Current Events > I haven't worked in a few years

(+) Yeah! (+)

I started working at 14 years old. A bunch of my family died a few years ago, then I went nuts (psychotic break or something, I guess) and left these two really great jobs that I had. It was rough for a little bit but then it ended up working out-- in a way-- because my dad got sick so I became his hospice nurse for about a year. (It "worked out" in the sense that at least we had someone-- me-- there for him.) It was basically a true job, I was spending at least 30 hours a week taking care of him.

There was a lot that went into it. It sucked real bad watching him suffer and wither away but the silver lining was that we got a lot closer than we ever had been. I'm grateful for it in a lot of ways.

But damn, idk wtf happened to me. I'll do my best to explain. I got super sick myself while caring for him. For months and months I could hardly eat because it was too painful to swallow food. I had an awful cough. I lost a ton of weight. Right after he died I ended up in the E.R. and was eventually diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. It took a doctor that was active during the height of the crisis in the '80s/'90s to identify it because no one else had ever seen it before.

I was really bad off. I'm good now though, for the most part, health-wise. But jeez, I stopped working around that time and haven't held a job since. It's been YEARS. It's hard to fathom. Time really slips away. It's super weird to have been unemployed for so long. I've sort of lost track of myself, if that makes sense. Normal people don't go so long without work. I think it's messed my mind up pretty bad, tbh. I had some crappy jobs with mean bosses that made me feel like shit, but when I was in a good work environment I really excelled, thrived. I was an asset at a lot of places, that people-- coworkers, bosses, and patrons alike-- really appreciated. I was good for the community. I am doing a disservice to myself and everyone around me by not being out there.

It's hard to imagine climbing out of a mire, though, when you're so deep and have been drowning in it for so long.

What a wasted life. Sigh. :/

#dearestdiaryFAQs

Aw.

I miss my homie @Machete.

:(

ragnarokius posted...

Aw.

Idk if you actually read all that crap I wrote but your response is kind of sweet and made me feel a li'l better, lol. Thanks.

i haven't worked since 2021, i don't want another Sisyphus job

EzeDoesIt posted...

I miss my homie @Machete.

:(

Idk if you actually read all that crap I wrote but your response is kind of sweet and made me feel a li'l better, lol. Thanks.

I did not.

.. but happy to help!

I also did not.

MedeaLysistrata posted...

i haven't worked since 2021, i don't want another Sisyphus job

The mythological, ancient Greek character with the hill and the boulder?

I feel ya. An astounding percentage of Americans consider their jobs worthless. Something like 40% IIRC (maybe that's too high, idk, it was a way higher number than I would have guessed, though).

Might I ask what your previous line of work was? The Sisyphicious job? I'm curious now.

ragnarokius posted...

I did not.

.. but happy to help!

Hey, even if accidental it made me smile, lol. Good stuff.

MarcoRubio posted...

I also did not.

tl;dr: I've lost all purpose and I ruined and wasted a good life, a positive one that benefited everyone. I wasted myself.

Is that too long? I can shorten it further, lol: tl;dr: ME SAD.

xD

i read it all. it's kinda cool you were able to be there with your father, despite it being rough. nice to see you're doing better now and good luck to ya.

i read it and that sucks TC. i couldn't imagine all you've had to deal with. i lost my father almost 2 years ago and he was sick for a little over 15 years after his first stroke and was never able to walk again after. got much worse after his 2nd stroke. but my mom was already a stay at home mom and she became the main caregiver. i helped out of course but i still was working full time and during the first one was going to school but living at home.

but yea couldn't imagine if i was the primary caregiver and wasn't able to work all that time. do you plan to look for a job and try to get back out there? what have you been living off of?

Giant_Aspirin posted...

i read it all. it's kinda cool you were able to be there with your father, despite it being rough. nice to see you're doing better now and good luck to ya.

Thanks, friend. It's kind of you to entertain my ramblings. Hope it wasn't too, too boring to read, lol.

