Poll of the Day > Why do I feel like my SO and I are poor-adjacent?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Serious question. I grew up in a really low income home (single mom, barely over minimum wage, two jobs, four kids), so I know what being poor is like.

This year, my SO and I are making a combined 118k, and were expecting that to grow by at least 8% next year. We have no kids or pets. When I look up average incomes for married couples, I know that were doing pretty well, especially for our age and area (25/27, rural Texas). On top of that, my credit score is about 770, and we have about 20k in savings not including stocks and retirement savings.

So I knowwww were not in a place where I should worry constantly about the exact amount of money we have in the bank or whether I can afford a cup of coffee, but I feel like Im constantly on the brink of poverty. We dont eat out often. My car is 15 years old, hers is 8. We live in an apartment that is way too small for us. We dont really take holidays. A lot of that is because I feel like any superfluous spending will bankrupt us. I think part of it might be that most of my friends from college are making significantly more than us, and always seem to be doing cool stuff on social media.

How do you stop worrying about money all the time? why do I constantly feel suffocated and like Im on the edge of having to move back in with my mom?

because you are poor-adjacent.

In the 80s you were well off when you, solo, were making 100k a year. Adjust for inflation and that you have a working SO you could be making $225k a year and the economy reflects that.

You aren't poor by any means... but one slip and you could be

Because a combined $118k isn't anything close to a safe income unless you're pretty heavily saving and investing. And, honestly, a lot of couples making a combined $200k live hand-to-mouth on a higher level.

And while living in rural Texas keeps your bills low, how able would you to be to find comparable-paying jobs? That would be my biggest concern.

MrMelodramatic posted...

On top of that, my credit score is about 770, and we have about 20k in savings not including stocks and retirement savings.

I mean, $20k in savings isn't a huge amount, although I know people want to invest over a certain amount.

MrMelodramatic posted...

So I knowwww were not in a place where I should worry constantly about the exact amount of money we have in the bank or whether I can afford a cup of coffee, but I feel like Im constantly on the brink of poverty. We dont eat out often. My car is 15 years old, hers is 8. We live in an apartment that is way too small for us. We dont really take holidays. A lot of that is because I feel like any superfluous spending will bankrupt us. I think part of it might be that most of my friends from college are making significantly more than us, and always seem to be doing cool stuff on social media.

That's not terribly frugal, honestly. One of my single cousins makes about $112k/year salary (not sure about bonuses) and rents a single room via airbnb. His car? At least 18 years old, and not a "it's holding up" 18 years old car (mine is pushing 20, but because I was working remotely for so long, my mileage is relatively low for a car that old -- in fact, my mileage is low for a TEN year-old car). He's a guy with a portfolio that might be around $400k right now, zero debt, etc, and I'm not sure he's ever taken a holiday where somebody else wasn't footing most of the bill.

If he lost his job tomorrow -- which he could -- he could probably live on what he has for decades at his current spending levels.

MrMelodramatic posted...

I think part of it might be that most of my friends from college are making significantly more than us, and always seem to be doing cool stuff on social media.

Honestly? Social media tends to exaggerate everything.

MrMelodramatic posted...

why do I constantly feel suffocated and like Im on the edge of having to move back in with my mom?

Because that's potentially a reality if things go south for you, given how fucked up society is.

This makes me sad. But I feel better about being so paranoid.

MrMelodramatic posted...

This makes me sad. But I feel better about being so paranoid.

If it makes you feel better, its a Zeus post, so its probably not based in reality.

"Poor-adjacent" is a bit of an exaggeration, but you're also not into comfortable financial territory yet with the current state of the economy. It may help to start tabulating your finances in more detail, trying to break down exactly how much you're spending on different things, what your monthly cash flow looks like, and some projections for what your savings/investments might look like in a year or two's time or what kind of catastrophes you could handle (like if your car died tomorrow). If you only have a vague idea of how much wiggle room you have, it's pretty hard to be confident that you have it, so by more precisely quantifying your financial situation you can reassure yourself that you're in a safe position.

Of course, this can easily spiral into obsessive bookkeeping and coming up with more and more outlandish ideas of financial catastrophes you might end up needing to prepare for, so if you find yourself doing that, maybe take a step in the other direction and quantify your finances less thoroughly. If you know that you are in fact in a reasonably comfortable financial position, trying to quantify exactly how comfortable may create more stress than it alleviates, such that ignoring it (while not being an idiot about your spending, obviously) may help you feel better.

MrMelodramatic posted...

I think part of it might be that most of my friends from college are making significantly more than us, and always seem to be doing cool stuff on social media.

there's the problem, you know it's all a lie but you still look at it anyway.