Current Events > Bumble app has pronouns you NEVER knew existed.

(+) Yeah! (+)

SHRlKE posted...

Is there an expectation amongst the trans community and their allies that people should know the most widely used pro-nouns and keep up to date on any new ones or is respectfully using them when the person you are talking to informs you of their preferred pronouns enough?

It seems awkward to ask someone what their preferred pronouns are but then how else are
you gonna know what someone wants to be called.

I've worked with several transgender people and it's never been anything close to an issue. I get where the internet may get you to think it's a confrontation in the making, but basic human decency is universal. I've accidentally used the wrong pronoun with one of our clients who was a traditionally masculine looking person wearing a sundress, and they just let me know and that was that.

Dont let CEmen trick you into thinking it's a situation about tension and hostility.

MrToothHasYou posted...

Compare and contrast with competing forms of media formatsJPEG, BMP, PNG, WebP, MP3, WAV, FLAC, AAC.... When you give communities of people the freedom to come up with their own ways of doing things, and there isn't any authority or driving market force that naturally narrows these competing options down (think Blu-Ray vs HD-DVD where hardware compatibility and production cost drive the need for a consensus industry standard), you end up with lots of options.

The other important thing to keep in mind is that these terms mostly formed within separate communities with differing cultures and their crossover usage, while seemingly meaningless to us, might have significance to those members of that community wishing to identify themselves to other members. Someone with a PhD may prefer to be referred to as "Doctor" because it identifies that they are part of the academic community. Someone who is a fan of a certain band might wear a t-shirt with the band's logo. And just because the differences are not obvious to those of us outside the community does not mean they do not exist. A member of the US Marine Corps, for example, would likely strongly object to being called "soldier" despite an outsider not seeing a meaningful difference between the two.

I can see what you mean by all this being new, so a standard hasn't been settled on. It's not about dismissing the difference behind the terms, it's about everything needing a specific label. You aren't your label, whatever it is, you're just you. I feel like focusing on labels may diminish our ability to truly see people as individuals.

LordRazziel posted...

I can see what you mean by all this being new, so a standard hasn't been settled on. It's not about dismissing the difference behind the terms, it's about everything needing a specific label. You aren't your label, whatever it is, you're just you. I feel like focusing on labels may diminish our ability to truly see people as individuals.

No on really focuses on it though, unless it's the topic of discussion.

And I can almost guarantee you that most people on here can only count on one (more likely zero) hands the amount of times they've encountered someone where this pronoun conversation was relevant to even bother having an opinion on it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Reread the post I was responding to before you phrase your statement as a rebuttal. You look like you're trying to put words in my mouth.

WolfFangHowell posted...

I've worked with several transgender people and it's never been anything close to an issue. I get where the internet may get you to think it's a confrontation in the making, but basic human decency is universal. I've accidentally used the wrong pronoun with one of our clients who was a traditionally masculine looking person wearing a sundress, and they just let me know and that was that.

Dont let CEmen trick you into thinking it's a situation about tension and hostility.

Sorry I worded it weirdly. It was more of a should I ask EVERYONE what their pronouns are just to make sure I dont misgender them? That seems like the most sensible option to avoid misgendering someone but feels overkill at the same time.

SHRlKE posted...

Sorry I worded it weirdly. It was more of a should I ask EVERYONE what their pronouns are just to make sure I dont misgender them? That seems like the most sensible option to avoid misgendering someone but feels overkill at the same time.

I wouldn't think that was necessary. About 1.5% of Americans are transgender or non-binary. And an even smaller percentage of that go by pronouns that would "go against" how they physically present themselves in public.

And an even smaller percentage of that would take it as being hostile if you were to accidentally misgender them. 99.9% of the time they would just politely correct you.

So the odds of this every even coming up on one's everyday life is so slim that there's a good change you used more time typing that post than you will ever wondering how to properly address someone in fear of misgendering them.

bigblu89 posted...

Yes. Just like when people say "Hello, my name is James, but people call me Bo."

You then say "Oh, why do they call you Bo?"

Then then tell you why.

So when someone says "Hello, my name is James, my pronouns are Ve/Ver"

You then say "Oh, why did you decide on Ve/Ver?"

