Ken Ring Wars gets B- (ME/MotN: Tazz d. Lashley, Benjamin, Ax to retain, B)
Demolition gets B (ME/MotN: Eaton d. Edwards, Matt to retain, B)
Dante Weekly gets C+ (ME/MotN: Baker d. Calhoun, Bobo to retain, B-)
CPU The Show Must Go On gets C+ ME: BxB won a 30-man battle royal, C+ -MotN: Ishimori d. Super Dragon, B- -Stryker d. Quackenbush for No Moe
Boko falls to Cult
Ken gets Strong
No Lynch Wrestling is pleased to announce working agreements with Semi, Zhang, and Snow, as well as a non-aggression pact with eddv. Should stop the raids somewhat!
oh whoops out of time <_>
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
it is certainly not the metric of quality of IMPACT
Pre-show: Tajiri won a battle royal (C)
-Match: Cor Von/MNM d. Edwards/Strike Force Rating: B
-Cor Von has a proposition. He could steal Edwards' woman the old fashioned way, or we could cut to the chase and he can win her in a ladder match at Brave New World! Rating: C+
-Match: Gibson v. The Following As one might expect, Slater and Finlay have a field day with the 2-on-1 advantage, and win easily. Rating: B
-RICKY MORTON makes the save because we're back to being his #1 priority lulz Rating: C+
-Cabana wipes out both members of Priceless in a vicious chair-based assault, asking if this is serious enough for them. Rating: C
-Match: Taka and KENTA v. Awesome and Jack "Noir" Lanza Despite being the clear underdogs against a pair of increasingly monster-ish heels, the new age retro Golden Dragons put up a pretty decent fight. Rating: C+
-AAE gets on the mic and calls out Tajiri. If Tajiri doesn't agree to give Awesome a title shot, both of his buddies are going to receive the beating of a lifetime! Tajiri quickly comes out and concedes to the demand. Rating: D+
-Match: Abyss v. Truth Abyss is a bit tunnel-visiony today, and it costs him dearly. Rating: B Abyss' Animal gimmick gets B
-Abyss takes out Truth after the match. Rating: B+
-Match: Styles v. Guerrero Solid match as usual. Styles gets the win this time. Rating: B+
Post-show: Styles and Eddie yammer at each other (C+); Freebirds d. Bubba Ray/Riggs (D)
Overall: B- SUCCESS lol angles Rating: 2.95
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
Boko Ring Warriors gets B- (ME/MotN: Kane d. Ryan to retain, B)
Lineas de Batalla gets B (ME/MotN: Mascaras d. Mistico, Konnan to retain, B)
Lopen Something to Prove gets B- (ME/MotN: Gunn d. Dibiase, Windham, Bockwinkel to retain, B)
Snow fails to swipe Sheamus
New owner goal: Min C- Charisma. That doesn't hit anybody MAJOR but it does undercut a couple of undercard people I wanted to push.
SlamZone gets A (ME/MotN: Malenko/Cactus double countout, A)
Boko fails to get Nash
Maniac Wrestling gets B (ME/MotN: Animal d. Cabana, B)
Dante Black Sabbath gets B- (ME/MotN: Ox d. Slater to retain, B-)
Semi gets D-Von
Tim gets Eric Young
Modern Day Warriors gets B- (ME: Gunn d. Truth, C+; MotN: Bockwinkel/Morrison/James d. Morton/Ladd/Jarrett, B-)
Ken Insanity Plea gets A (ME/MotN: Tazz d. Morrison to retain, A)
Flame Grilled TV gets B+ (ME/MotN: Flair d. Rock, A)
Rage gets B- (ME/MotN: Santana/Strong/Steiner d. Rikishi/Bam Bam/Kash, B)
High Velocity gets B- (ME/MotN: Andre d. Dory, Abyss, Funaki to retain, B-)
Icon gets Solie, Biff Wellington
Slater leaves Dante via contract expiry
Carnage gets B (ME: Misawa d. Mutoh, B; MotN: Kobashi/Taue d. Hashimoto/Akiyama, B+)
Lock Up TV gets B- (ME: Kidman d. Vader, B-; MotN: Aries d. Stryker, B)
Guerra Extrema gets B (ME/MotN: Andre d. Wagner Jr., B)
Voltch Black Snow gets C+ Stevie Ray d. Henry, Atlas d. Cody, Otunga d. Holly, Savio d. D-Von Atlas d. Ray, Otunga d. Savio (MotN, B-) Otunga d. Atlas for the Luol Deng Classic, C+
