Lurker > Snake5555555555

I agree that slasher films can and should have likable characters to make deaths more impactful. Black Christmas is a proto-slasher but an excellent example of this. The Scream series has always had likable characters. I always felt Nightmare on Elm Street had some good characters too. At the very least, you should have a well-established final girl to fall back on, which Summer even fails to do.
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Outlier

Inviso - 101
Genny - 71
Charon - 64
KBM - 49
Johnbobb - 42
Karo - 42
Scarlet - 31
JONA - 24
Snake - 24

Vis crosses the 100 mark with the biggest gap yet.
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Eddie Van Blundht
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Karo - These dumbass teenagers run over a guy and leave him for dead, but it turns out he was still alive and now is back for revenge. Any and all logic is thrown out the window for the sake of cheap scares and plot twists as Popeye the Killer Man murders secondary characters and pointlessly trolls the protagonists with no real end goal in sight. Why did the girl have a trunk full of crabs that mysteriously appear and vanish? Does the Fisherman have some weird supernatural powers that he only used in this one random instance and totally ignored when he was fighting the protagonists on the deck of his ship?Even the mystery is lame and arbitrary, hey wow shocking the killer was actually this guy who never appears on screen and we only just now learned the name of! Fuck off. I do know what you did last summer, and it was make a really bad movie.

Snake - Why I Chose It - I Know What You Did Last Summer is one of the highest grossing slasher films of all time, and was #1 at the box-office for three weeks straight. It has oft been parodied, and was one of the main inspirations for Scary Movie (along with Scream). Along with Buffy & Scream 2 that same year, it also established Sarah Michelle Gellar as the premier "scream queen" of the 90s.

My Thoughts - If generic had a picture in the dictionary, this movie would be it. It's just about as straight-forward as a slasher can get, and that's without the benefit of a central villain that you could at least get enjoyment out of it. No one is ever going to be scared of "The Fisherman". I expect way better from this screenwriter and from this cast too. Total waste of a movie.

JONA - An incredibly dull movie with uninteresting characters and the only hook of the movie is the mystery and that ends in a very dissatisfying way.

KBM - I couldn't give less of a shit what you did last summer. This is a movie that typifies every trope I hate most in slasher movies. Completely devoid of likable characters, and populated by the dumbest characters, the promise that they'd all die gets you through the movie before you realize that they're not even going to do THAT part properly. There's nothing scary, nothing funny, nothing charming about this drek. The who's the murderer twist at the end is just as bad as everything else. It's just a bad, stupid, thoughtless cash grab movie that's endemic of the very worst the '90s had to offer.
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33. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Inviso - 7
Charon - 17
Johnbobb - 25
Scarlet - 29
Genny - 30
Karo - 30
Snake - 38
JONA - 40
KBM - 40

Inviso - One of the best things a slasher film can do is craft a cast of characters so awful that youre cheering for the villain to cut them to pieces. IKWYDLS manages to pull this sort of cast together, with volatile asshole Ryan Phillippe, arrogant beauty queen Sarah Michelle Gellar, doofy dumbass Freddie Prinze Jr., and stuck-up know-it-all Jennifer Love Hewitt. But even better, this isnt a case of a group of dumb teens getting stalked at random. No, these kids run a guy over with their car and dump his body to hide the accident. Its no wonder the guy doesnt die and comes back to kill them. The pacing is great, with the killer opting to psyche them out first, rather than going for the kills immediately, and the end result is an intense series of kill sequences and chases that just feel awesome overall. This is just a really solid slasher flick, and I enjoyed it.

Charon - Easy to count among Scream cash-in's, this film features a talented cast of young actors who'd go on to major success and a plot that's plenty memorable. This movie is set in a real-life style situation, where you're forced to make a quick decision that will impact the rest of your life. To me, this movie was always more than just a Scream knock-off. The suspense is good, the killer isn't who you'll guess at first and while he may not be quite on the level of a lot of recurring antagonists on this list, the Fisherman to me is a fairly good villain even if his motive ends up pretty simple. It's just a fun film to me.

Johnbobb - This is one of the best examples of horror that's competent without really being GOOD. It's got suspense, it's decently shot, the set pieces are nicely varied. So why is it that I find this film ultimately forgettable? Maybe the bland characterization; very few horror films fit the main teen horror tropes as neatly as this one does, with the nice girl, the bad boy, the beauty and literally just "the other guy." Maybe it's the villain, who I imagine most of the people ranking won't remember the name of by the time the rankings are up, despite the fact that finding the identity is so central to the plot. It feels like a training video on how to make a horror movie; it's good enough at what it does but doesn't have enough of an identity of its own.

