Maniac - Fire Axe (1 kill - Todbot) Pirate - Cutlass + Flint-lock Pistol Han - Knob Gobbler [stick with a turkey leg and a door knob duct taped to it] Commodore - Katana (in alliance w/ Mer and Nio) Mer - Barb-tipped Whip (in alliance w/ Commo and Nio) Nio - Lilly the lesbian lizard [komodo dragon] (in alliance w/ commo and mer) Crimson - 2 Uzis (1 kill - CheeseCardinal) Stan - Sniper Rifle (1 kill - Darren) Zazi - Wasp Knife 3KL (an elk) - Two miniguns controlled by will alone (in all-Dante alliance) Dante - Electrocution Gun (in all-Dante alliance) Dante's Alt - A Bible (in all-Dante alliance) Luster - 20 oz. Mountain Dew: Rockslide Rampage [one sip gives temporary superhuman strength] Maria - Broom + Iron + Dust-Buster + Bottle of Window Cleaner Raka - Cane Sword Fire - Fire Apparatus [Flamethrower and Fire Extinguisher combined] (in 5-person alliance) Naomi - Diamond-edged Broadsword (in 5-person alliance) Voltch - Nemean Gauntlets [from God of War 3] (1 kill - Tom) Cod - Sawfish Saw Blade (in 5-person alliance) Ryoko - Baseball Bat [autographed by David Ortiz] (in 5-person alliance) SEP - Bottle of Poison [refills itself] (in 5-person alliance) Justin - Colt .45 Revolver + 40 oz. bottle of Colt .45 Malt Liquor (leader of 45 Crew) Mcflubbin - Railgun (part of 45 crew) L3fty - Scissors (part of 45 Crew) JeffRaze - Barber's Razor (part of 45 Crew) Genesis - Golden Ring [from Sonic series, powers unknown] (part of 45 crew) Inviso - Mancatcher [high-tech spear] (part of 45 crew) Regaro - Black Widdow [net gun that speaks in ebonics] (part of 45 Crew)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
From: ImTheMacheteGuy | #149 L3fty approached, noticing a dog-tag around the victim's neck. He pulled it off. "It says... 128341: SenorHouseMouse... The f***? There was never a user by that name or number in this game! I would know! I'm a veteran of these!"
"Don't get between kids and their art," chuckled Mcflubbin.
oh sweet! The chapter I wrote last night when I was too drunk to be writing did not end up getting posted. That means I can edit it first >_>
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
In a dark control room, an unknown figure sat, watching various monitors and typing away at a specialized keyboard that would blow a mere mortal's mind. Behind him, a high-tech door opened and a smaller, more meager figure stepped into the room.
"We were able to locate 128341. Subject has been neutralized," reported the grunt.
"Yes, yes. I know. I was watching. I would congratulate you for your... artistic execution, but you were merely doing your job, and your ability to simply do your job is the reason you have one..." replied the dark figure coldly. "So I would suggest you continue to do so..."
The grunt seemed moderated frustrated. "Well, boss... with all due respect, cleaning up the messes of an incompetent associate is not in the job description. You can't hold us accountable for problems that Caelus has created."
"YOU DARE TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR?!" Boomed the dark figure in an resounding voice. (To clarify, the figure is not Figure, an alt of Caelus, but a character that has not yet been identified but is clearly important to the story...)
"I'm merely stating that our... inconvenient circumstances are the result of a 'low-level' controller's incompetence," explained the grunt. "And that if you claim that it reflects poorly on us, as our boss, it reflects poorly on you too. Don't treat us like s*** just because the people upstairs are treating you like s***. We're on the same team."
"INSUBORDINATION!" Boomed the figure.
"Quite the opposite!" Snapped the grunt, standing his ground. "We work tirelessly for YOU, great leader! You judge us for letting them get away, but you are also being judged! That's why we are so eager to fix this problem! Caelus is the one to blame for all of this, and if we don't rectify the situation, YOU could get burned for it, and that's not something I want to see happen! I'm NOT simply doing my job, I'm acting on my loyalty to YOU!" He sounded suddenly patriotic. "VIVA LOL!!" The grunt made an odd salute.
The dark figure paused. "You're right. Thank you for keeping me grounded. It is truly difficult to prevent this power from going to my head..."
"Well, you've got a lot on your plate now that you've been promoted. You're not a level one slacker for life like that moron Caelus is! You have goals! You're trying to move up in a world that leaves little room for mistakes! I can speak for all the guys when I say we respect that. That's why we follow you..." Explained the grunt, nearly tearing up.
"I appreciate your loyalty and your confidence in me... as well as the fact that you have the balls to put me in my place when I'm being unreasonable," complimented the dark figure. "Viva LOL..."
"VIVA LOL!!" Repeated the grunt enthusiastically while performing the salute once again. He then exited the room.
-
Only two participants had yet to receive weapons. Both had lines in chapter six but said lines took place before the transition to a battle royale scenario, so conveniently, those two users ran into each other and decided to discuss weapons.
