Board 8 > Online dating sucks

(+) Yeah! (+)

As someone who is so useless with women that I couldn't get a date if my life depended on it, online dating sounds so awful that I'm unwilling to try it because I'm certain it wouldn't work for me and would make me even less confident than I already am.

Ulti if you replaced the word dating apps with tinder I would probably agree with you.

But people paying 50 bucks a month on match.com are not doing it because they want free dinner

$50 a month for 2 to 3 nice dinners out.

That could make financial sense.

you guys heard it here- it's all good, NBIceman & fiancee are "one of the good ones"

not to mention that- factually- divorce rates are the lowest they've been in 50 years, so he's just pulling everything he says out of his ass

and, online dating does suck. so does dating in general. that's just how it is, unless you're looking for nothing

if it was easy it wouldn't exist

i came back to this and realized i was tilted and overreacted. oops

Online dating has as much difficulty as real dating is. The difference is that people can scan through each other quicker online, and people are more attractive in person.

That doesn't mean online dating is some sort of scourge - it is taken advantage by some the way everything is. It is monetized the way everything is. And there's a lot of failure on it because there would be lots of failure irl if somebody actually talked to the same amount of people they matched with on Tinder.

Online dating does absolute wonders for finding people outside of your immediate area. For people in urban centers, particularly LA, it's an unending stream of people. And for people who are shy, it's a crutch they can use. And for people who are just always super busy, there you go. And for people who have exhausted their pool of people from their normal haunts, it expands possibilities so much.

Like, finding the right person is a stroke of luck no matter what. Online dating is different, but if you're searching, you might as well search as far and wide as you want. And how you want that best suits you.

So Ulti's advice is to forget about online dating, just gotta be tall and attractive and rich and you'll have no problem.

Gee, it's so simple.

If anyone takes any advice from Ulti about anything it is kinda on them at this point.

UltimaterializerX posted...

I feel like this is accurate no matter how you date, tbqh

But as a man you can control almost all of that except height.

Wow

Oh boy

ulti has main character syndrome. "Dur, what works for me should work for everyone else"

It's nice that you want us to feel the same, but you apparently believe that appearance and income is a choice.

Which I mean, sure, part of it is. But you can't change genetics.

UltimaterializerX posted...

.yeah. Youre right.

But Im happy in life and genuinely want the people I enjoy spending time with (you guys) to feel the same. I dont think theres anything bad about that.

Ulti, you need to realize that telling people to just make 100k a year isn't really a helpful suggestion.

There is exactly one career path I can think of where someone could drop everything and try to get their (Software Engineering) and it is hard to do because everyone and their mother is thinking about doing it (Literally my mother asked me what I thought about her trying to get into it. I recommended against it)

My household income is large. It's part of the reason I end up gifting 15 copies of a steam game every christmas, but I'm not going to lie and say that isn't largely due to a combination of unatural talent and good luck

Yes. He has full hair and pretty blue eyes.

I deleted my post because it was at least relatively body-shaming which is something I'm trying to eliminate from my behavior but the point of it was yes and you used a terrible example.

Look at this weird ass guy in a bright green track suit, you think he's traditionally handsome?

https://www.mjackets.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Bullet-Train-2022-Brad-Pitt-Casual-Green-Suit.jpg

yes. very much so.

They thought Theon, the character, was ugly because of his shitty personality. None of them thought the actor himself was ugly. Like, please.

I actually get your points completely. And agree with (most of) them (to a certain degree). You're just doing a really bad job at making them. I totally get that there are guys out there who walk around dressed like teenagers with a beer belly hanging out and trying to mask the fact that they haven't showered in three days with a shitload of deodorant wondering why chicks aren't flocking to them. I'm pretty sure most of the guys in this topic don't have that problem and have put some effort into making the best of what they have. I also get that there are ways you can improve, but you really only can do so much. You used a pic of a guy who is tall, has a full head of hair, nice eyes, thick facial hair, and a great jawline. Pretty much everything that is considered conventionally attractive on a guy and that can't be changed without surgery. You would've been better off making your point with a pic of someone like Josh Gad looking his best.

