We have Chris Russo and William Regal tonight. Boooo no Byron. Anyway, Kenneth Cameron comes out to the usual Ascension dealio... as literally the only guy from Ascension who is even bothering with that, despite all the hype. Epico went to WWE at this point. They want to push Raquel Diaz for some reason that I don't understand, which I feel personally would be more effective with her boyz. And Conor O'Brien is, uh... somewhere. I dunno. rofl Calvin Raines is today's fodder. Kenneth Cameron vs Calvin Raines folks. Kenneth Cameron is all kinds of intense now though. He looks generic as hell, but lord did they make him act great. Kenneth wins with a running jawbreaker kind of deal. Not a very good finisher. Even the announcers undersold it. lol
Next up is a tag match between Leo Kruger & Rick Victor vs Mike Dalton & Xavier Woods. Should be a good match. Mike Dalton and Xavier Woods are very entertaining. rofl Chris says that Xavier Woods has been going all over the country giving motivational speeches. I don't know if I believe him. Xavier keeps rolling with dynamic moves though. He has a little dance punch where he spins, does a split, then pops back up with a punch. And then he shouts "GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB!" and does an elbow drop.
Regal: Obviously when you state that Rick Victor and Leo Kruger work well together, it's stating the obvious. They're both very professional. And when you have two men who are professionals like them together, they're obviously going to jail together very, very quickly.
Hah. Regal gives us the reason why people outside of the US are so good at throwing European Uppercuts. Apparently it is because closed fist punches are illegal overseas, so they perfect the use of the European Uppercut instead. Pretty interesting. Woah, Rick Victor actually wins it by hitting Mike Dalton with the Tiger Bomb. I'm impressed. Mostly because they let Rick Victor win the match for them.
Aksana is crying backstage. Leo Kruger walks up and asks what's wrong. Aksana says she can't believe he did this to her. Then Leo says he'll take care of it. And Aksana continues to be bad at everything she does.
So Maxine has a segment with Abraham Washington where she offers to let him be her assistant. He's pissed off at first because he used to be the GM long before Maxine was, but then he agrees. She tells Abe that he'll need to be screened by James Bronson, FCW's new psychologist. Oh lord. He gets real close to Abe while shaking his hand.
Abe: Wow, you a real close talker. ...And let go of my hand, man!
Bronson is the creepiest. Abraham asks if Maxine is sure about him, and she says she's positive. Then Danielle (the ring announcer chick) walks in and says that Maxine has new competition. She's with that incredibly nerdy bastard who I hated when he announced. Maxine blows it off though.
Next up, Byron Saxton introduces Bo Rotundo to the ring. He gives a mediocre promo about how he wants the FCW title. Leo Kruger comes out with Aksana now. Leo is all intense and tells "Bo-Bo" that he will teach him how to treat a lady. Oh god. They break the two up. Yup.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
She talks crap on Carlito for being overly aggressive about her. Clearly Eve was really using Zack Ryder so he would teach her how to make Youtube videos.
That jezebel!
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
I watched an interview with David Otunga on the Wendy Williams show. He actually seems like a really chill, reasonable, and good-hearted guy. Like, Cena levels of goodness.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Chris: [Talks about a meet n' greet with many FCW superstars] Byron: Are you going to be there? Chris: Absolutely. Byron: I'm not sure I'll make it.
Raquel isn't terrible when doing her heel tactics, which surprises me. She's terrible at everything else though. Raquel Diaz nails the Gory Bomb (a little less sloppy this time) and wins both titles. Eeeeh... does nothing for me either way, honestly. Both girls aren't that good, and all that Audrey has going for her is that she is smoking hot. Oh f*** they gave Raquel a mic. Now I never want her to win anything ever.
Next up is the main event! Leo Kruger (c) vs Mike Dalton for the Florida Heavyweight Championship! THIS BOY IS GONNA DO IT GUYS! Hopefully he doesn't Calvin Raines it up.
