Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Arnold Schwarzenegger-related with write-ups (spoilers)

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I believe Linda Hamilton as a badass soldier girl, I do not believe Emilia Clarke. She's 5'2", she has the musculature of an elementary school student, and she can't act at all. There should never be a point in your action movie where I think "I could beat this person up

I believe this is my biggest problem with Genisys, phrased pretty much exactly how I would phrase it. The butchery of the mythos and stuff I'm less offended by.

As Dark Fate brings back the genuine article Linda Hamilton I feel like it's impossible to be worse than Genisys for me.

The scene where he removes the tracking device in Total Recall

Miles Dyson

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent
Muscleboundness
T-1000
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Conan the Barbarian (Film)
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice
The Terminator (Film)

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Conan the Barbarian (Character)
Tracking Device Removal Scene (Total Recall): I first saw this movie when I was like six, my parents didn't care at all about movie ratings, and this scene where a comically-gigantic tracking device is pulled out of Arnold's nostril, one that clearly couldn't fit in there, was the main thing I took away. This and "Get ready for a surprise!" are probably the two scenes that basically just admit that this is a cartoon, as opposed to like Terminator 2, which never winks at the audience. Normally, I hate audience winks, but this is an exception. Paul Veerhoven just has the power to disobey my rules, what can I say?
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!"
Taking to the Air (Sega CD)
Rainier Wolfcastle
7-time Mr. Olympia Winner

Do Eet! Do Eet Now!
The Running Man
Jorgen von Strangle
Pumping Iron
Arnold, Wilt Chamberlain, and Andre the Giant Photo
Hercules in New York
Arnold Stogie Rant
Miles Dyson: The most confusing thing in all of Terminator lore is that they bring this character back in Terminator 5, which is made twenty-five years after Terminator 2, and they didn't cast the same actor. It's like... why would you even bother bringing the character back? Jurassic Park 6 did the exact same thing with Dodgson, but at least there they had the excuse that the original actor got popped for child pornography, but it's like, no one on Earth cares about Dodgson, so not bringing him back is whatever. Oh, Miles Dyson, right. He's fine. His job in the movie is to represent the concept of science without a leash, of scientists just doing things without thinking about the possible repercussions of their actions. That, and to make it so one of the heroes dies, and they weren't willing to kill Sarah or John. Amazingly, both of those characters would die in later movies. John even managed to die three times.
Terminator Fatalities
T2: The Arcade Game

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth
Governorship of California
Arnold's Wikipedia Page
Joseph Baena
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood
Conan the Destroyer

Get Out
The 6th Day
President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)
ERB: Terminator vs Robocop
Terminator vs Jesus
Terminator 2 (NES)
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill)
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser)
Bloody Brad (Metal Gear)
Cottage Cheese

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Schwarzenegger-Stallone Rivalry
Red Heat: I watched this film as a kid, and the only thing I remember is the shot of Arnold wearing a ushanka. The modern equivalent of this movie, which is a buddy cop where the gimmick is it's a Soviet and American cop each, I guess would be a Chinese and American cop teaming up? I don't know, it feels like China is not as much of a friendly rival to America, at least in terms of stupid comedy movies.
Dolph Lundgren
Dutch (Aliens vs Predator Arcade Game)
Last Action Hero
The Last Stand (2013)
Predator (NES)
Termination: Salvation
Japanese Arnold Commercial
Mortal Kombat
Kindergarten Cop: It's incredible that this movie made back eight times its budget. How awful that Arnold gave up his amazing action movies for comedy. This wasn't even made after his star was fading, this is a 1990 film, right in the middle of Arnold's career. In some ways, this was the beginning of the end for him. As far as the movie itself goes, it's just a standard "big tough guy must deal with children" story. Remember Tooth Fairy with Dwayne Johnson? Movies where there's just one joke like that are not great.
Come with Me if You Want to Lift Shirt
Twins: Speaking of movies where there is exactly one joke, here's Twins. "What if Arnold and Danny DeVito were twin brothers?" No, I'm actually lying. From the poster of this movie, you would assume the story is just that they're twins, and then there'd be a movie where like Danny DeVito is trying to woo a hot girl, and is angry that the more handsome Arnold keeps accidentally upstaging him, and he has to learn to prove his own value as a person on his own. No. The first one minute of the movie establishes that there's a secret genetic-engineering project in the 1950s (???) to combine the DNA of six fathers to produce the perfect child (???), and the scientists have to create one imperfect baby in the process of creating the perfect one. It's literally the plot of Metal Gear Solid 1. Anyway, then the scientists tell the mother "your son died in birth, no you can't see him," and she doesn't know about the second baby. Now, look. I'm not a woman. I've never given birth. But I have to believe that every woman on Earth, no matter how ditzy or stupid or drunk, remembers the exact number of babies she's pushed out. I'm sure it's hard to see your vagina while you girth birth, but I'm standing by this idea, that you'd know how many babies you cranked out in the hospital. And all of this is some kind of secret illegal experiment, but their birth certificate lists all six fathers. Later, Danny DeVito kills a guy with a chain, which is shocking in a stupid comedy film like this. This movie even ends the exact way you think it would, which is the twins each marrying twin sisters, who then each give birth to more twins. It's honestly not the worst film ever? It's just sort of lame.
The Expendables 1
Escape Plan
The New Celebrity Apprentice
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Tommy Tallarico: Oof, I had to look this up, and I'm going to do something unprecedented and change a ranking I already ranked. I had no idea he was a plagarist, that's pretty bad. That's like the worst thing an artist can do.
Jingle All the Way
Termination: Genisys
Terminator: Dark Fate: First of all, what a bad title. Second, I want to talk for a moment about wackjob conspiracy theorists. There's this one wacky conspiracy theory that there's a concerted effort to ruin past movies by intentionally ruining all of their heroes that we looked up to in order to make modern people believe in nothing. I don't believe any of it, of course, but movies like this do help their case. The lengths this movie goes to to ruin Terminator as a franchise are insane. In the first thirty seconds of the film, it's 1995 again, CGI John Connor is running around, being a little kid, and Arnold busts in and murders him, and then just leaves. Later, it's established that Skynet sent ANOTHER Terminator back in time besides the ones in T1 and T2, and this one took longer to find John, but finally got the job done only after Skynet was destroyed, making the entire murder pointless. Like, the very first thing that happens is to establish that Terminator 2 doesn't matter. Later, it's revealed that no matter what you do, in twenty years, the world will always be ruled by evil metal skeleton robots with glowing red eyes. I'm not kidding, that's a canon fact of Terminator now. The Kyle Reese of this movie shows up and says "even though you destroyed Skynet, the military just built a new AI named Legion, and we defeated it, but it sent another robot back in time to kill the person who stops it." I hate when long-running series do this, where they push back the near future event and just make it a canon fact of the universe. Star Trek also did this with the Eugenics Wars, where it's established as a fact that no matter what you do, there will always be a war with genetically-modified soldiers set thirty years after the show is made. Anyway, Linda Hamilton then shows up and says "I'm in my sixties, but I'm such a badass that I keep fighting Terminators. Skynet keeps sending more robots back in time, and I just appear and shoot them as soon as they arrive," and it's like, the idea of a professional Terminator Hunter just ruins Terminators as a concept. God, more stupid things happen, then there's this long subplot where they have to infiltrate a detention center for illegal immigrants, and the ICE people are so evil that even when a Terminator is killing them, one of them complains that a Mexican person is leaving the facility without papers. Like, I understand hating ICE, that's fine, but the way this movie is written is insane. Anyway, more stuff happens, I don't remember, and the climax happens at the Hoover Dam, because someone said "we can't have the final showdown happen in an abandoned factory for the sixth time in a row." Arnold shows up and says "I'm an ageless robot, but I decided to make myself look old, and I married a human woman. Even though we can't have sex, we still love each other," and it's like, bro, an infiltration robot is the only kind of robot where it makes sense that it'd be equipped for sex, I'm just saying. Later, Arnold dies, and Sarah Connor looks conflicted for two seconds, then says "Nineteen-year-old girl, I will teach you to be the new John Connor and lead us to victory in the war that will start in two years," and it's like, it's clearly stated in the first movie that John Connor was an effective leader because he was training his entire life, and not like two years. I actually read an interview where the director was complaining that he wanted the future to be changed so that Legion wins, and humanity has to send an assassin back to kill it before it can take over the world, and James Cameron was like "NO. More robot assassins." From a technical perspective, yes, this is better than 3, 4, and 5, and probably better than 1, honestly, but it's also insane in a boring, repetitive way. It's my least favorite of the Terminator movies, though not honestly by that wide of a margin.
Pumping Up with Hans & Franz (SNL)
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze

