Board 8 > "Random Elimination Rebirth" (writing project - STORY topic)

(+) Yeah! (+)

"NO! NO F***ING WAY! We are NOT joining a pair of MEN! Nothing good will come of it! They'll both just try to rape you! That's what men do!" Snapped the monitor lizard.

Mer rolled his eyes.

"Well we'd be glad to have you aboard, Nio," explained Commodore. "But who is..." He gestured toward the talking Komodo Dragon. "That?"

Nio giggled happily. "That's my weapon! Her name is Lilly, the lesbian lizard!"

"Don't you forget it, sweetcheeks!" Laughed Lilly, whipping her large lizard tail up and smacking Nio's behind, causing the user to squeal from both pain and pleasure.

"Does she bite?" Asked Mer.

"Well yes," answered Nio. "Komodo Dragon saliva contains fatal amounts of bacteria. In the wild, if you're bit by one, you're dead if you don't get treatment within a few days, but since this is a battle royale, you only have a few minutes, because the process is accelerated as this is a battle royale! Don't worry, she only bites when I tell her to! ^_^ Tee hee!"

"Heh," laughed Lilly, turning to Nio. "And you know damn well I do more with my mouth than just bite!"

"I... uh..." Nio blushed.

Mer winced. "Don't want to know. If you two want to be in an alliance with us, that's cool with me."

Commodore nodded. "From now on, we will be... 'Niocommerdore and a lizard.' Awesome name right?"

Lilly the lesbian lizard rolled her eyes and scoffed. "F***ing men... Always coming up with names for things..." She spat at a nearby bush, which immediately began to decay from bacterial komodo dragon saliva.

-

Chrono was pleased with his weapon. It was a bizarre watch-like device called the Timef***-9000. He already played around with it extensively, though no one else was aware of that because it had involved altering time, so Chrono's exploits in the near future had not happened yet in the reality timeline, even though his experiences were still in his mind. He had traveled to the near future and frozen time, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with the female contestants he found... but technically it never happened, because when he was done, he used the rewinding time feature to go back, effectively erasing his misdeeds. Like I said, it was fun for him. Now he was back.

"I wonder what other crazy s*** I could do with this?" Chrono asked himself out loud. He wandered off in search of other people...

-

Crimson looked down at her weapon and was visibly pissed off. She then glared up at a nearby camera. "Seriously, Caelus? A f***ing fast food burger? THAT is what you gave me?" She was about to toss the burger on the ground. "What the pigf***er am I supposed to do with this, get someone to choke on it?!" She yelled angrily. Suddenly, the burger moved!

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"I'M NOT JUST A MOTHERF***ING BURGER! I'M A ROYALE WITH CHEESE, A PERFECT BURGER FOR A MOTHERF***ING BATTLE ROYALE!" Screamed the burger in the voice of Samuel L. Jackson, the buns flapping as if they were lips. "THAT'S A REFERENCE TO PULP FICTION, MOTHERF***ERS!"

Surprisingly calm, Crimson replied, "They probably are aware of that... Seriously though, a royale with cheese? I can't remember if the American version of that is the Burger King whopper or the McDonald's double quarter pounder! And since those are two different burgers, I have no idea how to use you as a weapon!"

"WHEN THE MOTHERF***ING TIME IS RIGHT... You will just know..." Replied the Samuel L. Jackson royale with cheese. "You will just know."

-

"Heh heh heh... I've got you in my sights now!" Cackled Stan, watching his soon-to-victim through the lense of his super high tech sniper rifle, the Darsh-4SP1, so powerful that it doesn't exist in real life. "Peace out, Zazi..." He secured his index finger against the trigger...

-

Zazi had no idea he was in the sights of another participant. He was focused on his current mission... which was to track and kill the user in front of him (who was coincidentally out of the sight of Stan). Zazi pulled out his weapon, the deadly Wasp Knife, a military blade with a Carbon Dioxide cartridge in the handle that would expel super-cold gas into a foe's wounds upon a stab, causing internal damage unrivaled by other blades. "Whoever you are... you're about to get all kinds of f***ed up," muttered Zazi easily as he approached his intended victim...

-

Darren was another participant focused on his weapon, because it too was unusual. It was known as a Forensic Tactical Weapon or FTW, which was intentionally the opposite of WTF, which it what the weapon really was >_>

"So I stick this in here..." Muttered Darren, injecting himself with what seemed to be some sort of microscopic transmitter. "Ow!..." A few blips occured on the device's tiny screen and Darren looked them over. "Heh... perfect. If anyone of these f***ers manages to kill me, I'll be taking out everyone within several miles of me! HAHAHA! Come get me now, B****ES!" He laughed maniacally.

-

'Oh I'm about to,' thought Zazi to himself as he closed in on his psychotic victim, unaware of Darren's device..." He approached silently.

-

Stan chuckled as he noticed that the knife guy was approaching a potential victim. "Okay, buddy. Kill that dude and then I'mma kill you." He adjusted his scope and stroked the trigger ever so gently.

-

The multi-layered epic showdown was about to prove just how epic it was when something unexpected happened...

(And that's the end of the chapter.)

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

Cliffhung? >_>

--
MMBN style fighting game made by me in the link below!
http://sandbox.yoyogames.com/games/184947-b8bn

I have a super awesome sniper rifle and I'm about to be in an epic showdown with something unexpected happening. Well, f***, it was nice knowing you all!

--
Bear, do not blame, what cannot be changed

Oh ho this is getting intense. I love Han's weapon.