Byron: Chris, have you ever had a girlfriend? Chris: No. Byron: We all know that. But for the rest of us, this is like when you're about to ask out that one girl you've had your eyes on, so you gather your guts, you puff your chest out, and you think you're ready. But then you face reality when you look into her eyes and realize you're not the man you thought you were.
Such motivation, Byron.
Chris: Mike Dalton was trained by the ex-WWE wrestler Lance Storm. Byron: You always say that about Dalton! Is Lance Storm going to get in here and compete for Mike Dalton!? Are these people going to compete for Mike Dalton!?
This match is really great though. At one point, Dalton counters the Rear Naked Choke by flipping over Kruger and pinning him while Kruger holds in the submission. Kruger kicks out of Dalton's Impaler DDT though. Kruger rolls Dalton up and grabs the tights, but Dalton kicks out! Pretty great. Read Naked Choke again... but Dalton counters with a jawbreaker! Then Leo counters a Hurricanrana into another Rear Naked Choke. This time he cinches it in and Dalton has to kick out. Boooooooo. Way to Calvin Raines it, Dalton. Anyway, that's it.
Highlights:
The Grand Royale -
Leo Kruger vs Mike Dalton -
So both of these matches were great. You should check them out. Check out the Grand Royale at least to understand why I hype Damien Sandow so much.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Sandow beats the crap out of Dalton and tries to throw him out, but Dalton hangs on. Damien Sandow just f***ing laughs at him at this point. See, this is why they pick Damien Sandow for this high profile things? He sells them better than anyone in the company. Sandow throws him over again and then celebrates as if he won. Then he doesn't hear his music and looks over at Mike Dalton, pissed off this time, and stands right in front of him. Sandow beats the crap out of Dalton again, screams at him that he should stay down, then goes to throw him over the top, but Dalton counters and throws Sandow over instead! Sandow holds on though and looks absolutely f***ing livid. DEAR GOD THAT LOOK. Sandow the best. Sandow picks Dalton up now, but Dalton counters and nails his Impaler DDT! Sandow stumbles up against the ropes and MIKE FREAKING DALTON WINS IT WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Wow. That was pretty amazing. Basically, this is like if Yoshi Tatsu won the Royal Rumble this past year.
14) Big E. Langston 13) Husky Harris 12) Briley Pierce 11) Epico 10) Brad Maddox 9) Hunico 8) Richie Steamboat 7) Xavier Woods 6) Dean Ambrose 5) Leakee 4) Kenneth Cameron 3) Rick Victor 2) Damien Sandow 1) Mike Dalton
Byron gets on the mic and tells Mike Dalton he did a good job, but then he asks if he seriously thinks he has a chance against Leo Kruger now. Dalton says that he's used to being the underdog, and that he's not leaving without the Florida Heavyweight Championship. Hot damn. He actually isn't bad on the mic. I mean, he talked for like twenty seconds, but a lot of new FCW guys would have f***ed that up! He did fine.
Next up is Jason Jordan vs Abraham Washington who is all blinged out and has a new theme. I think he's a heel now. It's probably because his theme song keeps saying "I'm a bad man." This is Jason Jordan's debut, and he looks incredibly generic. This means that Abe is probably going to win. OH DEAR GOD ABRAHAM WASHINGTON HIT THIS BOY WITH A BACK HAND SLAP! Oh my god, Abe shoves him into the corner and then starts hitting him with rapid fire front hand slaps and backhand slaps. This man. He trash talks throughout the match and I love it. Abe eventually decides to do what I thought would be the IN YO FACE Elbow, but instead he does a legdrop instead. Heels replace all of their elbow drops with leg drops, I guess. He goes for the, uh... In Yo Face Leg Drop again, but Jason Jordan rolls out of the way. Abe wins it with a generic looking neckbreaker. Somehow... it looks worse than the In Yo Face Elbow Drop. He grabs the mic and his shades and asks if everybody saw how great he was.
