you couldn't make an overt move on) is a recipe for an era of frustration and failure.

And you probably won't take it seriously but man, it's not even difficult to find girls that are "cute, kind, funny, and weird". That's the description of a level 15 human. "Man, she's Coptic Christian, upper-middle class, Egyptian, 6'1", has heterochromia, speaks Russian, and volunteers at an orphanage" is the description of someone meeting very specific conditions you won't find every day. But "kind and weird"? Man, every person that is remotely functional is "kind and weird".

Yeah you're glorifying her, and she clearly sees you as a platonic friend. She's defined to you how she sees your relationship, and it's not a romantic one. Back off, date other girls, and make her jealous. If anything, she knows she can date around, mess around, contemplate ex boyfriends, etc, and you'll always be a fall back option. Which makes her sense of urgency to date you at zero right now.
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Sun is right. It's disheartening how many people are disagreeing with them.

JennyBear posted...

So what if you think that makes him a bad friend? She can make more friends and so can he. Not every friendship is compatible just like any other relationship.

People are allowed to be jerks. That doesn't make them not jerks.
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Golden Road posted...

Sun is right. It's disheartening how many people are disagreeing with them.

Pfft, no he's not. Bailing is the right move. Once a relationship evolves to a romantic interest, it's hard to salvage the friendship and often not worth the effort anyway. I've seen it happen but moving on is usually best for both parties.
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IceDragon77 posted...

Should I just cut ties?

Depends. If you were only "friends" with her in order to get into her pants then yeah as that isn't going to happen. If however you generally like her as a friend and want her to be part of your life regardless of the way she's part of your life then no.

If it's the later then you probably should spend less time with her in order for you to try and get over this obsession that's futile. However still spend time with her just as you would any other friend as that's what friends do. Of course you could always date and see other people during that time too. I'd guess if you started dating/being with other people she would get jealous too. Every cloud and all that.

Whatever the case life is too short to be obsessed over one person and to accept it'll only ever be one way is the step forward you need.
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I've stayed friends with girls Ive been interested in and I've stopped being friends with girls I was interested in

In the end I'd say it's harder to stay friends for a while but it's worth it when you get over them
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IceDragon77 posted...

I've passed a kidney stone.

Dang I am so sorry bro.
How old were you when you did?
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Muscles posted...

I've stayed friends with girls Ive been interested in and I've stopped being friends with girls I was interested in

In the end I'd say it's harder to stay friends for a while but it's worth it when you get over them

You claimed you had sex with a girl for gas money, but never climaxed, ok?
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ClarkDuke posted...

You claimed you had sex with a girl for gas money, but never climaxed, ok?

Don't we all do this?
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If she was hung up on her ex the best you could have hoped to be was a rebound. Or to watch her rebound with someone else. Her going back with her ex is rough, there's no question, but it's best it happens this way and not after she started getting involved with you. You know? Relationships take a lot longer to heal from than many people realize.
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ugh

I hate that I'm agreeing with sunny here

also isn't this the same dude that doxed his ex here when she cheated on him
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SunWuKung420 posted...

IceDragon77 posted...

SunWuKung420 posted...

If a woman doesn't reciprocate your feelings and you're sticking around as a "friend" just in the off chance she'll change her mind, you're already a bad friend.

In this particular case, you bailed on being a friend because the likelihood of it ever being more seemed bleak.

I really hope that pain you're feeling isn't anger at her for not choosing you.

I thought about this myself, and I disagree. When it all started I had no intention of trying to start a relationship. I just saw a lonely person sitting in the cafe at school and went up and said hi. It wasn't until about late summer that I was like "Oh shit, I think I'm falling for her, what do I do?". So I figured I'd just continue on as if nothing changed. Eventually I worked up the courage to ask her, and after she said no I thought I'd be okay. Now I know that I don't think I can just be friends, which is why I think it'd be better to just cut ties.

And no, I'm not angry at her. I'm just really sad is all.

You've been hanging out as friends for a year and you're just now thinking you can't just be friends. Dude, that's some selfish and cold shit.

But hey, go ahead and bail. I'm sure she won't mind at all. At least her ex came back.

dude fuck off lol, his feelings matter too.
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and frankly, she's probably a fucking idiot anyway.
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It's sooo selfish to be concerned about your own emotional well being...
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Why did you wait? Shoulda' asked earlier. Sunny is right here.
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Stop wasting time.

Move on.

LOLIAmAnAlt posted...

IceDragon77 posted...

I've passed a kidney stone.

Dang I am so sorry bro.
How old were you when you did?

25.
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Doctor Foxx posted...

If she was hung up on her ex the best you could have hoped to be was a rebound. Or to watch her rebound with someone else. Her going back with her ex is rough, there's no question, but it's best it happens this way and not after she started getting involved with you. You know? Relationships take a lot longer to heal from than many people realize.

Yeah, I at a certain point I kind of knew this was going to happen and I still went along with it, telling myself "Oh, it'll be fine, you can just be friends then."

I think I'm going to stop talking to her, for a while at least. Maybe then I'll have all these emotions sorted out and be able to come back without this gut wrenching feeling every time I think about her.
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SmokeMassTree posted...