And while I get and agree that confidence is sexy, it comes a LOT harder for some people than others and it usually harkens back to early childhood where kids who look and act a certain way are bullied by others and once you're in that vicious cycle it's hard to break out of. Same goes for the money. I'm a huge proponent that anyone can become rich if they work hard and seize opportunity but again these opportunities come a lot easier for some people than others and more often than not, being physically attractive generally gets you more opportunities.

Tl;dr - You're right. You don't have to look like Chris Evans to attract women. But it still takes a shit ton more effort for a lot of guys and at the end of the day there's a lot that you really can't change.

UltimaterializerX posted...

But as a man you can control almost all of that except height.

You have to be white too though

UltimaterializerX posted...

But there is a direct correlation

btw keep this in mind when running anything Ulti says through your brain. All his beliefs are based on cherry-picked non-causal correlations.

You guys don't gotta worry about Ulti, I've been around this board for almost two decades now, I know what he's about. He actually does mean well, it's just that he has such a horrifically terrible way of expressing it sometimes. And he doesn't easily understand perspectives that aren't his own.

But I bet if I were to meet him in person he'd be perfectly cordial and even willing to help me better myself in some ways.

Maybe dial back the pompousness a little first though.

My best friend met his wife on eharmony, theyre a perfect match and shes extremely fucking cool.

So it can work, if youre lucky.

CassandraCain posted...

He actually does mean well, it's just that he has such a horrifically terrible way of expressing it sometimes. And he doesn't easily understand perspectives that aren't his own.

Yeah this is pretty much what I've gathered over the years, and how I usually try to approach engaging with him. But in this particular instance, it's something that has weighed heavily on me for a very long time and has actually significantly affected my mental state. Because I realized I was unhappy and got why I wasn't considered appealing and put in A LOT effort to get in shape (lost about 90 pounds of fat and put on some noticeable muscle), improve the way I dress and groom, work out many of my less-admirable personality traits with a therapist, broaden my interests, pick up some talents, learn to carry myself more confidently, and become more sociable, and while it's certainly helped me in other aspects of my life, it hasn't changed my dating prospects much because I don't have a single feature that falls into the "conventionally attractive" category (I could list them but... body shaming), so me doing the best with improving what I've got is still much less desirable than the average guy rolling out of bed hungover and throwing on the first shirt he can find. And I think most/all of us in this topic understand the basic principles of what makes a guy attractive and what we can do with ourselves to make the most of what we have and don't naively think we're going to have supermodels clinging to us. And he comes in and is like "Guys, getting women is really simple. You just have to be handsome, rich, and charismatic," and I'm like "Gee whiz, why didn't I think of that?" And I've also been through/am going through therapy for body dysmorphia and let me tell you that that is NOT a fun thing to deal with, so yeah, in this instance, I let him get under my skin and I kinda regret that.

So as to not end this on a negative note, here's an actual example of a guy who isn't what I would consider conventionally-attractive, but many women are attracted to and is incredibly successful because he knows how to work with what he's got and has a gem of a personality (and who I admire and quite frankly would like to start looking to as a role model):
https://deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/adam-sandler.jpg

I don't think you need to be handsome rich and charismatic, but I do think you need to be handsome, rich OR charismatic.

But I think that's where honest self assessment is necessary. So many guys are 3/10s who refuse to look at 3/10 girls and become incels instead of having the necessary self reflection. If you are 1 of the 3 you can find someone who is also 1 of the 3.

If you aren't any of the 3, we'll, I know some people like that and that sucks.

Yeah, I would definitely say I'm none of the three. Probably the closest thing I have is charisma, which is more "I know how to make my awkwardness kinda charming rather than uncomfortable."

And on that note I'm going to see myself out of this topic before my mind goes into a bad place because I kinda came into it wanting to be a positive contributor.

And rich is probably too strong. I would just say successful.

