Boyfriend just told me I'm fat and that he had to get that off his chest. Guess it's time for a diet.
Now as you can probably expect, everyone who commented said things like "you're beautiful, your bf is a jerk" or... Actually, every comment is just a variation of that. Now I don't actually live in the same city as her, so I can't confirm if it's true or not, but I remember her being a "decent" size. Meaning she wasn't skinny, but I don't think I would ever call her fat.
But that's all kind of irrelevant, if your girlfriend is getting fat, is it wrong to say it?
Depends on execution. Saying "I'm worried about you and think you need to take better care of yourself" would be received well by a girl who isn't up her own ass.
One, she shouldn't lose weight "for you", if she wants to then that's her perogative. If you don't find your girlfriend sexy anymore because she's put on 10 pounds or something, well you're a scumbag.
But if you've got a good comfortable relationship, well sure you could point out stuff like noticing weight gain, but done in a nice way, and certainly not pressuring them or making them feel bad.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
Not wrong, really. Just know that there's no way you're going to get a positive reaction out of it. It's more an etiquette thing, but honestly if you feel that your girlfriend is gaining too much weight and it will negatively affect your relationship, you should be honest about it, and if she reacts in a bad way then you may as well cut ties with that person cause they're never going to be the person you want them to be.
Which is hilarious because I always hear the reverse. Women talking about how their BFs are getting fat, and even saying it to their faces.
-- TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man. "You have issues." - MWC. Pot. Kettle.
Only if it's true. That may sound obvious, but I've seen far too many healthy women go on diets just because their partner told them to do it... bunch of *****.
If you don't find your girlfriend sexy anymore because she's put on 10 pounds or something, well you're a scumbag.
Physical attraction is a very important part to a healthy relationship. If you don't find your partner attractive anymore, things are going to go south. May as well be upfront about it.
-- TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man. "You have issues." - MWC. Pot. Kettle.
No, as long as you're good about it. If you're girlfriend is putting on the pounds, and doing nothing to stop it... then that could be a problem. I'm not saying to have outrageous expectations, but at least for me, I do a lot to make sure I eat right, exercise, etc even if I don't have to. I've always expected my girlfriend to at least attempt to do the same.
TheRock1525 posted... Physical attraction is a very important part to a healthy relationship. If you don't find your partner attractive anymore, things are going to go south. May as well be upfront about it.
Not sure what the proper response to that is... I mean yes sexuality is key. But being a scumbag is not key. I don't care about the wants or needs of this scumbag in the scenario.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
Also the best way to let her know is when you're out with her make it a point to leave your eyes on all the thinner, more attractive girls in your vicinity. If this doesn't inspire her to get with the program then she's not worth it anyway.
And everything said there is assuming you're doing your part to stay in shape, too.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg 'I am the master of your whole keep. I am the pastor, flock ya like sheep.'
ExThaNemesis posted... The epitome of brainwashed, ladies and gentlemen. Basic male biological desire makes you a scumbag. Wahoo.
If you wanna talk shop with me, then give it a whirl, throw some points out there. I'm the horniest **** around. What you're saying is not what I'm saying. But if you wanna mold your girlfriend and give her a complex, that relationship is doomed.
Sure there are people who are only attracted to very skinny women, and they're gonna give a lot of women a lot of trouble in their lives. And I just call 'em scumbags in this board 8 topic.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
Why are you a scumbag if you are unnerved at your girlfriend packing on 10 pounds? Explain to me how the basic male desire for thin women makes one a scumbag.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg 'If you've ever doubted me you don't have a clue, I'm here to show the world.'
From: Psycho_Kenshin | #017 This sentence doesn't make any goddamn ****ing sense.
What do you mean? Everyone's weight fluctuates a little bit from time to time... but as long as she still has a flat stomach, I don't see a huge problem.
-- _foolmo_ 'he says listen to my story this maybe are last chance' - ertyu quoting Tidus
foolm0ron posted... This sentence doesn't make any goddamn ****ing sense. What do you mean? Everyone's weight fluctuates a little bit from time to time... but as long as she still has a flat stomach, I don't see a huge problem.