Yeah man you're not gonna fuck her. If you don't fuck a girl within a month of meeting her it's never going to happen.

Decide if you want her as a friend and only a friend. If not stop talking to her for your own sake.

the hell? lol

IceDragon77 posted...

Doctor Foxx posted...

If she was hung up on her ex the best you could have hoped to be was a rebound. Or to watch her rebound with someone else. Her going back with her ex is rough, there's no question, but it's best it happens this way and not after she started getting involved with you. You know? Relationships take a lot longer to heal from than many people realize.

Yeah, I at a certain point I kind of knew this was going to happen and I still went along with it, telling myself "Oh, it'll be fine, you can just be friends then."

I think I'm going to stop talking to her, for a while at least. Maybe then I'll have all these emotions sorted out and be able to come back without this gut wrenching feeling every time I think about her.

She'll probably stop talking to you.. so you wont even need to worry about it.

Ive been there once.

Never again.

IceDragon77 posted...

LOLIAmAnAlt posted...

IceDragon77 posted...

I've passed a kidney stone.

Dang I am so sorry bro.
How old were you when you did?

25.

Daaaaang.
:(
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Im the ex

helIy posted...

ugh

I hate that I'm agreeing with sunny here

also isn't this the same dude that doxed his ex here when she cheated on him

I had a friend in high school that I turned down, she stopped talking to me. So by sunny's reasoning, she's a huge piece of shit, a horrible friend, she owes me her companionship, and if she chooses not to be my friend then she's a terrible person. She's just a terrible person for hanging out with me on the off chance that I might have had sex with her.

Sunny is as annoying and useful to women as an old lady's yappy purse dog that barks at every other living creature that approaches.

TC's in pain, so Sunny comes along and makes sure he feels guilty too for no reason.
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OmegaTomHank posted...

SmokeMassTree posted...

Yeah man you're not gonna fuck her. If you don't fuck a girl within a month of meeting her it's never going to happen.

Decide if you want her as a friend and only a friend. If not stop talking to her for your own sake.

the hell? lol

He's not totally wrong...... Aside from some devoutly religious virgins-until-marriage who actually stick to their guns, this is certainly plausible, even if only metaphorically in many cases. Women will either consider you a sexual option or they won't. If something happens to occur later, consider it good luck. The problem is that human nature creates its own set of roadblocks via "who you like, but who likes you back". I don't believe in BS like "the friendzone" resulting from a botched encounter. Those people weren't getting laid anyway. With sexual attraction will come additional chances, as long as you're not an absolutely horrible person to be around.

I've been on both ends of the spectrum... From a hopeless loser desperate for anyone to date me to five girls fighting for my affection at the same time (while putting up with my moody, sometimes-oblivious ass). It sucks when your crush doesn't like you, a lot, but most people will crush on somebody who crushes back eventually. It's a numbers game. As many romantic failures as I've endured, it only made things easier. You're either the guy willing to lose the friendship and possibly get something serious out of it or the one longing for more but not really trying to get it. Being rejected feels awkward, but at least you can hold your head up high knowing that you tried.

It sounds like she's just not into you, but you're clearly unsatisfied with the present arrangement anyway.
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IceDragon77 posted...

I think I'm going to stop talking to her, for a while at least. Maybe then I'll have all these emotions sorted out and be able to come back without this gut wrenching feeling every time I think about her.

This is what you should do. Just know that going back might not be possible.
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

OmegaTomHank posted...

SmokeMassTree posted...

Yeah man you're not gonna fuck her. If you don't fuck a girl within a month of meeting her it's never going to happen.

Decide if you want her as a friend and only a friend. If not stop talking to her for your own sake.

the hell? lol

He's not totally wrong...... Aside from some devoutly religious virgins-until-marriage who actually stick to their guns, this is certainly plausible, even if only metaphorically in many cases. Women will either consider you a sexual option or they won't. If something happens to occur later, consider it good luck. The problem is that human nature creates its own set of roadblocks via "who you like, but who likes you back". I don't believe in BS like "the friendzone" resulting from a botched encounter. Those people weren't getting laid anyway. With sexual attraction will come additional chances, as long as you're not an absolutely horrible person to be around.

I've been on both ends of the spectrum... From a hopeless loser desperate for anyone to date me to five girls fighting for my affection at the same time (while putting up with my moody, sometimes-oblivious ass). It sucks when your crush doesn't like you, a lot, but most people will crush on somebody who crushes back eventually. It's a numbers game. As many romantic failures as I've endured, it only made things easier. You're either the guy willing to lose the friendship and possibly get something serious out of it or the one longing for more but not really trying to get it. Being rejected feels awkward, but at least you can hold your head up high knowing that you tried.

It sounds like she's just not into you, but you're clearly unsatisfied with the present arrangement anyway.

Are you joking me dude? Lmfao.

Ive literally met chicks at age 12 onto high school and then got with them 10 years later on an off chance.

There are tons of people, believe it or not who dont even have sex on the first date *gasp*. They wait as long as a month or two or sometimes even 6 while actively dating.

My most recent was completely platonic until a random one night stand 6 months after meeting her.

Your argument is completely bizarre and not founded in reality