Current Events > Young men: dates feel more like job interviews

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://nypost.com/2023/03/01/rate-of-single-men-in-the-us-looking-for-dates-has-declined/

Do you agree CE?

Young Men don't exactly excel at job interviews.

Once the article brought up biological clock it just came off as an incel writing an article about why he can't get a girlfriend.

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Buuuut

No talking about marriage or kid desires early

Jesting aside,

She literally asked me, Would you rather our kids go to public or private school? Followed by several more extreme questions about getting married. I just started responding with what I knew she would hate the most to get her to leave, Breslow told The Post.

Imagine if I dunno people answered honestly and clearly about what they wanted

I always make sure to mention to my date within the first couple of minutes about my proficiency with Microsoft Excel.

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One of the issues is that women aren't generally taught to actually date like men are. Y'all are "pushed" to seek out serious relationships, as opposed to enjoying the dating process and learning what it is you really want (and also just have fun!) This also makes dating more adversarial than it should be.

Nope, I never felt like they were interviews. My first dates were all dinners, so we just talked like I would with friends. I was nervous, but for the most part, the conversations flowed.

Although after reading through the article, most of it isn't about dates feeling like interviews and just about these guys not wanting to put in the effort required to look for a serious relationship. I'm trying not to be judgemental there, but it seems like a self inflicted problem.

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You are the exception and not the rule. Things are changing, sure but that doesn't negate my point as far as the majority.

Please no more women/men dating debates.

Ill like, do a dance or something.

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I think you're misunderstanding my point. I'm not denying that more women are feeling frustrated and disappointed with dating. I'm saying that even with some changing their stances on dating, the majority still look at dating the old fashioned way. I'm not talking about casual sex, either. I'm specifically talking about actual dating.

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I'd agree with this though, so...

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That makes sense. I dated a girl who was 30 who was never in a relationship. She went on dates here and there but never felt like she needed to be in one. She just did her own thing the whole time and never felt the need

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Kind of. It was more of a general statement about expectations/desires in dating and why men/women view it differently. I say it's mostly due to how society trains us to look at dating, which is changing (thankfully.)

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I know :)

Yeah, don't have money, looks, or both?

Fuck your teddy bear vibe, intellect, and personality. You get shit!

But be grateful, you don't want bitches like that anyway.

I feel like a lot of times it's just poor communication skills. People just don't know how to be normal and take stuff personally that don't need to be.

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Correct. But people are overly concerned with "wasting their time," which is understandable but also kind of stupid lol And that brings us back to the adversarial part because we condition folks to want completely different things from dating, which are naturally at odds, i.e. a meaningful connection/relationship vs just getting some.

I personally think people look to get married too young and should instead use their 20s- (early) 30s to date around and figure out themselves, as well as what they truly want in a partner. It'd probably cut down the divorce rate.

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This doesn't feel like an accurate statement.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

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Most definitely! These things need to be done for better quality of life for everyone.

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Yeah. Think about how much we change over the years. Expecting someone to grow with you through all that is a bit unrealistic. At 25, you don't even know the person you'll be at 35, much less your partner.

lolife67 posted...

Kind of. It was more of a general statement about expectations/desires in dating and why men/women view it differently. I say it's mostly due to how society trains us to look at dating, which is changing (thankfully.)

It is driven a lot by biology too. Men evolved to spread the seed to as many partners as possible. If a woman gets pregnant then she has to spend a minimum of 9 months before she can have another child, usually more. That is why women evolved to be more particular about their partners and sex is a lot more of an emotional connection for them than males.

I like how this article never touched on the other side of things where women have outrageous lists of requirements which most men dont have since they seek only the top 10% of men. Its funny that they never mentioned that most women were only having casual sex with the high earners to try and lock them down but are not giving average men anything.

I dont deny there are a lot of young men in their early 20s looking for casual fun but they do so because they have no reason to be that serious since they have nothing yet. Looking for fun dates and getting ti know her dates are what you should be doing not this job interview dating asking shit like do you want your children in public or private school.

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I don't know when this was done, but I feel like any study done pre-covid is invalid now.