Veto
Junior (Film): I'll be honest, I've never seen this movie. From the poster alone, it looks awful. Is this the first film to ever deal with mpreg? I know that's a whole thing on fanfiction.net or whatever.

Jackie Chan

Consider this a divorce.

Commando

The ranking says no but the writeup didn't seem that bad for the stuff that matters to me. I think I will watch Dark Fate someday. Feel like it has potential to be my third favorite Terminator movie.

End of Days

Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson

T-800 shotgun flip reload

OK. I'll do it.

"I'LL BE BACK"

Harlan Ellison's plagiarism lawsuit against the Terminator

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent
Muscleboundness
T-1000
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Conan the Barbarian (Film)
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice
"Considah Dat a Divorce": I think this is not only the definitive Arnold one-liner, but it might be the definitive one-liner of all time. The only other one I can think of is in that one garbage Bond movie, where Bond has sex with a woman, points a gun at her, she says "you can't kill me, you'd miss me," and then he shoots her and says to her corpse "I never miss." I think what makes this one memorable is two things: first, it's probably the cleverest of all Arnold one-liners. STEEK AROUND and LET OFF SOME STEAM are great and all, but the context of your wife trying to murder you and then reminding you that you're married really helps elevate this line to the next level. Second, I think this is the only one-liner Arnold ever uses to kill a woman, right? Does Arnold ever kill another woman in any other movie? I cannot think of any, except in Terminator 1 when he kills the other Sarah Connors and her best friend. I'm talking about Arnold killing a woman who's fighting him, does he ever do that in a single other film? The Terminatrix doesn't count, because she's already reduced to a metal skeleton when they explode. Like, action movies shy away from having their muscular giant guys beat up women, but this movie goes out of its way to paint his wife as the most unpleasant and evil woman ever, and one who can hold her own in a fight, and even then, imagine if Arnold just murdered her and said nothing. Like, imagine her begging for her life, and he just shoots her without a word. He NEEDS to say a witty one-liner so that he won't seem like a horrible person. Total Recall is definitely the most cartoony of Arnold's good movies, and this line is part of that. Like, this line is WAY more memorable than Arnold using a giant drill to kill a guy while screaming "SCREW YOUUUUUUUUUU," which happens like twenty minutes later, and there's a damn good reason for that.
The Terminator (Film)
Commando: I think it will be an uncontroversial statement to say that this is the purest Arnold movie. When I think of Arnold, I think of a big muscular man who can't act, standing in a field and firing a gun at normal people while never getting hit, punching another big guy, and saying witty things. This is the movie that is the most *that,* without having any additional elements to muddle things. There's no complicated sci-fi element, there's no Nietzchian philosophy, there's no Most Dangerous Game ripoff, it's just 91 minutes of Arnold doing action things, saying witty things, and occasional exposition. But those other elements, I hate to say it, make their movies better than Commando. This is why Commando, to me, is definitely the #6 Arnold movie. It's the lowest member of the Greater Arnoldcore filmography, the gatekeeper between its level and what comes below. I could talk forever about all of the great moments in this movie ("I lied," "Don't wake up my friend; he's dead tired," "Let off some steam, Bennet"), or how amazing it is that the plot is just a guy kidnaps Arnold's daughter and tells him to assassinate his rival, and Arnold does not for one second even consider obeying and instead just immediately starts murdering everyone, but I think I want to highlight the single moment I've thought about the most. In the first minute of the movie, you see how much Arnold loves his daughter, and they're doing idyllic stuff in the forest and all of that, and there's this one shot where they're feeding a deer. I cannot tell if that's an audience wink or not. It's just so absurd, so outrageously stupid, and I can't tell if the director geuninely thought "I need to establish that Arnold loves his daughter so his motivations later make sense," or if he thought "lol this is to signal to the audience that I know all of this is stupid." I'll probably never know the answer to that. "I lied" is less clever than throwing him off a cliff, then reassuring the girl that "I let him go."

