Current Events > I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life

(+) Yeah! (+)

COVxy posted...

Steve Nick posted...

Sounds like he basically just repeatedly badgered her with "Sex now? How about now? Now? How about this? This? Wanna do it over there? Here do this" and she did like half the things he asked.

Is this not some form of coercion?

nope

So is everybody in Hollywood a dick
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Trigg3rH4ppy posted...

Coolppl Owns posted...

victim blaming everywhere why am I not surprised

Nobody is blaming Aziz

Some are
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OmegaTomHank posted...

COVxy posted...

Steve Nick posted...

Sounds like he basically just repeatedly badgered her with "Sex now? How about now? Now? How about this? This? Wanna do it over there? Here do this" and she did like half the things he asked.

Is this not some form of coercion?

nope

Lol. Why would you defend shitty and obviously coercive behavior? Trying to manipulate someone into having sex with you is not okay. Very easy statement to make.
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Wheres the part where Aziz forced her to blow him
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ClutchMcBeast posted...

i kinda get why rich people pay for sex

not just rich people :)

DezDroppedFreak posted...

So is everybody in Hollywood a dick

If going on a date and expecting to engage in consensual sex with someone afterwards when they return to your home, get naked, and start performing oral makes you a dick... then yes, all men are probably dicks.
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COVxy posted...

coercion

COVxy posted...

OmegaTomHank posted...

COVxy posted...

Steve Nick posted...

Sounds like he basically just repeatedly badgered her with "Sex now? How about now? Now? How about this? This? Wanna do it over there? Here do this" and she did like half the things he asked.

Is this not some form of coercion?

nope

Lol. Why would you defend shitty and obviously coercive behavior? Trying to manipulate someone into having sex with you is not okay. Very easy statement to make.

Its only coercion if its threatening or forceful

The Admiral posted...

DezDroppedFreak posted...

So is everybody in Hollywood a dick

If going on a date and expecting to engage in consensual sex with someone afterwards when they return to your home, get naked, and start performing oral makes you a dick... then yes, all men are probably dicks.

he should be waiting until marriage
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OmegaTomHank posted...

Its only coercion if its threatening or forceful

So the only emotion someone can coerce another person with is fear? Lol.

I guess women who emotionally manipulate men in abusive borderline relationships is completely fine then. I mean, it's not coercion.

She may cry and threaten to kill herself if you don't show her affection, but you don't have a gun to your head!
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The Admiral posted...

DezDroppedFreak posted...

So is everybody in Hollywood a dick

If going on a date and expecting to engage in consensual sex with someone afterwards when they return to your home, get naked, and start performing oral makes you a dick... then yes, all men are probably dicks.

Sounds more like she wanted the situation to end and thought doing that would, but it didn't.
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DezDroppedFreak posted...

The Admiral posted...

DezDroppedFreak posted...

So is everybody in Hollywood a dick

If going on a date and expecting to engage in consensual sex with someone afterwards when they return to your home, get naked, and start performing oral makes you a dick... then yes, all men are probably dicks.

Sounds more like she wanted the situation to end and thought doing that would, but it didn't.

If I blow him, hell definitely get the hint I dont want more and am not into him

Im not really following that logic.
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Funbazooka posted...

countzander posted...

She used verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate how uncomfortable and distressed she was.

Going to a dude's apartment after a date is also a non-verbal cue.

*gasp*

How dare you say such a thing

Modern adult women are surely chaste and pure of heart!

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Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.
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can't believe we still let these people into the US
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xBloodBrotherx posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Mal_Fet posted...

Not to blame the victim here, but surely a "back off, asshole" was in order...

Thats really not how we talk or can talk to a violent man

Any guy who is grabbing and groping at you while you pull away and say no and etc, thats violent. Its happened to me too and its a very scary situation but you cant just scream at them

Yes you literally can. I've done exactly that and it stopped the situation immediately.

Okay well sorry Im my situation it seemed like it would just make him more and and I was scared more than mostly other times in life.

