Regaro: Excalibur Nio: Sharkswordfish called Niowrath Wedge: Portal Gun ExTha: Tebow's 4th quarter magic Raka: Hannah Montana Official Guitar
Dead: 47
Colegreen_c12 (Bomb): Ambushed by RX7 MZero11 (Skateboard): Testes ripped off by Plum's Tough Beetle tyder21 (sandpaper): Impaled by Robazoid AfroSquirrel (pocketful of Portable holes): Decapitated by GenSag's Dewott's Shell Blade BBallman7 (Magnum and Morningstar): Head blown off by JeffreyRaze GrapeFruitKing (Nail Gun): Strangled to death by vcharon's flag Han (Blaster): Decapitated by Dante Brogue Kick bbbtime (Acid Gun): Slipped on dowolf banana peel; head melted off by own acid MysteriousStan (Oddjob's top hat): Hit by lightning from the Master Sword, accidentally decapitated self with hat Emporer_Kazbar (A fake can of peanuts w/ spring snakes in it): Distracted by MWC's head exploding, ran through by fdr's sword dowolf (Banana peel launcher): Crushed by collapsing rubble when Blairville swung the longsword Blairville (loooongsword): Choked to death by ngirl while being offensively chanted at Robazoid (spear): BBallman landed on him from a second-story window, decapitated him azuarc (pogo stick, blades under the foot pegs, light enough to be swung): Blown up by Caelus' war-elk RX7InfinitiIII (Dual Hidden Blades): Killed by a stray bullet from SpeedYoshi Nee (pear scented anti-bacterial hand soap): Stabbed through head from behind by Niowrath Dante (Standard Def. TV set): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Sir Chris (Scum Sir Chris' cunning/ruthlessness): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Ed Bellis (saveus_Maria's knife from b8b1): Talked out of Mad Bellis mode by Occam's Razor logic, stabbed with his own knife Chronic (Revolver/Machete): Shot in the face by mcflubbin after Jedi assistance mcflubbin (bow/arrow): Head destroyed by MSG Haguile (BBallman holding a grudge): Choked to death by GTM's title GTM (UCA Melee Mayhem Title): Decapitated by CO's handaxes todbot (people): Incinerated by Arcanine GenesisSaga (Dewott/Arcanine): Wedge used his portal gun and tricked Arcanine into hitting her with flamethrower SpeedYoshi (2 Golden Guns): Weapon colliding with GANON's caused explosion GANON (Midas Glove): Weapon colliding with SpeedYoshi's caused explosion cody (Omega Quack-O-Blitzer): Destroyed by rogue ducknix Psycho_Kenshin (Lawgiver): Head melted off by PK2000's pocket sand CrimsonOcean (Handaxes): Killed by Maria's knife and bartz's phallus Kingbartz (Giant Phallus): Blown up by JeffRaze detonating the bomb set by Colegreen saveus_maria (Occam's Razor): Shot in the face by the passing JeffRaze firefdr (MWC-ified Master Sword): Decapitated from behind by Panth, during fight with Reg Wigs (Boombox, plays nothing but Phil Collins): Stabbed in the back by Pram Pirateking2000 (Sandwich/Pocket Sand): Fell through a Wedge portal set on a high building vcharon (American Flag): Head broken by plum's tough beetle Ayvuir (Katana): ngirl sliced his head off with his own katana Cobain (Lightsabers): Very dead eddv (Lawndarts): Exploded by MSG falling on him Apoca-Fists first JeffRaze (Magnum/Riot Shield): Killed by a Speed Force-Boosted BBallman7 Silverliner182V (GameFAQs Flash): Accidentally destroyed when MSG fell through one of Wedges' Portals MSG (Apoca-Fists): Sent to hell by ExTha ngirl (Newcastle Shirt/offensive chants): Face melted by ExTha Panthera (Frying pan): Landed on by oversized Regaro Caelus (Charles Barkley, Cybernetic War-Elk): Head ripped off by tough beetle masterplum (Tough Beetle): Beetle destroyed by Niowrath, then sliced by Niowrath and blown up by ExTha Pram (Caladbolg): Beaten by Reg in duel to the death
Raka ran quickly and with great vigour away from a bloodthirsty, outraged and vicious Regaro. That's a lot of adjectives, but Regaro was very vengeful. He needed to avenge Panthera by winning this game. He had to do it now; it was no longer about protection. He was being driven by some...higher purpose.
That Raka could even escape at all was quite frankly surprising; Raka had always been naturally quick, and it was coming into play here.