--
http://knowyourmeme.com/i/2120/original/Epic-LongBattle.jpg
NIO BUNNY:http://img.imgcake.com/nio/45darpnggu.png

Agreed Commodore, sheathing his katana, which was indeed clean and polished and a just a normal katana >_>.

XD yes

--
http://img.imgcake.com/Nevest356/1dollagifas.gif

Aww man, no Battle Royale for me. *poof*

--
[02:00] <red13n> ermines hard drive is one giant folder maze
[02:01] <Altimadark> And Windows is the Minotaur

@ImTheMacheteGuy: I demand you kill Chrono next for being a rapist with his time weapon. He crossed the Moral Event Horizon and is now a Complete Monster, even though he undid it.

@Don't f***ing tell me what to do

Get the message

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

Niocommerdore?!

Well that's not good for the rest of us.

--
(Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

lol Samuel L. Jackson burger. Best weapon ever.

--
http://img.imgcake.com/crimjpgpe.jpg Mo' buildings mo' problems
ocean kinda grew on me like a flesh eating ...fungus. -BIGPUN9999

CHAPTER 8: Time and Space and the Push of a Button

Previously, on Random Elimination Rebirth...

<insert recap of events, leading up to the EPIC SHOWDOWN!>

Before we bring you to the epic showdown, let's go through a list of characters introduced into the battle royale portion of the story.

BATTLE ROYALE STATUS AND WEAPONS

Maniac - Fire Axe (1 kill - Todbot)
Pirate - Cutlass + Flint-lock Pistol
Han - Knob Gobbler [stick with a turkey leg and a door knob duct taped to it]
Commodore - Katana (in alliance w/ Mer and Nio)
Mer - Barb-tipped Whip (in alliance w/ Commo and Nio)
Nio - Lilly the lesbian lizard [komodo dragon] (in alliance w/ commo and mer)
Chrono - Timef*** 9000 [time-altering watch] (Didn't actually rape anyone so shut up MWE)
Crimson - Royale with cheese that talks in Samuel L. Jackson voice and might have a secret power
Stan - Sniper Rifle (has Zazi in his sights)
Zazi - Wasp Knife (sneaking up on Darren)
Darren - Forensic Tactical Weapon [something that will seemingly kill anyone near him if he gets killed] (being approached by Zazi)

And now, the moment you've all been waiting since last night for...

The part where we go back and introduce a few more characters before the epic showdown commences!

-

"Now this is just asinine," grumbled an elk... who was actually 3KL. Due to another random Caelus malfunction, he had been transformed into an elk. This was not good for him, because an elk would be an easy target... but on the other hand, if he kept quiet and acted like a normal elk, no one would ever suspect him of being on of the participants, so theoretically he should be left alone. Unfortunately, he stood out from an normal elk because a bizarre yolk-like contraption had been fitted on him and it bore two miniguns, which would be fired not with a trigger (because an elk would have a hard time with that) but through willpower alone. This meant anyone with whom he crossed paths would know that he was no ordinary elk, putting him at a disadvantage, which would be quickly erased by the fact that he was armed with two f***ing miniguns that took only will to fire. "Though I suppose... an awesome kind of asinine?" He changed his mind about his current form and walked off in search of people to kill or other Dante accounts to form an alliance with.

-

Speaking of which...

"Don't taze me, bro!" Pleaded Dante's Alt as he turned around upon hearing a noise behind him to see a menacing figure with what appeared to be a tazer on all kinds of steroids. He then wasn't scared anymore when he saw the person's face. "Oh, it's you... Now I look like a jackass."

Dante laughed. "Yeah... And this ain't no tazer. It's an electrocution gun, which is basically a tazer but a lot more powerful. It has like a million times more volts or whatever. What kinda weapon did you get?"

Dante's Alt shrugged and held up his weapon. "Laugh all you want..."

"That's... a Bible!" Gasped Dante in an astonished tone. "What the hell are you supposed to do with THAT?"

Suddenly, the heard something approaching...

"WHO GOES THERE?!" Yelled Dante, aiming his electrocution gun in the direction of the sounds.

Someone and/or something walked out from behind a large bush (lol I said 'large bush').

"Heh, it's just an elk," sighed a relieved Dante's Alt. "Hey! You should taze it! I bet that would be funny as hell!"

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"Yeah! Good idea!" Agreed Dante with a laugh. He powered up his weapon.

"No, numb nuts! It's me, 3KL! I somehow got turned into an elk!"

"Whoa really?" Gasped Dante, lowering his weapon. "I guess a normal elk wouldn't have miniguns strapped to it..."

"No s***. I'm glad I found you guys. We should totally form an all-Dante alliance. We'd be the most unstoppable alliance because we'd have no reason to betray each other because we're all technically Dante," explained 3KL, speaking in noises that elks make, not in English. The other Dantes understood him though because they were all technically Dante >_>

"Good idea!" Agreed Dante's Alt.

-

"Hmm, if this product is as advertised, it would be in my best interests to conserve it for moments in which it is necessary for my survival to consume a small quantity of it," thought Luster out loud, reading the warning label on his twenty-fluid-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew: Rockslide Rampage, a new formula of Mountain Dew that temporarily grants extreme superhuman strength to anyone who drinks it, but only in small doses, because drinking too much would be fatal. "I definitely cannot chug this new Mountain Dew product. It would most certainly kill me as indicated on the label."