Same night, Fight Club gets C+ (ME/MotN: Savio d. Otunga, C+)
Lopen to turn Truth face
All-American pick up Football on PPV
Ken Ring Wars gets B (ME/MotN: Benjamin/Joe d. Morrison/Tazz, A)
Demolition gets B- (ME: Gen Next d. Super Dragon/Matthews, B-; MotN: M. Hardy d. Rikishi, B)
Maniac Royale gets B (ME/MotN: Colt d. Hayes to retain, B+) (battle royal what battle royal)
Dante Weekly gets C+ (ME: Calhoun d. Batista, C+; MotN: Sheamus d. Ox, B)
Dante gets Dustin Rhodes
Decimation gets A (ME/MotN: Austin d. Steamboat, A)
Lopen gets Sam Muchnick
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
Pre-show: Sgt. Slaughter wants to help Hart Dynasty boost up their charisma scores (D+); Faces of Fear d. Swick/Omega (D+); Freebirds think that Faces of Fear are just bullies with low Charisma scores (C-)
-Match: Golden Dragons EVO (Taka/KENTA) v. Sabu and Bubba Ray Making their glorious return to NLW television as Mike Awesome's lackeys, Sabu and Bubba Ray struggle against jobbers and need Awesome to bail them out and get the win. Rating: B-
-Estrrrrrrrrrrrada wants us to know that Tajiri will suffer a similar fate this Sunday, and the US belt will come to Team ECW! Rating: C-
-David Schultz predicts the incoming destruction of Kidman. Noir/Lanza stands around trying to look tough and grimdark. For the record, my "great" Hornswoggle plan was to put him in a Gamzee gimmick and give him this managerial spot. You have to admit that would be kinda terrifying. Almost as terrifying as how badly this push is going. Rating: D
-Match: Jack "Noir" Lanza d. Billy Kidman Rating: B-
-Priceless warn Colt that he should've stayed down after London left. He may be serious, but they're dangerous, and they've got him outnumbered now. Rating: B-
-Match: Cabana/Edwards v. RnR v. Priceless v. Following Colt and Edwards are rolling until Cor Von comes out to hit on Stacy some more. Edwards chases him backstage after tagging out to Gibson, who promptly loses to THE ROLLUP~ Rating: B-
-Edwards chases Cor Von all over the backstage area, but Cor Von escapes into the women's locker room. He then exits, lamenting the lack of women in this fed. Rating: C
-"Everybody in a title match on Sunday" Battle Royal: Styles, Abyss, Martel, Santana, Tajiri, Awesome, Matthews, Morrison, Truth, Guerrero Guerrero wins after sneakily hanging on to bundle out Styles and Abyss at the same time. Rating: B
-Guerrero cuts a promo on how awesome and smart he is, failing to realize he's been cornered by Styles and Abyss. He eats a Black Hole Slam and a Styles Clash for his efforts. Rating; C+
Post-show: An annoyed Eddie joins Barr in a dueling promo with the AMW (C-); AMW d. Riggs/Barr (D-)
Overall: B- SUCCESS lol angles Rating: 2.95
awwww yeah 100th show come to me extra point
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
Lineas de Batalla gets B (ME/MotN: Andre/Canek d. Demon/Mascaras, B)
Eaton too big to stay with Coffee
Semi signs Vader
Boko Ring Warriors gets B (ME: Kane d. Orton, B; MotN: Otunga d. RVD, B+)
Bidoof Fondo de la Roca gets B (ME/MotN: Canek/Demon d. Perro/Konnan, B+)
SlamZone gets B (ME/MotN: Malenko d. Perfect, Goldberg, Warrior to retain, B)
Maniac Wrestling gets B- (ME/MotN: Cabana d. Joe, Funaki, Animal to retain, B+)
Semi to turn Hase face
Snow gets Monty Brown
Football Blood Simple gets B (ME/MotN: Decimation d. Santana/Strong, B)
Shawn Michaels dies via drugs
Modern Day Warriors gets B- (ME: Morton d. Dibiase, B-; MotN: Bockwinkel d. Ladd, B)
Del Rey goes from Regular to Junior
Nash frustrated at lack of work
I'm apparently going to push Kazarian. Not too far off the truth if I can get his charisma high enough.