They passed that f***ing Dewott that GenSag won't shut up about on the way. It looked lost, and confused, but neither competitor paid it any mind.
On they continued. While running, Raka attempted to play music of doom that would repel Reg but he could not play an accurate tune while running. Similarly, Reg was struggling to aim Excalibur at Raka. Lightning, bullets, fire, shoryukens. Whatever he aimed was missing.
As the chase continued Reg's righteous frustration and rage only grew, leading to his head to swell in a somewhat dangerous manner.
Raka, panicking, didn't think to hide out and try and ambush Reg. He simply kept running, and as he rounded yet another corner and a strange scene greeted him.
Firstly, ExTha was there. This was odd enough in itself because of the bizarre glow that ExTha had taken on since being overtaken by Tebow magic; his entire presence was both threatening and intense and it very nearly stopped Raka dead in his tracks.
Fortunately Raka maintained his composure and kept running, but that was not before he saw the second, third and fourth elements that made up this strange scene. A portal in the wall of a nearby building which seemingly seemed to lead to somewhere quite different. A panicked Wedge Antilles emerging from it. And following him through, with a rock music and face-melting guitar solo accompaniment? A cybernetic war-elk by the name of Charles Barkley.
Raka panicked and turned back, but was faced with an onrushing Regaro. He had nowhere to go, and as that realization dawned a rather psychotic grin appeared on Reg's face.
Raka turned again and ran towards an unknown factor, rather than the certain doom that awaited him with Reg; ExTha, Wedge and Charles.
One thing Raka had noticed about ExTha was the fact that he was standing stock-still; barely moving at all. What he didn't know was that ExTha's mind was in another universe entirely - he had chosen this moment to take a break from murder to ponder the great questions of reality and how he could solve them with his awesome.
As a result, he was not particularly invested in what was going on as chaos erupted around him. Both Wedge and Raka sought to take advantage of this by hiding behind the amazing presence of this Tebow-powered maniac ("WHAT DID I F***ING TELL YOU?!" screamed Maniac as I handed him yet another royalty check, which he used to purchase a veritable army of spare firetrucks).
However, Wedge got there first, just as Charles fired a grenade from his mouth.
ExTha caught it without thinking or even breaking out of his trance.
Everything seemed to stop; Wedge looked at the grenade. Raka looked at the grenade. Reg looked at Raka. ExTha, stirring finally, looked at the grenade.
"Throw the thing away!" screamed a nearby Wedge, who had put ExTha between himself and Charles, using ExTha as a shield. Raka was just getting there too as he looked to escape from Reg's clutches. The tactic proved usefulo quickly, as Reg fired lightning from Excalibur that was simply absorbed into ExTha, nullifying its threat. "THROW IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed an angry Raka.
"Oh yeah, I suppose I should," said ExTha casually. He raised his arm and made a throwing motion, aiming back towards Charles Barkley.
"In case you didn't know..." said Wedge with a smirk.
Everyone was expecting the elk to explode completely, but nothing happened. Nothing travelled through the air. Nothing...changed except for ExTha staring at the grenade with mild surprise.
ExTha could not throw the grenade. It was stuck to his hand. "I can't throw!" he said. "I can't throw! I can't-"BOOM.
The grenade went off. Because Charles Barkley had fired it, it of course was more powerful than your average grenade. It was DEVASTATINGLY powerful, in fact, and was almost like a mini-nuke. Except not. Whatever. Either way, the explosion was pretty massive and took out about a 20-foot radius.
ExTha, obviously, survived completely untouched about from slightly singed eyebrows, which he raised at the crater that had formed around him. "Huh. This reality is kind of weak and easy to destroy." He tested that theory by decimating a planet. He was concerned that he apparently had a weakness, though. Minio hurriedly took notes.
However, Wedge and Raka had not been so lucky. The grenade's explosion had incinerated them completely.
