Board 8 > IIT I play Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (spoilers) [worstspideyever]

(+) Yeah! (+)

So Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is a pretty good game.

It also has a terrible story, terrible characterizations for the most part, and at points you just become exasperated by the offense you take to your intelligence. If you don't believe me, let me just state one thing that will set the pace for this game:

Triva With Wolverine

Seriously. Being a huge Spider-Man fan, I found myself groaning at this game more often than not, because it takes Spidey and many other great Marvel characters and just uses them in some ridiculous ways. I've wanted to beat this game forever, and this might be the thing that helps me do it. I'll be playing this puppy from the start (because good god, some of the worst stuff is straight at the beginning) and chronicling everything here. You'll get my opinions on the game itself, the story, and what they do with these characters as well.

If you're a Marvel or Spider-Man fan, I'm sure you'll enjoy this. And I'll try to make it an entertaining read for you.

So without further ado... here's Spider-Man: Web of Shadows.

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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Great, I love Web of Shadows, my favorite Spider-Man game.

--
This is war. Survival is your responsiblity.

This sounds like it will be fun.

--
(Maniac64 at work)
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

Typos so bad. Should be ITT as in In This Topic. And it should be Trivia with Wolverine.

Sorry, I'm just matching up with the quality that this game has!

Now then, we get treated to a sad piano waltz and weird alien things attacking a bunch of soldiers. Spidey leaps away and we hear voices of Mary Jane nagging at us (get used to this), we get Wolverine threatening us (get used to this), and then Black Cat hitting on us (get super used to this). Meanwhile, Spidey is showcasing exactly what we can do by web zipping into a bunch of venom monsters before landing on a roof and letting us play.

Oh, and remember when I said sad piano waltz? It isn't just any sad piano waltz. It's Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. This game literally thinks that it's impressive enough to use a song like that in its intro. If you don't know it, you've heard it a thousand times. I'll link you to it.



I'm now in the Prelude! My objective is to Eliminate Symbiotes! Now, my first time trying this game, I had no idea wtf was even going on at this point. I have a better idea now. I jump off the building and completely forget how to web sling, but I do save myself at the last second! If I have to give the game credit for anything, it's got fun web swinging. It would have been nice if they game told me how to do this. Fortunately, I think they just expect you to jump off a ledge and run to the waypoint. However, in most platformers, you jump off a ledge and hit the ground, you get hurt. Not in Spider-Man: Web of Shadows though! It tells you to throw away everything you know and make a leap off in faith. Anyway, you get to the waypoint and see a bunch of things that I can only describe as looking like Anti-Venom. I won't give a history lesson on Anti-Venom, but I'll offer a pic so you know what I'm talking about:



Now then, I'm supposed to eliminate these things. I'm not told what does what though. I'm just supposed to mash buttons until I find something that looks like I'm making Spider-Man punch. Now, I pick X (I'm playing the 360 version, btw) and instantly, Spider-Man is throwing f***ing flame fists and kicks of fury everywhere and completely decimates the generico enemies for the game. Gotta say, that's pretty cool and makes me feel like a badass. Iron Fist should be jealous. Credit to game here. I destroy all of them and get little red orbs, which are my experience for the game.

After the first fight, I start web slinging to the next waypoint to repeat the process. Only this time, it tells me how to web sling. And then when I get to the enemies, it tells me to press X to God Fist them to death. This is AFTER the first time I had to fight these things, btw. I kill them all and get to my next waypoint. We see the baddies presumably kill one of the soldiers and he disappears after blinking a few times. Oh, Activision.

After this, we get a cutscene of a huge ass helicoptor crashing into a building. We have to fight a bunch of enemies that look much more Venom-like on a wall. Wall combat is like, terrible. Press X until things die. That's it. And if you accidentally go over the top, you fall BACK. You don't get to the top of the building, you fall off of it. It makes no sense. We also learn that we can tap RT to do a web zip, which basically catches onto a wall or something and tugs us there. Neat. Useful. Anyway, I do my spinny top kicks to kill all of the enemies on the walls. Then a bird venom enemy grabs a soldier and flies in the air. And NOW we learn:

"Quickly press B to shoot Webs"

Which answers the age old question of: How do I shot web?