Flame Grilled TV gets A (ME/MotN: Harts d. Arn/Flair, A)
Same night, Zhang Lord of Canada gets B Vachon d. LuFisto, Rey d. Oulette, Eugene d. Morley, Flair d. Maryse Vachon d. Rey, Flair d. Eugene Flair d. Mad Dog Vachon to become Lord of Canada (MotN, B+)
High Velocity gets B (ME/MotN: Dibiase/Funaki d. Funk/Gibson, B)
Rage gets B- -ME/MotN: Eaton d. Gordy to retain, B -Finlay d. Tajiri for Oklahoma Wrasslin NLW NLW
Guerra Extrema gets B (ME/MotN: Canek/Andre/Mascaras d. Wagner Jr./Konnan/Perro, B)
Carnage gets B -ME: Liger d. Marufuji, Benoit, Kash for the Belt Armor, B -MotN: Sasaki d. Tsuruta to retain, B+
Lock Up TV gets B (ME/MotN: Ishimori d. Dragon Kid, B)
Fight Club gets C+ (ME/MotN: Savio d. Otunga, B)
Icon gets Ivan Koloff
Ken to turn Tazz face
Gibson leaves Coffee via contract expiry
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
World Title: Styles (c) v. Abyss v. Guerrero v. Truth Tag Titles: Strike Force (c) v. MNM US Title: Tajiri (c) v. Awesome Cabana v. Priceless RnR Express v. The Following Ladder Match for Stacy Kiebler's contract: Edwards v. Cor Von probably some sort of filler match or two
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
eddv is working his guys to death. I demand Congress step in and investigate.
-ME: Liger d. Marufuji, Benoit, Kash for the Belt Armor, B
Oh, for ****'s sake. Not only did Liger just lose it, but these never-ending 4-way matches over the belt never do great in the ratings. Hey! AI Semi! Knock it off with the Inoki-isms!
--
"Oh God, maplejet's trying to be cool again. I'll call the ambulance." - Wylvane
only a matter of time before Juvy consumes BRAVE NEW WORLD
Pre-show: Video segment about Cor Von and a buncha low-charisma jobbers fighting over women in the city (D+); Freebirds d. Harts, Speed Muscle (C-)
-Colt Cabana comes out, still in srs biz mode. He points out that there's a cage above the ring. That's because tonight, he wants to settle things with Priceless once and for all. He's fighting a handicap match, so there will be no excuses when they lose, and there's a cage, so they can't escape when things go south. He will destroy them. Rating: C
-Tag Titles: Strike Force (c) v. MNM MNM come dangerously close at multiple points, but can't put away the champs. Rating: B
-Strike Force are still recovering from the grueling defense when the Wild Samoans run in on them! AMW make the save. Rating: D
-Match: Kidman v. Noir Even match, with Kidman getting a dusty DQ win after a post-match beatdown from Noir. Rating: C+
-Ladder Match: Edwards v. Cor Von Stacy teases a heel turn, flirting back with Cor Von all throughout the match...however, it was a CLEVER FACE RUSE, as a key panty flash distracts Cor Von enough for Edwards to hit a superplex off the ladder! Edwards goes on to win, retaining the services of his girlfriend. Rating: B-
-Smooches ensue Rating: C- man I'd hate to see the result if Stacy wasn't being rated on her A* sex appeal
-US Title: Tajiri (c) v. Awesome Not even AAE can save Awesome from the righteous annoyance of the US Champ! Lol Team ECW Rating: B Great chemistry!