"Oh neat! So how exactly does it work?" Asked Chronic.
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
ScareChan pulled out the deck of cards proudly. "I just pick a card or a poker hand, I call out what it does and it happens!" He explained. "Check it out..." The user walked over to the nearest wall and drew a life-size figure of a person on it for the sake of demonstration. He then walked back. "Think I can hit the head with a card?" He asked.
"Damn, man, I dunno!" Answered Chronic. They were standing a good distance away. "If you DO hit the head, you're f***ing amazing at throwing cards, I'll tell you that." He laughed.
Scare grinned confidently. "Good to know... but I'm not aiming for the head. HEART FLUSH!" The user spun around an whipped five cards at the wall. All five literally managed to pierce the thick metal and were embedded right at the point where the wall drawing's heart was.
"Nicccccccccccce," responded Chronic, extending not the i sound but the c sound, because I think it sounds better that way most of the time... maybe not. I dunno. That's how I typed it and that's how it will stay. "I wanna try! Let me try it and I'll let you try my weapon after!"
"Well, I dunno... I really shouldn't let anyone borrow my weapon. That would be foolish," Said Scare apprehensively.
"Don't worry, man! I won't try to kill you or anything. We're not in international waters yet so anyone who kills anyone else out here will still be responsible for their crime," explained Chronic.
"Well, when you put it that way... sure!" Said Scare, assuming that Chronic was trustworthy and intended to form an alliance. "Just pick your cards, say something clever involving said cards and throw them!" He smiled and handed over the deck.
"I'll give it a shot... I have to be creative I guess..." Said Chronic happily, taking a few steps back. He then tossed a card into the air. "QUEEN OF CLUBS!"
Suddenly, a Brazilian transgendered lady/fellow appeared with a large wooden club that was slightly phallic in shape (zip it, MegaWentEvil).
"Uhh... what?" asked Scare, puzzled by Chronic's choice.
The individual rushed forward and swung the club before Scare could react, knocking the startled user unconscious. A short beating ensued in which Scare's face was completely caved in and his brain was reduced to mush.
Chronic grinned. "As it turns out, we have been in international waters for several nautical miles now... and that doesn't even matter! I only mentioned international waters to help the chapter title make more sense! Also, my weapon was a joint and I already smoked it. Thanks for being gullible, Scare..." He cackled maniacally, putting the magical deck of cards in his pocket.
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
He then turned to the person who appeared to be female but had male genitalia. "Gracias, senorita."
The individual scoffed. "We speak Portuguese in Brazil, not Spanish..."
Chronic rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm too lazy to go to Google translator."
The Brazilian then vanished and Chronic walked away from the gruesome scene that used to be ScareChan.
-
A half-drunk, half-hungover Caelus stumbled into the control room. He immediately saw that the game was now being played on a cruise ship. "Ummm.... Machete, what did you do?" He sounded angry.
Caelus' alts all fled the area and hid, except for Machete, who gulped nervously. "Remember how you f***ed up and turned the project into a battle royale... and we were just gonna blame it on Figure? Well I decided to f*** around a bit just to see what happens and I was also planning on just blaming it on Figure," He explained, looking like a puppy that knew it was about to be scolded harshly for doing something it was not supposed to do.
"Oh..." replied Caelus nonchalantly. "Is he still asleep?"
Another alt, known as Steroids (SteroidsAreBad, an alt used as a plot device in a previous Random Elimination story called Tower of Chaos which was a whole bunch of years ago) stepped forward because I just remembered that alt >_>. "He woke up a while ago but then got more drunk and passed out again. "I think he's in one of the storage closets."
"Why would he pass out in a storage closet?" Asked Caelus, rubbing his aching forehead.
"Why wouldn't he?" replied Machete.
Caelus sighed. "So they're still in battle royale mode and they're on a cruise ship now?" He sat down at one of the computer stations. "Anything interesting happen?"
"One guy just gave his weapon to another guy who didn't have a weapon because he smoked it already and a tranny appeared (seriously zip it MWE >_>) and beat the one dude to death with a club. Nothing too out of the ordinary," explained Steroids, filling the boss in on recent events.
"So..." started Machete, still half-expecting to be yelled at. "You're not furious with me for being really, really irresponsible?"
"I think we should change it to a train soon! That would be pretty sweet... to see them fight it out on a train!" Exclaimed Caelus, barely even paying attention to his alt. "Steroids, get me another bottle of schnapps!" He pushed a button, turning on music. It was a rap song by Kim Jong-Il. "Awww yeeeeeeah, boiiii! Kim Jong-Il, the ILLEST of the ILL! He puts the SOUL in SEOUL!"
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
death list and status can't fit in one post anymore so I'll be updating them every few chapters, not every chapter
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Chronic grinned. "As it turns out, we have been in international waters for several nautical miles now... and that doesn't even matter! I only mentioned international waters to help the chapter title make more sense! Also, my weapon was a joint and I already smoked it. Thanks for being gullible, Scare..." He cackled maniacally, putting the magical deck of cards in his pocket.