I dont at all blame girls who cant figure out what to do or how to scream especially when the person is much more powerful or influential to you.

Sexual harassment or sexual violence is not at all easy to handle even though most girls are exposed to it.
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Funbazooka posted...

hortanz posted...

After dinner, they went back to Ansari's apartment. Grace says Ansari was quick to undress her and then himself. She said he repeatedly pulled her hand towards his privates multiple times throughout the night and "kept doing it after I moved it away.

She says she used verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate how uncomfortable and distressed she was. Most of my discomfort was expressed in me pulling away and mumbling. I know that my hand stopped moving at some points.

Honestly, what this describes is a woman to demure (or chicken-shit) to take a stand and tell a guy she wants none of what he is attempting to do.

In fact, many women act demure even if they approve of what's going on. This is one of the differences between men and women. No one is a mind-reader.

I've literally been on dates where my sexual drive and persistance was met with reward and pleasure to both parties.

"Oh it's too soon"

"Oh I don't do that on the first date"

What do you think happens when I'm not a beta male and both of us are horny as fuck?

Yeahhhhhhhhhhh, you have definitely raped somebody before

Not even saying Aziz did

But you definitely have
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Phenomenal_one posted...

Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.

He also looks like the type of person that would understand if the woman just got an Uber home after the date.
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The real decision comes before they get to his apartment.

When you're out at night drinking and flirting, and a guy invites you to his apartment, it is assumed that he will make sexual advances. If you don't know how to deal with sexual advances, you probably shouldn't go home with a guy and drink with him.
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Phenomenal_one posted...

Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.

Yea he will beg like fucking urkel for the pussy.
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CE, where rape apologists joke about 'liberals' expecting people to sign consent forms before engaging in sex, now argues that only explicitly leaving a situation like this counts as being reticent about engaging in sexual intercourse.

masticatingman posted...

Phenomenal_one posted...

Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.

He also looks like the type of person that would understand if the woman just got an Uber home after the date.

must be weird for your dudes trying to perform the mental gymnastics whereby dude is a manic sex pest liberal hiding behind virtue signalling but also simultaneously a beta male getting cucked by women on the reg or w/e.
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Coolppl Owns posted...

victim blaming everywhere why am I not surprised

Yeah, poor guy.
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NinjaBreakfast posted...

CE, where rape apologists joke about 'liberals' expecting people to sign consent forms before engaging in sex, now argues that only explicitly leaving a situation like this counts as being reticent about engaging in sexual intercourse.

masticatingman posted...

Phenomenal_one posted...

Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.

He also looks like the type of person that would understand if the woman just got an Uber home after the date.

must be weird for your dudes trying to perform the mental gymnastics whereby dude is a manic sex pest liberal hiding behind virtue signalling but also simultaneously a beta male getting cucked by women on the reg or w/e.

Reel it in, buddy.
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Is having sex immediately in each specific instance really worth potentially going too far? It is one hundred percent CLEAR that she did not want to have sex. She gave more verbal and non-verbal cues than I've EVER heard from a girl in real life and I completely gave it up at the first sign of any reluctance. Because being horny doesn't excuse willfully ignoring whether you have affirmative consent.

If you don't understand that based on what this woman said and did, he should have chilled the fuck out, I'm scared for women in your life. And the fact that so many people are defending him and saying that they ignore signs of non-consent like this or say "well if what he did is wrong, throw me in jail"...you see why some women have the opinions of the average man that they do. Y'all sexual scripts are fundamentally broken and dangerous.
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MrPeppers posted...

NinjaBreakfast posted...

CE, where rape apologists joke about 'liberals' expecting people to sign consent forms before engaging in sex, now argues that only explicitly leaving a situation like this counts as being reticent about engaging in sexual intercourse.

masticatingman posted...

Phenomenal_one posted...

Aziz does look like the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer.