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Shotgun Flip Reload: It's so ****ing cool. I don't care about it making no sense, this to me is like when Legolas jumps onto that horse in the second movie by grabbing its neck and flipping around its entire body, when he could have easily just jumped onto it. Spinning makes everything cooler except the final fight scene in Revenge of the Sith, but what really elevates the shotgun flip reload to the next level is that Arnold actually has a reason to do it (using his other hand to drive a motorcycle), which means that unlike Legolas, who's just an anime character, Arnold is still a ruthless machine that does not care about frills, but instead just achieves his goals in the most efficient method possible. Thank God he landed in front of a biker bar and was able to steal a leather jacket and sunglasses, right? Imagine if he'd landed in front of an office and was dressed like an officer worker the entire film.
Conan the Barbarian (Character)
Tracking Device Removal Scene (Total Recall)
Jackie Chan: I can't think of any Jackie Chan movies I really like, but I've always thought of him as a pretty okay actor. None of his movies knock your socks off like Terminator 2, but they're always okay. I will say that in terms of actual talent, Jackie Chan completely blows Arnold out of the water. Jackie Chan's wacky antics when fighting are much more entertaining than Arnold's fistfights or gunfights. He's also a way better actor, in that he can display emotions other than silent anger. But where Jackie Chan has genuine talent, Arnold has an insane body and a way sillier accent. In the modern day, if you were trying to make a real action movie, Jackie Chan would be a way better option than Arnold. But in the world of 80s action films, where things are meant to be slightly stupid, Arnold is unbeatable. No human being can match him. You need someone who will try to act seriously, but is just so bad of an actor that he comes across as comical, but still seems like he could genuinely beat you up, and Arnold is the guy. As an actor, Jackie Chan isn't good enough to be notable, but isn't bad enough to be funny. He has to be in actual comedies to be funny, and to his credit, his comedies are WAY better than Arnold's. Like, to be clear, Jackie Chan still has some of what makes Arnold Arnold, he still has the energy, and he's still a weird foreign man, but he's not as energetic or as weird and as foreign. And it's especially weird, because you'd logically assume that a Chinese man is more foreign to Americans than an Austrian man, but like I said earlier, Arnold is foreign to all countries, he's equally insane to a German or Austrian person. So, to be clear: Jackie Chan is the true lesser Arnold, not Dwayne Johnson. And like with the Arnold x Dwayne Johnson movie we never got, it's a shame we never got an Arnold x Jackie Chan movie. I'm imagining like they're spies from opposite countries who're both after some terrorist, and they mistake the other for being on the terrorist's side, and before they inevitably learn the truth, they have a fight scene of Arnold's blunt stupidity vs Jackie Chan's running around and using the environment. Ah well, Jackie Chan can at least say that he never sank to complete garbage levels like Arnold did.
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!"
Taking to the Air (Sega CD)
Rainier Wolfcastle
7-time Mr. Olympia Winner