-

Ayvuir was puzzled about his weapon... because it wasn't really a weapon. It was more like... armor. In fact it was full-body white racing suit with a white racing helmet. "Well, at least it's British." It was in fact a replica of the suit worn by The Stig from the program Top Gear... with a few extra features, including a broad temperature protection spectrum and material that is virtually bulletproof and cut-proof.

He stripped down naked and put the racing suit on. It was intended to go over his normal clothes, but he just felt like getting naked. In his Stig suit, Ayvuir felt bloody invincible and he even felt that although this suit wasn't a weapon, as it only provided defense, if he were to find a car somewhere in the area, he'd automatically be a driving ace and would be able to run down the other participants and splatter them all over the place...

-

Now, back to the epic showdown... What will happen? Will it play out exactly as you've predicted? No. Absolutely not. I guaran-f***ing-tee that none of you will see this coming...

Darren felt the weapon flowing through his veins.

Zazi silently crept up behind Darren.

Stan waited, eager to take his shot...

The multi-layered epic showdown was about to prove just how epic it was when something unexpected happened...

With Zazi in the crosshairs, Stan pulled the trigger. Suddenly a massive wave of distorted reality swept across the grounds.

The bullet never reached Zazi. Instead it shot through the glass window of a building was had literally just appeared between Stan's position and the location of Zazi and Darren. It then lodged into the building's concrete wall

"WHAT THE F***?!" Gasped Stan. He looked around. "Dude... What... the... f***..."

-

Darren whirled around as the lightly wooded field was now an abandoned city. He immediately saw Zazi, who looked like he had just been caught with his pants down.

"Uh... Well that was weird, wasn't it?" Asked Zazi sheepishly, hiding his knife behind his back and looking around. "What do you reckon caused that?"

"Were you just sneaking up on me?" Inquired Darren angrily.

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"Oh, I... no, uh... I just appeared here like this city. I was somewhere else before," answered Zazi.

-

Stan no longer had a clear shot. He hasn't at the top of a tall hill anymore, but on the roof of a tall building. The landscape transformation weirded him out and he just wanted to get away. He rushed down the stairs as fast as he could.

Suddenly, another wave of distortion swept through and the landscape was restored to its original form.

Stan's foot went from a stair to a steep wilderness slope, causing him to completely lose his footing. Before he even knew what was going on, he was tumbling down a hillside. His head collided with something hard, probably a rock or a stump or something... and he was unconscious.

-

Meanwhile, Darren and Zazi faced off. The landscape was back to normal and Zazi was still there, indicating that he had been lying.

"You really want to kill an unarmed man?" Asked Darren, circling around Zazi and trying to keep distance between them.

"I'll kill anybody. I don't care!" Growled Zazi, his knife no longer concealed. "We all got weapons, so you're bulls***ting me about being unarmed!"

"Heh," laughed Darren. "My weapon is surging through my veins. The second my heart stops, it activates... and anyone within several miles of me is f***ed!" He wasn't completely correct about that. It was more like several yards, not several miles. Still, he wanted this attacker to fear the idea of killing him. "So you want to just have both of us drop out this early? If you're anywhere near me, you're as good as dead. You should run, brah!"

"You're bluffing!" Snapped Zazi.

"Am I? If I'm bluffing, where's my weapon?" Chuckled Darren.

-

Chrono had been shaken up by the landscape changes, as anyone should have been. He had decided to head to higher ground... That's when he heard fighting... and since he didn't hear gunshots, he figured it would be safe to get closer because he could always just rewind time if s*** got bad. He followed the base of the hill until he reached the scuffle.

Two participants had been duking it out, fisticuffs style... One was on the ground, thrashing and struggling and the other was on top of him, apparently choking him. A knife lay on the ground a few feet away from them.

"I'll just sneak over there, pick up that knife and kill them both," He muttered. "And if anything bad happens, I just hit rewind and I'm safe!" He took off running, heading straight for the knife, which was only a few feet away from the the scuffle.

Zazi had managed to wrestle Darren to the ground after having his knife knocked away from him. He had just finished strangling him. He stood up and turned to retrieve his knife when he saw someone charging toward him with eyes glued to the blade on the ground.

Chrono stopped dead in his tracks when he was seen. "S***..." The other participant picked up the knife and started forward.

Suddenly, there was a splattering sound as the corpse of Darren literally exploded, spraying blood everywhere.

Zazi and Chrono immediately knew that it was no ordinary blood. It was highly acidic, which they became aware of from the intense burning sensations all over their bodies and the fact that their clothes and flesh began to melt.

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

Chrono had only one choice. He activated the Timef*** 9000 and time began to rewind. Everything moved in reverse as Chrono's position remained the same. He felt the burning fade away and his flesh was restored... but because his position remained constant, he would have to wait until the fighters had not yet arrived in the area. Suddenly he ceased to be, and his watch stopped functioning permanently.

Poor Chrono hadn't realized how critical his exact location into was. Two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and as Chrono rewound time, he rewound it back to when the landscape was a city briefly, where in his exact location was a building.

-

"Oh, I... no, uh... I just appeared here like this city. I was somewhere else before," answered Zazi.

Suddenly, the building nearby was rocked to the core as a massive hole blew open in the nearest wall, showering the area in debris and fresh human remains, a result of Chrono's time-rewinding error.

"Holy Christ! What was THAT?!" Shouted Zazi. He turned to Darren.

Darren had nothing to say though. He looked down at the blood-pumping hole in his chest. He looked back up at Zazi. "Run..."

Stan's bullet had not lodged into the concrete wall this time, because the concrete wall was exploding at the time. The bullet had glanced off a piece of flying debris, ricocheting and piercing Darren's chest.