Scarlet - In another attempt to create a 90s version of the Brat Pack, a surprisingly loaded cast is handed the singularly most generic teen slasher script ever unimagined by a screenwriter. Can Iron Bull, Buffy, the chick from an LFO video and Shooter salvage this flan of a film? Nope. And this failed Brat Pack reboot would slink into obscurity eventually.
Rating: 25/100

Genny - I'll be honest I never was too wild about I Know What You Did Last Summer. Even as a kid I thought Scream pulled off the whole 90s mystery/slasher horror thing a helluva lot better and this latest rewatch did nothing to change my mind. It's campy and fun, but also chokful of inescapable clichs, and it does nothing truly clever enough to warrant two sequels. Don't believe the hype, it's 6/10 at best.
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Freddy Krueger
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Carnage
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If you want to watch a movie that makes Demonic Toys look like a masterpiece, look no further than Shark Exorcist. Though Raiders of the Lost Shark probably wins the award for stupidest title ever.
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Wesker (Marvel VS Capcom 3)
Cable (Marvel vs. Capcom 2)
One Man Army (Modern Warfare 2)
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Outlier

Inviso - 75
Genny - 68
Charon - 48
KBM - 42
Karo - 39
Johnbobb - 34
Scarlet - 27
Snake - 19
JONA - 17

Some pretty close rankings mean not much movement in the middle, but Vis takes the top spot with this ranking.
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Johnbobb - Don't get me wrong, this is a mostly exciting movie. It's violent and legitimately scary at time, but man does it get worse as it goes on. It suffers by having it's least compelling character as its main protagonist, and when you see him survive over the more enjoyable characters EVERY TIME, it just gets old. The visual effects are decent, especially the practical effects. But ultimately, it's just not all that good.

KBM - A lesser entry in the killer shark subgenre (a subgenre I do have a certain fondness for), this nonetheless does have a couple things going for it that keep it from being among the very worst of its kind. First and foremost, unlike the films beneath it on this list, the death scenes actually get pretty fun and creative especially the one where Samuel L Jackson gets eaten right in the middle of a motivational speech. The cinematography is pretty great; Renny Harlin has a knack for knowing where to put the camera even if he's far from the best storyteller in Hollywood. And then there's LL Cool J, who's delightful and thankfully stays alive through the whole movie. Sadly, though, that's where the good stuff ends, and the rest of the movie is, uh, a wash. It's possible to turn off your brain and enjoy the schlock factor here, but just watching the highlights on YouTube is a much more expedient use of your time.

Karo - In an attempt to cure Alzheimer's, scientists do tests with genes and brain enzymes and shit. They use big fucking sharks for this because the pet store was out of hamsters. For this endeavor, they all live on this submerged complex in the middle of the fucking ocean because why have your valuable research somewhere safe and easy to get to when you can have it destroyed by a hurricane? After a series of events involving a helicopter filled with ten tons of TNT hitting the station, they are trapped because they literally built only one stairwell to the surface in their big-ass underwater research lab. The
survivors take a zigzag path through the structure with one ridiculous contrivance after another stringing along the plot, all while being chased about by genetically modified sentient super-sharks. It is simply an excruciating experience to watch this group of unlikable characters with lame acting and bizarre dialogue crawl about this station that takes so long to fill with water that I suspect it must harbor a portal to the sponge dimension. Ever wonder what would happen if Micheal Bay made a Jaws reboot? Well, wonder no longer because that is pretty much what this is.
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34. Deep Blue Sea

Inviso - 17
Genny - 27
Scarlet - 28
JONA - 29
Snake - 29
Charon - 30
Johnbobb - 32
KBM - 33
Karo - 35

Inviso - This movie is just stupid fun. The premise isbizarre, to say the least (youre seriously telling me that you need to perform delicate science experiments on sharks, and youre NOT doing this inland somehow?), but if you can look back that, its an enjoyable movie. I like the colorful cast of characters, and while Samuel L. Jackson does have some death flags flapping around his head, his death is a surprise if only because he gets killed off before two separate fodder characters, in an extremely unique and memorable indoor shark kill. I also give credit for managing to make sharks feel more threatening than just generic killing machines. By making them hyper-intelligent sharks, it adds just that extra bit of menace to their actions, and makes the threat posed to the humans that much more real. PLUS, it makes the big reveal that much cooler, when the humans realize that the sharks just want to sink the facility so they can escape into the open ocean. So yeahfun movie with some definite rewatch value.