He also looks like the type of person that would understand if the woman just got an Uber home after the date.

must be weird for your dudes trying to perform the mental gymnastics whereby dude is a manic sex pest liberal hiding behind virtue signalling but also simultaneously a beta male getting cucked by women on the reg or w/e.

Reel it in, buddy.

Seriously
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COVxy posted...

OmegaTomHank posted...

COVxy posted...

Steve Nick posted...

Sounds like he basically just repeatedly badgered her with "Sex now? How about now? Now? How about this? This? Wanna do it over there? Here do this" and she did like half the things he asked.

Is this not some form of coercion?

nope

Lol. Why would you defend shitty and obviously coercive behavior? Trying to manipulate someone into having sex with you is not okay. Very easy statement to make.

coercion
[krZHn, krSHn]
NOUN

the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats
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Indian men do not sexually assault women.
We just take the rejection, and cry and drown out the pain with vodka.

#fake news.
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hortanz posted...

She says she used verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate how uncomfortable and distressed she was.

Making absolutely no judgement on whether this is true or not, but this seems like a strange way to put it.
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I don't really care about Ansari, but i'm fucking pissed for Netflix for removing Louis C.K from Netlifx. There's god awful comedians there and like 3 good ones.
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legendary_zell posted...

It is one hundred percent CLEAR that she did not want to have sex

Uh, no. Going back to a guy's place, making out with him, giving him oral twice, and letting him give you oral is not "100% CLEAR" that a girl doesn't want sex. It's quite the opposite.

If a girl doesn't want to have sex, tell the guy, clearly and unambiguously, "I don't want to have sex." None of this "he didn't pick up on non-verbal cues while I was blowing him" nonsense. Your excuses for this woman's timidity are absurd. Don't engage in sexual situations with someone if you're mature enough to express your desires confidently and clearly. That's all that's required.
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Lol she sucked him off twice...oh that let him knew.
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Drasilor posted...

Lol she sucked him off twice...oh that let him knew.

Also let him eat her box

Totally signs of not wanting the D
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This just in: Nameless girl accuses yet another celebrity of sexual assault with zero evidence.
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The Admiral posted...

If I blow him, hell definitely get the hint I dont want more and am not into him

Im not really following that logic.

I definitely know girls who don't want to have sex but go ahead and give oral just to "get it over with"
I mean, they're generally upfront about it and say "I'll blow you but we're not having sex" so it's not the same situation as this
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The Admiral posted...

legendary_zell posted...

It is one hundred percent CLEAR that she did not want to have sex

Uh, no. Going back to a guy's place, making out with him, giving him oral twice, and letting him give you oral is not "100% CLEAR" that a girl doesn't want sex. It's quite the opposite.

If a girl doesn't want to have sex, tell the guy, clearly and unambiguously, "I don't want to have sex." None of this "he didn't pick up on non-verbal cues while I was blowing him" nonsense. Your excuses for this woman's timidity are absurd. Don't engage in sexual situations with someone if you're mature enough to express your desires confidently and clearly. That's all that's required.

Going to someone's place does not give them the right to do anything you told them you didn't want them to do. Making out with them doesn't either. Sex isn't a "yes, unless no situation", it's a no unless yes situation. This woman told him repeatedly she was uncomfortable and he acknowledged that. She stood up and said no at one point. She told him she would end up hating him if he persisted. He persisted anyway. That's not affirmative consent and it was his responsibility to stop making advances at that point. All the other stuff could have happened because she was too scared to leave initially or she did not want to leave, she just did not want to have sex and she left when it was clear he wasn't going to stop at anything short of PIV. There's any number of reasons, but no person who cares about consent should have continued in that situation. Period.

It's pretty simple, in the face of all the things she said and did indicating opposition to sexual contact, would you ignore all of that and whip it out?
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prince_leo posted...

The Admiral posted...

If I blow him, hell definitely get the hint I dont want more and am not into him

Im not really following that logic.