Zazi was confused. He watched as Darren dropped to his knees. That's when he noticed the user's blood was beginning to bubble. Zazi took off in the opposite direction and dove behind a parked car just as he heard the sound. Sizzling clumps of human tissue and slashes of blood littered the area, but Zazi avoided contact. "Jesus Christ! What's with people blowing up around here?" He stood up and noticed pools of blood melting through the car's roof. He had no idea that a sniper had nearly taken him out, he had no idea that a time-haxor would have tried to take him out and would have taken both of them out but instead took only himself out, and he had no idea what had taken out Darren or why he exploded with acid blood upon death. "This game is completely, utterly-"

Suddenly, the landscape distorted again and returned to the wooded field.

"-And I'm not even gonna finish that sentence." Sighed Zazi.

Meanwhile, the effects of the altered time didn't affect Stan in any way. He's still knocked out on the other side of the hill.

-

"Damn, you guys! You can change the landscape just by pressing buttons!" Laughed Machete in a giddy, childlike fashion. "This is sooooo cool!"

"Yeah maybe you shouldn't mess around with those," advised Failure.

"Okay, MOM!" Jeered Machete. "I wonder what this one does..." He hit another button.

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

oh man

--
"oh my god oh my god a spider just crawled INTO MY KEYBOARD" -pxlated
"It just wants some web access." - Ness26

well then

--
thelefty for analysis crew 2008 imo -tranny
I have a third degree burn in flame-o-nomics -Sir Chris

dem timehax

--
XBL GT: Demon Ninja X2
"There comes a time in every man's or woman's life where they have to make **** up to cover their ass." - Hazama

BATTLE ROYALE STATUS AND WEAPONS

Maniac - Fire Axe (1 kill - Todbot)
Pirate - Cutlass + Flint-lock Pistol
Han - Knob Gobbler [stick with a turkey leg and a door knob duct taped to it]
Commodore - Katana (in alliance w/ Mer and Nio)
Mer - Barb-tipped Whip (in alliance w/ Commo and Nio)
Nio - Lilly the lesbian lizard [komodo dragon] (in alliance w/ commo and mer)
Crimson - Royale with cheese that talks in Samuel L. Jackson voice and might have a secret power
Stan - Sniper Rifle (1 kill - Darren)
Zazi - Wasp Knife
3KL (an elk) - Two miniguns controlled by will alone (in all-Dante alliance)
Dante - Electrocution Gun (in all-Dante alliance)
Dante's Alt - A Bible (in all-Dante alliance)
Luster - 20 oz. Mountain Dew: Rockslide Rampage [one sip gives temporary superhuman strength]




DEAD

45th: 57 Whirlybird - Accidentally shot himself in the pelvic region with a shotgun stolen from his stepfather, bled to death.
44th: 30448 MegaWentEvil - Asphyxiation and massive internal bleeding caused be an allergic reaction to Lebron James blood, which he ingested.
43rd: 9459 Catastrophy - The hour-hand of a food clock (a sausage) impaled him in the mouth through the back of the neck.
42nd: 69 Dewott - Turned into an authentic Middle Eastern dude, then devoured by Pterodicktyl, the racist Pterodactyl.
41st: 9 Ertyu - Took a hard pass of a radioactive football to the chest from former Tennessee Titan Vince Young and exploded.
40th: 2012 Vlado - Dropped into a cauldron of boiling-hot tortellini soup and was scalded/boiled to death. Presumably eaten after cooked.
39th: 33866 RKOsExTha - Buried/Entombed in cement in the depths of Yankee Stadium wearing a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey.
38th: 9999993 Thejp - Suffered from multiple heart attacks and multiple strokes simultaneously, eyeballs and chest literally exploded.
37th: 7476: Todbot - Skull cleaved by Maniac's fire axe when the game suddenly turned from random elimination to battle royale.
36th: 9214: Chrono - Accidentally timehax-exploded by rewinding time to a moment when a concrete building stood in his place.
35th: 4143: Darren - Shot through the heart by a ricocheted bullet from Stan's sniper rifle that would have lodged in the wall that the timehax exploded.

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

As per the usual rule, having the weapon that assures your victory (in this case timehax), ensures you'll be the first to die. Except when the author wants to WIFOM you. In which case it sometimes does.

--
MMBN style fighting game made by me in the link below!
http://sandbox.yoyogames.com/games/184947-b8bn

What an awesome way to die twice. x_x

--
http://knowyourmeme.com/i/2120/original/Epic-LongBattle.jpg
NIO BUNNY:http://img.imgcake.com/nio/45darpnggu.png

Welp

We're all doomed.

--
http://img.imgcake.com/RegaroUlquiorrapngse.png

Just caught up. NO DEWOTT!!! Cursed by the horrid #4 again. 4th place in Save My Black/White Pokémon, and 4th to die here... V_V

And yes, Caelus. Dewott is a pokémon. An adorable yet totally badass samurai otter pokémon:



--
I'm not a stupid as you think I am, but you're precisely as stupid as you think I am. - Biolizard28

Oh s***. The sniper actually got a kill. Don't see that everyday in these kinds of things. And now I'm unconscious. I dunno what's going to happen!

Also, the 3KL bit was hilarious (he's gone from not being able to talk, to being able to talk, to elk speak where only the Dante's can understand him - also hilarious) and the showdown was indeed epic. Best chapter yet!

--
Bear, do not blame, what cannot be changed

Genesis: holy s*** I actually pictured him exactly like that but yellow instead of blue.

