"Work friends are not real friends"

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Current Events » "Work friends are not real friends"
hockeybabe89
04/29/2024
10:32 AM
#1
Wasn't said directly to me, but the newest hot take from my mom.

Your thoughts?
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#2
Post #2 was unavailable or deleted.
Trumpo
04/29/2024
10:34 AM
#3
There's some truth to that from firsthand experience
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LeoRavus
04/29/2024
10:34 AM
#4
It depends. My 2 current friends were met at jobs. We all have different jobs now and stay in touch. But for the most part you can't trust a coworker.
This is where cool people write stuff.
Doe
04/29/2024
10:36 AM
#5
Depends on the workplace and if & how much you hang out after work.

https://imgur.com/gallery/dXDmJHw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75GL-BYZFfY
[deleted]
04/29/2024
08:01 AM
#6
[deleted]
DipDipDiver
04/29/2024
10:37 AM
#7
That's been the case at every job I've had. I've certainly been friendly with coworkers and had good relationships, but my work friends are never equivalent to my real friends
Sack to crack, going to town
LividDK
04/29/2024
10:38 AM
#8
For me if you speak to them outside of work (including texting) then they're a friend.

If you just get on with them but only engage when on shift then they're coworkers.
"I wish you 'intelligence', because 'luck' runs out."
VeggetaX
04/29/2024
10:39 AM
#9
DipDipDiver posted...
That's been the case at every job I've had. I've certainly been friendly with coworkers and had good relationships, but my work friends are never equivalent to my real friends
This
Don't like it? Don't watch it. It's that simple
Dictator of Nice Guys
theAteam
04/29/2024
10:39 AM
#10
I've only had maybe 2-3 coworkers that I did stuff with outside of work (not counting just going for a drink after work), but once one of us left the company that died off real quick. So I think there's some truth to it. Granted I've been working remotely since covid and haven't lived anywhere near my direct coworkers since.
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Umbreon
04/29/2024
10:40 AM
#11
I misread the topic.

Yeah I somewhat agree. Though if you hang out with them outside of work, then you can have a genuine friendship with them for sure.
Black Lives Matter. ~ DYL ~ (On mobile)
hmnut7
04/29/2024
10:41 AM
#12
A friend you made at work is a real friend.

A work colleague who you are friendly with is not necessarily a real friend

Starfire: "They are too numerous to fight. What shall we do?"
Robin: "Fight anyway!" (pb)
Vegy
04/29/2024
10:42 AM
#13
Friends are friends, doesn't matter where
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LeoRavus
04/29/2024
10:44 AM
#14
theAteam posted...
I've only had maybe 2-3 coworkers that I did stuff with outside of work (not counting just going for a drink after work), but once one of us left the company that died off real quick. So I think there's some truth to it. Granted I've been working remotely since covid and haven't lived anywhere near my direct coworkers since.

You just didn't meat any lifer friends. I went to Florida (lol) and AZ with one friend I met at work, and Vietnam with another.

The one person I thought I'd be friends with forever I met when we were both 2 years old. We did everything together, graduated together. He ended up screwing me over and we haven't talked for over 20 years. Don't even know if he's still alive.
This is where cool people write stuff.
#15
Post #15 was unavailable or deleted.
RetuenOfDevsman
04/29/2024
10:45 AM
#16
Depends. It doesn't have to be a rule but at a lot of places it kind of implicitly is.

I worked with two guys who became best friends by working together for several years just because, well, they saw each other more than their own families, y'know?

Really unlikely friends considering our increasingly tribal social bullshit, actually. One was the reddest of rednecks and the other was Hispanic. But last I checked, they still work together. And work on cars together after work.
There's a difference between canon and not-stupid.
bigblu89
04/29/2024
10:47 AM
#17
One of my absolute best/closest friends started as someone I worked with.

Friendship is going on 30 years. I was the best man at his wedding and he was the best man at mine.

But theres also people I worked with and ate lunch with every single day that once I left the job, I never spoke to them again other than messages on social media.

So it can go either way
It takes zero effort to be a good person.
Miquella
04/29/2024
10:47 AM
#18
One of my best friends is a work friend. We work at different sites now within the same system, but we became close while working together.
I am Lord Miquella. Google me, *****!
bluezero
04/29/2024
11:00 AM
#19
Depends. I had one part time job where I made some lifelong friends.
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Nemu
04/29/2024
11:10 AM
#20
I'd say that's generally true for people you only interact with in certain circumstances. It certainly can develop into a real friendship, but I think that definitely requires interaction outside of that. Otherwise, you're just acquaintances, even if you technically spending a lot of time together.
K181
04/29/2024
11:20 AM
#21
If you need to put a qualifier in front of "friend," I agree.