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
A newcomer to the game sat down a slot machine in the cruise ship's casino and began to play, humming a Kayne West tune. After several spins, he noticed he wasn't alone, as a figure had appeared in his peripheral vision, at the end of the row of slot machines. The gambling user turned. "Well hello there! Care to join me at the slots?"
The figure was silent and motionless, then took a step forward and slowly rotated his head while lifting his shoulders, letting out several loud and painful-sounding cracks and pops in his neck.
The gambler was too distracted by the pretty lights and sounds of the slot machines to notice that the menacing figure was hiding something behind his back. "Oh wow! Check it out! I just won fifty bucks! Neat, right!" He exclaimed happily.
The dangerous, silent dude walked forward slowly and sat down next to the gambler, his demeanor reminds readers of silent murderous characters such as Jason Vorhees and Michael Myers... only he was not wearing a mask.
"What's your name bro?" Asked the gambler.
There was no response.
"Don't wanna tell me? That's cool, mate. I don't always use my real name either. Actually, back in the day, I used a s***load of different names... like Red XII, Viper_Vixen, Internet Warbot and countless others... You can call me Smurf though." He turned and smiled.
The silent user didn't react or turn. He simply stared at the slot machine in front of him.
"You know, the least you could do is introduce yourself ¬_¬!" Snapped Smurf in a very alt+170 tone of voice ¬_¬.
"I like milk..." stated Maniac in a drone-like voice without turning.
Smurf was annoyed at this response. "Hey, MAN! You should show me some respect! I've gotten tougher users than you usermap axed before! That's right! And I was in some random death game and I escaped! People were getting killed one after another and I got away and managed to smuggle myself onto this cruise ship! What do you think of that?"
Smurf's threat seemed to resonate with Maniac, who finally turned and looked up. "Did you say... usermap axed?"
Smurf scoffed. "Damn right I did! You don't want that s*** to happen to you, right?" He pulled out a long, curved dagger.
"No way," replied Maniac. "I want that s*** to happen to YOU!" He spun around, raising his fire axe.
Smurf never saw the attack coming. Maniac's axe cleaved through his upper arm and hit him with enough force to slam him forward into the brightly lit display of the slot machine.
Maniac stood up with a smile on his face. His opponent's arm was dangling by a thread just below the shoulder and would clearly cause a blood-loss death, but Maniac didn't feel like waiting. He grabbed Smurf by the back of the head, then looked at the slot machine and paused. "I can't think of anything clever to say to you right now about your imminent death, but I'm going to smash your face into the slot machine and electrocute you." With a surge of adrenaline, he smashed Smurf's head forward, through the glass display. The user began to convulse. Maniac felt electricity creeping up his arm and let go, watching Smurf continue to thrash. The loose-hanging arm detached and dropped to the floor, then the entire row of slot machines shut off as the electrocution created a short circuit. Smurf was as good as axed and Maniac wandered away carelessly, humming a tune he heard in a random Sonic the Hedgehog game.
-
Elsewhere, more specifically in the ballroom, two other participants had encountered one another and a mostly lopsided fight was taking place.
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
"YARRR! 'Twas foolish of ye to call me an insulting term for a non-heterosexual when I asked if ye'd care to dance, because obviously 'twas a joke, as this is a ballroom and dancin' is often used as symbolism for fighting in scenes such as this!" Yelled Pirate, who had the upper hand with his superior weapons. He fired a shot from his pistol, but it missed because the weapon wasn't very accurate.
"DUDE I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Pleaded Han, who had a flesh wound on his side from grazed bullet and several non-life-threatening lacerations. His knob gobbler weapon had surprisingly been useful at parrying Pirate's cutlass strikes, but was not really useful on offense. "I didn't mean it! I'm just really grumpy because my weapon is dumb!" He was trying to distance himself from his opponent.
"WELL YE SHOULDN'TA TAKEN IT OUT ON ME, LANDLUBBER!" Screamed Pirate, pursuing his target.
"Just chill!" Argued Han, not really sure how he'd be able to get out of this jam. As he stumbled away from Pirate, he tossed a bunch of chairs in his path because chairs had been set up around the perimeter of the large room. He hoped to slow the buccaneer down. "Oh hey did I tell you that I'm a huge fan of both the Pittsburgh PIrates and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? You probably are too so we should team up instead of trying to kill each other."
"Trying to kill each other? HA!" Laughed Pirate. "I be tryin' to kill ye, but what can ye do to me with that pitiful weapon? Besides, I be from Detroit so I care not for either of those teams!" He began to walk faster.
"ARGH!" Cried Han, frustrated that he could not fight or talk his way out of this one.
Neither of them noticed that the huge disco ball hanging from the ceiling had transformed into something sinister.