Nio: yep, Komodos are f***ing badass :)

Stan: Chapter 8 was difficult and I was mostly sober for it because thanks to drunken chapter 7, I had lots of inconsistencies to watch out for. I had to make quite a few changes before chapter 8 was "not a mess." Glad you liked :)

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

That was an awesome chapter. Hopefully we get an epic Niocommerdore vs All-Dante Alliance battle.

Most importantly though: Ayvuir was puzzled about his weapon... because it wasn't really a weapon. It was more like... armor. In fact it was full-body white racing suit with a white racing helmet. "Well, at least it's British." It was in fact a replica of the suit worn by The Stig from the program Top Gear... with a few extra features, including a broad temperature protection spectrum and material that is virtually bulletproof and cut-proof.

Best. "Weapon". Ever. Unless maybe he could have gotten the combine snowplow with built in rock gun and flamethrower from that one episode.

--
(Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

man I should have signed up with my entire army of alts, oh well live and learn

--
boring and mundane signature
Now with more bold! Less Italics due to bold

I should have at least signed up as Maniac64 and muddersmilk. Maybe thrown a few others in as well, Dr_Maniac would have been helpful.

--
(Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

I have like 30 nameless grunt alts, and a General Barton

the man could whip my sorry alts into fighting shape in no time

--
boring and mundane signature
Now with more bold! Less Italics due to bold

banking on Dante.

--
Vote for this guy in every contest: War

ImTheMacheteGuy posted...
""Be sure to sign up for MY random elimination story too!" Replied Mcflubbin quickly. "And Caelus if you're willing to 'help me survive longer' in this one, I would totally be willing to return the favor >_>!" He was talking to the camera in the corner.

Nudge nudge wink wink

--
http://i.imgur.com/XAF2w.png

I'm not sure I can fathom what just happened.

--
http://img.imgcake.com/Ainoxi/zazigifed.gif

bump new chapter tonight possibly

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

CHAPTER 9: Beware of Icebergs

Maria was sneaking around, hoping to avoid contact with anyone. She had already been seriously spooked when the bushes she was hiding in turned into a men's restroom inside of an empty fast food restaurant. Then, she had run across the street where there was a pawn shop, hoping to find a weapon, when the landscape turned back and she found herself t**s-deep in a pond.

She had found cover once again, but was puzzled that she had not yet been given a weapon. Suddenly, the landscape changed again. Maria now found herself on the lower deck of a collossal cruise ship. "Oh f*** me..." She muttered in frustration. "What ELSE could go wrong?!" Even more suddenly than the previous sudden event, a loud roaring cry rang out and Maria saw a massive winged monster flying directly toward her. Regretting her previous question, she made a desperate move... "What else could now suddenly go right? >_>"

-

"Hmm, I suppose this DOES suit me..." thought Raka aloud, inspecting the cane he had been given. "Considering I'm an old man, just like my character in my own writing project! Still... a cane is not a particularly poweful weapon..." He swung the cane around. As he did so, he accidentally pressed a small button on it. He swung again... This time, most of the cane flew off and struck a tree, revealing a long, thin and previously concealed blade attached to the handle. "Aha! It's more than a cane! It's a cane sword! This will do nicely!" Said Raka cheerfully. He retrieved the other piece of the cane and slid the blade back into place.

-

"Well... this is interesting," said Fire, looking at his weapon. It was an apparatus that one wore on one's back and it contained two large tanks, each with a hose and a nozzle-like section complete with trigger. "A flamethrower I understand... but a fire extinguisher too? Why would I need a fire extinguisher if my weapon is a flamethrower?" Asked Fire. "And if I'm going around putting out fires, why would I need a flamethrower?" He sighed.

"You'll want to be careful with that. You don't want to blow yourself up... or to have someone else blow you up..." Explained a voice behind Fire.

Fire whipped around to see a woman with a large, glimmering sword. "Julie Chen?" He asked, referring to the host of the American version of the television program Big Brother.

"What? No! My name is Naomi," said the woman.

Fire raised his flamethrower.

"Hey now, take it easy! I could have sneaked up behind you and killed you, but I didn't. I have some information that might be useful to you and I think it makes more sense to team up than try to fight each other," explained Naomi.

Fire lowered the nozzle cautiously, just as the thicket turned into a honeymoon suite in a cruise ship. "I'm listening..." he said, completely ignoring the change of scenery.

Naomi grinned. "There's no way he keeps changing the scenery on purpose. I don't even think this battle royale thing is permanent. For all we know, we could be back in that room next time the landscape shifts, without our weapons and no longer able to kill each other..."

"So?" Asked Fire.

"So killing everyone won't solve anything," continued Naomi. "If we get a solid group of people together, we can ensure our survival. Safety in numbers. Someone threatens us, we eliminate the threat... Otherwise, we just wait this out until we end up back in that room."

"What if we don't end up back in that room?" Asked Fire.

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"Oh I think we will... at some point..." Replied Naomi.

-

"Ha-HAAAA! Voltch approves!" Bellowed Voltch excitedly, shaking both fists so hard that it created a noticeable breeze in the area. His fist-shaking power was amplified greatly, as he now wielded the Nemean Gauntlets from God of War 3. He punched the large ventilation pipe next to him, putting a sizable dent in the thick metal. Suddenly, a projectile whizzed by the fist-shaker's head. "OH NO YOU DI'INT!" Boomed Voltch, diving behind the pipe.

