LogFAQs > #975638644

I started working at 14 years old. A bunch of my family died a few years ago, then I went nuts (psychotic break or something, I guess) and left these two really great jobs that I had. It was rough for a little bit but then it ended up working out-- in a way-- because my dad got sick so I became his hospice nurse for about a year. (It "worked out" in the sense that at least we had someone-- me-- there for him.) It was basically a true job, I was spending at least 30 hours a week taking care of him.

There was a lot that went into it. It sucked real bad watching him suffer and wither away but the silver lining was that we got a lot closer than we ever had been. I'm grateful for it in a lot of ways.

But damn, idk wtf happened to me. I'll do my best to explain. I got super sick myself while caring for him. For months and months I could hardly eat because it was too painful to swallow food. I had an awful cough. I lost a ton of weight. Right after he died I ended up in the E.R. and was eventually diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. It took a doctor that was active during the height of the crisis in the '80s/'90s to identify it because no one else had ever seen it before.

I was really bad off. I'm good now though, for the most part, health-wise. But jeez, I stopped working around that time and haven't held a job since. It's been YEARS. It's hard to fathom. Time really slips away. It's super weird to have been unemployed for so long. I've sort of lost track of myself, if that makes sense. Normal people don't go so long without work. I think it's messed my mind up pretty bad, tbh. I had some crappy jobs with mean bosses that made me feel like shit, but when I was in a good work environment I really excelled, thrived. I was an asset at a lot of places, that people-- coworkers, bosses, and patrons alike-- really appreciated. I was good for the community. I am doing a disservice to myself and everyone around me by not being out there.

It's hard to imagine climbing out of a mire, though, when you're so deep and have been drowning in it for so long.

What a wasted life. Sigh. :/

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