Suddenly, an intensely loud whirring sound filled the room. Both participants looked up. Pirate realized he was now standing directly under the disco ball, which was no longer a disco ball but a gigantic buzzsaw. Before he could react, the saw descended at a rapid speed and cut Pirate clean in two. His two halves fell in opposite directions, and when the half with the pistol landed, the weapon went off.
"OW! F***!" Yelled a third participant in the room. It was XIII, and he was as unlucky as the number of his name. The bullet had gone straight through his heart. "S***... I have... to use... another one..." He said, coughing up blood. He rubbed the lava lamp that he held and Robin Williams appeared, wearing a costume that was part Mrs. Doubtfire and part Peter Pan from Hook. Just take a minute to picture that... "I wish... to have this bullet... wound... healed completely..." stammered XIII.
"Will do," replied Robin Williams. He snapped his fingers and XIII was completely healed.
"What... is going here?" Asked Han.
XIII chuckled. "My weapon is this magical lava lamp that summons Robin Williams. Unlike a normal genie, he can grant me thirteen wishes instead of just three. I used my first one to turn a random user into an elk, my second one to ensure that you will be my loyal servant and won't ever try to kill me if I saved your life, my third one to do that thing with the saw and my fourth one to save my own ass just now... so I got nine wishes left."
"Umm, eight?" Chuckled Robin Williams.
"What?! That other one didn't count because you refused to grant it!" Argued XIII.
"Well what did you expect? I'm not gonna let you have sex with my daughter just because people talk about her on board 8 sometimes!" Laughed Robin Williams.
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
"Exactly! You wouldn't grant it so therefore it does not count against my total!" Insisted XIII.
"Okay fine, smartypants," said Robin Williams, rolling his eyes.
"Umm... Thanks, master, I guess," said Han. He wasn't pleased about being a loyal servant, but he was glad to have a powerful ally. He decided to exchange his s*** weapon for the dead Pirate's weapons.
Suddenly another voice spoke...
Caelus was now in the ballroom.
"What? Why?" Asked Han.
"Because you have to keep your original weapon and you can't take someone else's. I let Chronic and Crimson do it, and I'll let others do it too, but not you. You have the knob gobbler," he explained.
"F*** you, buddy!" Snapped Han angrily.
Caelus, XIII and Robin Williams all laughed with delight.
"Oh! Next wish! I wish for my number to be 13 instead of the dumb ass number that Caelus gave me!" Said XIII excitedly.
"Your wish is my command!" Said Robin Williams, grabbing his balls.
"Hey! If I can't ditch the weapon you gave me for a better one, XIII shouldn't be able to ditch his number and pick a new one!" Argued Han.
Caelus thought for a moment. "Well if you really want to change weapons so badly, why don't you use one of your wishes, like XIII did? Oh wait, you can't! The knob gobbler doesn't have a genie living inside of it like XIII's lava lamp!"
Caelus, XIII and Robin Williams all laughed with even more delight than before.
"This isn't fair :(" said Han sadly.
-
Ayvuir was very disappointed. Now that he was wearing his Stig outfit, he wanted to drive cars and run down some other participants. Before, when he was in the city, he had actually found a car dealership, but had wasted a bunch of time trying to decide which car to pick. During that time, the scene had changed to the cruise ship.
Since then, Ayv had searched for the cargo area where cars could be found... and he didn't eventually find it without encountering anyone else. He had even found a bunch of cars... but there was no way to get them out of the cargo area itself and he couldn't drive around IN the cargo area because it was completely filled up.
"Bloody hell!" He snapped, lifting his visor to spit on the floor in anger. "This is pure BOLLOCKS!" He was quite irate.
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Suddenly (I think I've used that word a lot in this story...), he had an idea. "Oy! There's more vehicles in the world than just cars! This bloody ship ITSELF is a vehicle! I'll just find the bridge and drive the whole ship around! BRILLIANT!" He headed off to try to find the bridge, with visions dancing in his head of crashing the ship and killing everyone on board except for himself because he was wearing a Stig outfit and would clearly survive.
-
"Hey dudes, check this out! I noticed something weird about the list of the dead!" Announced Steroids. "You gotta see this!"
"Ooooh!" Gasped Squid. "Interesting developments make my nipples hard!"
Caelus' alts gathered around Steroids.
"Look at the users that somehow managed to get into this game who weren't here originally. Check out their numbers," said Steroids.
"I don't see anything," replied Machete.
"Whirlybird, 57..." said Steroids. "That's the guys actual social IQ! And Ertyu... 9. He was killed by Vince Young because he used to complain about him. Vince Young's number is 9. Vlado was 2012, the year the world is supposed to end. Vlado complains about things like they're the end of the world... Thejp's number was almost 10 million, a really large number for a really large person. Finally, Smurf, 170. 170 is the ascii code for ¬, the Smurf shifty eye! All those numbers mean something for those users!"
"Holy s*** dude, I think you're onto something!" Exclaimed Figure, who was finally sober.
"Wait, nope..." said Machete. "You forgot one. SenorHouseMouse. His number was 128341 or something random like that. That doesn't fit the pattern, so you must be wrong about everything."