Abe: Did y'all see that right there? Did you see it right there? Did you see it? Of course you saw it, unless your name is Helen Keller. You know, I'm very special. This was amazing. This was fantastic! You know what? Hey, hey, hey-- where you going? [He kneels down next to Jason Jordan] Hey, tell this crowd how it feels to get knocked out by a superstar. What? You can't say nothin'? [He slaps Jason Jordan in the head] Yeah, get out of here. Go get a hair cut, boy. I said it before, and I'll say it again. Abraham Washington is the baddest man in this place. And if you don't like it, each and every one of you can put it In! Yo! Face!
Pretty great promo there. I'm liking Hollywood Abraham.
Next up is Raquel Diaz (c) vs Audrey Marie (c) in a Double Title match for the FCW Diva's Title and Queen of FCW Title. Oh god, Raquel Diaz is probably going to win this. If she does, I hope to god they just merge these titles. Audrey, so hot. lol Raquel can't kick out of a school boy right. Wow, Audrey does the Matrix move, then rolls to her hands and does the around the world hurricanrana move. It's less annoying than Kelly Kelly's because she doesn't scream the whole time.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
We start with Maxine announcing the GRAND ROYALE! I forgot about this. Basically, the Grand Royale is FCW's version of the Royal Rumble, where the winner gets an FCW Title shot. The rules are that everyone has thirty seconds to get into the ring. Whoever gets into the ring during that time gets to be in the battle royale. (Yeah... kind of like the REVERSE BATTLE ROYALE, but less stupid.) Last man in the ring wins it. Last year, Calvin Raines won it. And then he lost his subsequent title match. So it's basically like the Royal Rumble a lot of times! It starts right now, apparently!
It starts with Damien Sandow going under the ring after it starts. lol See, the reason this is less stupid is because the guys who get in the ring first are trying to keep people out of the ring, and they do a good job of that, especially since the other guys are trying to get in and shoving people out of the way. It's a big roster, so it makes more sense. So they aren't fighting each other on the outside, they're trying their damnedest to get inside the ring. Antonio Cesaro was on the outside and tugged Seth Rollins onto the apron as the bell rang, so Rollins didn't qualify. So Seth gets on the turnbuckle and does a moonsault on the top to the outside. I guess as a crowd pleaser. And then he goes to beat the hell out of Cesaro.
So who do we have left? Damien Sandow, Richie Steamboat, Mike Dalton, Dean Ambrose, Husky Harris, Leakee, Xavier Woods, Big E. Langston, Brad Maddox, Briley Pierce, Epico, Kenneth Cameron, Hunico, and Rick Victor (who I forgot looks so different now).
So that's 14 people. Not too bad. The battle royale portion starts and EVERYBODY works together to get rid of Big E. Langston. And then half the people work together to get rid of Husky Harris. Well, there goes the two biggest guys in the match. Briley Pierce is eliminated very cleverly by Damien Sandow, who manages to kick Briley over the top rope, and Briley lands on the apron hard. Damien Sandow, who is on the mat recovering, still manages to kick Briley off. Because he's so damn good of a wrestler. Then Brad Maddox and Epico are fighting, and Brad manages to use a body scissors to take Epico to the outside, but Epico holds on and tugs Brad with him. Those two are eliminated. Xavier Woods throws Hunico off the top rope.
Chris: And the possibilities here are endless. Any one of these superstars have the opportunity and chance to win. Byron: Yeah, anyone but Xavier Woods.
lmao He never explains why he singles out Xavier. Xavier Woods and Richie Steamboat get into a chop battle before Xavier rushes forward and clotheslines Richie over the top, and falls over the top himself. Byron wants Damien Sandow to win. So do I! Ambrose rushes after a distracted Rick Victor, but Victor back body drops him over the top rope. Ahaha they keep talking about what a jobber Mike Dalton is. Damien Sandow has been acting like such a ring veteran throughout this match. I can even hype him in a freaking battle royale. Imagine that. Leakee throws Sandow over the top, but Sandow holds onto the bottom rope and stays on it. Leakee keeps trying to kick him out when Kenneth Cameron and Rick Victor come from behind and toss him over the top. Hah! Cameron and Victor have been working together a lot, actually. Anyway, Kenneth Cameron tries throwing Dalton over the top, but Dalton skins the cat. Kenneth runs after him, but Dalton tugs the ropes down. Cameron is on the apron and Victor rushes at Mike Dalton. Dalton sidesteps and shoves Victor into Cameron, and Cameron is eliminated! Dalton fights off Victor and Sandow, and then he nails his Impaler DDT on Victor and tosses him out of the ring! Whaaat?
