Current Events > It's kind of weird how some girls don't mention their significant other at all

(+) Yeah! (+)

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We're all just people. We all essentially need the same things, but somewhere along the line a lot of people forgot that men and women both want and need to be loved.

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I still think that's an oversimplification though, men express certain emotions more readily than women do.

Both sexes keep most of their feelings bottled up tbh. But anyway, it's true that men don't discuss their issues as readily but that's mostly because no one cares. You aren't going to be rewarded for that in any way as a man unless it's a psychiatrist or your parents that you're talking to so why bother? It can only have a negative consequence (making you look weak). Women give each other these affections not because the giver is a woman, but because the recipient is

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The fact is that the two sexes have inherent roles and a man breaking down isn't a good look, to men OR women. And yes some people care, those people are your parents and your psychiatrist and very few others

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Ehh this has a woman bias as far as perception, imo.

If you were to ask me, I dont think men have a particular lack of soothing words, I think women have a surplus. At least currently. Like, men build eachother up in different ways.

Theres definitely issues with physical touch, but I dont think its fair that men should have to change their norms instead of women. Or a mix of both.

I obviously dont know every persons experiences, so I can only go by my own observations. But I dont think men have a problem with their emotions. Just because women have them on display more typically is not a sign of being in tune with them, imo.

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I feel like its easy to say this but in a lot of cultural circles, this just isnt true. For that reason, I dont think its wise to judge people on the spectrum of desired society instead of the actual society.

Specifically when one of main reasons men act the way they do are because of women. How they are raised by single mothers and how women react to men shapes how their behave. Just go around and randomly ask if a womans man being bisexual would be a problem, and realize how many women would even have to think about it.

On the note of emotional expression, I still think women do it too much. When a man says he cares for me or loves me or whatever, I trust it. When I woman does it, its whatever. Because they just toss words of affirmation around like candy, typically.

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No. Men have about 20x more testosterone. That's an inherent difference. Men are taller, bigger, stronger. Men view the world differently and are more thing-oriented than person-oriented, even in infancy (before social conditioning has happened). There are many professions that would go unoccupied permanently if men disappeared, occupations that have to be filled for society to not crumble.

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Well first off, the framing here is not really true-to-life, it's not so much that men aren't allowed to cry by society, it's biology first and foremost that drives that difference. Just about any man who remembers their childhood can attest to this. I cried a ton when I was a kid. The social pressures to be strong as a male were obviously still there (much moreso actually, this was decades ago) so what changed? Meanwhile, women cry about as much as children (and themselves AS children). So it's pretty clear that it's not a social conditioning thing nearly as much as it's biological. Society can certainly dictate whether or not crying is seen as appropriate, but at the end of the day we're biological machines. Our function is dictated by our biology and when someone is seen acting outside of that it's seen as an aberration because it is one. Men sometimes come out of this with the short straw, i.e. being seen as expendable and thus not important enough to be given emotional care.

Mystifying the issue with phrases like "attuned to/in tune with" just obfuscates the issue imo.

Damn this is getting real deep

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I guess Im just gonna agree to disagree. I dont see an issue with how things are currently. As I, personally, dont want to dip into traditionally feminine roles. Thus, I cant see the need to normalize anything. Not saying youre wrong, btw.

Again, it isn't perfect but the Zoomer generation is proving that change is happening. They are slowly shaping up to be even more progressive than millenials. This change should be encouraged.

I think they are changing for the worse. Its hard to explain why, but I feel like people are becoming too sensitive and emotionally lazy. But commenting on a generation is a large thing to unpack so Ill leave it there.

I both agree and disagree in parts. I get your meaning that the person who never says I love you who finally does creates for a more powerful moment but the infrequency also leads to many not knowing if they are loved or not. Constant affirmation is still better than no affirmation afterall.

Men dont receive no affirmation is my thing. Men just receive less than women. But its still there. Imo, the introduction of social media and people comparing attention is the issue. Without being able to see how much attention others get, men wouldnt feel so devoid of it.

