Current Events > "I Never Meant To Marry A Black Man"

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://www.imnotthenanny.com/2011/05/i-never-meant-to-marry-a-black-man.html

An excerpt from towards the end:

Im not sure how I told my parents that I was dating him. It was agonizing to figure out what moment was the right one. Obviously theres never a good time. I didnt say that we were engaged. Just that we were dating. They were furious when they figured out he was black.

My dad yelled at me. My mother cried and gave me the silent treatment. My sister got stuck in the middle, delivering messages to me from them. Thank goodness she was away at college. After my father finished yelling, he tried to reason with me. I remember sitting in silence on their bed, listening as my dad told me what a terrible daughter I was. How I was dishonoring my father and our family. There was nothing more for me to say. Then my worst fear happened: my parents disowned me.

Sure they spoke to me when it was necessary. My dad told me he would support me until I graduated college (only a few months away). When they saw my husband at my college graduation, they acted like he wasnt even there. They never looked at him, didnt acknowledge him at all. They spoke to my white friends, though. (emphasis mine)

For a couple of years we barely spoke. Every now and again, my parents would beg me to leave him, saying nothing good would come out of our relationship. They never even spoke his name. He was That Black Guy.

When it came time to plan our wedding, they wanted no part in it. My husband would beg me to keep in touch with them. He know how important family was to me. Each phone call ended in tears. I think my parents kept hoping that the longer we were engaged, the less likely we would actually marry. Up until a month before our wedding, they refused to attend.

I never meant to marry a black man. My heart chose my husband because hes a smart, funny, and loving man. I didnt want the challenges and tears that came because I fell in love with a black man. It just happened.

Her mother also blew up on her when back in high school, she had a black male friend (that she was not interested in romantically) visit her house.

These sort of parents are insane.
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Solar_Crimson posted...

Her mother also blew up on her when back in high school, she had a black male friend (that she was not interested in romantically) visit her house.

Her parents seem like thoroughly disgusting people.

is she from the south?
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https://www.imnotthenanny.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Thien-Kim-Family.jpg

pics of them.

she is asian.

lol why do older Asians have such a problem with black people? but if they marry a white dudes no one blinks an eye and if anything they are proud
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Trayvon posted...

she is asian

Expected
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Doe posted...

Trayvon posted...

she is asian

Expected

lmao
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The Asian community has a huge racism problem when it comes to blacks. It's weird how its just sorta never discussed.
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i really never understood people like this. I mean i know trying to "understand" casual racism is pointless but you know what i mean...Somehow to them their daughter being with a black man is shameful...but for some reason disowning her and treating her terribly because of it isn't shameful.
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My brother experienced this. Her family (Asian) threatened to disown her. She stopped dating my brother.
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they are entitled to their views
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Racism is bad, casual racism is worse.
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ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out
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TheVipaGTS posted...

i really never understood people like this. I mean i know trying to "understand" casual racism is pointless but you know what i mean...Somehow to them their daughter being with a black man is shameful...but for some reason disowning her and treating her terribly because of it isn't shameful.

Yeah it's hard to wrap your head around it
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Oh well the parents arent racist if theyre asian. Minorities cant be racist.

FrisbeeDude posted...

ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out

"X's bigotry is morally superior to Y's bigotry"
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Trayvon posted...

https://www.imnotthenanny.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Thien-Kim-Family.jpg

pics of them.

she is asian.

lol why do older Asians have such a problem with black people? but if they marry a white dudes no one blinks an eye and if anything they are proud

LMFAO! those kids look like they wear socks with sandals
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Its sad but families disown kids all the time due to who their kids choose to marry or date. Unfortunately race and sexual orientation still cause a ton of rifts just like this in any community and we all know it but usually dont wanna acknowledge it.
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Vol2tex posted...

My brother experienced this. Her family (Asian) threatened to disown her. She stopped dating my brother.

That's a damn shame.

ModLogic posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out

"X's bigotry is morally superior to Y's bigotry"

Calling out racism in others is "bigotry", apparently.
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ModLogic posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out

"X's bigotry is morally superior to Y's bigotry"

the worst thing that comes out of discussions like this are when bigots say things like "i have every right to be intolerant and you being mean to me about it means you're intolerant too and worse!"....it doesn't work that way. I'm not being a bigot towards the family. I'm pointing out that their "belief" in this case is really stupid and disowning their daughter is far more shameful than having a black son in law.
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Solar_Crimson posted...