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

So you get sent into a cinematic of Spidey jumping away and shooting webs. And then the guy is falling to the ground, and we learn quickly press B to save citizen. F***ing citizens. Spidey asks where Cage and MJ are to the soldier. And let me tell you, I have the worst Spidey in my title for a reason. The voice here is... sooooooo bad. So, so, so bad. He is the whiniest mother f***er in the world. His angry/serious voice makes him sound like he's about to cry. Such a bad voice. The guy who does it is Michael Vaughn. You will not know him from anything else, but please enjoy his wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Vaughn

Anyway, you take this struggling dude to another waypoint. Apparently these soldiers are SHIELD agents, I guess. You get him to the waypoint and toss him on a gurney. Spider-Man wastes no time in asking more soldiers "WHERE IS SHE!? WHERE IS EM JAY!? RED HEAD! ARM IN A CAST! GAAAAH! YOU'RE NO HELP!" And leaves. Literally does not even give them a chance to speak. Then you have to help SHIELD fight more enemies. You get told to break open a pod, which really, really sucks. And let me tell you why. Your first attack on a wall is a slide. So you press X, you do a slide. And then you slide right past the pod every time. It's infuriating.

Anyway, you break the pod where all of the symbiotes come from and you see LUKE MOTHER F***ING CAGE driving in a beat up car to the scene with Mary Jane in the car with a cast on and a f***ing shotgun in her hand. Let me state I forever hate and loathe Mary Jane and this game just makes me hate her more. Really? A shotgun? Are you serious? So Spidey sees them drive up. They get out of the car and Spidey immediately lands on top of it and yells "MARY JANE! YOU'RE ALRIGHT!"

Luke Cage says "Boy, you better calm yourself."

And so our great hero, Spider-Man, whines out "Mary Jane! I promise I won't use it again!"

To which Mary Jane says "We're past promises, Peter!" And she walks off with Luke Cage, who is urging her to go forward.

Spidey looks all dejected as a shadowy figure walks up, then wraps Spider-Man with his venomy goodness, and then we're treated to a black out. So in some messy way, this is supposed to be something set later in the game.

Welcome to Spider-Man: Web of Shadows.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Sweet Christmas. This sounds terrible.

*starts making popcorn*

Luke Cage!

EDIT: Mega Mana's more subtle Cage reference puts me to shame.

--
(Maniac64 at work)
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

Luke Cage the best.

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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg5yivuhCH1qfy2kdo1_500.gif

"HE'S BACK"

So now we have Spider-Man narrating and saying it all began when he was fighting Venom. Mary Jane is on the ground, looking hurt, and then Venom is holding Spider-Man up saying he's got him this time. Spider-Man pleads with him to stop it, then he kicks off Venom and gets a bit of symbiote on him. Then he becomes DARTH SPIDER-MAN. Or I guess symbiote Spidey. I dunno, we'll see what the game calls it. Your first command as black Spidey? "Press B to grab and throw a vehicle". Welp. So you grab a vehicle and throw it at Venom who just kind of watches you do it.

Being the plucky Spider-Man I am, I run right up to Venom who proceeds to b**** slap me through half a dozen cars. WHOOPS. After that, I get a command to grab a car and throw it at Venom. Well, alright. I throw a vehicle at him like it's a damn football pass and he gets pegged, which also creates a large explosion due to me hitting three other cars with it. WHOOPSIE! I throw another car at him when he jumps on the wall, but it gets clipped by a tree and explodes. Whoops. And then I throw another one at Venom, but he moves. So the car kind of bounces off the wall harmlessly and falls on the street. After a second, it actually explodes. lulz He says "I WILL TAKE THE GIRL FROM YOU!" and then he stomps towards Mary Jane. I run up to Venom and try to stop him, but then he just kind of pimp slaps me back into a bunch of cars. I land into a car sitting next to Mary Jane, which of course explodes and leaves her unharmed. I grab another car and peg him with it. And then another to finish it.

"Brock! Look at me when I talk to you!" says Spider-Man in the wussiest voice ever as Venom is recovering after the sixth car that's been tossed at him. He then walks back towards Mary Jane while Venom escapes.

Then Mary Jane, while in a crowd of people, says, "I got you a birthday present... but then there was this loud noise, and..." Spider-Man looks over at Mary Jane, who is being loaded into a gurney.

"Everything's fine. You're going to be fine." says Spider-Man. "I love my present!" She is put into an ambulance. Peter looks at his tiny present and says in a most disappointed voice, "I love my present..."