Genny - Deep Blue Sea straddles the line between a good meme and a good movie. In other words it's so dumb in a way it actually works. My hat is like a shark's fin/10

Scarlet - Saffron Burrows, who I am always extremely torn on as actress, anchors this utterly preposterous movie that thinks its hybridizing Jurassic Park and Jaws, when in reality its hybridizing Jurassic Park II and Jaws III. I mean, this movie is almost hilarious thanks to just how ludicrous it actually is. For me, this is reminiscent of the Godzilla film that was released a year earlier. You can just feel the fingerprints of a studio all over everything in this movie. Its built by committee, full of jaws and fury, signifying nothing.
Rating: 25/100

JONA - LL Cool J and Samuel Jackson can be entertaining but not much else stood out.

Snake - Why I Chose It - Following Jaws, the shark movie became an important sub-genre under the umbrella of horror. While few have ever been received well commercially or critically, Deep Blue Sea was a box office success for both the genre and for a flailing director desperate for a hit. In addition, Deep Blue Sea, though not received well at the time, has retroactively become a well-regarded entry in the killer shark category.

My Thoughts - Though this movie is mostly forgettable, the Samuel L. Jackson death is indisputably the best shark death of all time.

Charon - Super intelligent sharks fool scientists into helping them escape a research facility, yet can't tell them apart from fire extinguishers in the end. I guess this film was born from someone's fascination with sharks and cancer research, which is a bit overblown by the media so making a film based around this premise is odd. The whole movie is odd though. Here again we find comical black character being "hilarious". Ah LL, why was it that you never panned out an acting career quite like Ice Cube? Another thing I have to note is that this film sort of did a swerve by killing off the main character, basically twice. It wwas hard to wrap my head around the only two characters surviving being the two they were. It has some cool action beats and scenes in it, but usually these shark films are too hokey to suspend me far enough to get very engrossed with what's going on.
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Simpsons
Phoenix Wright
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Madame Rouge
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Djinn
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Eddie Van Blundht
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Outlier

Genny - 61
Inviso - 58
Charon - 44
KBM - 41
Karo - 38
Johnbobb - 32
Scarlet - 21
Snake - 14
JONA - 12

Scarlet actually gets a huge jump here with this ranking, but it's still not enough to get him anywhere close to the top.
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Snake - Why I Chose It - Species was a box office success and spawned a franchise of two sequels and comic series. It is also notable for being the film debut of Natasha Henstridge and for helping Michelle Williams gain more exposure to her career. H.R. Giger helped design Sil's character and background.

My Thoughts - Species had potential to be sure; a great cast, talented effects team, H.R. Giger on board. The film is not a total disaster, but weird creative choices and an ultimately boring plot and climax drag it down considerably. Its themes of sexual maturation and identity could've also been explored way more deeply and tastefully, with the film feeling very exploitative at times.

Johnbobb - For the first like 10 minutes or so, I had high hopes for this movie. Michelle Williams even as a kid was an impressive actress, and does a lot with very little early on. Then she crawls into a cocoon and comes out as a 30-year-old who can't act. And then shockingly, Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker and Ben fucking Kingsley can't scramble together a decent performance between the four of them. On top of that, something about the whole thing feels almost exploitative. Really just kind of an icky movie.

KBM - This very transparently only exists as an excuse for Natasha Henstridge to take her clothes off. Don't get me wrong, she does look great with her clothes off, but personally I need a bit more than that to get invested in a movie. I ended up entertaining myself by playing a game of how drunk is Michael Madsen in this scene? In fact, the entire all-star cast seems to wish they could be elsewhere other than making this movie. At least the H.R. Giger designs are, well, H.R. Giger designs, and the effects work (at least, when it's not cheap 1995 CGI) is pretty solid. But intermittently cool practical effects and nice-looking boobs do not a good horror movie make.

JONA - While it has an interesting concept and there can be some grotesque imagery, those moments are so few and far between. The movie just wants to show off some fanservice. Also, doesnt help that the characters are just there.
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35. Species

Scarlet - 19
Genny - 23
Inviso - 23
Karo - 28
Charon - 31
Snake - 34
Johnbobb - 36
KBM - 37
JONA - 38

Scarlet - I mean, its basically softcore porn horror.
Rating: 42/100

Genny - Species is another neat concept let down by its awful conclusion. Also I can't stand Forrest Whitaker's character here. He comes across as goofy and out of place even though he's in actuality the character with the most wherewithal on the protagonists' side. The antagonist is scary enough, and I can't fault her for wanting to live out her life cycle but I cannot look past this film's flaws. 7.1/10