Things did get better for a time (though there were a lot of deep valleys even then, now that I think about it) but I'm actually at probably the very lowest point in my entire life right now, to be honest. Some real bad stuff has happened in the past year for me. Made some grave, grave, grave mistakes that really messed my life up. Thank you for the well wishes though. And thanks again for reading.

creativeme posted...

i read it and that sucks TC. i couldn't imagine all you've had to deal with. i lost my father almost 2 years ago and he was sick for a little over 15 years after his first stroke and was never able to walk again after. got much worse after his 2nd stroke. but my mom was already a stay at home mom and she became the main caregiver. i helped out of course but i still was working full time and during the first one was going to school but living at home.

but yea couldn't imagine if i was the primary caregiver and wasn't able to work all that time. do you plan to look for a job and try to get back out there? what have you been living off of?

Thank you also for reading! Awesome, friend. Appreciate it.

Man, we all have serious struggles in this life, huh? I'm so absorbed in my own problems, then I hear about what you and your mom had to deal with for so many years. Such a thing to go through. I, in turn, can't imagine that, either. Both of us have been through some tough times. Different sorts of struggles, yet similar. Yours seems much tougher than what I went through with my dad, though. 15 years is a very long time.

Your mom's a real one. My aunt has been taking care of my uncle who has Parkinson's for the past several years. I imagine her and your mom could relate. I really admire people like them. I probably would burn out....even just the one year with my dad was so exhausting, both physically and mentally. It's truly impressive and amazing what your mom and my aunt did for their loved ones.

I'm not super religious but stuff like that makes me hope they get some kind of deep reward for their superhuman good deeds. Not only is it hard work but it really drains you mentally. People probably don't realize how lonely it is, and how much sadness is involved with such ordeals.

Hope I'm making at least a little sense, sorry for rambling so much. Thanks again for reading my post, I hope both you and your mom are doing well these days.

P.S. You mentioned school...did you end up getting a degree? If so, what kind? If you don't mind me asking.

EzeDoesIt posted...

Thank you also for reading! Awesome, friend. Appreciate it.

Man, we all have serious struggles in this life, huh? I'm so absorbed in my own problems, then I hear about what you and your mom had to deal with for so many years. Such a thing to go through. I, in turn, can't imagine that, either. Both of us have been through some tough times. Different sorts of struggles, yet similar. Yours seems much tougher than what I went through with my dad, though. 15 years is a very long time.

Your mom's a real one. My aunt has been taking care of my uncle who has Parkinson's for the past several years. I imagine her and your mom could relate. I really admire people like them. I probably would burn out....even just the one year with my dad was so exhausting, both physically and mentally. It's truly impressive and amazing what your mom and my aunt did for their loved ones.

I'm not super religious but stuff like that makes me hope they get some kind of deep reward for their superhuman good deeds. Not only is it hard work but it really drains you mentally. People probably don't realize how lonely it is, and how much sadness is involved with such ordeals.

Hope I'm making at least a little sense, sorry for rambling so much. Thanks again for reading my post, I hope both you and your mom are doing well these days.

P.S. You mentioned school...did you end up getting a degree? If so, what kind? If you don't mind me asking.

thank you. i got an associates in business but that was in 2008 when the country was in a really bad recession and all the jobs i was looking for wanted a bachelors degree and 10 years experience and were only paying like $10 an hour and i was already making that doing landscaping at a temp agency. so never found out anything with it and just worked a lot of factory/warehouse jobs. i'm currently in school again for computer science. about to get my associates. not exactly sure what the associates is called but it's programming based. hoping to just find a job with this. if i continue for computer science then i need like 3 years of calc for the bachelors and it's been 15 years since i had a math class so i'd have to get a refresher just on college algebra at this point. so gonna see if i can just find something with an associates. i know the coding bootcamps only get certificates and dunno if most are even accredited so hoping i can just find a job anyways. at least get a foot in the door.

creativeme posted...

thank you. i got an associates in business but that was in 2008 when the country was in a really bad recession and all the jobs i was looking for wanted a bachelors degree and 10 years experience and were only paying like $10 an hour and i was already making that doing landscaping at a temp agency. so never found out anything with it and just worked a lot of factory/warehouse jobs. i'm currently in school again for computer science. about to get my associates. not exactly sure what the associates is called but it's programming based. hoping to just find a job with this. if i continue for computer science then i need like 3 years of calc for the bachelors and it's been 15 years since i had a math class so i'd have to get a refresher just on college algebra at this point. so gonna see if i can just find something with an associates. i know the coding bootcamps only get certificates and dunno if most are even accredited so hoping i can just find a job anyways. at least get a foot in the door.