Do Eet! Do Eet Now!
The Running Man
Jorgen von Strangle
Pumping Iron
"I'll be Back": I have mixed feelings about this line. On the one hand, it makes no sense for the Terminator to say it in T1. In every other scene, he always uses the minimum words possible, and simply pursues his objective as efficiently and emotionlessly as possible. Demanding to see Sarah Connor, leaving when he's refused, and smashing into the police station with his car makes complete sense. But there is no reason for him to inform the cop that he'll be back. On the other hand, it's super cool and badass and I love it. On the third hand, this line ruined Arnold. How many of his movies have a variation of this line them? There just comes a point in his career where he's obligated to say the line in every film, like, get it out of the way, please, so we can move on. If it was just restricted to Terminator, I would be fine with it, but it's in like ten more films, and the only time it was ever clever was in Running Man, when the TV host laughs at him and promises "only in reruns." The worst one ever is in Dark Fate, where Arnold tells his family that he has to go fight time traveling robots again, that they need to leave and disappear for their own safety, and sadly whispers "I won't be back." It's so ****ing distracting and ruins the scene. I don't know where I want to place this quote as a result.
Arnold, Wilt Chamberlain, and Andre the Giant Photo
Hercules in New York
Arnold Stogie Rant
Miles Dyson
Terminator Fatalities
Dwayne Johnson: I distinctly remember being 15, and seeing Dwayne Johnson in a movie, and Arnold shows up for a cameo, telling him "good luck." I don't remember what movie it was, or what the context of the cameo was, but it was obviously Arnold joking that Dwayne Johnson wants to be the new Arnold. It was never going to happen. He has the body, he has the unique look, but he isn't a cartoon character, and he doesn't have Arnold's charisma. Arnold has a lot of really genuine charisma to him, it's as simple as that. He's ****ing weird, but he is a likeable man. Dwayne Johnson is PRETTY likeable. He's pretty good. But he's not on Arnold's level. And in all seirousness, Arnold is in some of the best movies ever made. What's Dwayne Johnson's best film? What are the definitive Rockcore movies? Fast and Furious, where he's a side character? Moana? ****ing Jumanji? This isn't really his fault, it's not like Arnold writes his own scripts, but Arnold just had the fortune of having six REALLY amazing movies, whereas Dwayne Johnson's filmography is much lamer. I'll say this, though: nothing Dwayne Johnson's done is as bad as Arnold's worst. He's a much more even actor, never reaching Arnold's highs or Arnold's lows, and I guess I can respect that he technically has a higher average movie quality, but even when I was 15, I knew this guy was not going to be the next Arnold. It's better to have one good movie and nine crap movies than ten forgettable-but-okay movies. And like, look, I said earlier that Arnold and Stallone being in a movie together in 2013 is pathetic, because it is. But if you're going to have a guy who is explicitly trying to replicate Arnold's career, then having him and Arnold team up in a movie together, where like I don't know, Arnold is the old guy in charge of some commando squad, and this hot new talent joins whom he can't stand, and they have to work together as Old and New Giant Muscle Guys, that would make sense. But that movie was never made, and never will be, unless AI technology reaches the point where I can put that prompt into the internet and get a full movie out of it. My only other thing to say about Dwayne Johnson was that when I was 21, I was playing TF2, and I was chatting while playing. A guy on my team said "I live in Alaska, ask me anything," so I said "what's the Rock's real name?", and he spent the next fifteen minutes groaning and agonizing as he played, unable to remember it and complaining that he should know this.
T2: The Arcade Game

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth
Governorship of California
Arnold's Wikipedia Page
Joseph Baena
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood
Conan the Destroyer

Get Out
The 6th Day
President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)
ERB: Terminator vs Robocop
Terminator vs Jesus
Terminator 2 (NES)
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill)
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser)
Bloody Brad (Metal Gear)
Cottage Cheese

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Schwarzenegger-Stallone Rivalry
Red Heat
Dolph Lundgren
Dutch (Aliens vs Predator Arcade Game)
Last Action Hero
End of Days: In this movie, Arnold's name is Jericho Cane. I love movie names. No one is ever Adrian Jones or Robert Smith. Imagine if you knew someone named Jericho Cane, you would give him **** nonstop for that. Anyway, this is Arnold's second foray in the little-remembered genre of action-horror, and his first where he's not the villain. This movie is about how Satan blesses a woman to conceive the Antichrist, and Satanists and the Pope's forces battle over the fate of the world. Arnold has the most generic backstory of all time, being an ex-cop who quit the force after his family died, and he has to protect the woman from Satan, who in this movie, is not like, like, you probably imagine Satan as following rules, right? He has to slowly corrupt the innocent, etc. No. He just possesses an investment banker, rapes his wife, then blows up a restaurant with magic for no reason at all. This is the bluntest, stupidest version of Satan I can think of in any movie, and his goal is to rape the woman so she'll bear his son. The day is saved not thanks to Arnold, but because Satan possesses Arnold, and Arnold impales himself on a sword just before he rapes the woman. According to Wikipedia, there's an alternate ending where God heals Arnold, who then gets together with the girl, but whatever. Okay, here's the problem. You cannot have a serious film where the main character needs to be like a cop doubting his faith who slowly comes to believe in something again, starring Arnold. He is too stupid. I don't mean that he's stupid in terms of intelligence, I'm sure he's quite smart, he has a degree in... business administration and marketing? Well, I'm sure he's not that dumb. But he cannot be your main character in a semi-serious horror film. I wonder what this movie would be like with like, I don't know, Tom Cruise or something, and I imagine it would be noticeably better. This is a rare time when Arnold is bringing the movie down, you know? It's still not a TERRIBLE film, but the absurdity of what happens with Arnold, and how blunt and dumb Satan behaves, prevents it from reaching any kind of real quality.
The Last Stand (2013)
Predator (NES)
Termination: Salvation
Japanese Arnold Commercial
Mortal Kombat
Kindergarten Cop
Come with Me if You Want to Lift Shirt
Twins
The Expendables 1
Escape Plan
The New Celebrity Apprentice
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Harlan Ellison's Plagiarism Lawsuit against Terminator 1: I'm not sure about this one. I read a synopsis of The Outer Limits episode that prompted this lawsuit, and I watched its opening, and like, yes, both stories involve soldiers going back in time to the modern day and dying, and the first two minutes are set in the future during a battle, but like, EVERYTHING else is different. The Outer Limits episode is about two soldiers accidentally going back in time to 1964, and a psychologist being like "I bet I can rehabilitate this psychologically-scarred future soldier," and then the other soldier shows up and endangers the psychologist's family, prompting a showdown where they both die. My brief research on the subject says that Ellison reached a deal with the film company where he would get a settlement, and he could comment about the deal, but they could not, so no one knows what went on beyond that James Cameron is annoyed about it and disagreed. Ellison also claims that Cameron said he was inspired by an episode of The Outer Limits, but I'm not sure about how true that one is, and Ellison was also very litigious and sued many people. I don't know, man, even if Cameron WAS inspired by that episode, they are so divergent that calling it plagiarism seems like a huge stretch. Ellison specifically cites the openings as being similar, and the only similarity I can see at all is that there's a battle with fog and laser beams. I know we don't have the full story behind this lawsuit, but it really seems like Cameron is in the right when he called Ellison nasty names over this0.
Tommy Tallarico
Jingle All the Way
Termination: Genisys
Terminator: Dark Fate
Pumping Up with Hans & Franz (SNL)
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze

I think I'll stop this topic at 150, so we have like two more rounds of Arnold nominations before the end.