If a co-worker was someone you hung out with outside of work as well, you'd just call them a friend.
Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.
Glob
04/29/2024
11:22 AM
#22
Not all colleagues are friends but they certainly can be. Almost everybody I view as a friend in the country I live in is a colleague.
Guns_of_Verdun
04/29/2024
11:23 AM
#23
Asherlee10 posted...
That's not universally true, but it can be true.

http://i.imgur.com/VwJsmAR.gifv
ClayGuida
04/29/2024
11:23 AM
#24
So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?
lolAmerica
LonelyStoner
04/29/2024
11:24 AM
#25
Asherlee10 posted...
That's not universally true, but it can be true.

When I was a W2 and working for someone else, my colleagues were not my friends even though I was friendly with them. I have no interest in being actual friends with people I work with.
This, but I do have one person at work who I do consider a homie. Anytime I feel like my usual friendly coworkers are pissed at me over their shitty moods he makes an effort to reach out to me and let me know hes got my back.
He's all alone through the day and night.
Villain_S_Fiend
04/29/2024
11:24 AM
#26
I like working with almost all the people at my job; we get along, we have laughs together - it's a pretty good scene. But I also know some of them aren't the kind of people I would socialize with if work hadn't put us in that position. And that's ok. Work friends don't need to be "real" friends to have value.
The food here is terrible. My steak was so tough it attacked my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.
Funkydog
04/29/2024
11:25 AM
#27
ClayGuida posted...
So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?
People you meet outside of 'obligations' of work/education/living together I guess?
Let's make biscuits!
GranAures
04/29/2024
11:27 AM
#28
In a vacuum it's not exactly wrong as most people don't spend personal time with people they work with or communicate with them outside of work.

But given the source, I can imagine why it was said.
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CountCorvinus
04/29/2024
11:28 AM
#29
"online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.
"There's no return from darkness. There's no return, I promise."
(THEY/THEM)
RetuenOfDevsman
04/29/2024
11:28 AM
#30
K181 posted...
If you need to put a qualifier in front of "friend," I agree.

If a co-worker was someone you hung out with outside of work as well, you'd just call them a friend.
This reminds me of a funny story about my boys.

One night Mrs. Devsman was meeting some friends for dinner, and after she left, they forgot and asked where she went. So I told them she was going to meet some friends.

Well, they started running up and down the hall yelling "Mama's friends!" because, Iunno, they're kids and weird things are funny to them.

I showed Mrs. Devsman the video I took, because of course I took a video, and she took it as incredulity at the thought that Mama had friends. So we laughed for a second and then after a second of silence, it hit me and I said

"At least they've HEARD of your friends."
There's a difference between canon and not-stupid.
VeggetaX
04/29/2024
11:29 AM
#31
CountCorvinus posted...
"online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.
They're not if there's a lot of anonymity between them, IMO.
Don't like it? Don't watch it. It's that simple
Dictator of Nice Guys
#32
Post #32 was unavailable or deleted.
CountCorvinus
04/29/2024
11:31 AM
#33
VeggetaX posted...
They're not if there's a lot of anonymity between them, IMO.

My online friends know more about me than my meatspace ones.
"There's no return from darkness. There's no return, I promise."
(THEY/THEM)
TheShadowViper
04/29/2024
11:31 AM
#34
Depends entirely on the definition of "real friends".

First off, depending on the circumstances, your co-workers could also be your competition. Second, unlike "real" friends who you take the time to put into your schedule and formulate a place to meet up and something to do, work friends are already in your schedule via the thing you do to make a living. Third, and why relationships at work are generally frowned up, you can often not choose to cut them out of your life should you need to without taking a significant risk with your livelihood.

"Real friends" thus would be:
  • People who do not effect your livelihood
  • People who you need to make time for, and not who are already part of your schedule (these are either co-workers, neighbors, obligations, or family)
  • People you can cut out of your life with minimal consequences except for what they bring to you in terms of their friendship


CountCorvinus posted... "online friends are not real friends"

Same energy.
Not really. Online friends can absolute fit the general definition of a "real friend" since they can absolutely meet all the criteria described above.

Co-workers and friends have been separated for a long time for a reason, and the reason ain't some random "online ain't real" bullshit. The two, while sometimes capable of offering the same thing, carry very different risks and scenarios surrounding how they interact with you.
ai123
04/29/2024
11:38 AM
#35
It's not a rule to live your life by.

School friends, college friends, hobby friends, neighbour friends . . . they might not be 'real' friends either. On the other hand, that person in the office may well be.

Case by case basis.
'Vinyl is the poor man's art collection'.
Solid_Sonic
04/29/2024
11:40 AM
#36
Don't close yourself off but don't be surprised if it's what ends up happening either.
Anyone who doesn't agree is part of the problem.
hockeybabe89
04/29/2024
11:43 AM
#37
ClayGuida posted...
So are classmates also not friends? Who even constitutes as friends?
Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."
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Smallville
04/29/2024
11:44 AM
#38
hockeybabe89 posted...
Wasn't said directly to me, but the newest hot take from my mom.