This is so messed up, I'd like to think you're joking. Anyyyways, you understand to have a flat stomache well you'd have to be on the skinny side, in fact a lotta people who are not even close to overweight on the BMI chart aren't gonna have a flat stomach. What you're saying is actually completely bonkers, if you don't mind some weight fluctuation well then where the flying **** is it fluctuating if the stomach is never moving?
****
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
From: rychu_supadude | #006 Only if it's true. That may sound obvious, but I've seen far too many healthy women go on diets just because their partner told them to do it... bunch of *****.
That's basically how I feel as well. Nothing worse than a good looking chick with some curves becoming a twig because some moron said they were fat. Well, there might be a few things worse...
Anyways, I'm pretty sure I would never date someone who would react horribly to hearing something like that. Aesthetics are incredibly important to me in all aspects of life, and if someone is putting on enough weight to make them unattractive, it's kind of a big deal.
From: KlownBoat | #026 Aesthetics are incredibly important to me in all aspects of life, and if someone is putting on enough weight to make them unattractive, it's kind of a big deal.
Exactly, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling like this.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg "You're only smoke and mirrors tonight."
From: Psycho_Kenshin | #028 For one thing, from the front that'd look the same whether her stomach was flat or not. And yeah, sure mock people for being more open minded.
I'm not mocking anyone (well mostly not). Everyone can have their own preferences. That doesn't mean that because you like thick women the guys (re: the majority) that prefer slender women are all scumbags.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg 'I am the master of your whole keep. I am the pastor, flock you like sheep.'
ExThaNemesis posted... Why are you a scumbag if you are unnerved at your girlfriend packing on 10 pounds? Explain to me how the basic male desire for thin women makes one a scumbag.
Well, for one, a lot of girls will do that pretty often if it happens to be that time of the month around the holidays, as compared to summertime and no menstration. Fluctuation of 10lbs, not a very big amount at all, really. It'd have to be more than that to warrant any sort of health concern, and even to warrant any sort of attractiveness concern for most people. So, yeah, if a perfectly healthy girl puts on 10 lbs., it's a pretty ****ty person that would make them feel bad about it.
ExThaNemesis posted... For one thing, from the front that'd look the same whether her stomach was flat or not. And yeah, sure mock people for being more open minded. I'm not mocking anyone (well mostly not). Everyone can have their own preferences. That doesn't mean that because you like thick women the guys (re: the majority) that prefer slender women are all scumbags.
If they're telling their girlfriends to do something to fit into their particular fetish, well to me they're a scumbag if it's negative for her. And I don't care if a girl I'm with has "the majority" behind her, and it's kinda weird that you're bringing it up.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
From: Psycho_Kenshin | #025 if you don't mind some weight fluctuation well then where the flying **** is it fluctuating if the stomach is never moving?
Um, legs, and stuff. You can even gain some weight in the stomach while maintaining it as relatively flat, you know.
BMI chart can suck it, too. That thing is designed to make fatties feel good about themselves. Honestly, I may be different than most guys because I really like a flat stomach above almost everything, so that may just be me, but I dunno.
-- _foolmo_ 'You are obviously intelligent and insightful' - Sir Chris about me
Uh, there's nothing wrong with loving women who are *ahem* full-figured, but there's nothing wrong with holding women to a certain level of standard, too. Especially since the reverse is true, too. A woman isn't a scumbag if she ditches her man because he's getting fat.
Basically, if you're dating someone you're likely going to find them attractive, and if they move out of that zone of attractiveness then it's perfectly fine to A) warn them of that and B) leave them if they don't change.
That doesn't make you a scumbag. What makes you a scumbag is demanding a certain look from a person and then not being able to keep your own figure in shape. If you're some fat s*** telling someone else they're fat, you're a moron.
-- TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man. "You have issues." - MWC. Pot. Kettle.
From: ChichiriMuyo | #032 So, yeah, if a perfectly healthy girl puts on 10 lbs., it's a pretty ****ty person that would make them feel bad about it.
I was more-so just going off any amount that would make a visible difference. I dunno how weight works in terms of distribution or anything like that. I feel like I would notice 10 pounds though.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg 'I am the master of your whole keep. I am the pastor, flock ya like sheep.'
TheRock1525 posted... demanding a certain look from a person and then not being able to keep your own figure in shape. If you're some fat s*** telling someone else they're fat, you're a moron.