Sorry the business degree didn't get you where you wanted, hopefully some of what you learned earning it can be applied to some of your endeavors, at some point.

I've done a bit of landscaping. I liked it, for the most part. Nice being outside and working with plants and trees and such. Didn't love all of it...I wasn't too fond of stomping down mulch/woodchips, for example.

Programming is a good bet from everything I hear. I hope it works out for you! And yeah, when I think about going back to school I worry about how many of my basic skills-- like the algebra you mentioned-- I've simply lost over the years. If I ever do go back I'll probably have to relearn a ton of fundamental stuff.

Calc, huh? Tbh I don't think I ever did that one. I was actually quite good at math back in the day, but I never ended up tackling that subject, never took a calc class. Not sure why.

And yeah, 15 years since a math class. Yeesh. I said I was pretty good at the subject, but yeah, I would dread having to take a math class now, after all this time.

Wish I knew more about the programming job market so I could offer words of advice, but...I don't. :P I heartily wish every ounce of luck to you in finding the job you're looking for, though.

What do you do for money then, tc, you don't work. Disability?

Smallville posted...

What do you do for money then, tc, you don't work. Disability?

My dad and big brother both left me some money when they died. My surviving family has helped me out a lot too. They probably feel sorry for me. I should probably be on disability at this point. I have, like, really severe mental problems, I'm beginning to realize. I would most likely qualify if they can properly assess me.

Giant_Aspirin posted...

i read it all. it's kinda cool you were able to be there with your father, despite it being rough. nice to see you're doing better now and good luck to ya.

Yeah better than me. I had a full time job and had to take care of my grandad. Looking back wish I had quit my job to take care of him. It was a minimum wage job so not like it woulda broke us financially I basically just had a job so I could build up work expierence

Sufferedphoneix posted...

Yeah better than me. I had a full time job and had to take care of my grandad. Looking back wish I had quit my job to take care of him. It was a minimum wage job so not like it woulda broke us financially I basically just had a job so I could build up work expierence

Apparently the government will even pay people in our position. I never managed to look into it at the time, but it's a real thing from what I hear.

Didn't you do some serving? Have you considered trying that again, or is it too difficult to deal with people?

Anony1125 posted...

Didn't you do some serving? Have you considered trying that again, or is it too difficult to deal with people?

Yeah I've been a server before. Never had a problem dealing with people, I was really good at interacting with patrons actually. In all my jobs I've fostered a ton of great relationships. People seem to like me a lot, honestly.

I don't really know how to describe exactly what's wrong with me. I guess first and foremost I have that thing where I think I'm Jesus or God or something. But right now I'm just in a deep malaise. And also awaiting trial, which is another thing casting a dark storm all over me, and hindering anything I might try to do, like search for a job.

EzeDoesIt posted...

Apparently the government will even pay people in our position. I never managed to look into it at the time, but it's a real thing from what I hear.

I woulda taken it for real.it sucked ass working 40 hours a week in fast food coming home and taking care of my grandad and still trying to make time for a social life cause I was like 20.i was getting next to no sleep. I often had to walk home from work too. 4 miles on really hilly roads. I'd usually lay down in the flood like 2 feet I'm after getting home and pass out until my grandad yelled needing something

EzeDoesIt posted...

Yeah I've been a server before. Never had a problem dealing with people, I was really good at interacting with patrons actually. In all my jobs I've fostered a ton of great relationships. People seem to like me a lot, honestly.