Anagram posted...

I distinctly remember being 15, and seeing Dwayne Johnson in a movie, and Arnold shows up for a cameo, telling him "good luck." I don't remember what movie it was, or what the context of the cameo was, but it was obviously Arnold joking that Dwayne Johnson wants to be the new Arnold.

Ironically this is The Rundown which you'd mentioned not seeing earlier in this topic

It's also the only great movie The Rock has imo.

I like the movie ones best as you may have guessed so I'll pick one of the few that hasn't been done yet

Raw Deal

yeah it's a pretty flimsy comparison (compared to Alan Moore ripping off the Outer Limits episode Architects of Fear in Watchmen)

Total Recall (NES)

President Schwarzenegger (Demolition Man)

https://youtu.be/Awr2YhW3HEE?si=llWdcLzwEvuxWO7o

Soundboard pranks

Bodybuilding

Lopen posted...

Ironically this is The Rundown which you'd mentioned not seeing earlier in this topic

It's also the only great movie The Rock has imo.

Oh goddammit, is that the movie where the Rock is hired to retrieve someone's son, and the son tries to get him killed by telling some guys that he's an assassin?

Anagram posted...

Oh goddammit, is that the movie where the Rock is hired to retrieve someone's son, and the son tries to get him killed by telling some guys that he's an assassin?

Yes!

Skynet

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent
Muscleboundness
T-1000
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Conan the Barbarian (Film)
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice
"Considah Dat a Divorce"
The Terminator (Film)
Bodybuilding: I have never watched any bodybuilding competition, 90% of my knowledge comes from Pumping Iron and that one episode of Malcolm in the Middle. I have no problem with bodybuilding. I do think it's a little comical, the idea of making yourself look as strong as possible, moreso than the world's actual strongest people, who are always 6'2" Swedish men with beer guts named Thor Sveribjornilingen. I know bodybuilding requires intense effort and willpower, and I actually do respect that. I basically view it as a particular type of entertainer. I'm sure that even if I became a bodybuilder, I'd still look like a goofy stick, though. I remember in high school, a science teacher saying "anyone can study and become smarter, but not anyone can become Albert Einstein. Anyone can work out and become stronger, but not anyone can become Arnold Schwarzenegger." And that sort of says it all, the idea that Arnold is to bodybuilding what Einstein is to science. He is the face of it, and probably always will be, even though he hasn't been involved in bodybuilding since like the 80s?
Commando

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Shotgun Flip Reload
Conan the Barbarian (Character)
Tracking Device Removal Scene (Total Recall)
Jackie Chan
Skynet: In the first four movies, Skynet is perfect. Even though T3 and T4 are terrible, they don't ruin Skynet. I said this before, but the scariness of Skynet, the threat of Skynet, is that it's an emotionless computer that just makes emotionless decisions, and it calculated that humans are dangerous and doomed anyway, and that the most efficient way to protect itself was to eradicate them all. And the scariness of Skynet is that it's correct. There's no negotiating with it, because it's correct. We do pollute the environment, we do fight ourselves, etc. The scariness is also derived from the fact that there is no center to Skynet, even the name implies that it's a series of connected computers that you can't simply shut down or blow up, and its agents, which are all emotionless murderbots, are equally immune to negotiation. That's what makes Skynet more threatening than like, I don't know, the aliens from Independence Day, who are equally genocidal monsters that want to take over the world, but very much do have a central hub you can just nuke to death, and it's what makes Skynet more unique than any other sci-fi villain. "Fighting it" consists of trying to murder the scientist who builds it before it's built, or of blowing up the lab that develops the technology its operating system uses. Of course, Skynet is ruined over time. Part of this is that every movie except the fourth just is the same thing: Skynet loses the war, so it sends a robot assassin back in time. This is actually T2's fault for establishing this precedent, but T2 gets a pass because it wasn't old yet. In Genisys and Dark Fate, it's established that Skynet just sends robot assassins back constantly with either vague or no directions; the past is just lousy with robot assassins. You'd think that at some point, Skynet would learn. Then in Genisys, someone said "we need a human embodiment of Skynet for the heroes to talk to and make threats against," and it's like, whomever had that idea needs to decapitate himself with a chainsaw. And then in Dark Fate, it's established that no matter what you do, the military will always build an AI that takes over the world and sends robot skeletons after you. You know, in the first movie, the robot skeletons made sense, because they're infiltration robots that got their skin damaged and are now just doing as much damage as they can. It's T2 (again) that establishes that the basic foot soldier of Skynet is just skeleton robots. You'd think its basic soldier would just be mustard gas or something.
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!"
Taking to the Air (Sega CD)
Rainier Wolfcastle
7-time Mr. Olympia Winner

Do Eet! Do Eet Now!
The Running Man
President Schwarzenegger (Demolition Man): This is better than the Simpsons version for two reasons. First, Arnold vs Stallone is an established thing, so having a Stallone character do a double-take at this makes complete sense (even though Arnold should be like 95 in this time period?) and ties into that established joke. Second, Arnold doesn't actually show up. It's just a random joke that happens and is then forgotten about, not an extended scene where Arnold actually appears and tries to be funny. And especially not a fake Arnold, and it's just so baffling that the Simpsons Movie did that. Anyway, I'll say this for Stallone: Demolition Man is a MUCH better comedy than all of Arnold's comedies combined. I actually wonder if the movie would be better with Arnold instead of Stallone, but I think not. I think Stallone was the correct choice for the role, because they needed a big tough guy actor, and Arnold is only funny when he's not trying to be.
Jorgen von Strangle
Pumping Iron
"I'll be Back"
Arnold, Wilt Chamberlain, and Andre the Giant Photo
Hercules in New York
Arnold Stogie Rant
Miles Dyson
The Rundown: This isn't an Arnold movie, but for Lopen, I'll go ahead and rank it. This is an okay movie. Not the best, not outstanding, but a pretty good action-comedy. I should have said that for Dwayne Johnson: he's funnier than Arnold when they're trying to be. Arnold is vastly superior when he's trying to be serious and failing, Johnson is just sort of boring, but when they're making intentional action-comedies, Johnson does have the advantage. I wonder what like people in other countries think of American representations of their countries. This movie takes place in Brazil, where the entire country is just a crappy jungle filled with poor villages, wild monkeys, and evil corporate guys.
Terminator Fatalities
Dwayne Johnson
T2: The Arcade Game