I havent done a study or anything, so Im obviously just guessing. But thats at least what I think.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

On the note of emotional expression, I still think women do it too much. When a man says he cares for me or loves me or whatever, I trust it. When I woman does it, its whatever. Because they just toss words of affirmation around like candy, typically.

This is a good point. Those words are just a means of generating a positive emotion a lot of the time for women, for men it really means something because he wouldn't say it if it didn't. It has way more weight. This is the upside to being reserved -- you're reserving certain things for a higher threshold that's actually meaningful.

I think this is why a lot of incels exist, because they haven't interacted with women enough to understand this so when one finally comes along and gives him this sort of affirmation his first thought is "omg she must be the one!" and then his hopes and dreams get dashed at some point :(

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It's more that we don't experience them at the same rate, it's not about the range. I may be able to feel just as sad as someone else, but that doesn't mean I am as often. I think it's definitely the case that men and women experience different emotions at different rates.

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This doesn't really make sense though. I felt much moreso that it was weak to cry when I was a kid, it never made me less prone to it. Just telling my mom about a bad thing would make me cry recounting it, no matter how hard I tried not to. That just isn't the case anymore, and it started tapering off around age 12.

My mom's still that way, she cries about every little bad thing she tells me about lol. I spend the vast majority of my time alone so I can't even be judged for it yet I don't cry almost ever, and believe me I have had very good reasons to. I just don't have the same ability to cry that I did pre-puberty. I guess you could say that I've had more practice/I'm generally more emotionally mature/whatever but studies have been done on this and they back up what I'm saying.

https://www.livescience.com/51183-tim-hunt-why-women-cry.html

Regardless of where you are or what you do, differences in crying between men and women can also occur because of biology more specifically, hormone levels. A study from 2012 found that women have 60 percent more prolactin, which is a reproductive hormone that stimulates the production of milk in women after childbirth, than the average male. Emotional tears are especially high in prolactin, which could explain why women cry more often than men.
Testosterone levels, too, can stop men from crying. Men who are treated with prostate cancer drugs see reduced testosterone levels and are more likely to cry because testosterone seems to have an inhibiting influence on crying, Vingerhoets said.

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The evolutionary history that shaped our current genes is set in stone, however.

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I accept your concession.

jk

Quite the convo this lil topic has become.

Daffadilio posted...

Why did you start seeing another barber ?

Yooooo DAFF

I already answered that.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

On the note of emotional expression, I still think women do it too much. When a man says he cares for me or loves me or whatever, I trust it. When I woman does it, its whatever. Because they just toss words of affirmation around like candy, typically.

This reeks of "women are too emotional!" No, it's not a bad thing at all that we display emotion a lot, or "too much". More people should be open to being emotional, and throwing around affirmation "like candy" is not a problem at all compared to being like a stoic rock wall.

Makio posted...

This reeks of "women are too emotional!" No, it's not a bad thing at all that we display emotion a lot, or "too much". More people should be open to being emotional, and throwing around affirmation "like candy" is not a problem at all compared to being like a stoic rock wall.

This is again, men should do it womens way..

Being a stoic wall is bad, but I fee a lot of the affirmation giving is disingenuous.

Despised posted...

Yooooo DAFF

Bitch, at me. Lol Id never see this usually hi cutie friend

Theres a lot to unpack here. I see the discussion has changed but I still wanted to address the original topic

SwayM posted...

And I did treat her differently after I found out. I stopped flirting completely and just kept it as the professional relationship it always was to begin with, with what I maybe thought was a hint of something that obviously wasnt there.