Vol2tex posted...

My brother experienced this. Her family (Asian) threatened to disown her. She stopped dating my brother.

That's a damn shame.

ModLogic posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out

"X's bigotry is morally superior to Y's bigotry"

Calling out racism in others is "bigotry", apparently.

bigotry
[big-uh-tree]
noun, plural bigotries.

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
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ModLogic posted...

bigotry
[big-uh-tree]
noun, plural bigotries.

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

So you're basically going for that tired and nonsensical "tolerate our intolerance" argument.

Like I said, bigotry based on arbitrary attributes such as race or sex should absolutely be called out.
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FrisbeeDude posted...

The Asian community has a huge racism problem when it comes to blacks. It's weird how its just sorta never discussed.

Yep.
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SSJGrimReaper posted...

Doe posted...

Trayvon posted...

she is asian

Expected

lmao

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Solar_Crimson posted...

ModLogic posted...

bigotry
[big-uh-tree]
noun, plural bigotries.

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

So you're basically going for that tired and nonsensical "tolerate our intolerance" argument.

Like I said, bigotry based on arbitrary attributes such as race or sex should absolutely be called out.

and the same is being done for the bigotry on your part ironic isnt it
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Solar_Crimson posted...

Vol2tex posted...

My brother experienced this. Her family (Asian) threatened to disown her. She stopped dating my brother.

That's a damn shame.

ModLogic posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

ModLogic posted...

they are entitled to their views

Sure they are, but their views are stupid and should be called out

"X's bigotry is morally superior to Y's bigotry"

Calling out racism in others is "bigotry", apparently.

He and her were foolishly walking in Chinatown and her mother spotted them and told the family. Then she started dating and married a white guy and the family was thrilled.
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ModLogic posted...

and the same is being done for the bigotry on your part ironic isnt it

That fact that you think that what you're droning on about is comparable is laughable.

Vol2tex posted...

He and her were foolishly walking in Chinatown and her mother spotted them and told the family. Then she started dating and married a white guy and the family was thrilled.

That's pretty sad, and yet, it's just a reality of being a Black guy who wants to date certain non-Black ethnicities.

I feel that these parents would rather their daughters date an abusive White guy than a Black man who treats her right, simply because the former is White and would increase their status in society.
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Solar_Crimson posted...

That fact that you think that what you're droning on about is comparable is laughable.

bigotry
[big-uh-tree]
noun, plural bigotries.

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
---

Solar_Crimson posted...

ModLogic posted...

and the same is being done for the bigotry on your part ironic isnt it

That fact that you think that what you're droning on about is comparable is laughable.

Vol2tex posted...

He and her were foolishly walking in Chinatown and her mother spotted them and told the family. Then she started dating and married a white guy and the family was thrilled.

That's pretty sad, and yet, it's just a reality of being a Black guy who wants to date certain non-Black ethnicities.

I feel that these parents would rather their daughters date an abusive White guy than a Black man who treats her right, simply because the former is White and would increase their status in society.

Indeed. They wouldn't even believe my brother when he said he was working in trading (stock market), they literally told her that my brother was scamming her.

Really sad to think about.
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Asherlee10 posted...

I hate that this exists and I experienced some of it first hand in Mississippi while I was there for college.

One of my best friends was a black on the track team. I'd known him prior to college because of soccer (he is/was an all-around athlete). Naturally, he and I hung out all the time throughout college. I've lost count how many times I was told by 'peers' that I shouldn't hang out with black guys because it would ruin my 'reputation.' Some people assumed we were dating and I was told that my parents would never approve. It was amazing to me that people, often times who I did not know, would just come up to me and say something like that as if it was normal and they were doing me some sort of favor.

I guess they felt some inane desire to "save" you or something, even though as you said, they didn't know you or him. I know that it's Mississippi, but still.

Vol2tex posted...

Indeed. They wouldn't even believe my brother when he said he was working in trading (stock market), they literally told her that my brother was scamming her.

Really sad to think about.