-Match: Rock 'n' Roll Express v. The Following HAIL SLATER Rating: B
-Slater demands that we behold the magnificence of his victory. He and Finlay are unstoppable, despite a few minor setbacks. Rating: C
-#1 Contender: AMW v. Wild Samoans Apparently, this was set up after the brawl earlier. Samoans win a tough match. Rating: C
-Cage: Cabana v. Priceless Apparently, escape rule is not in effect. Cabana predictably gets beat down pretty bad, but pulls off a MASSIVE hulk up routine and turns the tables! Dibiase bails over the cage wall as Cabana gets a huge pinfall on Rhodes. Rating: B-
-Eddie Guerrero is looking forward to being the first 3-time NLW Champion just like he was the first 2-time! Truth laughs him off, because it is time for him to finally overcome all the CONSPIRACIES and bring home the title! Rating: B-
-NLW Title: Styles (c) v. Abyss v. Truth v. Guerrero Truth's on a roll late in the match, but gets stopped by both of the faces in tandem. Styles hits a Pele Kick and Styles Clash on Abyss, but is too exhausted to go for the pin.....FROG SPLASH! The possuming Guerrero covers Styles....1....2..........3! VIVA LA RAZA Rating: B+
Post-show: Guerrero celebrates in the ring (B-); Slaughter/Simmons d. Bubba Ray/Sabu (D)
Overall: B SUCCESS lol angles
...Styles now autopushes to upper mid >__>
--
Tombolo is apparently using windows atm! Maybe BlAcK TuRtLe is too!
we're the advertising company and they won't even tell us what's on IMPACT
Ken Ring Wars gets B (ME: Tazz d. Hayes, B; MotN: Joe d. Benjamin, B+)
Demolition gets B (ME/MotN: Hawk d. Super Dragon, B)
Dante Weekly gets C+ -ME/MotN: Baker/Sheamus no contest v. Calhoun/Bobo, B- -Goldust d. Dogg for the vacant Best of the Scrubs
War gets Wladek Zybysko
Icon gets Severn
Decimation gets A* (ME/MotN: Steamboat d. Lesnar, A)
War's Birthday Bash gets B+ -ME/MotN: Dibiase/Funaki d. Funk/Gibson, A -Tommy Rich and Terry Gordy (Sharp Shooters) d. Lenny/Masters for the vacant SUCK IT FOOTBALL
Dante gets Evan Lewis
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
Impact taglines work better when there is actual IMPACT
Pre-show: Kidman asks Shango to hax his Charisma (C); Noir d. Slaugher (D+); Schultz hypes Noir (D-)
-Nixon announces a new CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE for all our talented non-drawing vanilla midget friends. *****es love cruiserweights. Also, the title will be awarded by tournament, and the first match is NOW! It's also a tag match just 'cuz. Rating: A o_O...and the only person to get the boost is somebody who's already passed the charisma req
-Cruiserweight tournament: Golden Dragons v. Speed Muscle Speed Muscle continue their run of "almost but not quite" losses, putting over Taka and KENTA in a close one. Rating: C+
-Priceless and RnR get into an argument about who the bigger losers were. Rating: C-
-Styles' Batista-style invoking of his rematch clause is interrupted by Heath Slater, who is even more proud of himself than usual after dispatching RnR last Sunday. Slater thinks this show should be about him, so they agree to a six-man tag tonight. Rating: C+
-Match: Tajiri and Omega v. Sabu and Awesome Awesome proves he's not out of the US Title hunt yet with a big tag win. Rating: B-
-Truth and Abyss get into an argument backstage over the finish Sunday, and it devolves into a brawl. Rating: B-
-Match: Cabana d. Morrison Rating: B
-Guerrero has a fiesta in the ring to celebrate his reign as the first-ever three-time NLW Champion! Rating: B-
-Match: Styles/Strike Force v. Guerrero/Following In an obvious attempt to bump Strike Force back down to upper midcard, the heels roll. Rating: B
Post-show: Dire Wolves d. Riggs/Cor Von (D+); guess I forgot to book an angle here "oh well"
Overall: B- SUCCESS lol angles, Doi overused Rating: 2.92
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)
but it kinda sucked because feds that size are annoying and also it was March 2010 and I had no idea what was going on and also HHH refused to lose anything ever
--
~Tommeri Uranius Bombaldi the Fourth, esq. (aka not Krakenprophet)