I notice that early on, you offer up that you may have in fact have misread the situation, yet the more people say that, the more you buckle down and say no, there are dozens of situations you dont know about that prove she was flirting.
Best practice IMO in these situations is- if someone is working, they need to make the first move since they are at work and you are there voluntarily. You said there were tentative plans to hang out discussed- those never solidified and to me, that means it doesnt matter. People say things like that all the time, to whoever about whatever. You also said when you went to her house still nothing happened. i can subscribe to any theory mentioned- that she flirted because she liked you, to get tips, or you misread. Its hard to tell and we werent there. But remembering and addressing your topic title is moreso where things get dicey.
I appreciate you offering that you would ask leading questions to try to gauge if she was single, as that is a reasonable thing to do at that point. However, as many have pointed out, that is not a thing she is obligated to clear up for you. You make think its obvious that you were trying to figure that out but she may have been completely oblivious, or had reasons for not saying anything. Sometimes once you start into those personal things, thats what consumes your conversations and maybe she enjoyed your current conversations. Maybe theres a complicated factor to their relationship like they are in an open one, and she may be interested but also didnt want your time together to only be about shooting your shot. Speaking from even my current situation, Ive been with a guy for years, but we do not have titles. Its a complicated, lengthy, and weird thing to get into, so depending on who Im talking to Ill change what I say. A handyman coming over its easier to tell them ya, my bf will be there to let you in. To anyone else, if its prudent to mention him I tend to just use his name and they can draw their own assumptions of how we are together. All this to say that there may be many reasons, but ultimately she doesnt have to volunteer that information at all, so it being weird is entirely subjective.

last note, I know some have already tried to point out to you that your statements about girls flirting with guys and not telling them theyre taken seems dangerous. In practice, its just as dangerous to tell a guy you are taken too. I have had guys get pissed and be like I didnt ask about your bf I suppose due to jealousy. Or be cussed out for turning them down, even if its just by saying Im not single. Because the danger comes from the person who is dangerous, not the reply. Please read that and digest it. So when people object to you saying what you did, its because when you say it seems dangerous it sounds like I can see why a guy would be angry at that which then sounds dangerously close to if a guy got mad and did something, it would be justified. Im not saying deny what is and isnt real life- of course that situation happens even when it shouldnt. But how youve phrased it throughout this topic just sparks this red flag for me (and it obviously did for others too). So Im trying to say maybe reflect on that sentiment and develop it a bit more so it doesnt give the wrong impression (esp if a convo ever came up irl), because that is absolutely the last thing you would want a person to think about you, since I honestly believe you dont necessarily mean it that way.

Daffadilio posted...

However, as many have pointed out, that is not a thing she is obligated to clear up for you.

I cringe every single time this comes up. Btw there isnt much to unpack here as far as the example goes, its pretty straightforward and you could have read any number of the posts Ive said about how weird the internet gets about investigating dating / relationships topics as if they have a personal stake in it.

The internet is straight out of its mind when it comes to how people interact in real life.

Yes no one in life is obligated to do anything for anyone. The fact that yall always extend this privilege to women in these topics is pretty telling imho. Women could communicate better in some situations, this being one of them.

This is literally just common sense.

Shes not obligated to tell anyone she has a boyfriend

Okay? And why she would keep that a secret for one second if it could deter unwanted attention immediately. Its not an uncomfortable situation for a man to be told hes barking up the wrong tree, unless he creates one and doesnt take no for answer but the inverse, a women letting a man believe for one second shes on the market and he has a chance, is creating an uncomfortable situation for absolutely no reason. And since there are dangerous men out theredoesnt make a lick of sense not to identify them immediately.

You say the dangerous ones are still going to be dangerous, yet the alternative is to keep them in the dark and let them think for one second they have a chance?

Its a womans choice I suppose, a baffling one, but obviously everyone has their choices. If thats the hill you always chose to die on, women are allowed to make all the mistakes they want in the dating world because they no obligation to anyone. By all means. I think its fucking weird, and youll never convince me otherwise.

Yall make your choices I guess.

SwayM posted...

Yes no one in life is obligated to do anything for anyone. The fact that yall always extend this privilege to women in these topics is pretty telling imho. Women could communicate better in some situations, this being one of them.

In this situation, she was just someone you paid to cut your hair. There wasn't anything more that needed to be communicated.

You really just need to let it go. She never owed you anything more than cutting your hair.

Tmaster148 posted...

In this situation, she was just someone you paid to cut your hair. There wasn't anything more that needed to be communicated.