Inviso - On paper, and if Im being honest, in practice as well, Species is NOT a good movie. Its blatantly exploitative and plays up a weird man-eater stereotype of women as monsters and villains in sexual encounters. The majority of the plot is absolute nonsense, and was nonsense from the first minute they included Forrest Whittakers character is a GODDAMN PSYCHIC. For a film that has no qualms with flashing multiple characters breasts on a regular basis, they somehow manage to PG-ify all the death and carnage of the movie, which is the point of a fucking HORROR MOVIE. Oh, and the dated CGI from the ending is pretty fucking terrible. So why rank is this highly? Well, again, if Im being honestit entertained me a little bit. It wasnt QUITE so bad its good levels, but if youre gonna be a shitty movie, at least casting a hot lead actress to walk around naked can do wonders for me enjoyment of the film. It also helps that this list has a LOT of duds, so merely being able to keep my attention is worth a decent placement from me.

Karo - Humanity makes contract with an alien race which tells them to fuse human and alien DNA, and nobody ever stops to think that this might be a bad idea because the aliens support green energy and that means there is no way they could possibly be evil. When their ill-advised experiment escapes, Lex Luthor forms an awkward team of underdeveloped characters to help track her down, and maybe like two of them are actually any use. One of these people is psionic, which is not explained in any way and everyone just acts like this is as totally normal as someone being left handed. There was some great potential for the girl to be a tragic or complex character, and early on it seemed like things were going down that route. Well until she suddenly wasn't and was just some generic evil movie monster and she's gotta die cause she's evil and stuff. It's just a convoluted and uninspired mess that seems written by at least three different people who wanted wildly different stories, one of whom watched too much Aliens and had sexual fantasies about mating with the Xenomorph Queen.

Charon - When you're thrown so quickly into a film without much buildup to the world you're entering, it's hard to get your bearings or enjoy this story very much. The premise is kinda interesting, I guess, but honestly the way this one begins is a little jarring for me. It's like not even 10 minutes in and we've got these 4 random people that are gonna play buddy cop the movie, except they aren't cops. The cast is also... strange. I mean, with the mystic guy, he really sticks out. It's a little silly at times, and in those moments I was wondering if he was secretly protecting our anti-hero. At least, I think that's what she's supposed to be. As the film progressed I felt increasingly less sorry for her though, and I'm not certain that was an intended effect or not. There's some dated feeling to the effects as well obviously; it's not pretty at times at all.
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Undertale
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Freddy Krueger
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Carnage
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v_charon posted...

That writeup reads like Inviso just has literal arachnophobia.

I think he does, he provided commentary while watching the movie in chat and was pretty terrified.
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"Don't tell me... Three alarms and the mission is over." (Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory)
The American prevailing is a clich that only happens in your Hollywood movies (Resident Evil 4)
Hook - Blues Traveler
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Outlier

Genny - 49
Inviso - 46
Charon - 40
KBM - 39
Johnbobb - 31
Karo - 31
Snake - 13
JONA - 9
Scarlet - 5

It's a big race for the top now!
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JONA - Theres some decent comedy in here, but the movie is just a slog to watch through with the film being almost two hours long. Unfortunately, the spiders just did nothing for me.

Scarlet - Unlike some of the cheesy movies I ranked higher on this list, Arachnophobia is content to be a title-only project. Ive got an idea for a project, Frank. Oh yeah, what is it? I call it Arachnophobia. So a spider horror film? Whats it about? ... Arachnophobia. Yeah, whats it about? I dont know yet, but its such good shit, pal! In the late 80s and early 90s, Im fairly convinced that was the general pitch meeting in Hollywood.
Rating: 11/100

Snake - Why I Chose It - Arachnophobia is a cult film that is a send-up to classic b-movies, mainly from the 50s-70s. I wanted a movie on this list that really invoked what those films set out to accomplish. It was a moderate box office success, but is far more remembered by arachnophobes for being one of the biggest triggers out there.

My Thoughts - It's a crime how long this film is. With such a simple concept, this should be a very in-n-out affair, but instead it drags on and on with way too many characters and a weirdly over-complicated plot. Call me simple, but a movie called Arachnophobia should just be about spiders and not some weird Amazon undiscovered species that has the most convulted way of coming over to the US so the movie can start. However, I will admit to liking the use of the practical effects, John Goodman's character, and the pretty funny ending.