Then they tell you why.

This works with me tbh. Ill try to be less judgmental about it.

Thank you.

I could see myself using most of those, though Id prefer to just get rid of everything and use they/them for everyone. But Co and Per are ones I cannot see myself using. Pronouns should avoid being words that have well established non-pronoun usages.

SHRlKE posted...

Sorry I worded it weirdly. It was more of a should I ask EVERYONE what their pronouns are just to make sure I dont misgender them? That seems like the most sensible option to avoid misgendering someone but feels overkill at the same time.

Naw, I'm sorry if I made it sound condescending or like it wasnt stuff you would already know to do. I've got a coworker who is sweet as can be, but she definitely hangs back to let me take care of clients with different situations. She's younger and nervous she'll upset someone, but it really just isnt like that with any of them. Just like with racial segregation and women's suffrage, theres not some big personal sacrifice to be made, just common decency.

Coexisting with human beings is wayyyy easier than the internet would have you believe.

bigblu89 posted...

I wouldn't think that was necessary. About 1.5% of Americans are transgender or non-binary. And an even smaller percentage of that go by pronouns that would "go against" how they physically present themselves in public.

And an even smaller percentage of that would take it as being hostile if you were to accidentally misgender them. 99.9% of the time they would just politely correct you.

So the odds of this every even coming up on one's everyday life is so slim that there's a good change you used more time typing that post than you will ever wondering how to properly address someone in fear of misgendering them.

ty

WolfFangHowell posted...

Naw, I'm sorry if I made it sound condescending or like it wasnt stuff you would already know to do. I've got a coworker who is sweet as can be, but she definitely hangs back to let me take care of clients with different situations. She's younger and nervous she'll upset someone, but it really just isnt like that with any of them. Just like with racial segregation and women's suffrage, theres not some big personal sacrifice to be made, just common decency.

Coexisting with human beings is wayyyy easier than the internet would have you believe.

et tu

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Uh huh

bigblu89 posted...

If names were meant to be unique, no one would have the same name.

I meant like -- we don't call each other boy or man or woman all the time, our name is meant to be an individual thing. But I think you went into this trying to argue instead of trying to understand

as long as [ ] has a vagina im down

I'll just stick to using they/them when referring to anyone nonbinary. I can't remember names well enough as it is. Sure as hell not gonna remember any of that.

There was some actual understanding that occurred in this thread.

hitokoriX posted...

I meant like -- we don't call each other boy or man or woman all the time, our name is meant to be an individual thing. But I think you went into this trying to argue instead of trying to understand

I honestly think you're the one that doesn't understand.

Let people refer to themselves any way they want to. If the 1% of the 1% of the 1% wants to use Ze/Zim as their pronouns, respect that.

To me, it seems like you have two options. Accept it, or give pushback for zero reason beyond "I think it's dumb".

I have no problems at all with people wanting to have their own unique pronoun. The only issue I can see come up (if it ever comes up) is trying to use them with multiple people with different pronouns. Good luck trying to use them all in a sentence or remember them.

Jane found xir apples. However, when Bobby grabbed co juice box, xe found out that co wasn't fond of it. Mark and ze friends came over to bobby and Jane to help co.

That's really hard to follow and even write out. It's like a new language.

BettyWhite posted...

I'll just stick to using they/them when referring to anyone nonbinary. I can't remember names well enough as it is. Sure as hell not gonna remember any of that.

This.

It takes me between 1-2 months to remember a name.

Pikachuchupika posted...

I have no problems at all with people wanting to have their own unique pronoun. The only issue I can see come up (if it ever comes up) is trying to use them with multiple people with different pronouns. Good luck trying to use them all in a sentence or remember them.

Jane found xir apples. However, when Bobby grabbed co juice box, xe found out that co wasn't fond of it. Mark and ze friends came over to bobby and Jane to help co.

That's really hard to follow and even write out. It's like a new language.

There's, like, a 1 in 10 million chance that you'd ever have to utter a sentence like that.

I love how self-absorbed people are that they put their needing to try a tiny bit harder to remember someone's pronouns ahead of the basic respect of using a person's correct pronouns.