Colegreen_c12 (Bomb): Ambushed by RX7 MZero11 (Skateboard): Testes ripped off by Plum's Tough Beetle tyder21 (sandpaper): Impaled by Robazoid AfroSquirrel (pocketful of Portable holes): Decapitated by GenSag's Dewott's Shell Blade BBallman7 (Magnum and Morningstar): Head blown off by JeffreyRaze GrapeFruitKing (Nail Gun): Strangled to death by vcharon's flag Han (Blaster): Decapitated by Dante Brogue Kick bbbtime (Acid Gun): Slipped on dowolf banana peel; head melted off by own acid MysteriousStan (Oddjob's top hat): Lightning from the Master Sword hit him, accidentally decapitated himself with hat Emporer_Kazbar (fake can of peanuts w/ spring snakes): Distracted by MWC's head exploding, ran through by fdr's sword dowolf (Banana peel launcher): Crushed by collapsing rubble when Blairville swung the longsword Blairville (loooongsword): Choked to death by ngirl while being offensively chanted at Robazoid (spear): BBallman landed on him from a second-story window, decapitated him azuarc (pogo stick, blades under the foot pegs, light enough to be swung): Blown up by Caelus' war-elk RX7InfinitiIII (Dual Hidden Blades): Killed by a stray bullet from SpeedYoshi Nee (pear scented anti-bacterial hand soap): Stabbed through head from behind by Niowrath Dante (Standard Def. TV set): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Sir Chris (Scum Sir Chris' cunning/ruthlessness): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Ed Bellis (saveus_Maria's knife from b8b1): Talked out of Mad Bellis mode by Occam's Razor logic, stabbed with his own knife Chronic (Revolver/Machete): Shot in the face by mcflubbin after Jedi assistance mcflubbin (bow/arrow): Head destroyed by MSG Haguile (BBallman holding a grudge): Choked to death by GTM's title GTM (UCA Melee Mayhem Title): Decapitated by CO's handaxes todbot (people): Incinerated by Arcanine GenesisSaga (Dewott/Arcanine): Wedge used portal gun and tricked Arcanine into hitting her w/ flamethrower SpeedYoshi (2 Golden Guns): Weapon colliding with GANON's caused explosion GANON (Midas Glove): Weapon colliding with SpeedYoshi's caused explosion cody (Omega Quack-O-Blitzer): Destroyed by rogue ducknix Psycho_Kenshin (Lawgiver): Head melted off by PK2000's pocket sand CrimsonOcean (Handaxes): Killed by Maria's knife and bartz's phallus Kingbartz (Giant Phallus): Blown up by JeffRaze detonating the bomb set by Colegreen saveus_maria (Occam's Razor): Shot in the face by the passing JeffRaze firefdr (MWC-ified Master Sword): Decapitated from behind by Panth, during fight with Reg Wigs (Boombox, plays nothing but Phil Collins): Stabbed in the back by Pram Pirateking2000 (Sandwich/Pocket Sand): Fell through a Wedge portal set on a high building vcharon (American Flag): Head broken by plum's tough beetle Ayvuir (Katana): ngirl sliced his head off with his own katana Cobain (Lightsabers): So dead eddv (Lawndarts): Exploded by MSG falling on him Apoca-Fists first JeffRaze (Magnum/Riot Shield): Killed by a Speed Force-Boosted BBallman7 Silverliner182V (GameFAQs Flash): Accidentally destroyed when MSG fell through one of Wedges' Portals MSG (Apoca-Fists): Sent to hell by ExTha ngirl (Newcastle Shirt/offensive chants): Face melted by ExTha Panthera (Frying pan): Landed on by oversized Regaro Caelus (Charles Barkley, Cybernetic War-Elk): Head ripped off by tough beetle masterplum (Tough Beetle): Beetle destroyed by Niowrath, then sliced by Niowrath and blown up by ExTha Pram (Caladbolg): Beaten by Reg in duel to the death Wedge (Portal Gun): Blown up by one of Charles Barkley's Grenades that ExTha could not throw Raka (Hannah Montana Guitar): See above
Status
Justin_Crossing: Has Ashbringer, wants revenge on Frostmourne. Alliance w/ rogue BBallman & Nio Barkley: Acting alone
"..............Dammit," said Minio, slamming her paws down on the control panel. "DEPLOY ALL THE BEYONCE, GAGA AND ADELE BOMBS! YES, ALL 21 OF THEM!"
The sharp spoon launched devastating bombs towards the ground. They were so powerful and moved so quickly that even ExTha, Excalibur and Barkley could not stop them all - but they could easily stop the ones that were an immediate threat. Several of the bombs slipped through the net, hitting the ground and completely destroying what was left of the city.
The group, however, remained unharmed. Minio sighed. Her computers estimated they would arrive in mere minutes. She had one final defence. ...Well, two, counting herself.
She summoned Comm by opening a bottle of Whiskey. "THIS ISN'T FOR YOU!" Minio cackled in a rather insane manner. "But good to know that still works."
Comm, his spirit almost completely broken at this point, just sighed. "Yes, ma'am. What can I help you with?" "Well, it's not just me you'd be helping! I have a friend who needs a host."
Minio hit the big red button on her control panel. A panel slid to the left and, behind it, lay an object. It was long, slender, and get your mind out of the gutter. It wore sunglasses, and had once been smoking the now long-extinguished cigar that lay limply to one side. There was a hint of sand.