If you are making 80k a year I wouldn't call you rich but I think you clear the bar

The only thing I ever got out of online dating sites was the realization that literally no real person would ever want to date me, and the only person who would ever respond to me is a bot trying to scam me.

Good luck, though.

Okay so now that I'm in a different headspace, one thing I want to say is that it's been well-known for decades that film and television have set unrealistic beauty expectations for women, and I'm glad that we (as a society) are starting to accept that it's set similarly unrealistic expectations for men as well (we aren't quite there yet but I'm starting to see the seeds being planted). As a result, a lot more men than realize it suffer from body image issues, even men who others probably think are well above-average in the looks department. So when that's got us feeling down, just remember that we're probably better-looking than we think, and especially better-looking than a swipe-based app lets us believe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/11l8tql/i_dont_know_what_else_to_do_this_is_my_profile/

this showed up on the front page of reddit and i think the advice/criticism is on point

There's also something to be said for making your main profile picture related to your favorite hobby.

I got a date with the hottest chick I met on bumble because she saw I taught marching band.

If you're into board games, DND, bowling, hiking, bouldering, throw that on there, front and center. That's going to improve your chances of finding someone who actually likes the things you like.

and go figure, that's pretty important when it comes to dating

I've tried to get some good shots of myself playing guitar but I really need to ask someone else to take them.

Unfortunately my other favorite hobby is community theatre and both Bumble and OKCupid have deleted pics of me onstage in costume and when I fill out feedback tickets to ask why they say that it's because they don't show my actual face/body well enough, which is BS because I see plenty of women with cosplay pics and even pics that they are not in at all or have their back to the camera or are just a close-up of one body part.

Underleveled posted...

I've tried to get some good shots of myself playing guitar but I really need to ask someone else to take them.

Unfortunately my other favorite hobby is community theatre and both Bumble and OKCupid have deleted pics of me onstage in costume and when I fill out feedback tickets to ask why they say that it's because they don't show my actual face/body well enough, which is BS because I see plenty of women with cosplay pics and even pics that they are not in at all or have their back to the camera or are just a close-up of one body part.

That's bullshit and you should keep getting more of those photos onto there
keep trying until something sticks
get yourself in costume off of stage
get yourself out of costume on stage
in half costume

Any of that. "Theater guy" ticks instant boxes for lots of chicks

HanOfTheNekos posted...

There's also something to be said for making your main profile picture related to your favorite hobby.

I got a date with the hottest chick I met on bumble because she saw I taught marching band.

If you're into board games, DND, bowling, hiking, bouldering, throw that on there, front and center. That's going to improve your chances of finding someone who actually likes the things you like.

and go figure, that's pretty important when it comes to dating

This would be my biggest piece of advice, yeah.

If not your main profile pic, then at least somewhere on your profile you should have at least one prompt and picture that do this sort of thing. And you've unfortunately gotta do it with the understanding that it's maybe gonna filter out a large portion of prospective dates if they're not into it. It may decrease the quantity of connections you make, but it'll certainly improve the quantity.

Video games and other niche nerdy interests still have a bit of a negative stigma for guys in the dating world, and there have actually been studies showing that women find men less desirable on dating apps if they have pictures of them with cats instead of dogs. But hey, I like video games and cats. Better that my potential matches know that up front instead of learning it on a theoretical first date, and I don't really want to be with someone who thinks I'm less "manly" or whatever just because I'm a cat person anyway.

I never got many matches in my time dating online, and I'm sure I could've increased that number if I'd chosen other aspects of myself to emphasize instead of things like those. It was definitely rough on my self-esteem at times. But eventually it got me a woman who also likes video games and cats and spending Friday nights on the couch at home, so it all worked out in the end.

SeabassDebeste posted...

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/11l8tql/i_dont_know_what_else_to_do_this_is_my_profile/

this showed up on the front page of reddit and i think the advice/criticism is on point

Also the dude looks boring as hell.

Thats why my #1 dating advice is go and do things. Be an interesting person first and foremost

This topic is hilarious