"Oh... damn... I guess I was wrong," said Steroids with a disappointed sigh.
-
Meanwhile, Caelus had returned and was looking up information about the users that had just randomly ended up in his project. He typed some stuff and the computer came up with something. "Wait... two matches?" Caelus muttered. "How could SenorHouseMouse have been given a number of someone who already died in something other project decades ago?" He searched more extensively. "121512 SenorHouseMouse... what the hell? His number was changed just before he died and 121512 was his original number? Hmm... the 12th letter of the alphabet is L and the 15th is O... LOL..." He had a sudden realization. "My God... This means something and I am supposed to know what it means but I forgot! Damn it!"
One of his alts walked in. "Hey boss, I've been taking a look at the numbers of those random people that keep showing up," said Steroids. He walked up to Caelus and noticed what was on the monitor. "So SHM had the number 121512 which is like LOL? That's weird because something about 'LOL' was at the scene when those users found his body! I knew it! All the numbers mean something! They're not random like numbers for OUR users!"
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Caelus didn't respond. He seemed to be in some sort of a hypnotic trance.
"Boss?" Asked Steroids.
-
"Ow! Damn it! My ass hurts!" Grumbled Stan. He looked around. He remembered falling down the hill and figured he had hit his head and been knocked out, but now he was in the kitchen of what seemed to be some sort of cruise ship. He stood up. "OW! DOUBLE damn it! My head! That hurts too!" He picked up his sniper rifle and inspected it. He quickly realized that it had not been damaged. "I need to get to a higher vantage point. I really don't like not having the high ground."
-
"HERE we go!" Gasped Commodore excitedly as he peeked through the door. He pulled his head back out. "Ladies and gentleman, what we have here is the PERFECT base of operations!" He threw the door open happily so his allies could see that they had hit the jackpot with their search of a place to be... their base of operations >_>.
"It's... a bar," replied Mer, slightly underwhelmed.
"Yeah no f***ing kidding it's a bar! What do think I've been trying to find this whole time?" Commo rushed in and jumped over the counter to make himself a drink.
"I've never really drank before..." said Nio nervously, following Commo in.
"Gotta start sometime!" Responded Lilly in a gruff, raspy voice. She had naughty thoughts in her Komodo Dragon brain. First I'll get 'the boys' drunk until they pass out on the floor, then I can get Nio drunk and take her to the honeymoon suite...
"I guess we SHOULD take advantage of the situation before the landscape changes again," said Mer, walking into the bar. "And it looks like they have a pretty decent wine selection." He picked up an expensive bottle.
"Come on, Nio! It'll be fun!" Laughed Commodore encouragingly, already on his second drink.
"Well... I guess if you guys are drinking, I might as well try. I mean I know Mer won't take advantage of me... and you definitely know what Lilly will do to YOU if you try!" Giggled Nio.
Commo held his hands up defensively. "Just thinking about it is enough to kill my libido and make my junk hurt!" He laughed, already feeling tipsy. "Hey Lilly, what if Mer tries to have his way with me?"
Mer rolled his eyes. "Like YOU'RE anything CLOSE to my type! <Offensive word>, please!" He whipped his whip in Commodore's direction, also already starting to feel tipsy.
"Hey watch it man! You almost knocked over my glass!" Snapped Commo.
"Heh heh heh... All going according to plan..." muttered Lilly the lesbian lizard under her breath. She looked up at Nio who was sipping a girly drink and giggling at the antics of Commodore and Mer. "Don't drink that too fast, honey! Pace yourself!"
-
"XD! Oops! I just sent the latest death list data without fixing the numbers to accommodate Smurf's addition to the game, so now it's gonna say stuff like 41th, 43nd and 34rd!" Laughed Failure. "I'm such a nut!"
"You dumbass!" Chuckled Figure.
"Hey... has anyone seen Steroids?" Asked Machete.