So yeah, I don't know if everyone knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man now. I believe when this game came out, that stupid Civil War crap was done, and this came out before Brand New Day (I think). So Spider-Man's identity might be known. But I wouldn't put it past Activision to just not give a f*** about continuity and keeping his identity a secret. Also, MJ's present is a little box in red wrapping.

Now, this is one of the very few times I will post a cutscene here. But this cutscene is so laughably bad that I feel like I need to point it out. And I feel like everyone needs to not just take my word for it when I say "This writing is terrible" or "Spidey's voice is the worst ever." Because I will be posting plenty of things where you'll say "Okay, that can't be real" or "You're lying now." No, I want you to realize this early that I won't lie to you about the quality here.



This seemed like a good breaking point for this post though, and it gives you all plenty of time to absorb what is about to come. Next up... I have to save citizens.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Let me just state that if you're a Luke Cage fan, there's a lot of him in this game. In fact, if I remember right, he's the best character in this game for the fact that's he's LUKE FREAKING CAGE. Gotta love him.

Anyway, after this fantastic boss fight consisting of throwing cars, I get the prompt that I can change suits. Now, I know. Black Spidey gets to throw cars and do more awesome hits and stuff. However, regular Spidey is faster. You get choices later in the game to do something Black Spidey would do (I'll likely call it Spider-Dickery) or you get to be a good Spider-Man and do heroic choices. Believe me, both of them have a high potential for some terrible unintentional comedy. I'd make a separate save to do both of them simultaneously, but unfortunately this game only lets you have one save file at a time. Thanks for that, Activision. So I will do heroic Spider-Man first, simply because I like playing as heroic Spider-Man. He's more fun, imo.

And since I'm playing heroic Spider-Man, I'm only going to level up heroic Spider-Man stuff. Yup, there's a leveling system. You can upgrade your attacks, get new abilities, among other things. It's locked now, but I'll talk more about it when it's available.

Anyway, we must now creep and follow MJ's ambulance to the hospital. We get there and IMMEDIATELY a bunch of thugs pull up in matching purple low riders and start shooting at this ambulance. Spidey jumps on top of the ambulance as the two medics get out of it, instead of stopping the thugs. The medical guy says, "You! Stop those hooligans!"

And Spider-Man stutters out, "Uh... yeah. O-okay!" in the most unheroic way possible. Now we must defeat hooligans. We get a monologue from Spidey where he talks about how he wishes he could be at MJ's side with her hurt arm, but he couldn't ignore this gang fight going on right outside of this hospital! (Yeah, I guess it's a gang fight now.) I beat up everyone and more low riders drive up. They say they're going to waste the Spider-Freak, and then start shooting. Then Luke Cage walks up, bonks one of them on the head, then they all try to shoot him down. And, like the badass Luke Cage is, the bullets don't harm him but end up blowing up a car behind him.

Anyway, another unique thing with Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is that sometimes you'll have people fight with you. So Luke Cage joins us in the fight with some cool moves. Tbqh, I would really like to play as him. I kill the enemies with Cage before plopping down beside him. The game then tells me to FIND LUKE CAGE. So I look to my left and chat with him. He says to beat down any thugs I see and go meet him in the park later. Word.

MISSION COMPLETE!

And now I unlock power ups. Basically, it works like a leveling tree. You get RED, BLACK, and ALLIES. Red is for regular Spider-Man, Black is for symbiote Spider-Man, and Allies allows you to call in buddies to help you out depending on your alignment. You need to unlock them first though.

The different leveling trees are like so:

Ground Attack
Air Attack
Web Attack
Web-Strike
Special Attack
Web-Shot (Red)
Tendril Attack (Black)

Each side gets different ground and air attacks, and you level them by getting red or black experience, which is given to you based on what suit you use to fight crime. Something nice is that you can preview attacks if you can buy them with a nice video that shows you how it works. Most of the attacks are locked though, so I can only really do one Web-Shot thing and two Ground Attacks.

I choose to purchase a Counter Attack, and then I pick another attack on my combo.

Stay tuned for more!

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

So my first mission is to Reduce Crime in Harlem! I need to stop 5 crimes. But what's this? There's a Spider I just found! Whoo boy! A spider is a little collectible scattered around the world. It increases my swing speed, the size of my health bar, and my special meter. But I need at least 10 of them before I can hit Level 2. I go looking for more when MY SPIDEY SENSE IS TINGLING! I can press LT to target on crime activity if I see it on my map. So basically, all hell is breaking loose now and you have to run around and beat up thugs who are fighting. I do that five times and now I get to talk to Luke Cage.

