Current Events > Pretending to be outgoing for an extended period is exhausting #blogfaqs

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've got the hang of it for work, where I just need to be bold and "extroverted" for 8/9 hours and then I can chill once I get home. But today's my fourth day at this external course and I've had to put on a play since the beginning, especially since we're expected to socialise with the others outside of the learning period.

It's been a good time and I've learned a lot and improved myself as a person, don't get me wrong. But there's a reason why today, instead of going out with the others or doing an activity, I immediately shut myself in my room and listened to music until bed >_>

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Did you manage to get any networking done?

Turbam posted...

Did you manage to get any networking done?

I think so? Not sure what would count as successful networking

Extraversion is a skill you can absolutely develop and use in short bursts. I basically created a whole entire personality to use at work when I was a server so many years ago.

The hardest days were made even harder when I finally would get home after a double. Physical exhaustion paired with mental fatigue is just a double whammy of suck.

Cemith posted...

Extraversion is a skill you can absolutely develop and use in short bursts.

Exactly, but doing so for longer periods of time is what exhausted me last night when I posted this

teep_ posted...

But today's my fourth day at this external course and I've had to put on a play since the beginning, especially since we're expected to socialise with the others outside of the learning period.

Since it was the last night, everyone else decided to end it with a bang. Got a few questions asking where I was last night

Or you can justbe yourself and not force a live style you dont enjoy on yourself. Who cares what other people think, dont compromise ur happiness for the approval of others

I can relate

My last job included a lot of this. I had to hang out with clients. They really enjoyed spending time with me, so I was asked to do it more and more. I didn't hate it, but it was mentally draining. My boss was not understanding of this because he's an extrovert and I basically printed money.

I moved to a desk job at a different place. Idk if I'll stay here forever, but it's a really nice break.

You just have Asperger's, like the rest of us

It is. My crutch - and an unfortunately major aspect of most of my interpersonal relationships - is alcohol, though as a Muslim fella and/or as a matter of personal taste I understand that's not an option, which makes it even harder to be social and outgoing for long periods of time. It's the worst at work, especially if you have co-workers you dislike who keep engaging you against your wishes.

Like if I tried to spend time around people right now, I'd have a really hard time - let alone being able to maintain a bright, friendly, outgoing facade for an extended period of time. It's fine to stay in, recharge your batteries and reaffirm things that make you feel like yourself; I'm sure people will understand.

I feel like when you stay true to yourself and make the right choices for you, the right people come along eventually who fit into all that. It won't always be like this. It doesn't change the situation that inspired this topic, but imo, relief is somewhere on the horizon.

godofwar596 posted...

Or you can justbe yourself and not force a live style you dont enjoy on yourself. Who cares what other people think, dont compromise ur happiness for the approval of others

Just be yourself and who cares what people think is privileged advice.

What people think of you is very important for a healthy social life or career. You cant come off as asocial or it will be difficult to navigate through life with help from others.

Being yourself only works if who you are fits whatever environment youre in. TC is clearly in a field or situation where talking to others is needed. Being standoffish or reticent would hinder his performance, so being outgoing is the right call.

It just sucks that its easier for others. On the bright side, TC does have a space to recharge. If he also was forced to be outgoing at home? Geez. But I think TC is doing it right. The more you do it, the longer you can hold out Ive noticed.

You should get to a point that youre around folks who understand you and wont necessarily check on you if you dont show, but still invite you since they get you.

I slept for 14 hours after my best friends 4 hour wedding.

Eugh, weddings.
I'm glad my sisters didn't have those (yet).

And it's all over

Met some cool people. It'd be nice if we could stay in contact, but I'm not outgoing enough to ask someone for their number out of the blue yet. Maybe with some more practice

Time to add the course as a qualification to my LinkedIn

cuttin_in_farm posted...

What people think of you is very important for a healthy social life or career. You cant come off as asocial or it will be difficult to navigate through life with help from others.

Being yourself only works if who you are fits whatever environment youre in. TC is clearly in a field or situation where talking to others is needed. Being standoffish or reticent would hinder his performance, so being outgoing is the right call.

There are truths in this post, but there are also shades of grey.

Acting like an extrovert for 8+ hours is crazy (imo), and you can absolutely talk, socialize, make connections and all that without having to put on a front. Now, if you hate socializing with a passion and chose a job where you're doing that all day, every day...well, that's on you.

SSJ2Red posted...

Acting like an extrovert for 8+ hours is crazy (imo), and you can absolutely talk, socialize, make connections and all that without having to put on a front. Now, if you hate socializing with a passion and chose a job where you're doing that all day, every day...well, that's on you.

It's not that I hate it. I enjoy the confident, self assured person that I become. It's more that it takes effort, and my effort reserves aren't bottomless

teep_ posted...

It's not that I hate it. I enjoy the confident, self assured person that I become. It's more that it takes effort, and my effort reserves aren't bottomless

I can relate. I'm a teacher and I put on an extroverted persona when I'm interacting with students. At the end of the day, when I get home, I like a solid hour of not talking. I'll listen to your stories or silently do house chores but just need some no more talking time to recharge.

teep_ posted...

It's not that I hate it. I enjoy the confident, self assured person that I become. It's more that it takes effort, and my effort reserves aren't bottomless

I understand needing to take some time for yourself to recharge the batteries. That's perfectly natural.

Speaking generally, I often see people mention this "work self" vs "real self" conflict in relation to their career when things don't have to be that way. I can get separating the two if you want to be liked , but being liked isn't the end all be all. And everybody isn't gonna like you anyway, whether you're pretending or otherwise.

SSJ2Red posted...

I understand needing to take some time for yourself to recharge the batteries. That's perfectly natural.

Speaking generally, I often see people mention this "work self" vs "real self" conflict in relation to their career when things don't have to be that way. I can get separating the two if you want to be liked , but being liked isn't the end all be all. And everybody isn't gonna like you anyway, whether you're pretending or otherwise.

But a "real self" and "in-front of customers self" can sometimes be a required part of a job, but jobs dealing with customers are not for everyone.

SSJ2Red posted...

Speaking generally, I often see people mention this "work self" vs "real self" conflict in relation to their career when things don't have to be that way. I can get separating the two if you want to be liked , but being liked isn't the end all be all.

It's about being competent, not about being liked. I can't be the boss of multiple teams of blue collar workers by being shy and withdrawn