Current Events > Am I the asshole in this roommate situation?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have this roommate who happens to be a trans woman. We're amicable most of the time, but I wouldn't really consider her a friend. She's loud and prone to going on these long rants about Twitch or Reddit drama that I couldn't possibly find interest in, but I'll nod along until she's done.

Anyways, last night before bed, I was clipping my nails in the garbage can in our kitchen/living area, not far from her room. She was watching the football game and getting vocally mad at the Bengals. But then I hear her say, in a voice not directed at me, "you should probably clip your nails in your room or the bathroom instead of the living room." I was taken aback at first, but then she continued "that's honestly gross."

At that point I was basically done, but raised my voice to respond "I'm clipping them in the garbage, relax." and that was the end of the incident.

I feel like maybe I should apologize for raising my voice at her like that, but also I feel like you can't expect a polite response to passive aggression.

What does the first paragraph have to do with anything?

Its not passive to front you the way she did.

If you want it over, then consider her viewpoint, then change your behavior. It is gross for some people.

Maybe if you start with, yeah, youre right, I couldve done it in my bedroom and maybe shell say, I couldve been nicer. Who knows.

It really boils down to you. Who are you? Someone who wants to harbor resentment, or someone who wants to be free from that shit.

No use hiding irritation, it'll just build and things will get more uncomfortable. I would say not to worry about it unless it visibly becomes a thing due to it being a small issue.

If she's going to hold a grudge over an argument about finger nail clipping once, she was likely just waiting for something else too.

Kajagogo posted...

What does the first paragraph have to do with anything?

Edit: Providing Context

Kajagogo posted...

What does the first paragraph have to do with anything?

Just to provide context that we haven't really had direct conflict before

She's right. Clip your shit in the bathroom or your bedroom.

Why is she a Bengals fan?

I can honestly say I never have clipped, or even considered clipping my nails over the kitchen garbage can. It's a bit odd to me.

Your roommate was being rude, but the overall statement is largely correct. No one was an asshole.

They were correct in that it's pretty rude (because of the grossness) to do any form of grooming in public spaces (that isn't something as minor as fixing clothes or hair). At the same time their statement was inflammatory when it really did not need to be, thus they were being rude (especially under the basis of this being something that happened just one time).

Has anyone ever asked AITA and the answer hasn't been yes? I've certainly never seen it.

Anyway yeah, it's gross.

she was being rather direct. she may have meant offense, or may not have. either way, i would certainly not clip my nails in common spaces (barring a shared restroom)

i wouldnt call you an asshole for it though by any means

Shabriri posted...

she was being rather direct.

She was in her room! We didn't see each other!

I agree with her that you should do it in the bedroom or bathroom. I find people leaving their fingernails strewn about gross, and it inevitably happens once in a while.

Gather the clippings and leave them in a cute little pile just outside her door!

Intro2Logic posted...

She was in her room! We didn't see each other!

Irrelevant, IMO. Its still gross. There is always the chance too that, unless you have your foot submerged in the garbage can, that nails will go flying as you clip them. Ive had it happen when I do it in the bathroom and its easy to overlook them when you clean up afterward too.

Your roommate still isnt wrong.

Intro2Logic posted...

She was in her room! We didn't see each other!

i just meant insofar as the bluntness of her words

Yeah it's a little gross to do that in a shared living area.

She had a passive aggressive response but at least she said something.

Mske love to show all is ok

I live alone and bite my nails down to the quick so your roommate is in the wrong from my point of view

Yeah, I cut mine in the bathroom above a trash can and some pieces still go flying onto the floor. She was fine calling you out on it.

She's right. Don't clip your nails in common areas. Even if you think you're being careful, stray nails can get away (and do get away) and lots of people find it gross in general. This is up there with "clean your dishes" as basic etiquette when roommates are involved. And also it sounds like she addressed you directly, as though she did expect you to hear her? I don't find that rude at all. Much better than roommates who beat around the bush and act vaguely grumpy and expect you to read their minds.

I don't see it as being gross tbh, but I generally try to clip my nails away from other people so they don't have to listen to the sound of the nail clippers. It can be very grating

clipping your nails in the kitchen IS gross. what the fuck

I saw an old lady clipping her toe nails on the bus once D:

yeah just clip them in the bathroom next time.

I find nails in my living room sometimes cause I live alone and cut them here. But if I lived with others, I probably wouldn't argue back as long as they followed their own rule. I follow most rules if others follow it themselves, because then they're more likely to not fight back when stuff annoys me as well and we'll have a mutual unspoken respect.

It seems like she annoyed you with her rants and you're trying to take a stand now over something petty. I get annoyed when my sister does this, but I tell her it annoys me when it does. One my self rules is that you can't hold something against someone if you don't talk to them about it.

Most important....who would she of been talking to of not you, the person currently doing the very obscure thing she's talking about? Lol

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Most important....who would she of been talking to of not you, the person currently doing the very obscure thing she's talking about? Lol

She talks to herself/the TV all the time

Next time take it outside

Id say you should probably just clip your nails in your bathroom, that is kinda gross to do it in the living room.

Yes

God I'm glad I don't live with housemates anymore. All the stupid politics

Bite and tear. No noise!

I personally wouldn't care since you're doing it in the trash. I can see how some people would find it gross tho.

It's like peeing in the shower.

i might have been doing some rude unsanitary shit...... but SHE didn't approach me about it in exactly the way i would prefer

i see what u did there tc. nice

One that first part was not needed.
Two yes you are being an asshole, that is a fucking nasty.

Damn TC probably thought everyone was gonna have their side LOL

cjsdowg posted...

One that first part was not needed.
Two yes you are being an asshole, that is a fucking nasty.

It wasn't needed to mention she was trans but I understand why he mentioned the rest

I've been in situations where I let someone rant to me to let off steame, which I think is doing them a favour tbh, but they probably just see it as "conversation". So I can maybe see why he'd have expected she use a bit more tact when broaching this

Life is give and take and some people really don't understand it

Am I the a****** in this roommate situation?

100 %

"I was clipping my nails in the garbage can in our kitchen/living area,"

...Didnt need to read further.
Save your disgusting habits for when you live alone maybe?

Im on her side, nail clipping is gross.

She's right, although it wasn't the nicest way to approach it.

But I'm more confused by the whole "she wasn't talking to me, she was talking to the TV" thing. Of course she was talking to you.

I legitimately forgot that most people clip their own nails

What does her being trans have to do with anything?