I definitely know girls who don't want to have sex but go ahead and give oral just to "get it over with"
I mean, they're generally upfront about it and say "I'll blow you but we're not having sex" so it's not the same situation as this

Twice?
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legendary_zell posted...

Is having sex immediately in each specific instance really worth potentially going too far? It is one hundred percent CLEAR that she did not want to have sex. She gave more verbal and non-verbal cues than I've EVER heard from a girl in real life and I completely gave it up at the first sign of any reluctance. Because being horny doesn't excuse willfully ignoring whether you have affirmative consent.

If you don't understand that based on what this woman said and did, he should have chilled the fuck out, I'm scared for women in your life. And the fact that so many people are defending him and saying that they ignore signs of non-consent like this or say "well if what he did is wrong, throw me in jail"...you see why some women have the opinions of the average man that they do. Y'all sexual scripts are fundamentally broken and dangerous.

This, really.

If she didn't want to do anything with him, should she have done the sexual things she did? Probably not. But either from wanting him to stop, being too timid to say no properly after her signs were ignored or just not feelings safe she may have thought the best solution was to do it and hope he'd stop. A bit naive perhaps, but I can understand why someone might feel just "giving in" to do one thing would stop someone who is pestering you despite you turning them down.
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legendary_zell posted...

The Admiral posted...

legendary_zell posted...

It is one hundred percent CLEAR that she did not want to have sex

Uh, no. Going back to a guy's place, making out with him, giving him oral twice, and letting him give you oral is not "100% CLEAR" that a girl doesn't want sex. It's quite the opposite.

If a girl doesn't want to have sex, tell the guy, clearly and unambiguously, "I don't want to have sex." None of this "he didn't pick up on non-verbal cues while I was blowing him" nonsense. Your excuses for this woman's timidity are absurd. Don't engage in sexual situations with someone if you're mature enough to express your desires confidently and clearly. That's all that's required.

Going to someone's place does not give them the right to do anything you told them you didn't want them to do. Making out with them doesn't either. Sex isn't a "yes, unless no situation", it's a no unless yes situation. This woman told him repeatedly she was uncomfortable and he acknowledged that. She stood up and said no at one point. She told him she would end up hating him if he persisted. He persisted anyway. That's not affirmative consent and it was his responsibility to stop making advances at that point. All the other stuff could have happened because she was too scared to leave initially or she did not want to leave, she just did not want to have sex and she left when it was clear he wasn't going to stop at anything short of PIV. There's any number of reasons, but no person who cares about consent should have continued in that situation. Period.

It's pretty simple, in the face of all the things she said and did indicating opposition to sexual contact, would you ignore all of that and whip it out?

Most of my discomfort was expressed in me pulling away and mumbling

Sorry, your narrative is not correct.

Also, spare me this "too afraid to leave" nonsense. She wasn't being threatened in any form. If you're too timid enough to leave or express yourself clearly during a sexual encounter when you're uncomfortable, then you're not mature enough to be engaging in sexual encounters and shouldn't be going back to guys' places. Period.
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MrBobGray posted...

prince_leo posted...

The Admiral posted...

If I blow him, hell definitely get the hint I dont want more and am not into him

Im not really following that logic.

I definitely know girls who don't want to have sex but go ahead and give oral just to "get it over with"
I mean, they're generally upfront about it and say "I'll blow you but we're not having sex" so it's not the same situation as this

Twice?

Along with muff diving
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KingCrabCake posted...

Drasilor posted...

Lol she sucked him off twice...oh that let him knew.

Also let him eat her box

Totally signs of not wanting the D

Have y'all seriously never heard of girls giving oral to try to deter from actually having penetrable sex?

I agree there's a social implication to going to someone's apartment after a date. I don't really think that's the argument. That in itself isn't consent though. It seems like a case of her freezing up and not really knowing how to say no to him until they nearly actually had sex
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The Admiral posted...

Sorry, your narrative is not correct.