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth
Governorship of California
Arnold's Wikipedia Page
Joseph Baena
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood
Conan the Destroyer

Get Out
The 6th Day
President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)
ERB: Terminator vs Robocop
Terminator vs Jesus
Terminator 2 (NES)
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill)
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser)
Bloody Brad (Metal Gear)
Cottage Cheese
Soundboard Pranks: I find these to be a little inane, however, if you're going to do it, Arnold is undeniably the best possible source of sounds to use.

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Schwarzenegger-Stallone Rivalry
Red Heat
Dolph Lundgren
Dutch (Aliens vs Predator Arcade Game)
Total Recall (NES): I watched a longplay of this, and the funniest thing about it is that all of the enemies are half your size, which is true to the spirit of being Arnold. Remember when movie tie-in games were allowed to just be whatever random platformer crap a guy could whip up in a month? I like the boss fight against your wife, where you clearly shoot her many times, and she's just knocked out. This game also has the most repetitive music I think I've ever heard. I really enjoy the final boss, who in the movie is just an old corporate guy, but in this game, he can apparently jump five times his own height. They didn't even include the main girl in the game, amazing. Is it because you couldn't have a hooker in an NES game at the time?
Last Action Hero
End of Days
The Last Stand (2013)
Predator (NES)
Termination: Salvation
Raw Deal: Holy crap, remember when a big-budget movie was 8.6 million dollars? Even adjusted for inflation, that's only about 30 million today. 30 million would be like Arnold's salary alone. I really love the poster for this movie, which has Arnold with slicked-back hair, looking as little like himself as possible, and the rest of the poster is just his name. Anyway, the problem with this film is obvious: it's way too straight a cop movie. I regret earlier saying that Arnold doesn't play a lot of cops, I forgot about all of his cop movies because they're all boring. This is the straightest man Arnold's ever played, and he's doing his best to be serious. "You got kicked out of the FBI for beating a suspect!" "He murdered and raped a teenage girl!" You wouldn't think Arnold was capable of pretending to be a real person, but here we are. I mean, we do still get some one-liners, but they're way dourer and less fun. The only good one is when Arnold grabs a guy, puts him in front of a mirror, says "This is what you'll look like dead," and smashes him into the mirror, but that's it. And this movie commits the ultimate movie sin, which is title dropping your movie's name awkwardly, when Arnold complains that he got a "raw deal." I'm just going to ask, what is the best straight cop movie ever? Because I can't think of any that aren't sci-fi or comedy or something, I'm talking just a pure straight-up movie about a cowboy cop trying to stop bad guys against orders. Is it just Dirty Harry?
Japanese Arnold Commercial
Mortal Kombat
Kindergarten Cop
Come with Me if You Want to Lift Shirt
Twins
The Expendables 1
Escape Plan
The New Celebrity Apprentice
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Harlan Ellison's Plagiarism Lawsuit against Terminator 1
Tommy Tallarico
Jingle All the Way
Termination: Genisys
Terminator: Dark Fate
Pumping Up with Hans & Franz (SNL)
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze

The Predator (character)

Rundown rating much appreciated (but underrated!!)

Red Sonya

I disagree completely about Arnie being unable to actually act, although a lot of his filmography does not help my case. Having said that, I actually thought Twins was decent and Kindergarten Cop only slightly worse, but at least I definitely understand the arguments against them. Maybe it helps I read Arnie's autobiography before watching both movies and found out how proud he was of them both, plus Roger Ebert recommending both films (and Siskel joining him for Twins while giving only a marginal thumbs-down for Kindergarten Cop). Also both those movies plus Junior shared the same director with the original (two) Ghostbusters (films), so that piqued my interest. Haven't seen Junior though, and not particularly keen on rectifying that TBH. I was amused to see the future director of Ghostbusters: Afterlife as a necking teenager in Kindergarten Cop, because he's the director's son GET IT? The existence of the movies Junior and Juno also means both Ivan and Jason Reitman have directed movies where a male actor gets pregnant. And both the actors in question were in not-so well-received comic book movies, because I'M THE JUGGERNAUT B****.

I thought Arnie was actually kind of delightful in End of Days but I won't argue against your point. Apparently the role WAS written with Tom Cruise in mind, but he was busy with Magnolia. I wanted to suggest both it and Kindergarten Cop since those are the last two Arnie movies I saw but I got beaten to it. Amusingly, I saw End of Days on Disney+ since Disney was always the film's international distributor. I'd say you should definitely see True Lies at some point since it's such a wonderful example of '90s excess, but I guess the movie's not readily available stateside? It's on Disney+ where I live. Maybe you confused it for Basic Instinct because that movie shares the same director with Total Recall, and both those movies had Sharon Stone?

Rank the late Ivan Reitman!

The future of the man

Thor Sveribjornilingen

LinkMarioSamus

LinkMarioSamus posted...