You really just need to let it go. She never owed you anything more than cutting your hair.

Please reread the topic if you think I need to let it go. Any number of my posts talk about how yall need to let it go and stop litigating it. The situation is one example of a thing that happens. I do not care in the slightest for your comment on the actual situation used in the example.

That's not flirting, that's just interacting with another person. Hair dressers gossip and bullshit on the job. It's just what happens.

She told you she makes house calls to cut hair during COVID because the shop shut down because of COVID, and she needed to make money to fucking live so she reached out to her entire client pool. There was very obviously nothing special about you.

If you were interested you should have directly asked her if she was available, instead of being a creeper at her place of business where she tries to make money to live.

Nobody has time for, or appreciates pussy footing bullshit.

So many people dont actually read the topics they post in.

SwayM posted...

So many people dont actually read the topics they post in.

Or maybe you have shit social cognition.

But what do I know, Im just married to a cosmetologist.

Disengaged posted...

Or maybe you have shit social cognition.

But what do I know, Im just married to a cosmetologist.

I hope one day the irony of this post hits you like a sack of oranges.

So you hit that yet TC

SwayM posted...

I hope one day the irony of this post hits you like a sack of oranges.

Well yeah, you do a lot of hoping.

Makio posted...

More people should be open to being emotional, and throwing around affirmation "like candy" is not a problem at all compared to being like a stoic rock wall.

No one actually is that though, the word is "reserved" not "emotionally blank"

Just as an example of what he was talking about, my sister who I don't see very often once said I'm one of her favorite people. That was a nice compliment at the time. I've since heard her say it about like 10 other people so it's almost meaningless now, she apparently says the same thing about everyone.

It's like when women say "oh you say that to all the girls"

Compliments don't mean anything when you give them out like candy. They aren't even true so how could they mean anything? Girls do this with each other to get on good terms or whatever, they're just formalities or small talk/pleasantries

SwayM posted...

you could have read any number of the posts Ive said about how weird the internet gets about investigating dating / relationships topics as if they have a personal stake in it.

i did, you pointing that out means what? You posed a question, people evaluated the situation as you told it, from their perspective. Fun that almost the only wanted to address was the thing stated 10 times instead of the fact that you changed your stance when you no longer wanted to appear like a nice guy

Yes no one in life is obligated to do anything for anyone. The fact that yall always extend this privilege to women in these topics is pretty telling imho.

Thats a very biased view, and reads more like youre mad people are asserting that women have power over their own narrative, which unfortunately NEEDS defending due to people violating that. I cant vouch for the internet but it sure has happened to me many times. Funnest recent one in my mind is when a guy yelled at me a for being a fucking tease cuz he bought me chipotle on a date and I didnt put out.

Women could communicate better in some situations

i can agree with this.

Okay? And why she would keep that a secret for one second if it could deter unwanted attention immediately. Its not an uncomfortable situation for a man to be told hes barking up the wrong tree, unless he creates one and doesnt take no for answer but the inverse, a women letting a man believe for one second shes on the market and he has a chance, is creating an uncomfortable situation for absolutely no reason. And since there are dangerous men out theredoesnt make a lick of sense not to identify them immediately.

i addressed both of these sentiments, with examples even. Its extremely weird to me that you dont acknowledge that and are stating them same sexist opinion of obligation (hope you cringed)

You say the dangerous ones are still going to be dangerous, yet the alternative is to keep them in the dark and let them think for one second they have a chance?

bruh. This is what I was talking about. So maybe I was wrong and you are in the boat of if someone hurt her for keeping a secret itd be her own fault. In which case youre inarguably wrong and that is a disgusting thought pattern

If thats the hill you always chose to die on, women are allowed to make all the mistakes they want in the dating world because they no obligation to anyone.

this wasnt a mistake in the dating world tho ??? and yeah, I will die on the hill that just because a guy is interested in me, I should have to tell him private information (or lie) to remain safe. Im sorry you thought a woman was interested in you and because it turns out (regardless of if she did like you or not) she was probably never going to date you. I can understand that that can suck but once again YOU POSTED a topic with a title saying I think its weird which obviously opens whether or not its weird up for discussion.
i dont think its weird. I think its weird you arent even considering anything anyone says if it is at all contrary

Daffadilio posted...

i did, you pointing that out means what?