I don't really know how to describe exactly what's wrong with me. I guess first and foremost I have that thing where I think I'm Jesus or God or something. But right now I'm just in a deep malaise. And also awaiting trial, which is another thing casting a dark storm all over me, and hindering anything I might try to do, like search for a job.

have you tried to file for disability yet? they denied you? iirc they deny the vast majority of people the 1st time

Smallville posted...

have you tried to file for disability yet? they denied you? iirc they deny the vast majority of people the 1st time

Yeah to weed out fakers

Sufferedphoneix posted...

Yeah to weed out fakers

don't they usually deny most people who also clearly qualify?

EzeDoesIt posted...

What a wasted life

yeah you can't think in doomygloomy absolutes like this. and you know this -- but unfortunately, self-pity is the defense mechanism for when things aren't going your way.

You're going to have to humble yourself and take a lower level job. If you're so much better than it than you think you are, then prove it, and rise quickly.

also, stay the FUCK away from all the antiwork / workreform / etc social media pages, including reddit. it's just a big ole doomygloom CJ

Sufferedphoneix posted...

I woulda taken it for real.it sucked ass working 40 hours a week in fast food coming home and taking care of my grandad and still trying to make time for a social life cause I was like 20.i was getting next to no sleep. I often had to walk home from work too. 4 miles on really hilly roads. I'd usually lay down in the flood like 2 feet I'm after getting home and pass out until my grandad yelled needing something

I was really lucky in a lot of ways. My psychosis did lose me two great jobs, one of them a dream job, as I think I mentioned. But it allowed me to focus full-time on my dad. And, thankfully, his city job gave him a good pension so we weren't too worried about money.

I mean, shit was fucked and it was a lot to deal with but I was incredibly lucky in many ways. Makes me want everyone in that position to have that type of security. It's way too much to deal with otherwise. I'm sorry you had to shoulder so many burdens.

Smallville posted...

have you tried to file for disability yet? they denied you? iirc they deny the vast majority of people the 1st time

I'm, like, too disabled to even try at this point, honestly. I can't do any of this shit. Like, life stuff. Realistically I'll probably die in jail or on the side of the freeway while having a manic episode or something.

Naysaspace posted...

yeah you can't think in doomygloomy absolutes like this. and you know this -- but unfortunately, self-pity is the defense mechanism for when things aren't going your way.

You're going to have to humble yourself and take a lower level job. If you're so much better than it than you think you are, then prove it, and rise quickly.

also, stay the FUCK away from all the antiwork / workreform / etc social media pages, including reddit. it's just a big ole doomygloom CJ

Thanks for the encouragement. Appreciate it. And nah, I'm not at all above menial jobs...they're my M.O. if anything, ha. I do not at all mind that kind of work.

Like the saying goes, if you want the dude to build his character send him to the camel latrines, lol.

EzeDoesIt posted...

I was really lucky in a lot of ways. My psychosis did lose me two great jobs, one of them a dream job, as I think I mentioned. But it allowed me to focus full-time on my dad. And, thankfully, his city job gave him a good pension so we weren't too worried about money.

I mean, shit was fucked and it was a lot to deal with but I was incredibly lucky in many ways. Makes me want everyone in that position to have that type of security. It's way too much to deal with otherwise. I'm sorry you had to shoulder so many burdens.

My mom said she tried that getting paid to to take care of her mother. Said what it basically was they took that person's social security money and gave it to you instead. So basically it boiled down the government forcing them to pay you

Smallville posted...

don't they usually deny most people who also clearly qualify?

Most yeah. But some people are very good fakers that got even doctos lying for them

Not saying I agree with people being denied like that. But some assholes just have to ruin things

Sufferedphoneix posted...

Most yeah. But some people are very good fakers that got even doctos lying for them

Not saying I agree with people being denied like that. But some assholes just have to ruin things

what? isn't disability still a lot less than what you would be making working minimum wage full time? Then why are the disability people kinda assholes about this stuff, then?

GranTurismo posted...

what? isn't disability still a lot less than what you would be making working minimum wage full time? Then why are the disability people kinda assholes about this stuff, then?

Cause the government is gonna do all they can to not have to pay someone.