I disagree completely about Arnie being unable to actually act, although a lot of his filmography does not help my case. Having said that, I actually thought Twins was decent and Kindergarten Cop only slightly worse, but at least I definitely understand the arguments against them. Maybe it helps I read Arnie's autobiography before watching both movies and found out how proud he was of them both, plus Roger Ebert recommending both films (and Siskel joining him for Twins while giving only a marginal thumbs-down for Kindergarten Cop). Also both those movies plus Junior shared the same director with the original (two) Ghostbusters (films), so that piqued my interest. Haven't seen Junior though, and not particularly keen on rectifying that TBH. I was amused to see the future director of Ghostbusters: Afterlife as a necking teenager in Kindergarten Cop, because he's the director's son GET IT? The existence of the movies Junior and Juno also means both Ivan and Jason Reitman have directed movies where a male actor gets pregnant. And both the actors in question were in not-so well-received comic book movies, because I'M THE JUGGERNAUT B****.

I thought Arnie was actually kind of delightful in End of Days but I won't argue against your point. Apparently the role WAS written with Tom Cruise in mind, but he was busy with Magnolia. I wanted to suggest both it and Kindergarten Cop since those are the last two Arnie movies I saw but I got beaten to it. Amusingly, I saw End of Days on Disney+ since Disney was always the film's international distributor. I'd say you should definitely see True Lies at some point since it's such a wonderful example of '90s excess, but I guess the movie's not readily available stateside? It's on Disney+ where I live. Maybe you confused it for Basic Instinct because that movie shares the same director with Total Recall, and both those movies had Sharon Stone?

I didn't know Tom Cruise was supposed to be involved, that's funny that I just intuited that. I will try to watch True Lies at some point, I know that it's generally Arnold's most popular post-T2 movie.

But like, aside from playing "big large intimidating man who doesn't talk," what is Arnold's greatest acting moment? Because I can't think of any time when he seriously tries to be a real actor and succeeds.

The thumbs up at the end of Terminator 2

Lunar's dad in My Bride is a Mermaid

I will do one more round after this, to get us to 150. Your next nomination is your last.

-

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent
Muscleboundness
T-1000
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Conan the Barbarian (Film)
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice
"Considah Dat a Divorce"
The Terminator (Film)
Bodybuilding
Commando

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Shotgun Flip Reload
Conan the Barbarian (Character)
Tracking Device Removal Scene (Total Recall)
Jackie Chan
Skynet
Thumbs Up: One of the all-time great movie endings. It's not quite as good as the ending to FFX, which is the best thing ever (Tidus jumping off of a cliff as he disappears, then falling into heaven where he sees all of his dead friends and high-fives his dad will forever be hilarious), but you can probably see why I compare them. It's the best possible death for the T-800, because not only is it redeeming the character (even though it's a different robot than the first one), not only is it the culmination of the T-800 being John's father figure and using his last moments to comfort him and tell him that it's okay, it's also the proof that the T-800 really did learn about humanity and ascend beyond just being an assassin, a protector, and a tool. What a perfect ending to the series, it's good that they knew to stop making more Terminator movies after this.
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!"
Taking to the Air (Sega CD)
Rainier Wolfcastle
7-time Mr. Olympia Winner

Do Eet! Do Eet Now!
The Running Man
President Schwarzenegger (Demolition Man)
Jorgen von Strangle
Pumping Iron
"I'll be Back"
Arnold, Wilt Chamberlain, and Andre the Giant Photo
Hercules in New York
Arnold Stogie Rant
Predator (Character): There's obviously not a lot to this "character," as much as he can be called one. What makes the Predator cool is what he represents, and in how he differs from a regular horror/sci-fi villain. And I'm just going to count all Predators as the same person, even though that's incorrect. You have all of these giant muscular commandos and cops and assassins and whatever, and they're always the toughest, manliest men you've ever seen. Even the nerd guy in Arnold's squad still looks like a jock. They crack jokes, they're utterly invincible, and then this guy shows up, and the jokes instantly stop, because it's like no, THIS is the manliest man. This is your idea of masculinity dialed up to 11. He's seven feet tall, he's as strong as a bear, he completely mogs Arnold, the definition of bodybuilding, and his only hobby is hunting, the stereotypically masculine hobby of the early 20th century, that is itself mocked in The Most Dangerous Game. The Predator really is just General Zaroff from that story, but turned into the ultimate version of himself. And it's super important, too, the way he hunts. He has a bunch of alien toys that give himself an unfair advantage, the exact same way humans hunt animals for sport, but you still technically have a chance against him, the way Rainsford justifies his murdering of tigers. And Arnold and his squad, they cannot fight the Predator the way they fight humans. They try, and they level half of a jungle, and the best they do is wing his leg and make him bleed a little. It's so good. Another part of what makes the Predator compelling is that they don't overexplain anything. A lesser movie would have a scene where the Indian guy takes Arnold aside and say "Major, in my tribe, there is the legend of the Unt-palla-bom-buaq, or the Hunter from the Stars. The elders say that there is a demon spirit that descends from above to hunt men like we hunt gazelle," or some crap like that. Imagine the version of Predator 2 where Danny Glover looks around the Predator's ship, sees all of these old weapons from Earth's history, and then calls his support and is like "what does this all mean?" None of that happens. The Predator shows up, kills people, steals their bodies, and then you see him take their skulls and add them to his belt. You just instantly understand everything you need to know about him without a single word of awkward dialogue being spoken. I'm emphasizing this because of Predators, where Morpheus from the Matrix shows up and gives us like five solid minutes of exposition about the Predator civil war, as if anyone could possibly care about the politics of these creatures. Predators are not like Klingons, where you're supposed to care about their culture. They're just monsters, they are to humans what humans are to bears. And yes, I'm well aware of the comics that establish their entire culture revolves entirely around hunting, and that's stupid. If you absolutely have to explain their culture, they should have just been a random alien race, of which a small handful are sport hunters, like humans are on Earth. Don't get me started on The Predator, where the civil war is expanded to one side wanting to save humanity with Iron Man suits and the other wanting to harvest our DNA to steal autism (this is Predator canon, by the way).
Miles Dyson
The Rundown
Terminator Fatalities
Dwayne Johnson
Thor Sverbjornilingen: My imaginary Swedish strongman. I added the "lingen" part to the end of his name because like twenty years ago, I was screwing around with an early online automatic translator, and noticed that "personally" translates to "personlingen," which I thought was hilarious because I was fifteen.
T2: The Arcade Game