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Titus O'Neil improved mostly because of Damien Sandow. He's had some pretty good matches on NXT. He's great in tag matches though because he tagged with Sandow so much in FCW and Sandow taught him how to be a great tag team wrestler.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Tarver wasn't the best in the ring. I think that's why he was let go. Honestly, he wasn't ready for NXT1. (But I guess if David freaking Otunga was ready, then anybody was ready at that point)
Tarver was the best because he was so intense all the time. If Big Show didn't decide that he wanted to have the Knockout Punch as his finisher, Tarver would've been so much better.
OH LOOK SOMETHING ELSE GREAT THAT BIG SHOW RUINED!
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Yeah, I'm not sure if Zeke has the charisma to pull it off. We know Ryback does, however. And I did not even know Brodie Lee signed a developmental contract for WWE until just now.
Brodus Clay could definitely pull it off when the Funakasaurus runs its course.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
I really wish they brought in another tag team like the APA. They were just so much fun and one of those teams where you would just go "OH F***" when they came around, because you knew someone was going to get their ass kicked. And what was better was how they could fit in basically anywhere, and that people would pay them to just go and kick ass for them or protect them.
Unfortunately, it would probably require two big guys with the charisma of Farooq and Bradshaw.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
A cruel punk kid crashes a funeral and drives off with the coffin.
I would have thought a cruel punk kid would crash a funeral and talk s***, which Boss Man did, but he went the extra mile to drive off with the freaking coffin.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Breaking off Big Show's moment of silence to recite this poem:
With deep regrets and tears that are soaked I'm sorry to hear your dad finally croaked He lived a full life on his own terms Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms But if I could have a son as stupid as you I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too So be brave, and be strong, get your life back on track 'Cause the old bastard's dead and he ain't never comin' back!
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
“HOF means nothing to me,If I Die before it I,ve asked my wife to pass.Nothing against it or WWE,but if Pete Rose ain’t in cooperstown”
“Just don’t need it to validate my life.I wake every morning to the sight of the ocean. for a Detroit boy I’m already in”
“I watched it this year from up close,just don’t need the stress,I love the WWE,just love me more.90% of my shout outs are gone.Not cool”
“Don’t worrie some stooge at WWE;who’s job is to read all this s**t will as of tonight’make sure it never comes up,let alone happens”
A fan accused Nash of being drunk when ranting about the Hall of Fame, which he denied. He said rant was a result of him find out that one of his “dearest friends got let go today from WWE.”
Oh Nash. Kevin Nash must be besties with Silent Rage.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Claudio does use that European Uppercut as his finisher in FCW. I don't know why he doesn't keep as his finisher in WWE since it's one of those "buzz" moves that you can use out of nowhere and use to counter a ton of moves.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
10) Dudley Boyz 9) The Wild Samoans 8) Legion of Doom 7) The Valiant Brothers 6) The British Bulldogs 5) The Hardy Boyz 4) The New Age Outlaws 3) Demolition 2) The Hart Foundation 1) Edge & Christian
Well, that was certainly a list.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
lmao Wow. Terrible editing job at the end. Daniel Bryan walks out and it goes from "YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK" and then all of the You Suck chants disappear as they go "YES YES YES" and then they disappear again abruptly to "YOU SUCK" again.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
It's just that Heath Slater doesn't get the amount of love he deserves, and this kind of meme seems like it would be the best thing to spread all the Slater love.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!