It was the Frostmourne. Of time. Though it only had one tank left, since that was all Minio could afford in the black market.
"IT'S THAT F***ING SWORD!" screamed Comm in terror, quickly moving towards the door. Minio pressed another button, and the door shut. And locked. And then she froze Comm in place.
"You're quite right to be scared, Comm," said Minio. She slunk off the desk. "After b8b1, Frosty here died quite quickly. Well, he didn't die. He's a sword. But he lost his personality and his awesomeness. He became...'just a sword'. Do you know why?" Then she remembered that Comm couldn't speak or move. "That was rhetorical anyway," she said. "It's because he needs a host. The guy in the last game was taken over by the Frostmourne, allowing it to take on a life of its own. But when that guy died, the Frostmourne's spirit quickly followed. And you're the one who killed him, so in many ways you're responsible. Thus all the torture," she added, gesturing at the bottle of Whiskey.
"The plus side of you killing JC is, of course, the fact that you're stronger than he is, so you'll make a better host. Even better, I've spent the last couple of days completely breaking your spirit, so Frosty should be able to take over your mind and leech away at your life force pretty much immediately!" Minio pressed one more button. Miniature cranes came from seemingly nowhere and grabbed the Frostmourne from its stand in the wall. It was moved across the room quickly and placed in Comm's hand. His eyes widened. Minio smiled. Her last stand would not be her last. So it wouldn't be a last stand at all. Just a stand. Whatevs.
Comm spoke. But now his voice was deeper, smoother, more awesome. "Hey, Minio. What's up. Been a while." Minio blushed and giggled. "I'm in trouble, Mr. Frosty." "Of course you are." Comm grabbed a cigar from a nearby shelf and put it in the Frostmourne's mouth, lighting it up. "Of course you are. Well, let me deal with that for you, babe."
The sharp spoon suddenly shook from impact, but remained intact. Barkley had fired the first missile. The game was on.
Barkley sauntered through it in the most badass of ways, coming out on the other side right in front of ExTha, who was still stood in the middle of a crater. Nio, JC and the rogue BBallman followed him through carefully, keeping their eye on the Tebow-powered monster. Reg hung back at the edge of the scene, surveying things carefully.
"Whatup," said ExTha casually to the band of misfits. "Why didn't my Grenade kill you?" said Barkley. "It should have killed you." "Well I killed like, eight people in the last couple of hours and some of them were half the city away. I also casually destroyed a planet and other realities. So I don't think a grenade can do that much do kill me." "Huh."
Nio, JC and BBallman looked at each other. Their eyes lit up. JC stepped forward.
"So uh, ExTha? We were going to kill the creator of this game so we could all escape. Now I'm sure you could escape anyway with your insane power, but could you find it in your heart to help us out?" "It's funny, actually," said ExTha as he fired a lazer into the sky. "I can't escape this place. I tried but I think I'm limited to existing in this reality, even if I can see all the other ones."
Reg rubbed his head. It was aching. He wanted so dearly to just fire at Nio and ExTha, his remaining opponents - but he knew that he had no chance of beating ExTha in particular, and probably not Nio either given what she had on her side. He figured he had one choice - approach and join them. So he did. Besides, maybe killing the boss would solve his problem.
He stepped forward. "I'll help too."
"Sweet!" said JC. "Soon that sword...will be mine. I thirst for its demise." "Wait, a sword? I thought it was a cat that ran this thing?" "I...the sword and the cat are...sort of an item." "...Still not the weirdest thing I've heard today."
There was a pause. "Well, my master was killed because of this game and I miss him," said Barkley, shedding a mechanical tear which Maniac - who had appeared from nowhere - licked. "So I'll help you, I guess."
"Alright so we want to kill the cat, the sword....I guess? and try and end the game in the process so we can all get out of here. Is that right?" asked Reg. "Yes," said ExTha. "How do YOU know that's right?" asked JC. ExTha looked at him. "I am literally a super-dimensional being. You really think I don't know everything already?" "...Fair point."
"ALRIGHT THEN LET'S GO!" said Charles Barkley as seats sprouted from him for everyone to sit on. ExTha, of course, flew.
Charles activated his thermal vision and organic sensors, looking into the sky for something. He found the Sharp Spoon with laughable ease and they began their ascent.
Allied with: Charles Barkley the war-elk, BBallman, Justin_Crossing (who has the Ashbringer)
vs.