--
ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
47th: 57 Whirlybird - Accidentally shot himself in the pelvic region with a shotgun stolen from his stepfather, bled to death. 46th: 30448 MegaWentEvil - Asphyxiation and massive internal bleeding caused be an allergic reaction to Lebron James blood, which he ingested. 45th: 9459 Catastrophy - The hour-hand of a food clock (a sausage) impaled him in the mouth through the back of the neck. 44rd: 69 Dewott - Turned into an authentic Middle Eastern dude, then devoured by Pterodicktyl, the racist Pterodactyl. 43nd: 9 Ertyu - Took a hard pass of a radioactive football to the chest from former Tennessee Titan Vince Young and exploded. 42st: 2012 Vlado - Dropped into a cauldron of boiling-hot tortellini soup and was scalded/boiled to death. Presumably eaten after cooked. 41th: 33866 RKOsExTha - Buried/Entombed in cement in the depths of Yankee Stadium wearing a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey. 40th: 9999993 Thejp - Suffered from multiple heart attacks and multiple strokes simultaneously, eyeballs and chest literally exploded. 39th: 7476 Todbot - Skull cleaved by Maniac's fire axe when the game suddenly turned from random elimination to battle royale. 38th: 9214 Chrono - Accidentally timehax-exploded by rewinding time to a moment when a concrete building stood in his place. 37th: 4143 Darren - Shot through the heart by a ricocheted bullet from Stan's sniper rifle that would have lodged in the wall that the timehax exploded. 36th: 2713 Tom - Slammed by Voltch's massive gauntlet and sent into a solid metal wall. Bones/organs utterly destroyed. 35th: 121512 SenorHouseMouse - Crucified on an artist canvas then had thirty paintbrushes jammed down his throat, choking him. 34rd: 27085 CheeseCardinal - Poisoned and paralyzed by Crimson's Samuel L. Jackson royale with cheese burger. Then fell into a pool and drowned. 33nd: 45484 ScareChan - Beaten to death by a transgendered Brazilian person summoned through his own deck of cards by Chronic who was "borrowing" them. 32nd: 170 Smurf - Arm nearly chopped off at the shoulder, then head slammed into slot machine and electrocuted by Maniac. 31st: -809 Pirate - Sliced in half vertically by a gigantic buzzsaw on the ceiling, created via one of XIII's wishes.
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Maniac - Fire Axe (2 kills - Todbot, Smurf) Han - Knob Gobbler [stick with a turkey leg and a door knob duct taped to it] (XIII's servant) Commodore - Katana (in alliance w/ Mer and Nio) Mer - Barb-tipped Whip (in alliance w/ Commo and Nio) Nio - Lilly the lesbian lizard [komodo dragon] (in alliance w/ commo and mer) Crimson - 2 Uzis (1 kill - CheeseCardinal) Stan - Sniper Rifle (1 kill - Darren) Zazi - Wasp Knife 3KL (an elk) - Two miniguns controlled by will alone (in all-Dante alliance) Dante - Electrocution Gun (in all-Dante alliance) Dante's Alt - A Bible (in all-Dante alliance) Luster - 20 oz. Mountain Dew: Rockslide Rampage [one sip gives temporary superhuman strength] Maria - Broom + Iron + Dust-Buster + Bottle of Window Cleaner Raka - Cane Sword Fire - Fire Apparatus [Flamethrower and Fire Extinguisher combined] (in 5-person alliance) Naomi - Diamond-edged Broadsword (in 5-person alliance) Voltch - Nemean Gauntlets [from God of War 3] (1 kill - Tom) Cod - Sawfish Saw Blade (in 5-person alliance) Ryoko - Baseball Bat [autographed by David Ortiz] (in 5-person alliance) SEP - Bottle of Poison [refills itself] (in 5-person alliance) Justin - Colt .45 Revolver + 40 oz. bottle of Colt .45 Malt Liquor (leader of 45 Crew) Mcflubbin - Railgun (part of 45 crew) L3fty - Scissors (part of 45 Crew) JeffRaze - Barber's Razor (part of 45 Crew) Genesis - Golden Ring [from Sonic series, powers unknown] (part of 45 crew) Inviso - Mancatcher [high-tech spear] (part of 45 crew) Regaro - Black Widdow [net gun that speaks in ebonics] (part of 45 Crew) Chronic - Magical Deck of Cards [poker-themes, taken from ScareChan] (1 kill - ScareChan) XIII - Magic Lava Lamp with Robin Williams Genie [8 wishes left] (has servant - Han, 1 kill - Pirate)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Oh ho, I'm awake again! At least my fears of someone coming upon my unconscious self were not realized. Now to find some high ground on a cruise ship...
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
She had stumbled upon a large group and although their apparent leader was a peaceful person it would seem, the rest of the group was not necessarily in agreement.
"You dumb b****!" Snapped an angry SEP. "That was supposed to be for a bunch of random losers to eat and get poisoned from! You have SOME NERVE disposing of it!"
"What?! I'm sorry! I saw a huge dead half-eaten fish on the deck and since that dumb pterodactyl gave me cleaning items, naturally I cleaned up the mess!" Argued Maria.
"I have to say I'm pretty impressed that she was able to push that thing overboard..." Said Cod.
"SEP, be reasonable! We formed this alliance for the sake of self-defense! This poor, ethnic maid has a bunch of maid stuff, not a real weapon!" Pleaded Naomi. "She means us no harm! Why would you want to kill her?!"
"Because her face is pissing me off!" Snapped Ryoko who was clearly on SEP's side because SEP is really sexy and no lady can resist his charm, although Naomi was doing a pretty good job so far...
"I'm with Naomi on this one. We should just let this girl go," added Cod.
"Yeah! Just let me go!... Or even take me with you!" Pleaded Maria. "I'm no good at fighting but I can clean! Death can be pretty messy after all..."