"F***nuts," muttered Tom, fumbling to reload his rocket launcher. He hadn't quite gotten the hang of the weapon. "Why can't this be the rocket launcher from Metal Slug?! Reloading this thing is a b****!" He complained from atop of a raised cabin on the ship's upper deck. Finally, he got the weapon loaded again. He stood up, aimed at the dented pipe and fired. The rocket hit the pipe and exploded, damaging the already damaged pipe. It was clear that his target was no longer hiding there. "Double damn it!"

Voltch had dashed away from his hiding spot as his enemy had been reloading. He knew where Tom was now, and he intended to get up there and give him a taste of his upgraded fists...

-

"Eep," was all Maria could get out as the massive winged dinosaur landed on the railing in front of her. "Please don't eat me..."

"Relax!" Roared Pterodicktyl. "Maria, is it? Heh, I'm not gonna eat you. I had Taco Bell for lunch!" He made a rimshot noise.

"Oh I was in a Taco Bell earlier!" Said Maria.

"Of course you were," chuckled the monster. "I'm actually here to give you a weapon."

"Yay! ^_^" Squealed Maria. "I was wondering when I'd get one!"

"Well wonder no more! I have four weapons available to you, Maria! Each one is catered to your skillset and you may choose two of them!" Announced Pterodicktyl. Four weapons appeared on the deck.

Maria's face dropped and she now looked annoyed. "Really? A broom, a clothing iron, a dust-buster and a bottle of window cleaner? THOSE are the weapons I get to choose from?"

"YEP!" Said the racist dinosaur happily. "Adios, Maria!" He flew away.

Maria sighed. "F*** it. I can carry all this s*** so I'm taking all of it." She collected the items and headed into one of the economy rooms.

-

"Oh come on! Your weapon is SOOOO better than mine!" Argued Cod to his ally that he had just met. "All I got is a damn FISH!"

Ryoko laughed, swinging her baseball bat that was autographed by David Ortiz. "Yeah but look at it! That's one badass fish!" She was right. Cod's fish was a ten-foot-long sawfish (if you don't know what it is, Google that s***!)

"But how am I supposed to carry it?!" Complained Cod. "It must weigh like half a ton! And it's dead and will probably smell like a s*** cocktail in a few hours!"

"Just rip off the saw part! You can use it like a sword. The rest of the fish... we can just leave it here or push it overboard or whatever," suggested Ryoko. "Hell, we could eat the damn thing if we had a way to cook it..."

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"Perhaps we can help..."

Ryoko held her bat defensively as two others approached.

"I'm no chef... but I've got a flamethrower!" Said Fire, offering to cook the giant fish.

Naomi walked over to it and with one slice, separated the bony saw-nose so that Cod could use it for his weapon. "Four heads are better than two!"

Ryoko and Cod both trusted the duo that randomly showed up and decided to form an alliance of four because it is convenient for me to have that happen >_>.

Without using much fuel at all, Fire cooked the entire fish carcass and the four ate their fill.

"That was delicious!" Said Cod happily. "Now if only we could poison the rest for anyone else who might find it."

"Did someone say poison >_>?" Asked SEP. "I've got poison, coo!" Indeed, he carried a large glass bottle with a label depicting a red rose with one thorn on it. It was labeled POISON. He poured the entire bottle all over the rest of the fish and the bottle magically refilled. "Five heads are better than four, coo!" The others agreed and the largest alliance yet was formed.

-

Tom hurried to reload his rocket launcher once again. This time, he heard someone climbing the stairs up to his position. "Ass!" He snapped, fumbling with the rocket and feeling the stress of being stalked. He successfully reloaded it and aimed at the top of the stairs, just as his target reached the top.

"F***..." Said Voltch.

"Bye, sucker!" Snapped Tom with a grin. He fired the rocket right at Voltch's chest.

Voltch raised his massive gauntlets in a last ditch effort to block the projectile. The rocket hit the gauntlets and exploded, launching Voltch off the cabin roof.

Tom walked over, loading his weapon again, just in case. He looked over the edge and saw Voltch lying several dozen yards away on the deck below, either dead or unconscious. He rushed down the stairs quickly. He didn't want to waste another rocket. He planned to just beat Voltch's head with the weapon to make sure he was dead. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw that his opponent was already back on his feet. "Well, dick..." He muttered.

There was a brief stare down.

Tom grabbed a rocket and attempted to load the weapon again, just as Voltch went into a sprint, not away, but toward him.

Voltch ran as fast as he had ever run. He knew he had to get to Tom before that weapon was raised because a direct hit to the gauntlets by an RPG was not something one was likely to survive twice in the same minute...

"COME ON!" Snapped Tom, sweating and shaking as if this was a tense scene in a movie or something. He secured the rocket and raised the weapon.

Voltch swung his fist with all his might. The intensity of the situation and adrenaline surging through his body caused him to completely not notice the sickening sound that echoed across the upper deck.

Tom's broken and lifeless body collapsed. The force of Voltch's punch had absolutely demolished most of his bones and organs, but the subsequent impact against the side of the cabin had done even more internal damage. He was virtually unrecognizable at this point. The rocket launcher was bent like a parentheses.

"Damn..." said Voltch in surprise. He was usually one to know his own strength, but the gauntlets were more devastating than he expected. "Voltch could get used to this..."