Comm (w/ Frostmourne) and Minio
Dead: 49
Colegreen_c12 (Bomb): Ambushed by RX7 MZero11 (Skateboard): Testes ripped off by Plum's Tough Beetle tyder21 (sandpaper): Impaled by Robazoid AfroSquirrel (pocketful of Portable holes): Decapitated by GenSag's Dewott's Shell Blade BBallman7 (Magnum and Morningstar): Head blown off by JeffreyRaze GrapeFruitKing (Nail Gun): Strangled to death by vcharon's flag Han (Blaster): Decapitated by Dante Brogue Kick bbbtime (Acid Gun): Slipped on dowolf banana peel; head melted off by own acid MysteriousStan (Oddjob's top hat): Lightning from the Master Sword hit him, accidentally decapitated himself with hat Emporer_Kazbar (fake can of peanuts w/ spring snakes): Distracted by MWC's head exploding, ran through by fdr's sword dowolf (Banana peel launcher): Crushed by collapsing rubble when Blairville swung the longsword Blairville (loooongsword): Choked to death by ngirl while being offensively chanted at Robazoid (spear): BBallman landed on him from a second-story window, decapitated him azuarc (pogo stick, blades under the foot pegs, light enough to be swung): Blown up by Caelus' war-elk RX7InfinitiIII (Dual Hidden Blades): Killed by a stray bullet from SpeedYoshi Nee (pear scented anti-bacterial hand soap): Stabbed through head from behind by Niowrath Dante (Standard Def. TV set): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Sir Chris (Scum Sir Chris' cunning/ruthlessness): Stabbed by Mad Bellis Ed Bellis (saveus_Maria's knife from b8b1): Talked out of Mad Bellis mode by Occam's Razor logic, stabbed with his own knife Chronic (Revolver/Machete): Shot in the face by mcflubbin after Jedi assistance mcflubbin (bow/arrow): Head destroyed by MSG Haguile (BBallman holding a grudge): Choked to death by GTM's title GTM (UCA Melee Mayhem Title): Decapitated by CO's handaxes todbot (people): Incinerated by Arcanine GenesisSaga (Dewott/Arcanine): Wedge used portal gun and tricked Arcanine into hitting her w/ flamethrower SpeedYoshi (2 Golden Guns): Weapon colliding with GANON's caused explosion GANON (Midas Glove): Weapon colliding with SpeedYoshi's caused explosion cody (Omega Quack-O-Blitzer): Destroyed by rogue ducknix Psycho_Kenshin (Lawgiver): Head melted off by PK2000's pocket sand CrimsonOcean (Handaxes): Killed by Maria's knife and bartz's phallus Kingbartz (Giant Phallus): Blown up by JeffRaze detonating the bomb set by Colegreen saveus_maria (Occam's Razor): Shot in the face by the passing JeffRaze firefdr (MWC-ified Master Sword): Decapitated from behind by Panth, during fight with Reg Wigs (Boombox, plays nothing but Phil Collins): Stabbed in the back by Pram Pirateking2000 (Sandwich/Pocket Sand): Fell through a Wedge portal set on a high building vcharon (American Flag): Head broken by plum's tough beetle Ayvuir (Katana): ngirl sliced his head off with his own katana Cobain (Lightsabers): So dead eddv (Lawndarts): Exploded by MSG falling on him Apoca-Fists first JeffRaze (Magnum/Riot Shield): Killed by a Speed Force-Boosted BBallman7 Silverliner182V (GameFAQs Flash): Accidentally destroyed when MSG fell through one of Wedges' Portals MSG (Apoca-Fists): Sent to hell by ExTha ngirl (Newcastle Shirt/offensive chants): Face melted by ExTha Panthera (Frying pan): Landed on by oversized Regaro Caelus (Charles Barkley, Cybernetic War-Elk): Head ripped off by tough beetle masterplum (Tough Beetle): Beetle destroyed by Niowrath, then sliced by Niowrath and blown up by ExTha Pram (Caladbolg): Beaten by Reg in duel to the death Wedge (Portal Gun): Blown up by one of Charles Barkley's Grenades that ExTha could not throw Raka (Hannah Montana Guitar): See above
was expecting final chapter, which this was not, but this was better than the final chapter because it contained awesomeness that could only exist in a penultimate chapter which is to say a 2nd-to-last which I know things about having written them before but in all seriousness, awesome. Love the "final showdown" thing going on here. *high fives XIII* and whayever. BRO :) that is all
-- I never said anything about banging her. Also, I wouldn't bang her. -LusterSoldier (on a fat pageant mom whose daughter chugs Mt. Dew)