"Well, we don't really need someone to clean up any corpses we find or make... I kinda got that covered," Fire chimed in, pointing out his ability to incinerate just about anything with his flamethrower. "I don't really have a strong opinion one way or another, so whatever you guys want to do is fine with me."
"Well I vote kill the b**** and I know Ryoko is with me!" Said SEP. "Cod, you suck and Fire doesn't give a s***... So Naomi... Are you gonna force a tie and make Fire break it... or will you just vote with us? Keep in mind, just because you formed this group does not make you the leader..." He squinted his eyes evilly and began to take his SEP-charm to the next level.
Naomi was powerless. SEP was just too God damn sexy. "Fine... we kill her..."
Maria started to cry. In her mind, she prayed that God would save her from this predicament. (Again, doing this for the sake of making this scene relevant to the chapter title >_>)
SEP took a few steps toward her. "Sorry, honey, but the motion passes. You can fight if you want to, but you're outnumbered..."
Maria considered jumping overboard and hoping the landscape would change before she drowned, but surely she would be sucked under the vessel and shredded by the massive propellers that drove the ship.
"She may be outnumbered but she's not alone!" Announced an unseen figure gallantly.
A man jumped down from the balcony above in an acrobatic manner and stepped between Maria and her soon-to-be attackers.
"Heh. Nice move," chuckled SEP. "For an old man..."
"I like to think of myself as experienced and well-travelled as opposed to old," Said Raka in a gentlemanly tone. He lifted his cane defensively and took a fencing stance. "So, shall we duke it out or will you let us take leave?"
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
SEP couldn't really fight with his bottle of poison, but one of his associates had a weapon that would be evenly matched against a cane. "Ryoko, this one's all you..."
Ryoko grinned and rushed forward.
Raka pushed Maria back and quickly evaded Ryoko's swing. He lashed out with his cane and struck the girl in the back. Ryoko turned and swung again, but her bat was deflected by the cane. The two users exchanged strikes even and most were parried on both sides.
"You're quick," laughed Ryoko, starting to breathe more heavily. "But you're no Jacoby Ellsbury." She swung again.
This time, Raka simply ducked. He stuck out his cane, crook-first and snagged Ryoko's right foot. He yanked back, catching her achilles tendon.
Ryoko was already off balance from the swing, and the yank of her foot was enough to pull her leg out from under her. She went straight down on her back and lost grip of her weapon.
Raka spun the cane around, now holding it normally and thrust it toward the fallen woman's neck, stopping at the last second to merely pin her to the deck. "Stop this senseless tomfoolery!" He demanded, his back to SEP and company.
"Behind you!" Cried Maria.
Raka hadn't noticed that SEP had started forward, his bottle of poison now open and ready to splash directly into the old man's face.
Raka had but a mere split-second to react...
SEP stopped, visibly stunned at the same moment in which all present heard the sound of glass splintering. Poison poured from the broken bottle. SEP let go of it, but it did not fall. It remained suspended, pinned against his chest. He felt the thin blade inside of him, just below the ribcage. "No way! Bulls***, coo!" Gasped the user.
Raka was indeed quite skilled with his cane sword, and thanks to Maria, he had just enough time to deploy it. He thrust the sword further, running it all the way through SEP.
The poison acted quickly on human tissue and was highly corrosive. SEP's chest cavity and abdomen began to melt as blood and dissolving tissue began to pour out, as if the substance was acid or some rapidly acting flesh-eating bacteria.
Raka pulled the sword out. Surprisingly the corrosive poison did not affect metal.
SEP collapsed.
"YOU BASTARD!" Yelled Ryoko. She struggled to get up, but began to cough and make choking sounds as the pressure of the cane against her neck increased.
"Well, damn..." Said Fire. He quickly torched the toxic body of SEP until it was burnt to a crisp, then extinguished it, as to not burn the whole ship.
Maria took the sword from Raka and sprayed it with window cleaner, then wiped it down until it was completely clean and free of any poison residue before handing it back to its owner.
Ryoko wasn't struggling anymore. "You know, that was pretty badass and now that sexy SEP is dead, I kinda feel like wanting to kill you two was s***ty of me..."
Raka let her up.
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
"We were supposed to just ride this whole battle royale thing out! How could we have wanted to murder innocent people?!" Cried Naomi in astonishment.
"Well I voted to let her live so I don't know what the hell came over the rest of you," chuckled Cod.
"So now that... all this stuff just happened... do you want to join us?" Asked Fire.
Raka shook his head. "I won't be trying to kill the rest of you, but I don't think I can trust any of you either."
With that, he and Maria took their leave, now allies since they had saved each others' lives.
-
The Dantes had randomly explored various parts of the ship. Right now, they were approaching the gym and they could hear someone running on a treadmill while listening to a really obnoxious and utterly pointless song.
"Whoever this a****** is, we need to kill him and it needs to be painful. No one listens to f***ing Ke$ha around me and gets away with it!" Snapped Dante's Alt quietly.
"Hey man, I'm the leader so I get to be the one to kill him," corrected Dante.