Now, I can pick up a new mission from Luke Cage, but instead we're just going to chat. Spidey asks him about the gang war and says he grew up in Queens. SO HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT ALL OF THIS GANG FIGHTING IS ABOUT. Think about that, realizing that Spider-Man has been at this heroing thing for years. So Luke Cage gives a little speech about how gangs are, and it's about as cliche as you could guess.

And now let me tell you something else bad about this Spider-Man. His line delivery is sooo bad. So when he tells jokes, they're really bad. For instance:

Luke: You could be a great fighter. You just need some more sense.
Spidey: Hey! I've got more sense than you!
Luke: Excuse me?
Spidey: You know, my Spider-Sense. One of these days I'll think of something cooler to call it. But until then...

Luke Cage gives no s*** about Spider-Man's terrible lines and just tells him off with each one. It's nice. He tells him to use his Spider-Sense to pick out snipers and take them out before they can shoot Luke Cage's informant. So I head to the waypoint and beat down thugs on the way. And while I do that, I get my 10 spider tokens! I got more health now. I get to the waypoint and it's Spider-Sense time! You can hold in LT to get a scan on everyone in the area. Blue is for good people and red is for bad people. Easy. I target them, beat them down, cause a lot of collateral damage along with blowing up cars with people in them, and I'm done!

MISSION COMPLETE!

I now have enough experience to choose my Web-Blast attack. Which is basically a WEB KAMEHAMEHA! You just hold B and fire a big web blast.

Anyway, Luke Cage gives me "Sense and Defeat Thugs" missions and I complete them while I get 15 more Spider Tokens for a LEVEL UP! I get more Special Meter.

I go back to Luke Cage who tells me he'll teach me to fight well. I say alright and now we're in a CAGE MATCH (no, the game calls it that). Now here's one of the fun things about this game. You can instantly web at enemies with Y and then hit Y again to kick them in the face. The first time I mess up and Luke Cage just kind of catches me in his big, manly arms, sets me down, and pats my head. What a sweetheart.

Now, I screw up a second time and this happens.

Spidey: Aww man! I can't do this!
Cage: Don't give up on me, Spidey! You can do this!

That's right, Spider-Man is so much of a loser that he says he can't do something after two attempts, and almost wants to quit over it. He's basically twelve. Anyway, I learn the Web Kick, Web Abortion, and the Web Counter Kick (those are my names for them). And now I can get Luke Cage as my ally! OH BOY!

So I kick some more ass in the streets so I can unlock more missions. I get more Spidey Tokens and get Level 5! Whoo! Let me tell you that these Spidey Tokens are not difficult to find at all. Usually you spot them on rooftops or in alleys, but when you see one, you usually see three others in the general area. So it's easy to just run around and grab them.

Anyway, next up is MORE TRAINING WITH LUKE CAGE!

I hope you're excited.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

This Spidey sounds almost as bad as Newspaper Spidey.

--
SuperNiceDog didn't have to reconcile his name...
But Dauntless Hunter is now MrGreenonion

So now we learn to Chain Web Kick! Basically, you can zip and then kick off an enemy, then continue doing that to infinite. So Luke Cage has us do it to a bunch of thugs who are just standing there. After I finish that, I can do a lot more leveling up! Yay!

Now, here comes the fun stuff. The thing about the Web Kicks are that it's the easiest way to fight by far. So I spam the hell out of them and anything else I can grab. This include the move I'm grabbing immediately: The Web-Strike Crush. This moves makes Spidey ride the enemy like a skateboard and bounce them off the ground and damage anyone nearby. It's so cool. Then I grab the Web-Strike Throw which, as you might imagine, throws the enemies when you go to web strike them. It's a nice combo addition as well. Then I pick up the Uppercut Launch, which allows enemies to get air combo'd. This is very valuable. Then I got TORNADO, which makes Spidey spin around and attack anyone nearby. So now I have a pretty nice array of moves that I can use effectively.

But now Luke Cage wants us to save a gang member so the gangs will quit fighting like a bunch of jackholes. And now comes the most annoying mission so far. You need to stop the gang from blowing up the gas station (I don't know), and the thugs are just driving around the block in their low riders, so you do the heroic thing and blow them all up. Seriously. Except you can't do much about it and it takes forever to blow them up. Eventually, I figure out that hitting it from the side does the job the best and I take it down relatively easy and blow up all of those vehicles.

Like a hero.