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

BATTLE ROYALE STATUS AND WEAPONS

Maniac - Fire Axe (1 kill - Todbot)
Pirate - Cutlass + Flint-lock Pistol
Han - Knob Gobbler [stick with a turkey leg and a door knob duct taped to it]
Commodore - Katana (in alliance w/ Mer and Nio)
Mer - Barb-tipped Whip (in alliance w/ Commo and Nio)
Nio - Lilly the lesbian lizard [komodo dragon] (in alliance w/ commo and mer)
Crimson - Royale with cheese that talks in Samuel L. Jackson voice and might have a secret power
Stan - Sniper Rifle (1 kill - Darren)
Zazi - Wasp Knife
3KL (an elk) - Two miniguns controlled by will alone (in all-Dante alliance)
Dante - Electrocution Gun (in all-Dante alliance)
Dante's Alt - A Bible (in all-Dante alliance)
Luster - 20 oz. Mountain Dew: Rockslide Rampage [one sip gives temporary superhuman strength]
Maria - Broom + Iron + Dust-Buster + Bottle of Window Cleaner
Raka - Cane Sword
Fire - Fire Apparatus [Flamethrower and Fire Extinguisher combined] (in 5-person alliance)
Naomi - Diamond-edged Broadsword (in 5-person alliance)
Voltch - Nemean Gauntlets [from God of War 3] (1 kill - Tom)
Cod - Sawfish Saw Blade (in 5-person alliance)
Ryoko - Baseball Bat [autographed by David Ortiz] (in 5-person alliance)
SEP - Bottle of Poison [refills itself] (in 5-person alliance)

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

Oh

--
c

hell yeah big papi

--
Ryoko
http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/7673/ryokohole.png

there may be 5 of them but are any of the crazy evangelicals riding an elk with thought powered miniguns?

yeah I didn't think so

--
boring and mundane signature
Now with more bold! Less Italics due to bold

Whoo cane sword.

--
Oh, I am one yet many.

The Sawfish: Deadly and Delicious!

--
"A delayed game is eventually good, but a rushed game is forever bad." -Shigeru Miyamoto

:)

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

hmmmmmmmmmmm fish

So Fire and Naomi want to make a big alliance to stop everyone from killing each other needlessly. They get their big alliance and then...poison a fish to kill who ever comes across it.

<_<

--
(Maniac64 at work) [Browncoat] ~Board 570901~
All the proteins, vitamins, and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus 15% alcohol.

makes as much sense as a recurring racist pterodactyl and forests turning into cruise ships >_>

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

CHAPTER 10: The Connection is Wine

Niocommerdore, the Dantes and the recently formed alliance that seemed to contradict their own goals (thanks a lot Maniac lol >_>) where not the only alliances in the game. There was another group, even larger than the 5-person alliance. It was a group of seven...

They call themselves the 45 Crew, a name chosen for several reasons. First, none of them have spoken since either chapter 4 or chapter 5 >_>. Second, because they had a clear leader... a leader by the name of Justin, and his weapons were Colt .45s. One was the actual revolver, the other was an unopened 40 oz. bottle of Colt .45 malt liquor, which would remain unopened because Justin is only like 14 or 15 and therefore too young to drink, so he would have to use it as a bludgeoning weapon.

Right now, the 45 Crew were checking out the depths of the ship, the areas with pipes and machinery everywhere. It had previously been a cave in the woods and a subway system in the city. Justin was on a mission and his crew followed because they had nothing better to do and he was charismatic or I just needed to give them all lines in this chapter.

"What exactly is the point of this again?" Asked Mcflubbin. "What the hell are we looking for down here?" He seemed to be getting a bit fatigued, considering how heavy his Railgun was...

"I explained this to you dumb idiots before!" Snapped Justin. "It doesn't matter how many times the landscape changes. We're still in the same facility or whatever as we started in. One of these lower levels with all their hidden passages and hard-to-access areas MUST lead to Caelus' control rooms!"

"Yeah! I've been in plenty of these before and I usually live a long time," added L3fty. "Caelus is weak and his alts are out of control. If we can find him, we can off him, then get the hell out of here!" He spun his scissors around menacingly, even though they were only scissors.

"But I thought the whole point of this thing was for all of us to die," Said JeffRaze. "Wouldn't NOT dying defeat the purpose? I mean death seems like more of an adventure than wandering around aimlessly looking for some crazy drunk dude..." He played around with his a weapon, a barber's razor blade, simply because he was bored. It was a convenient weapon because he could also use it to shave... but he didn't because he had a beard and wanted to continue having a beard (having a beard >>>>>>>> not having a beard tbqh).

Genesis scoffed. "Are you serious? Don't you want to survive? This is our chance to confront Caelus and stop this sick game... that we all willingly signed up for!" The golden Sonic the Hedgehog ring strapped to her belt began to glow... not for any particular reason. I just had to introduce her weapon somehow and could not think of any better way...

"Preach on, sister!" Shouted Inviso enthusiastically, grabbing Genesis' behind and squeezing flirtatiously.

Genesis turned around. "Okay... Inviso, I really wish you would stop grabbing my ass." She said uncomfortably.

"And I really wish you'd START grabbing mine!" Replied Inviso seductively. "We could be killed at any moment. It would a shame if a pretty little thing like you died without experiencing the pleasures of being with another girl..."

After an awkward pause, Regaro spoke up. "I am now changing the subject to break the awkward silence... Oh and also, look up ahead. I see what is probably either another participant or a dead other participant!" He took out his weapon, the Black Widow, a gun that shot out a spiderweb-like net while simultaneously shouting 'OH HELLLLLLLL NO!' (Pterodicktyl gave it to him).

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

Inviso followed Regaro's lead, readying her Mancatcher, a fancy and high-tech spear.

The large group approached the grotesque scene.