Demanding a certain look from a person sounds pretty bad to me no matter how good of shape you keep in. But hey, this isn't really a nice fun clear cut issue.
foolm0ron posted... BMI chart can suck it, too. That thing is designed to make fatties feel good about themselves. Honestly, I may be different than most guys because I really like a flat stomach above almost everything, so that may just be me, but I dunno.
It's actually kind of the other way around. You kinda just don't know what you're talking about.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
You know, I don't have a 6-pack or anything, but if I had a gf that was pushing me to have a 6-pack, I wouldn't be offended. I would actually appreciate the motivation to improve myself.
-- _foolmo_ 'Oh please, if foolmo made that analogy you'd think it was picture perfect' - Biolizard28
From: foolm0ron | #038 You know, I don't have a 6-pack or anything, but if I had a gf that was pushing me to have a 6-pack, I wouldn't be offended. I would actually appreciate the motivation to improve myself.
But women are delicate flowers and how dare you insinuate that they should be trying to look good.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg "You're only smoke and mirrors tonight."
From: Psycho_Kenshin | #036 It's actually kind of the other way around. You kinda just don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, okay, I didn't realize that I didn't know what my personal preferences were. Could you tell me what they are so I don't get confused about what I do and do not like in the future?
-- _foolmo_ 'he says listen to my story this maybe are last chance' - ertyu quoting Tidus
Demanding a certain look from a person sounds pretty bad to me no matter how good of shape you keep in. But hey, this isn't really a nice fun clear cut issue.
I wouldn't want to date anyone that cares less about my body than me. If I'm a healthy person who eats right and exercises daily to stay in shape, I wouldn't want to date someone who lounges on the couch eating potato chips all day.
I see nothing wrong with someone going "that's unacceptable." And if said lady/gentleman wants to continue lounging around, I'm sure there's a boyfriend/girlfriend around that accepts that. But the healthy person sure as hell isn't a scumbag.
-- TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man. "You have issues." - MWC. Pot. Kettle.
From: Psycho_Kenshin | #036 Demanding a certain look from a person sounds pretty bad to me no matter how good of shape you keep in. But hey, this isn't really a nice fun clear cut issue.
I mean there are a lot of mitigating factors. If I've got more time than she does and can hit the gym 5 days a week while she's super busy I'm not going to be sweating it. And of course if you're in love with the person you're not going to suddenly say "Hey lose the 10 pounds or get steppin'!" No one's going to do that.
I guess my point is that: Yes, there are plenty of good times to tell your girlfriend that she's fat.
--
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v712/ExTha/10and14.jpg 'I am the master of your whole keep. I am the pastor, flock ya like sheep.'
The thing you said about it being designed for "fatties to feel good about themselves' is just plain hilariously incorrect. But then again why am I trying to explain that to the person who said it.
-- One Piece: Pirates with style! -= Metal Gear Solid: Tactical Espionage Action =-
First I would think an indirect approach would be better, such as asking if she'll go to the gym with you cause you hate going alone or something like that.
If that doesn't work, then telling her she's fat and ENCOURAGING her to lose weight is better then the alternative of breaking up with her and giving her a fake reason why.
Now I'm assuming we are talking about an overweight girl here, if she's like, 130 and you would rather have her at 110 maybe you should reconsider your priorities.
What's funny about this whole discussion is that women openly comment on their boyfriend/husband's weight more often than men comment on their girlfriend/wife's.
-- TheRock ~ Slow dramatic zoom-pan. Doesn't phase the hooded man. "You have issues." - MWC. Pot. Kettle.
TheRock1525 posted... What's funny about this whole discussion is that women openly comment on their boyfriend/husband's weight more often than men comment on their girlfriend/wife's.
There's nothing wrong with preferring that she be skinny, really, so long as you're upfront and mature about it. It shouldn't be treated as some sort of assumed prerogative or used as an excuse to be a jerk.
women are not some special species above criticism
if you are with them and them being attractive is an important component of the relationship and they start getting fat, yeah you should tell them. it's better than dumping them and lying about it or just sticking in the relationship because you'd feel guilty.
most women are going to say something if you lose your job or gain weight, you should do the same.