Then I buy my Web-Flurry, which allows me to spam the hell out of my web shoot attack for a more powerful one.

Then I talk to Luke Cage again. They gab about origins. Spider-Man goes "I was bitten by a spider!" Hilarious. Cage ends up talking trash on Spidey's outfit, and he says "Hey, it's a classic! It's iconic!" And then Cage says "I was unaware that one of iconic's definitions was 'ugly as hell.'" To which Spidey replies, "This comic from the man that used to run around in a yellow puffy shirt, with a little silver tiara in his afro?" There you go. One of the very few good jokes in this game. Cherish it.

Cage: You've become a heavy hitter here.
Spidey: By heavy do you mean "serious", like in, "Oh that's heavy, bro" or "heavy" as in, possessing a large mass. Like a fat guy.

They follow that joke up with this one, just fyi.

Anyway, Luke Cage tells me to take out a large group of enemies with the web swing attack. It's a fun attack too. Mostly because you swing and plow them all over with a kick and they go flying.

So then I have to do a bunch of random missions using the technique I just learned (this gets tired) and I just rack up the experience, honestly. Not much else to do but that.

Eventually, I get bored. I decide I'm done with this game for a while. I do buy the Aerial Web Bounce where you can grab a guy in mid air and tug them back with your webs, then smash them again. I think I'm almost done with this area of New York though. Luke Cage should send me on the way to another Marvel character who is pretty awesome, in my opinion, and gets even less mainstream attention.

WHO WILL IT BE?

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Bump

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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

... Iron Fist or something?

--
My Little Phineas and Ferb: Summer is Magic!
Aww, I lost to SuperNiceDog, Winner of the Rivalry Rumble Guru Contest

Tag.

I hope it's Dust. <3

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Oh, I am one yet many.

...I have no idea if this is Web of Shadows, but I remembered it

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We are thought, and reality, and concept, and the unimaginable

I think that's Spider-Man 3, actually.

And I'll be clear that the next character we get orders from is a character usually residing in New York!

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

DeathChicken posted...

...I have no idea if this is Web of Shadows, but I remembered it

This video always makes me laugh. The 'splat' sound effect and the look on her face.... they're just too perfect.

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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg5yivuhCH1qfy2kdo1_500.gif

... Black Cat?

--
My Little Phineas and Ferb: Summer is Magic!
Aww, I lost to SuperNiceDog, Winner of the Rivalry Rumble Guru Contest

I'll be playing this later today. Get Spider-Hyped.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Woo.

--
Aww, I lost to SuperNiceDog, Winner of the Rivalry Rumble Guru Contest

Btw, if people are following this then please post! It encourages me to keep doing these write ups.

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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

This game may have the worst video game voice actor for Spider-Man, ever. He's SO BAD

Just like this game

--
You know who's sexy? Black Turtle, the 2010 Games Contest Guru Winner, that's who!

TheKoolAidShoto posted...

This game may have the worst video game voice actor for Spider-Man, ever. He's SO BAD

Just like this game

I agree completely. Not only do most of Spidey's lines in this game suck, but he has the worst delivery ever. What makes Spider-Man is that he is a charming bastard. In this game, Spidey has no charm. He just sounds like some nasally middle school nerd. If the voice actor didn't suck so much, he could get by on some lame lines and make it seem entertaining. But he's soooo bad.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Argh. Stuff came up today. Therefore, I couldn't get around to playing today. I may or may not be able to play tomorrow either.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Boo

--
My Little Phineas and Ferb: Summer is Magic!
Aww, I lost to SuperNiceDog, Winner of the Rivalry Rumble Guru Contest

Haven't heard this spidey before, but my favorite video game spidey is still Sean Marquette in Ultimate Spider-man.

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Blah, blah, blah, Ha-rumph, and what not. I'm mean and I don't like anyone having any fun.

Ultimate Spider-Man was so good. Game & comic both.

--
SuperNiceDog didn't have to reconcile his name...
But Dauntless Hunter is now MrGreenonion

I'm going to play this game for exactly one hour.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Alright, so the first thing I do is finish off the last of the random optional missions Luke Cage gave me. Save x number of citizens, blow up x number of cars, etc. Saving citizens is obnoxious because you have to drop whatever you're doing in order to save them, because they have a bar that lowers when they need rescued, and you need to take the ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. Every time. So if something blows up near them, they need help. It's annoying. Now, you could say I could just let them go, but I can't. I lose Red Spider-Man points and give me Black Spider-Man points instead. I need to keep up my red ones for the good ending.