Also, spare me this "too afraid to leave" nonsense. She wasn't being threatened in any form. If you're too timid enough to leave or express yourself clearly during a sexual encounter when you're uncomfortable, then you're not mature enough to be engaging in sexual encounters and shouldn't be going back to guy's places. Period.

Some people deal differently with these situations. Not everyone is the sturdy rock you are and can find it hard to properly voice this - but it should be remarkably obvious to the other person when someone is like this, unless they are some emotionless rock. Which would be a sign by itself. Simply saying unless you can properly and eloquently say no in uncomfortable situations is incredibly naive as to how some people actually deal with them.
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Funkydog posted...

The Admiral posted...

Sorry, your narrative is not correct.

Also, spare me this "too afraid to leave" nonsense. She wasn't being threatened in any form. If you're too timid enough to leave or express yourself clearly during a sexual encounter when you're uncomfortable, then you're not mature enough to be engaging in sexual encounters and shouldn't be going back to guy's places. Period.

Some people deal differently with these situations. Not everyone is the sturdy rock you are and can find it hard to properly voice this - but it should be remarkably obvious to the other person when someone is like this, unless they are some emotionless rock. Which would be a sign by itself. Simply saying unless you can properly and eloquently say no in uncomfortable situations is incredibly naive as to how some people actually deal with them.

Tough shit. If you're not mature enough to express your sexual desires clearly, you're not mature enough for sex and should never be going back to other people's places.
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Could def see the usual suspects itt getting violent if somebody dared to enter their dungeon w/o immediately consenting to any and all sex acts.
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DezDroppedFreak posted...

KingCrabCake posted...

Drasilor posted...

Lol she sucked him off twice...oh that let him knew.

Also let him eat her box

Totally signs of not wanting the D

Have y'all seriously never heard of girls giving oral to try to deter from actually having penetrable sex?

I agree there's a social implication to going to someone's apartment after a date. I don't really think that's the argument. That in itself isn't consent though. It seems like a case of her freezing up and not really knowing how to say no to him until they nearly actually had sex

i've actually done this because i wasn't too comfortable with the situation. granted, i didn't slander their name everywhere, but still. it's uncomfortable af and not a position you want to be in
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Funkydog posted...

The Admiral posted...

Sorry, your narrative is not correct.

Also, spare me this "too afraid to leave" nonsense. She wasn't being threatened in any form. If you're too timid enough to leave or express yourself clearly during a sexual encounter when you're uncomfortable, then you're not mature enough to be engaging in sexual encounters and shouldn't be going back to guy's places. Period.

Some people deal differently with these situations. Not everyone is the sturdy rock you are and can find it hard to properly voice this - but it should be remarkably obvious to the other person when someone is like this, unless they are some emotionless rock. Which would be a sign by itself. Simply saying unless you can properly and eloquently say no in uncomfortable situations is incredibly naive as to how some people actually deal with them.

I agree. If this happened and she was acting this uncomfortable, then Aziz either ignored it or is literally a sociopath.
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If a girl friend came to me telling me this story, going to his place after a date, multiple oral sessions, how she gave him "clues" and "cues," I'll just be straight, our friendship would probably end. Not on my end, but my lack of sympathy at her naive and completely-opposite-of-upfront attitude and trying to tell her that (nicely), I imagine someone like this girl would wig out and stop talking to me and go find someone that would say what she wants to hear.
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The Admiral posted...

Tough shit. If you're not mature enough to express your sexual desires clearly, you're not mature enough for sex and should never be going back to other people's places.

That's an incredibly stupid stance to take on the world. If you think it is okay to ignore someone who has frozen up, is mumbling and/or pulling away from you just because they didn't say "I do not wish to do this, please can you stop" then it is kind of sad.

People generally wouldn't stand for it in typical social situations, so why is it okay when sex is involved?
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you say you're uncomfortable but you stay in his apartment for hours, make out with him several times, and perform and receive oral sex. tbh, this was just an awkward sexual encounter; im annoyed people are trying to vilify aziz for being goofy and swagless; he didn't do anything criminal
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