It was indeed a dead participant, but not one that any of them recognized... In front of the door to engine room was a large artist's canvas, ten feet high and six feet wide. The man was attached somehow, arms out to the side, legs and head hanging limp, almost exactly like Jesus on a crucifix. Paint was everywhere, splattered all over the canvas, the barely clothed victim and the surrounding area.

"What do you think killed him?" Asked Mcflubbin.

Justin inspected the suspended corpse and noticed that several dozen thin paintbrushes had been jammed down the throat. "Look at this. Someone crammed about thirty children's paintbrushes down this poor bastard's throat..."

L3fty approached, noticing a dog-tag around the victim's neck. He pulled it off. "It says... 128341: SenorHouseMouse... The f***? There was never a user by that name or number in this game! I would know! I'm a veteran of these!"

"Don't get between kids and their art," chuckled Mcflubbin.

"This hasn't been the first time that someone outside of our game has crossed our path. Some weird s*** is going on," said Inviso.

"How long do you think he's been up there?" Asked Regaro.

"Judging by Caelus' need to have a specific timeline, I would say he's the most recent kill," explained JeffRaze. "Hey look! This 'picture's is signed by the artist!"

It was an amazing and highly important discovery (this is the writer telling you that this is an important plot point). Everyone gathered around to examine the signature...

"It says..." started Justin before pausing dramatically to tantalize the readers... "LOL."

"Who the f*** is LOL?" Asked Genesis.

"It can't be lol internet. He's too irrelevant these days. That wouldn't make sense," said Justin.

(So... who IS the one called... LOL)

(Oh yeah... and what's behind the door that is behind the painting? Does it really lead to the engine room... or somewhere else entirely?)

(And I got some free beer tonight. I'm enjoying it right now. Just wanted to throw that in there.)

-

Crimson found herself in a bad situation. She had been hiding out in a particularly deep and dark part of the woods, but after the transition, she found herself on the main deck, out in the open and vulnerable. She was now in the pool area. She thought it was funny that they had a swimming pool on a cruise ship, considering the ship was in the ocean... which is like a really big swimming pool. However, this situation was not funny. It was serious. Crimson faced a user with a far superior weapon.

"Heh heh, I've got you now!" Sneered CheeseCardinal, aiming his uzis at the helpless Crimson. "Time to make you into SWISS CHEESE!" (ha ha ha pretty clever and hilarious right?)

"WAIT!" Pleaded Crimson, "You don't need to kill me! Remember the first time you tried Brie? You thought it tasted atrocious... but years later, when you had matured, like many cheese must do... you tried Brie again and it was absolutely glorious? Give me a chance and I can be like that!"

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)

"What are you saying, woman?" Scoffed CheeseCardinal. "YOU... are HARDLY brie! You're not even a mere provolone!" He aimed his uzis.

Crimson was out of plays. Death was seconds away... but then she heard a voice in her pocket that nobody else could here. "You ain't motherf***ing dying today! Motherf***ing pull my ass out!!" Crimson realized that time had literally stopped. She approached CheeseCardinal, who was clearly frozen in time. She looked overboard. The ocean water was not moving, nor was the ship. "Samuel L. Jackson... is that you?" She asked.

"Who the motherf*** else would it be?!" Yelled the Samuel L. Jackson royale with cheese in Crimson's pocket. She pulled it out, thankful she had not fallen into the pool and ruined the delicious fast food sandwich. "What must I do, master?"

"Just motherf***ing give my f***ing ass to that motherf***er. I motherf*** told you that the time would be motherf***ing right at some point!... Well this is that motherf***ing point! I'm here to motherf***ing save your ass!" Yelled the burger.

Suddenly, time was back to normal and Crimson found herself standing in front of CheeseCardinal with two automatic weapons aimed directly at her face... but she knew what she had to do...

"Provolone? Motherf*** provolone! I'm AMERICAN! You hear that, b****! AMERICAN! The bottom of the barrel of cheese, but that's me and you motherf***ing WANT IT!" Shouted Crimson.

CheeseCardinal was totally taken about and had no response.

Crimson whipped out the royale with cheese. "ROYALE WITH CHEESE, MOTHERF***ER! WITH EXTRA AMERICAN CHEESE! You let me go, it's YOURS!"

CheeseCardinal's eyes widened, his mouth dropped and he began to drool. "I... DO... WANT..."

Crimson handed over the burger, which was scarfed down within seconds. Time began to slow down, but didn't freeze like before.

"The time is motherf***ing right, Crimson. It's motherf***ing right..." Announced what was left of the burger. "I'm motherf***ing proud of you... You survive this thing!"

That was the last that Crimson ever heard from the Samuel L. Jackson burger... but when time went normal again, she could see the effects.

CheeseCardinal began to cough. "WHAT THE COLBY-JACK DID YOU DO TO ME?!" He was now hacking uncontrollably. He dropped his uzis as he struggled more and more to breathe.

"What's the matter?" Taunted Crimson, knowing the battle was won. "Was my cheddar too sharp for you?"

"B****!" Snapped CheeseCardinal. The paralytic toxin in the burger finished taking over his nervous system and he fell forward, right into the pool. Unable to move, he quickly drowned.

Unable to think of any more cheese puns, Crimson simply left the body where it floated. She picked up the uzis, which clearly had plenty of ammunition and set off in search for whatever else she might encounter. "Thank you Samuel L. Jackson... I'm gonna win this s***... The death of a burger that spoke in your voice will not be in vain..."

--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu
(about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)