Inviso - John Goodman is the hero of this movie for obvious reasons. Fuck this movie. Thats all.
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36. Arachnophobia

KBM - 16
Genny - 22
Charon - 24
Karo - 24
Johnbobb - 34
JONA - 35
Scarlet - 37
Snake - 37
Inviso - 40

KBM - This one surprised me quite a bit. I wasn't expecting to have so much fun with a giant creature feature; I particularly wasn't expecting to have so much fun with a movie all about killer spiders. I'm personally not super arachnophobic, but I can't say I'm a big fan of spiders either but what really elevated this movie was its brilliant sense of humor, and extremely charismatic lead performance from Jeff Daniels. Managing to make you squirm without QUITE crossing a line of grossness, it even manages to have a bit of a satirical bent to it, taking the mickey out of American small-town culture without feeling too mean or cynical about it. John Goodman also gives a great, hilarious supporting turn as the town's crazy exterminator. It's certainly not one that will win over any extreme arachnophobes, but if you can stand watching a movie with spiders that doesn't go too over-the-top with its scares, this is a good, fun time, with some strong practical effects that gel surprisingly well with the actual footage of spiders.

Genny - I do not have arachnophobia. Spiders are awesome though like most people I don't like when they're crawling on me. Even though it's campy as hell this movie does a pretty great job at conveying the irrational fear that someone with this affliction undergoes in the presence of these arachnids. I could really do without Exterminator Meatloaf and that whole scene in the basement- sorry- the WINE CELLAR though. The comedy stylings presented here are just too much. 7.2/10

Charon - A blend of silliness and the very real fear of spiders, this film tackles the monster movie in a more eloquent way than other over-the-top heavy handers. As one of the monster films on this list, I was surprised to see that there was no humanoid spider or gargantuan spider of unreal proportions to appear. I appreciate that they kept some element of realism intact as I feel it enhanced my ability to become more immersed in the universe. That said, this film still never takes itself that seriously. Some of the deaths here are played up as humorous and of course, you can't forget John Goodman stomping around as an exterminator with a god complex. Still I feel it was well made, and played things straight enough not to make me question the horror elements of the film.

Karo - A group of scientists discover a new species of spider in the unexplored rainforest. This arachnid looks exactly like a tarantula, except it is not its an evil death spider from hell that has venom that can kill in seconds. One of these eight legged terrors gets shipped to the U.S. in a coffin because apparently nobody thought quarantining a dead body that died of unknown causes in a third world country was a good idea. It then mates with a normal spider which is totally how spiders work maybe and baby spiders overrun the countryside and bite everyone. The whole thing is incredibly stupid, and the ridiculous climactic scene where you have hundreds of spiders crawling out of the fucking plumbing and every other crevice is even stupider. It is nothing more than idiotic horror shlock.

Johnbobb - Honestly, kind of boring. It picks up a bit in the second half, but from there, it just sort of goes from boring to "watch a bunch of people scream and flail around from spiders." Which, sure, that's kind of what I expected given the title, but I was really hoping this movie would have more of its own identity. But it just... doesn't. I've heard Arachnophobia talked up plenty before too, but I'm not sure where the hype is coming from.
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Mean Girls
Zero Wing

Oh man the first match is tough!
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Oh man the Resi artwork is nice.
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59. Senator Armstrong's I Have a Dream Speech
Origin: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (2013)
Nominated by: greengravy294 (0/4 remaining *ELIMINATED*)


Though Metal Gear Rising was made with a different tone from its Solid relatives, one thing it did not skimp on was quality cutscenes. As I've grown over the years, the sprawling, lengthy, encyclopedic, wordy cutscenes of the Metal Gear series sort of grate on the nerves after awhile. Metal Gear Rising was a breath of fresh air, giving the world breezy cutscenes that cut to the chase without sacrificing high-quality voice acting, choreography, and even dialog. There's a reason Senator Armstrong has become a beloved, memed villain; there's something so good and perfectly cheesy about this political figure taken out of his natural habitat and positioned as this WWE wrestling champion. It's prophetic and eerily accurate in our modern world. However, it also indulges too heavily in bumper sticker slogans and internet-ready gifs, too self-aware for its own good. It's a scene with pseudo-depth, and though it's enjoyable, ultimately, it leaves a feeling of emptiness.
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Sorry I've been slacking off on this big time.