Cars are annoying for the same reason I mentioned before. Eventually, I do finish and I talk to Luke Cage who will let me go to Park Avenue Neighborhood! Which means we basically have one final mission before I can leave this area. Luke Cage wants to set up a meeting with both gang leaders. He says Spidey should tell the other leader to meet them in the main courtyard at sundown. So naturally Spider-Man has to say in a stupidly bad southern accent: "Sundown, eh? Well, you got it sheriff Luke! Deputy Spider-Man will get that rascally varmint!" I don't even get a response from Luke Cage for that. I assume he just pretended he didn't say that.

Oh my god, I just got the best glitch ever heading to that mission. I bang against the corner of a building while web slinging over there, and Spidey immediately recoils and starts flying to the very edge of the city. lmao My web stayed where it was, so it was a long string on my screen from there. Gotta love glitches.

Anyway, I have to beat up a bunch of random thugs to talk to the leader. I beat down a ton of them and then the leader goes "Whaddowedo to deserve thiiiiis?" Voice acting. Spidey tells him to meet up at the place and, "Be there or be square." To which the leader replies, "What? Are you from Queens or something?" Okay, that was actually a bit funny.

Okay, okay. And next what happens is that it says "Spider-Man's Hands Free Cell Phone is ringing". Spider-Man has a hands free cell phone. What the f***? Anyway, it's Mary Jane. She says that the doctors were saying Spider-Man was talking to her earlier! She says she's leaving the hospital now. "What? What about your arm? Isn't it hurt?"

"Oh, you know. A few titanium pins, some medicine, and I'm good to go! The miracles of modern science." WHAT? Her arm is really hurt enough to need TITANIUM PINS? What the hell, game?

Anyway, she asks about the symbiote on Spidey. Spider-Man talks about how it might be different this time, and that he's not getting rid of it. To which Mary Jane replies, "Get rid of it, Peter! Get rid of it now and then we can talk again!" Spidey says that he needs it to fight Venom. Then Mary Jane says "Get rid of it! Then you can call me when you're yourself again." And then she hangs up. Yes, Mary Jane is an incredible b**** rather constantly. And yes, she does suck in this game. And yes, you will hear conversations like this again. Many times.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

I go back to the gang and now we get a missiony mission. Luke Cage is going in to discuss with the gang members when a bunch of professional snipers in power suits appear on the roof tops. Soooo I have to beat them all down. It's pretty easy. Anyway, Luke Cage is trying to mediate, but the two gang leaders want to kill each other. Whoops. They aim guns at each other and we get our first Red or Black choice of the game. This is depicted by Spider-Man's red costume or black one. So, because I said I'd be doing good Spider-Man in this game, I choose red Spidey. So, you would think that this means Spider-Man does something heroic and cool and maybe webs their guns and yanks them away, right?

Nope.

Luke Cage picks up both of them and Spider-Man lands in front of them and tells them that they were set up to fight because of these snipers! They realize, oh... we were set up! And then they bro fist and now the war is done. lolz

Now, we figure out... we need to go fight William Fisk AKA The Kingpin to see if he knows anything about these armored guys. Sure. I take a loooong trip over to the William Fisk Industries building. I get to the roof and it's... BLACK CAT! We must go after Black Cat now! And Black Cat's voice actress is baaaaad too. Basically, we need to run along roof tops and run up walls and such to keep following her. It's honestly not a bad segment. Except occasionally when Spider-Man gets close to Black Cat, the only thing he'll say is some variant of "Come oooooon Felicia, please stop." No witty banter or anything. Just whining. Btw, Black Cat has the largest ponytail in the world in this game.



Look at that thing. It's huge. Anyway, Spidey says "I can't believe thiiiis" in a very cringe-inducing way when Felicia keeps running. But now we need to beat down a bunch of enemies on gliders. Spidey says "What is it with you crooks and your obsession with the Goblins? You're not the Green Goblin, and you're not the Hobgoblin! You're just like... a Goblinette!" Soooo witty.

Anyway, Black Cat starts to get away, but Spidey is still surrounded, when all of a sudden... a glider appears and shoots the rest of the enemies! IT'S MOON KNIGHT! I f***ing love Moon Knight, by the way. He's one of my all time favorites. He demands that Spider-Man give him the device. But Spidey says that he's trying to stop the crooks, to which Moon Knight replies that Khonshu can tell he is speaking the truth. And they will go get the thief together. Spidey says "And I thought I was nuts..."