"Moo," mooed 3KL who was still an elk. (Is "moo" really the sound an elk makes? I don't really know but some of you guys who are also writing stories have used moo and I'm on the elk bandwagon. Still I'm curious as to what an elk sounds like and I don't feel like youtubing it right now...)
The Dantes entered the gym and quietly approached the overweight user who was clearly on the treadmill because he needed the exercise and wanted to better himself. Of course he wasn't morbidly obese like Thejp but he was still rather heavy.
"You sir!" Snapped Dante. "Turn that godawful rubbish music off this instant!"
The treadmill user jumped in surprise, but quickly obeyed. "Who... who are you guys?" He asked nervously.
"We're mind your own damn business, that's who!" Sneered Dante's Alt.
"Oh... umm... I'm Guiga and I'm a mediocre troll. Please don't kill me. I'm just trying to lose weight so that I have a better chance to survive!"
"Guiga, eh? You aren't on the roster!" Mooed 3KL elkishly. (Did you notice that if you switch the K and the L, you get 3LK, and if you turn that 3 around, it's ELK? MIND = BLOWN!)
Guiga noticed Dante's Alt's bible. "Oh heavens! A Bible! I just love those things because I'm a wacky right-wing religious nut who believes in Christianity, that Obama is a terrorist and a bunch of other irrational things!"
Dante's Alt had an idea. "You want it? It's my weapon, but I'll trade it for your weapon if you'd like..."
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
Guiga frowned. "Oh but I've lost my weapon! Perhaps you could just let me hold it? It would put my heart and soul at ease and would give me inspiration!"
Dante's Alt scoffed. God damn, this moron needs to just punch himself in the face.
Guiga abruptly punched himself in the face.
3KL and Dante burst out laughing.
Dante's Alt was puzzled. Okay... that was weird... now he should... drop his pants and turn the treadmill to the fastest setting...
Guiga immediately did just that, as if he was in a trance and being controlled by Dante's Alt.
Dante and 3KL began to laugh even harder as Guiga fell and was launched off the treadmill with his pants around his ankles.
Dante's Alt realized that his Bible was more than what it seemed. It had the power to literally control other people! He decided it was best to keep this secret from his buddies... but he had one more thing for Guiga...
The overweight user managed to get to his feet and pulled his pants back up. He turned to the two Dantes that were laughing their asses off. "I realize now that no one likes me. It's time I leave this board... forever..." He turned to the window wall that had a beautiful view of the ocean. He ran toward and jumped, smashing right through the glass. He had enough velocity to clear lower decks and plummeted straight toward the sea.
Suddenly A narwhal jumped out of the ocean just in time to impale Guiga with its horn.
"Oh cool! A narwhal!" Mooed 3KL.
"Haha! That was awesome! That dude was such a jackass! Glad he did that..." Laughed Dante.
Down below, the narwhal shook the corpse loose and turned toward a camera. "Every story needs a narwhal..." It said in Oprah's voice. It then swam away.
"Good work, Dantes! Now let's go find some other people to f*** with!" Exclaimed Dante.
Suddenly, 3KL's miniguns began to whir. Before anyone could react, they began firing.
Dante went flying across the room as dozens of bullets riddled his body. By the time he came to a complete stop, he was just a pile of mush.
"WHAT?! WHAT THE F*** DID YOU DO, MAN?!" Screamed Dante's Alt dramatically.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Shouted 3KL in horror. "They just went off! I thought I have control of them but they just started firing! I didn't do it on purpose, I swear!" His eyes got watery with elk tears.
Oh I know you didn't do it on purpose... because you didn't do it at all... I did. People don't expect mains to be killed off before alts. That's just silly. You'll live for now, elk, but only because you're an elk, thought Dante's Alt, now a sinister sociopath because of his newly discovered power to use his Bible to manipulate other users. When it comes to Dantes, in the end, there can be only one... and that Dante will be ME!
"I swear..." repeated 3KL tearfully.
"Okay... I don't know how willpower-triggering guns work, and since you didn't shoot me too, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, but seriously, be really careful with those things and do not ever point them at me!" Exclaimed the sociopath alt. "It's not your fault that you can't control your powers. If you were a human, you could just shoot the guns normally. Clearly, this is the fault of whoever made you become an elk. We will find that person and murder him and/or her, and we will AVENGE our fallen leader!"
"Yeah! Let's do that!" Agreed 3KL.
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
mcflubbin posted... I'm pretty sure elks don't moo. I just made that **** up because I don't know what sound an elk makes.
yeah I watched a few videos of elks on youtube but they never made noise... just basically got nearby cars to f*** off by moving at them >_>
muddersmilk posted... I always love my character in Caelus's stories.
And the chapters are awesome so who cares if they are long.
:)
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)
not sure if I'll finish the current chapter tonight. hopefully tomorrow night if not
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ya right you are case the sunglasses have 3d so i can see right threw their clothes -ertyu (about wearing sunglasses to stare at boobs without girls noticing)