60. Opening
Origin: A Quiet Place (2018)
Nominated by: Metalmindstats (3/4 remaining)


So, we're coming into scenes that definitely have more good than bad qualities, but are still flawed. Let's take this scene from one of last years' most critically acclaimed horror films. It's obviously well-shot, well-edited, and presents a unique scenario where this family communicates only through sign language, hushed tones, and facial expressions. We're not really quite sure why, but we're able to piece together a post-apocalyptic state due to the lack of people around and the trashed nature of the grocery store. One of the most tense aspects of this scene is Beau's rocket ship, batteries clearly in view, waiting to go off at a moment's notice, good foreshadowing for later. Now, as the scene progresses, things start to become a little more clunky however. There's a really awkward shot of newspaper exposition, loudly exclaiming "It's sound!" as if we already didn't get the hint. Then, I always found it really weird how the parents just leave without making sure their kids don't make any stupid mistakes like taking a noisy rocketship along in a world where you can no longer make sound. There's no way, in a world this dangerous, that any parents would leave their YOUNGEST kid in the back of a single-file line, which makes checking on their well-being much harder. This whole situation could've been so easily avoided. It calls into question who this family has been able to survive as long as they have. It's a shame too, because it puts the beautiful foreshadowing work and excellent cinematography to waste.
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Okay you definitely got me there with the soundtrack.
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Listen, suffering is a fact of life. Either you learn how to deal with that or you go under.
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That and A Serbian Film and Salo.
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Listen, suffering is a fact of life. Either you learn how to deal with that or you go under.
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One of my favorite factoids about the Blair Witch Project is that the titular witch was actually supposed to be in the movie, Heather just missed recording it due to her panicked state.

Blair Witch was definitely original for its time. Cannibal Holocaust invented the genre and the background around that film is very similar to Blair. After that though you have a few arguable entries like Man Bites Dog (incredible film btw) and Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County which are really presented as more mockumentaries than found footage. The Last Broadcast is the one most cited and is the closet to the Blair Witch style found footage genre, but Blair Witch was in development before it.
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Listen, suffering is a fact of life. Either you learn how to deal with that or you go under.
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Outlier

Inviso - 42
Genny - 35
Johnbobb - 29
Charon - 28
KBM - 19
Karo - 19
Snake - 12
JONA - 8
Scarlet - 4

Vis passes Genny, while John and Charon take their biggest jumps so far. Scarlet meanwhile holds steady with only a small increase.
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It's one I figured would be divisive going in, however I did expect it to get a higher ranking just due to its influence. No matter where you go you always get people who really like this film or those who loathe it.
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Karo - A documentary film crew decides to do a piece on a spooky local legend, and while you might think that you'd eventually get some cool supernatural shit, all you really end up with is an hour and a half of watching lame home movies of these three dumbasses yelling at each other. It almost seems if they are heading towards some big scary payoff but the camera just drops on the ground and the film abruptly ends. Welp, that was a waste of time. The cinematography is shaky, out of focus, and shot either too close up, too far away, or literally just a blank black screen. The audio volume fluctuates wildly between barely audible mumbling and JOSSSSSHH!!! All this featuring cartoonish and unbelievable characters who are acted more ineptly than Survivor contestants. Remember this is all intentional. They are deliberately making their movie bad and unprofessional while critics with their heads rammed up their own asses compliment them on their artistic vision. If you want to see inept handcam video footage, that is what fucking youtube is for, keep that shit out of theaters. We arent gonna hang some 6-year-old's stick figure drawing in the goddamn Louvre for christsakes. An utterly worthless 'movie' that is a disgrace to the art of filmmaking, and everyone involved should be abandoned in the deep woods until they are forced to eat their own feces to survive.
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Snake - Why I Chose It - Perhaps the single most influential film on this list, Blair Witch Project is one of the most successful indie films of all time and inspired countless other found-footage films. Maybe even more important was Blair Witch's legendary viral marketing campaign, which was the first to really use and capitalize on the internet to spread buzz and word-of-mouth, fooling many audience members into thinking the actors were actually missing and the events were real. Blair Witch spawned two quasi-sequels, as well as an extended universe of video games that spun-off the BloodRayne series of all things.

My Thoughts - I loved this movie back when I first watched it, but a recent re-watch brought it down for me quite a bit. I'm an appreciator of atmospheric tension and build-up, and I still think there are certain points in the film where Blair Witch is a slow-burn masterpiece. However, I think in their efforts to make this film as realistic as possible, there are moments especially early on which are not conductive to the experience of watching a film. They feel like watching someone's boring vacation footage instead of a movie. The purpose of this is not lost on me, but at the same time, it doesn't really work as well as a horror movie because of it. With the exception of Heather Donahue, I don't think the acting is particularly convincing as people say it is either. I never really liked the ending of the film either, which feels particularly anti-climatic. I still think there's some good here, and I think many found-footage films could learn a thing or two from it. It's an enigmatic film that has really transcended itself over the years in my opinion, being more interesting to read about than to actually watch.

JONA - While there is some good acting and interesting lore, the majority of the movie is our main characters just being lost and thats just not entertaining.