F*** YEAH MOON KNIGHT!

To the game's credit, they actually do have good banter when Spider-Man and Black Cat fight. I'm guessing they saved it for hear instead of peppering it through all the "Come ooooon! Stop runniiiiiing!" segments. Notable lines are "Come on, Spider-Man. You know you like to be bad just as much as me." "No... I'm pretty sure you like it better." / "I just can't get enough of my little Spider-Man." "Yeah? Well, I think I've had my fill of psychotic kitty cats." Anyway, she has a few cool moves like a spinning neckbreaker and a b**** slap. You fight her enough and you get treated to a QTA! Everyone loves QTAs, right?

Now, remember that video that was posted with the failed QTA in Spider-Man 2 or 3? These match it in hilarity. I miss the first one and Black Cat hits Spidey off the ledge. He has the most comedic death scream ever. If I fail the last one, Black Cat falls off the ledge and Spidey goes to save her, but he doesn't swing away, but he falls to his death, landing right on top of her. It is hilarious. Anyway, Black Cat pushes herself away from Spidey and makes her way to her home, where you go find her.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

And... now we get an annoying part. Spidey lands on her penthouse's deck and tries to find her, to which she replies "I'm right here, you idiot." And then she talks about how she was doing all of this stealing from Kingpin for him, to be an insider for him! To show they deserve to be together! Because Black Cat still loves him, and who are they anyway? Just hiding behind masks. They can live together without the masks and be regular people. Spidey never knew she still felt this way, so she says "Guess what? I am!" and kisses him. Then she asks if he'll be with her. (This entire overloaded conversation happens in less than a minute total.)

We get a Red and Black Spidey choice. As much as I'd like to get Spider-Man away from the terribleness of Mary Jane, I have to be a gooooood Spider-Man. He pushes away and says he can't do that. She asks, "Can't... or won't?" He says "Same thing" and webslings away. OH MY.

Now I can get either Black Cat or Moon Knight as my ally! See, your alignment dictates who you can call as your ally. So like, if I were black Spidey, I could get Black Cat. But since I'm good Spidey, I get MOTHER F***ING MOON KNIGHT.

That's it for now. I really need to get going to work. But when I return to this game...

MOON KNIGHT MOTHER F***ERS!

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

I looked up the QTE with Black Cat, and you're right, they're hilarious. This looks kinda bad because it's on the Wii, but...


XD. I was really tempted to watch the rest of the failed QTEs, but I'll wait until you get to them.
Also, **** YEAH MOON KNIGHT!

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Yeah, most of the QTEs in this game have hilarious failures. I'll definitely be sure to mention them all since it takes one second to reload it.

Black Cat's deal is a new dynamic to the Mary Jane thing because now two chicks want on this uncharismatic loser of a Spider-Man. It is less annoying than Mary Jane, but it still retains obnoxiousness.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

"I like my preeeseeeeeennnt!"
"... i like my present..."

--
You did indeed stab me in the back. However, you are only level one, whilst I am level 50. That means I should remain uninjured.

banananor posted...

"I like my preeeseeeeeennnt!"
"... i like my present..."

SO BAD

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You know who's sexy? Black Turtle, the 2010 Games Contest Guru Winner, that's who!

I never got far enough to see if we ever find out what the present is.

I think I really want to know though.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Do not expect an update today.

This riveting love triangle will continue Monday!

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Tag. As long as this isn't the awful PS2 version then this should be a fun playthrough.

--
I do because I can.....and because I'm bored.
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Actually, I've heard that the PS2 version was more well received than the PS36Wii version.

And I should be able to play today.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

Actually, I've heard that the PS2 version was more well received than the PS36Wii version.

And I should be able to play today.

Wat

--
I do because I can.....and because I'm bored.
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most_games_r_ok posted...

PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

Actually, I've heard that the PS2 version was more well received than the PS36Wii version.

And I should be able to play today.

Wat

That's what I heard! I could be wrong though. It was more beat-em-up than this game, with better controls. I can't speak for the story, but I don't think they have to deal with Spidey's voice actor.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

You heard wrong >_>.

The PS2 version is a 2.5D sidescroller/beat-em-up. There are no true in game cut scenes from what I remember, just a few conversations that determine what upgrades you can purchase. The combat and controls are awful, the upgrade system is awful, the boss fights are awful....you get the picture. Summoning allies has instead turned into a gigantic super move with your current selected ally, regardless of alignment. Beating the game will result in a message congratulating you for beating the game, then proceeds straight to the credits.