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Ivan Reitman: He was Canadian? Why are so many people in the entertainment industry Canadian? Anyway, the man made Ghostbusters, so far that alone, he wins a lot of points. What else did he make? Hm... Ghostbusters II, Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Junior... Now I'm wondering how much of Ghostbusters' success was accidental.
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth
LinkMarioSamus: I know a lot of people have a problem with LMS, but I don't. That said, he's not my favorite B8er, either. I'm neutral-to-slightly-positive on LMS.
Governorship of California
Arnold's Wikipedia Page
Joseph Baena
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood
Conan the Destroyer
Red Sonya: Has this ever happened before, someone making a quick ripoff of a famous movie, and then the actor in the movie agrees to be in the ripoff? Like, this has to be breaking some kind of 'audience confusion' law. Anyway, the most interesting thing about this movie is probably the gender element juxtaposed against the magic element. In Conan, which is one of the most masculine movies ever, magic is consistently portrayed as, if not necessarily evil, then extremely dangerous and not to be messed with. Here, there are like orders of magic priestesses who serve mystical deities, and magic is portrayed as a force for good unless corrupted by the evil queen. There's probably something to be read into this about how our culture views gender and mysticism, I do think that at least in the modern day, occultism stuff is more associated with/appeals more to women, so it makes some sense that this movie would have a different take on it than the far blunter Conan... but in the end, even though I described Conan as "epically stupid," this movie is way dumber. It's fun and all, and it does benefit from costarring Arnold in his prime, but it is, at best, still definitely worse than Conan the Destroyer. That's another thing, why did they never make a third Conan movie? Someone must have discussed it. It's probably for the best, no one today could possibly replicate Conan's atmosphere, but I'm still curious.

Get Out
The 6th Day
President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)
ERB: Terminator vs Robocop
Terminator vs Jesus
Terminator 2 (NES)
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill)
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser)
Bloody Brad (Metal Gear)
Cottage Cheese
Soundboard Pranks

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Schwarzenegger-Stallone Rivalry
Red Heat
Dolph Lundgren
Dutch (Aliens vs Predator Arcade Game)
Total Recall (NES)
Last Action Hero
End of Days
The Last Stand (2013)
Lunar's Dad (My Bride is a Mermaid): I had to look this up. So, the joke is that it's anime Arnold in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform, and everything he does in the anime is a reference to the Terminator? I dunno. Maybe this comes across as cleverer in Japan, maybe Arnold isn't as much a part of Japanese pop culture as he is American, so references to him are a little cleverer? Whatever.
Predator (NES)
Termination: Salvation
Raw Deal
Japanese Arnold Commercial
Mortal Kombat
Arnold's Future: He has none. I'm sure he'll be in more embarrassing movies, occasionally give an interview, there'll be a Netflix documentary about his life, every so often, someone will complain that he said something politically incorrect, etc. But he's never going to have another big movie that everyone loves again. He's just going to be the man who outlived his own legend. He would have been luckier to die in 1992 or something, and then everyone could be "think of all the amazing Arnold movies we never got to see." Why wasn't he in Expendables 4, by the way? That movie was awful, but I think it's the first one he missed. Did he only just now grow enough dignity to turn down the role?
Kindergarten Cop
Come with Me if You Want to Lift Shirt
Twins
The Expendables 1
Escape Plan
The New Celebrity Apprentice
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Harlan Ellison's Plagiarism Lawsuit against Terminator 1
Tommy Tallarico
Jingle All the Way
Termination: Genisys
Terminator: Dark Fate
Pumping Up with Hans & Franz (SNL)
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze

The name "Arnold Schwarzenegger"

Not really relevant to Arnie, but Ghostbusters was basically the brainchild of Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis. Ramis probably brought Reitman on board because they had worked together a number of times (they were both fresh off of Stripes, which incidentally co-starred Murray).

Actually it's kind of shocking how many of the biggest names in both action and comedy that decade overlapped. As for Arnie's actual acting ability, I'll put it this way: there's probably a reason Dwayne Johnson is virtually the only actor with a similar kind of background who has had anywhere near as much success. A lot of it is that Arnie kept finding roles that suited him, but many of said roles were also very different from each other. Like I said though I did enjoy him sort of playing with his tough guy image in Twins and Kindergarten Cop, so YMMV.

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.
Thanks for the tip.

https://youtu.be/T3wcxHiorJ4?si=yaA1xf_S-epPMEGr

https://youtu.be/42pYj-ZWITk?si=WGRpZI5VUbw8hieR

Anagram Ranks Anything Arnold Schwarzenegger-related with write-ups

Anagram posted...

That's another thing, why did they never make a third Conan movie?

They did, in 2011 with Jason Momoa. It came and went. (Unless you meant with Arnold in which case, I dunno.)

Barnold Shortsinator
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_mnh0DoFBU

Rank John Connor

Oh, for my last nomination

FUBAR, his new Netflix series

Mildred Baena

Phil Hartman

bryans7 posted...

They did, in 2011 with Jason Momoa. It came and went. (Unless you meant with Arnold in which case, I dunno.)

That movie doesnt exist. Im excising it from the timeline of real life.