KBM - I have never really understood the appeal of The Blair Witch Project, or really even found-footage movies in general for the most part. If you asked me to list off the least eventful movies I've ever seen, this would spring immediately to mind. I suppose there was a novelty to the whole improvisational shaky-cam horror thing in 1999 (especially with the marketing campaign that SOMEHOW managed to fool some people into thinking this was actual documentary footage), but watching 100 minutes of people running through the woods doing nothing really tests my patience.

Scarlet - I have seen better filmed Wal-Mart security footage with more intriguing plots than this. In this universe, there has never been a bigger overreaction from human beings towards stick figures and leaves. Perhaps the singularly least realistic film Ive ever seen, which is pretty impressive for a movie that claims to be found footage. It should have been left lost. Forever.
Rating: 13/100

Genny - I'll give the Blair Witch Project this: it may not have started the found footage genre of horror but it certainly popularized it. That's not actually a positive remark. I can't forgive this for being 90% buildup no matter how hard I try. 4/10
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37. The Blair Witch Project

Charon - 20
Inviso - 21
Johnbobb - 21
Snake - 27
JONA - 34
KBM - 35
Scarlet - 36
Genny - 40
Karo - 40

Charon - The grandfather of a genre, for better or worse, The Blair Witch Project excels at creating a tense atmosphere, realistic portrayals of confusion and hopelessness, even if there's never any grand payoff at the end. Before rewatching this film, I had a low opinion of it and found footage style horror films in general. This was the one that really popularized the subgenre and would go on to spawn multiple copiers in movies and even video gaming. While yes, the film really pales in comparison to others in terms of "scary monsters", it does in my opinion show the most realistic portrayal of a real-life scenario of being lost in the woods. The actors here are very believable and I found their interactions with one another pretty great as the film continued. It may be confusing, as to what the witch herself even is, but I think the atmosphere and mood are enough to make this one a memorable experience.

Inviso - Of all the movies on this list, I feel like Blair Witch has probably had the greatest cultural impact, both in terms of its influence on the horror genre overall, and its general use in pop culture (Mark Burnett has cited Blair Witch as one of the inspirations behind Survivor.) And for what it is, Blair Witch is acceptable. We watched several found footage movies on the last list, and they all struggled with pacing issues and just general lameness. Blair Witch starts out similarly, with far too much of its short runtime dedicated to bland scenes of traipsing through the woods. Admittedly, the woods arent a great setting, because theres only so much you can do therebut once spooky stuff starts going down, the film picks up. The general devolution of the cast as they succumb to sleep deprivation and hunger adds a raw element to their respective performances, BUT I do wish the film was a little less hokey in some of its scenes. Thats the major flaw is that this is almost TOO realistic, and most peoples home movies arent amazing. So yeah, decent, but not amazing.

Johnbobb - Basically the movie that sparked the found footage genre that we know today. Not sure if that's a good thing or not (Chronicle and Cloverfield are good at least) but there's no denying the influence this movie had on literally the smallest possible budget. I'm not gonna say it's incredible, because it isn't. It's alright. But it is creepy, and you can buy the panic in the actors, so it's hard to not at the very least admire what they were able to do with what they had. (Also I'm gonna go ahead and acknowledge that this isn't even remotely a unique take, but literally everything that can be said about this movie has been said already.)
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VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action
A Hat in Time
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Enemy Skill (Final Fantasy Vii)
Shotgun - Jill Playthrough (Resident Evil)
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1-9 - Some of my favorite movies ever
10-15 - Excellent films
16-22 - Mostly great with some flaws
23-27 - Good films but even more noticeable flaws
28-35 - Bad movies with some things to like
36-39 - I don't want to watch these again
40 - Burn it in hell
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Tune in later tonight, where two more last place films get eliminated!
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3 > 2 > 1 > 4 > 5
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Listen, suffering is a fact of life. Either you learn how to deal with that or you go under.
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Outlier

Genny - 32
Inviso - 26
KBM - 17
Karo - 16
Johnbobb - 13
Charon - 11
JONA - 5
Scarlet - 3
Snake - 2

Vis squeezesssss a little pressure on the top spot but Genny holds strong. Ssssscarlet and Sssssnake are finally on the board with this ranking too.
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One of them is a crossover with the Lake Placid series (the first film in that series almost was put on this list).
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Charon - Any sense of fright was squeezed out of this film long ago. Definitely a film that has aged extremely poorly, Anaconda's graphics and story, but especially those effects, just don't hold up very well. The part where the snake consumed one of the characters and you can see his form within it during a badly edited shot as the snake swims by is cause for raucous laughter. Then you've got the famed backwards waterfall scene that you won't unsee if you know it's there. The acting is good or passable, outside of Ice Cube. I'm not sure whose idea this was but I feel like when it happened and he asked was his character was, the director was just like, "Hey man, I love your music. I really liked Friday. Can you do that guy?" and that was it. It felt really out of place to me. The 90's were guilty of using black characters as comic relief a ton here, and I'll probably note it every time it happens because it's kinda shameful and should be put through the ringer.