Look y'all, here's a bottom line. In the dating world, men have it the worst, currently speaking, almost anyway you look at it. Full stop.

I don't know why you GUYS are arguing about some trifles here...

Cocytus posted...

Look y'all, here's a bottom line. In the dating world, men have it the worst, currently speaking, almost anyway you look at it. Full stop.

Nah.

lolife67 posted...

Nah.

You can elaborate. I won't cry.

RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted...

I like how this article never touched on the other side of things where women have outrageous lists of requirements which most men dont have since they seek only the top 10% of men. Its funny that they never mentioned that most women were only having casual sex with the high earners to try and lock them down but are not giving average men anything.

This mindset needs to stop. So many guys online have convinced themselves that they're unsuccessful in dating because the women only want "Chad" but that's not the reality at all.

I'm 5'11, average looking, overweight, have shared custody of my 7 year old, and I'm not rich. So I'm far from the "top 10%." Yet I got plenty of dates and found my girlfriend, via online dating. So don't count yourself out.

The sooner you move past that mindset of "woman only want one type of guy" the sooner you can start finding success in dating. Plenty of women will find you interesting, but you can't focus on negativity like that or you'll miss those chances.

I dont deny there are a lot of young men in their early 20s looking for casual fun but they do so because they have no reason to be that serious since they have nothing yet. Looking for fun dates and getting ti know her dates are what you should be doing not this job interview dating asking shit like do you want your children in public or private school.

I really feel like that's an extreme example and not representative of the norm. Out of the 8 first dates I had last year, not a single one of them asked me any serious questions like that. That was always something that waited until a few dates in. The first date was just fun conversation about things we like to do, movies we've seen, places we've gone recently, etc. But yes, there are both men and women who want to ask serious questions right away because they don't want to feel like they "wasted time" but not everyone does that. Usually it's just fun.

Although I could also see someone being so nervous that they unintentionally turn the date into an interview. Like their mind goes blank, so they just start reading off questions to fill the silence.

Cocytus posted...

You can elaborate. I won't cry.

I don't think men have it worse, overall. I think both genders have it bad but in different areas. Woman aren't typically looking for the same thing in dating as men and vice versa. So saying they have it easier is only looking at it from a male perspective and not what a woman actually wants/looks at. And even the things that some men think are "hard" really aren't that serious or difficult to manage. And are generally the result of men/sexism in the first place.

lolife67 posted...

I think both genders have it bad but in different areas.

I can definitely agree to that. It's not all sunshine and roses for women either. Fair enough. It's just really hard for dudes is all I'm saying. Really hard. And it seems a lot of times that women have most of the power in bridging the relationship gap. Women should speak up to guys more. Guys are not apt to approach women now-a-days, imho. But I agree, it's hard for women out there too, especially if they fall into a relationship and it turns to mega shit for them, I get that, truly.

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I think you got too much college on the brain right now, son. You can have statistics. Sometimes that don't mean shit compared to what's happening on the ground. I'm a teacher myself. Trust me on this. As far as statistics go, you will see. I'm sure your profs have you statistic crazy right about now. It's not the whole story. No disrespect.

If you treat a date like you're an applicant then yeah of course it will feel like that.

If you treat a date as a potential way to have a good time regardless of how it goes then maybe things would feel a bit better.

Some people need to learn that it's okay to not be compatible with everyone or even most people. That's what dating is for! But that doesn't mean a date that doesn't go anywhere is a waste of time. It's still an experience you had and can learn from. If it's really shit then you probably have a funny anecdote to tell in the future.

A lot of people on the internet seemed to be so deathly afraid of just living their life without immediate success and gratification.

Incels don't deserve dates.

Gladius_ posted...

The rest aside from that lines up with statistics I posted. Young guy is seeking a casual fling. Most women on dating websites are looking for a relationship. Something I point out numerous times when incels whine.

Unfortunately the study doesn't support your rebuttal.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/

Single men are more likely than their female counterparts to be searching for romantic experiences.

It's single men who care more about relationships than single women. But they can't get them.

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No speaky engrish?