Worst full priced game I ever bought.

--
I do because I can.....and because I'm bored.
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Hey, let's play some Spider-Man: Web of Shadows now.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Alright, so I run around and get back to my contact, none other than MOON KNIGHT AWWWW YEAH!

However, let me talk about a few things. Now when I'm running across the city, I can't just go at my leisure. Sometimes I get attacked by glider people, so you need to fight them. Because they will attack and chase you down. Relentlessly. And they can move very, very fast. Luckily, I upgraded my Web Strike attacks, so this is easier.

Another thing I should note is that the game arbitrarily decides whether or not you're low enough to web swing or not. It doesn't ever make sense. You can be jumping off a low building, jumping off a high building, whatever. You don't know most times if you'll get a web swing. So it often gets annoying.

Moon Knight: Kingpin has launched a massive operation tonight.
Spidey: What? He made dinner plans?
Moon Knight: He's unleashed several forces to undertake multiple tasks at once.
Spidey: He must be ordering take out.

F***ING HAHA SPIDER-MAN. Spidey also refers to Kingpin as "Mayor McFatty Pants". I could pick up missions, but I'd rather chat about Khonshu. Spidey says he doesn't know much about Moon Knight and then says "All I know is you fly around in your little airship and yell at me a lot." Moon Knight replies saying, "I serve Khonshu." Spidey says that clears things up. Moon Knight explains that Khonshu is a moon god of vengeance who guides him, and Spidey replies exactly how anyone would upon hearing that. The fact that Moon Knight is so blunt with everything is amusing. Spidey eventually says "Interesting. In a totally, you know, psychotic kind of way."

See, I like Moon Knight in this game. He's blunt, deadpans all of Spider-Man's jokes, and acts like he's a totally normal hero. He's pretty fun to chat with, which is nice because he's in this game a lot. Like, when Moon Knight gives you the save civillians side mission, he says "You must rescue the innocent. For it is our duty." To which Spidey replies, "I've never been quite that dramatic about it, but yeah it is." They do have Spidey play off Moon Knight pretty well considering Spider-Man's lines are so lame. But when he's talking with Moon Knight, usually it's just because Spider-Man makes little comments like those that give him a personality that is not like a whiny little child.

Moon Knight: Khonshu is pleased with you Spider-Man.
Spidey: That's great... Say hello to him for me.

See? It's like Spider-Man is a better straight man.

Spider-Man is a better straight man. I literally just said that. What universe except for Web of Shadows is Spider-Man a good straight man for anything!? Anyway, I can't proceed with any missions until I destroy five wall-drills (I don't get how that works or is supposed to be inconspicuous at all since they're f***ing enormous) of Kingpin's troops. Also, you're in the heart of New York City now where Times Square is. Before, we were around Central Park area. By the way, Wall fighting? Still horrible. So bad, so terrible that all I do is Web Strike and try forcing them to the ground so I can fight them properly.

Anyway, I report back to Moon Knight and Spidey asks "Can't the police deal with this?" Okay Spider-Man. You have been fighting f***ing armored troops that take a beating, are immune to bullets, can climb walls, and can throws objects at you with their gravitational powers. And you're asking if the police can handle it. Spider-Dick. Spider-Man is so inept. It seems like it's almost right for Moon Knight to be forcing Spider-Man to be his b****, since Spider-Man seems so without a clue as to what to do when talking to Moon Knight. My next task is to get a glider and bring it back for Moon Knight so he can figure out where it's from.

But that's for another time!

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Cage>Moon Knight>>>Wolverine>>>>>>>>>>>Everyone Else

--
I do because I can.....and because I'm bored.
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This game may have the worst video game voice actor for Spider-Man, ever. He's SO BAD

I personally disgress on that, Maguire's voice acting in the Spider-Man 2 game (haven't watched the movies, so I won't comment on his screen acting) just sounds freaking lifeless to me, which is just as bad as or worse than Whiny Spidey here!

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Meow Wow

Maybe this version of Spidey is inspired by Newspaper Spidey, where whiny and petulant is his default mode.





If he starts talking about wanting to watch TV or take a nap, you'll know for sure.

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SuperNiceDog didn't have to reconcile his name...
But Dauntless Hunter is now MrGreenonion

Starting this up RIGHT NOW.

--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!