Yep. Even a Black doctor or lawyer or another college-educated Black man making six figures wouldn't be good enough in their eyes. It's like, as a Black man, what else can you do?

Even though I personally would prefer to date and marry an Asian woman, the family issue on her end is something that I know may come up. Sometimes, I wonder if putting myself and her through that would be worth it, especially if they threaten to disown her.
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FrisbeeDude posted...

The Asian community has a huge racism problem when it comes to blacks. It's weird how its just sorta never discussed.

Usually your type are too busy foaming at the mouth about whites to bring it up.
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Asherlee10 posted...

Solar_Crimson posted...

I guess they felt some inane desire to "save" you or something, even though as you said, they didn't know you or him. I know that it's Mississippi, but still.

It was and is completely baffling to me. Mississippi was such a culture shock.

So many people I went to college with did strange things though, like they would go out and get completely wild on Saturday night (drink, do coke, hook up, etc.) then head to church on Sunday.

Not to pry, but what ethnicity are you? (Since the article author attributed part to her Vietnamese background(

I read another blog from the lady in the OP, and she says that her parents finally came around to her husband after she gave birth. They even started referring to him by name instead of "that Black guy".
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Lady's parents are Chinese and I am Black. This shit hits home, lol.
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Solar_Crimson posted...

I read another blog from the lady in the OP, and she says that her parents finally came around to her husband after she gave birth. They even started referring to him by name instead of "that Black guy".

They still probably won't shake his hand or make direct eye contact with him
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Yeah guess that's pretty racist. I've never had any experiences similar to that story from my life growing up, but then again I've never really met a couple like that in real life even where I'm from. How about the Asian man though? Don't parents disown their son if they marry out since they carry their family line? I know my mom wouldn't want me to marry anyone that isn't Korean and Christian, but I have to break the news to her someday. And is there an equivalent of a Chinese family disowning a son if he married a black girl? I bet they exist.

ModLogic posted...

Solar_Crimson posted...

That fact that you think that what you're droning on about is comparable is laughable.

bigotry
[big-uh-tree]
noun, plural bigotries.

stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

Pretty weird to come in here and see these posts from you after seeing your topic where you're whining that the mods won't allow you to post swastikas.
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Trayvon posted...

she is asian.

Ah, this makes more sense now. Sad that some people can seriously be like that in 2018. It's not like the guy is inherently a criminal or anything due to his race.

Solar_Crimson posted...

I feel that these parents would rather their daughters date an abusive White guy than a Black man who treats her right, simply because the former is White and would increase their status in society.

It's really sad how accurate this is. People can be really petty.
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I mean if she knew her parents would disapprove then it's on her for choosing to marry him. She knew what she was getting into. Can't really fault the parents here.

iClockwork posted...

I mean if she knew her parents would disapprove then it's on her for choosing to marry him. She knew what she was getting into. Can't really fault the parents here.

So she is supposed to make adult life changing decisions solely on what her parents force her to do? If you live like that then boy do you live a poor life.

It's her life so she should be able to do as she pleases, not cater to the every whim of her parents.
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iClockwork posted...

I mean if she knew her parents would disapprove then it's on her for choosing to marry him. She knew what she was getting into. Can't really fault the parents here.

No its on her parents for being terrible people
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Terra-enforcer posted...

iClockwork posted...

I mean if she knew her parents would disapprove then it's on her for choosing to marry him. She knew what she was getting into. Can't really fault the parents here.

So she is supposed to make adult life changing decisions solely on what her parents force her to do? If you live like that then boy do you live a poor life.

It's her life so she should be able to do as she pleases, not cater to the every whim of her parents.

Did I say that? No.

She can do whatever she wants except be upset when her parents don't accept her husband since she knew their stance beforehand.

iClockwork posted...

I mean if she knew her parents would disapprove then it's on her for choosing to marry him. She knew what she was getting into. Can't really fault the parents here.

Are you kidding me? You're basically saying it's the daughter's fault because the parents are racist and unwilling to accept that race means nothing.
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Wait until she discovers the divorce rate of black men married to white women.
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Asherlee10 posted...

She is absolutely entitled to be upset that her parents hold a bigoted stance regarding interracial marriage.

Not if she knew they were bigoted beforehand. Which she did.

And yet here we are
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