Your thoughts?
don't really get it though, why wouldn't or couldn't they be?
"That won't work Boss, hide the target in a place they're unlikely to be found"---GZ
LincolnDuncan
04/29/2024
11:45 AM
#39
I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?
"I'm not a very nostalgic person, I neither have regrets nor occasions for self-congratulations." - Leonard Cohen
TheShadowViper
04/29/2024
11:46 AM
#40
hockeybabe89 posted...
Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."
An example of someone being partially right but overly cynical. It is possible many people do care, but the process of work and school is often "going through the motions" and when you are no longer a part of that motion, you no longer matter. Not because that person doesn't like you or have fun around you, but because your only link was that interaction and life moves forward.

LincolnDuncan posted... I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?
That doesn't make any sense. A co-worker can transition into something else. They are not bound to be a co-worker only for eternity.
Smallville
04/29/2024
11:46 AM
#41
LincolnDuncan posted...
I met my wife at a job we both worked at. Is she not my real wife?
yeah i don't get the quote or sentiment , at all either
"That won't work Boss, hide the target in a place they're unlikely to be found"---GZ
Solid_Sonic
04/29/2024
11:47 AM
#42
I feel like school is an easier place to breed friendships because everyone's there because they have to be.

"Misery loves company," and all that. But in the working world people are trying to get ahead and have their talents be recognized so it's easy to see the people you encounter as just transient as you and they work their way up to through the ladder.
Anyone who doesn't agree is part of the problem.
Miquella
04/29/2024
11:47 AM
#43
hockeybabe89 posted...
Apparently classmates are not friends either.

It was just some conversation my mom and sister were having at dinner about their shithead co-workers, that are overly talkative to a fault and have terrible relationship history, and turned to "You shouldn't be friends with co-workers. Like in school, they aren't your friends, just people you have to be friendly to. None of them actually care."

I wonder if it's more about their experience. My sister usually says the same thing, but it's because her coworkers are assholes. Supervisor positions come and go at her job, so her coworkers will sell each other out for a chance at a promotion.
I am Lord Miquella. Google me, *****!
accord
04/29/2024
11:49 AM
#44
even some kpop groups who are supposed to look like they are siblings and are supporting each other through thick and thin admit they arent really friends irl.
Compsognathus
04/29/2024
11:52 AM
#45
Work friends can be real friends but not all work friends are real friends.

In my public accounting days I had a lot of work friends. And a lot of them ended up being real friends. People who I still hang out with to this day, despite most of us not working there anymore. But a lot of those work friends. People who I talked with daily, had gone out to the bars with, and got along with very well, ended up being just work friends. When we went our seperate ways, we lost touch completely. I'm sure if we bumped into each other while out and about we'd strike up a friendly conversation and maybe go grab a drink but I'd wager we wouldn't stay in touch after.

At my current job. I only have work friends. No one is even threatening to be a real friend and that's okay.
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BlueAnnihilator
04/29/2024
11:54 AM
#46
I mean, they can be, but never share anything with them that they can use against you later, no matter how friendly you are. I've seen what happens when work friendships break down.
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hockeybabe89
04/29/2024
11:54 AM
#47
TheShadowViper posted...
An example of someone being partially right but overly cynical. It is possible many people do care, but the process of work and school is often "going through the motions" and when you are no longer a part of that motion, you no longer matter. Not because that person doesn't like you or have fun around you, but because your only link was that interaction and life moves forward.
That's how I see it. I'm not gullible enough to think everyone who says hi to you is your best friend, but I just can't go through each day assuming everyone will stab me in the back if I no longer benefit them.

I'm sure this will come up again the next conversation I have about my transition and my support system.

I guess I'm just not miserable every day and hate my job like the rest of my family.
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CountCorvinus
04/29/2024
11:55 AM
#48
TheShadowViper posted...
Co-workers and friends have been separated for a long time for a reason, and the reason ain't some random "online ain't real" bullshit. The two, while sometimes capable of offering the same thing, carry very different risks and scenarios surrounding how they interact with you.


Seems like a you problem.
"There's no return from darkness. There's no return, I promise."
(THEY/THEM)
GranTurismo
04/29/2024
11:55 AM
#49
BlueAnnihilator posted...
I mean, they can be, but never share anything with them that they can use against you later, no matter how friendly you are. I've seen what happens when work friendships break down.
use against you later? what do you mean?
KajeI
04/29/2024
11:58 AM
#50
I have a hardline rule of keeping my professional and private lives as separate as possible and not once have I regretted it. But as has been said,

Compsognathus posted...
Work friends can be real friends but not all work friends are real friends.
and the same applies for school/etc.
Look, I can name a few instances in MY life where I tried to reach mutual understanding
and i can TELL you, always faster and easier to just kill em. Just is!
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