Scarlet - My anaconda dont
My anaconda dont
My anaconda dont hunt bums after its blown up some.
Rating: 13/100

Snake - Why I chose It - Anaconda is the face of 90s monster movies, becoming a huge box office success and spawning a franchise consisting of 4 sequels.

My Thoughts - Though it may get some favorable snake points from me, Anaconda is incredibly dated from its effects to its script to its cliche cast of characters. Jon Voight provides a bit of fun, but all of the deaths just look some like thick green pipe cleaner faffing about until a character eventually bites the dust.

JONA - My Anaconda don't

Jon Voight can be fun at times, but this just ended up being mostly forgettable for me
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38. Anaconda

Iniviso - 18
Johnbobb - 26
Karo - 31
Genny - 34
KBM - 34
Charon - 35
Scarlet - 35
Snake - 36
JONA - 37

Inviso - This movie just BARELY manages to creep over that so bad its good line, but barely counts in this case, and I enjoyed the film overall. The setting feels so isolated and amps up the tensionwhich it needs to do, since the titular anaconda is not the most frightening slasher villain imaginable. But yeah, the anaconda itself is prettyits hard to enjoy a killer when it shows up, wraps around a victim, kills them, next scene. This happens to four people I believe? And only Jon Voight is interesting about itmainly because he gets vomited back up after getting swallowed in the first place.

But that brings us to the cast, and this is where the movie manages to shine despite its abysmal pedigree. Jon Voight is fucking AMAZING in this, because hes hamming it up and chewing the scenery almost every time hes on-screen. And even better, its hilarious how HES acting like a one-note caricature, but in the context of the movie, his CHARACTER also has moments of completely phoning in the friendly survivalist act. Beyond Voight though, Ice Cube is your standard fish out of water thug in the jungle archetype, and Owen Wilson is a complete doofus who gets turned to the dark side faster and more unnecessarily than Anakin Skywalker. Oh yeah, and Jonathan Hyde is great as a stuffy, out-of-touch British guy whos thrust into a strange action movie role. Really, its the one-note performances that sell this film and manage to make it entertaining, even though its objectively awful.

Johnbobb - Anaconda is a lot like Arachnophobia, in that it really expects you to already have a fear of snakes in order to really be scary. Otherwise you're just watching a green mechanical tube wave back and forth while people scream. In fact, almost all of my thoughts about Arachnophobia could pretty much be applied here, with one exception. Anaconda has a single memorable character, which already sets it ahead. I'd almost rather just watch a compilation of Jon Voight's scenes than the whole movie. It's not outright bad (mostly) but does little to make itself stand out otherwise.

Karo - A documentary film crew turns into a snake hunting expedition after some stupid circumstances and many long sinuous reptiles must feed. So some people capture other people and tie them up. The snake eats someone. But what a twist, they get free and capture their captor! Ice Cube spits out mumbley unprofessional lines about being a gangsta from LA. The snake eats some more people. Haha never mind we were just kidding they get recaptured. But wait they get free AGAIN. Guess what the snake does. We've got snakes in a rain, snakes in the water, snakes on a boat, and even snakes on fire. But if only we didnt have snakes in hollywood taking everyones money with this dreck.

Genny - My brain just don't want none of these dumb snake puns. 5/10

KBM - Jon Voight hamming it up as much as he possibly can saves this from being a complete train wreck; the Amazon rainforest scenery porn also has its moments and the Randy Edelman score is good. Everything else about this is pretty much disastrous. The effects are stupid-looking and remarkably inconsistent. J-Lo is utterly horrible in the lead role (how she got nominated for a Saturn award for her performance is beyond me). Really none of the acting or characters are any good Jon Voight is just entertaining and self-aware enough to be forgiven because it's clear he knows what kind of movie he's in. Even at 89 minutes, the screenplay manages to feel padded, with a particularly slow first act before the killing starts. It's good for a few laughs, but not enough to the point that I'd actually recommend it to anybody apart from avowed bad-movie enthusiasts.
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Resident Evil
Rocky

"Wheres everyone going? Bingo?" is probably my most quoted line from any media. It's so perfect for so many situations. I do quote Silent Hill a lot though too.
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Happy birthday, hope it was a good one!
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Listen, suffering is a fact of life. Either you learn how to deal with that or you go under.
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