Means you could have saved yourself some time. Im not here to entertain the internets delusions about an interaction they are talking about as if they were there.

You posed a question,

I posed no questions, this is an observation Ive noted and you can talk about that as much as you like. But its not a question to me, definitely not one that I expect any real answers from CE about.

Thats a very biased view, and reads more like youre mad people are asserting that women have power over their own narrative,

I find it cringy that people seem to offer nothing of value than defending womens right to have no obligation to men in making dating even slightly less confusing and straightforward. Through no actual effort on their part, just doing the most basic things.

Men arent offered this level of complete faith in all the bullshit things we do. In fact, were nitpicked to hell and back. I dont mind that at all, I think everyones BS should be open for discussion. I do mind this unspoken new rule the internet has about how women have no obligation to anyone. As I continue to see it, Ill continue to think it has no place anywhere.

i addressed both of these sentiments, with examples even. Its extremely weird to me that you dont acknowledge that and are stating them same sexist opinion of obligation (hope you cringed)

Your examples in no way change the common sense point Im making, and in the generality of the real world. I havent heard one good reason to hide your relationship status from someone actively interested in you.

It doesnt change my thinking in the slightest that 4 simple words I have a boyfriend can deter unwanted attention. It makes absolutely no sense why would you ever let guys flirt with you or lead them on if thats a true statement, and it really doesnt matter how complicated your situation is. Like its anyones business to say Im taken. They dont need to know anything more than that.

bruh. This is what I was talking about. So maybe I was wrong and you are in the boat of if someone hurt her for keeping a secret itd be her own fault. In which case youre inarguably wrong and that is a disgusting thought pattern

Take a good hard look at the whos introducing these disgusting thoughts. Because Ill tell you right now, it aint me. Take ownership of your own bullshit, this isnt for me to argue against, I havent said anything remotely close to this, nor do I believe it for one second.

this wasnt a mistake in the dating world tho ??? and yeah, I will die on the hill that just because a guy is interested in me, I should have to tell him private information (or lie) to remain safe.

Youll die on a hill that sorry Im taken is too personal of information to give to someone you think is interested in you? Yeah. We wont ever agree on this.

i dont think its weird. I think its weird you arent even considering anything anyone says if it is at all contrary

Never take criticism from Someone you wouldnt take advice from

Its CE. It doesnt matter what the topic is, people will argue the contrary just for the sake of it, and theyre so vile they need to do it in this desperate way like theyre trying to take you down to their level. When some people in this topic act as though they havent talked to another human being and treat dating in the real world like this foreign thing they cant wrap their minds around, youll excuse me if I wont be reading to far into what people find contrary about this particular example.

My dude, if a girl who relies on tips for a living is flirting with you in a professional setting, she's never interested. She's just trying to get a big tip. Always.

You can always tell who's social experience is academic in topics like these

nexigrams posted...

My dude, if a girl who relies on tips for a living is flirting with you in a professional setting, she's never interested. She's just trying to get a big tip. Always.

Just the tip?

(Sorry)

I keep getting reminded how disgusting men really are sometimes.

nexigrams posted...

My dude, if a girl who relies on tips for a living is flirting with you in a professional setting, she's never interested. She's just trying to get a big tip. Always.

Reverse the genders here and I wonder what the overall feeling of this would be.

xGhostchantx posted...

I've been accused of flirting with people uncountable times by partners when I simply wasn't; it's just how I behave. Don't make a big deal of it. Reading in to "flirty" behaviour is absolutely 100% on you

If you've been accused of flirting uncountable times by multiple individuals, maybe it's not everyone else that's wrong

People like to keep their options open. Besides that she probably gets gifts from thirsty ass dudes all the time.

SwayM posted...

Reverse the genders here and I wonder what the overall feeling of this would be.

It wouldn't change anything. Someone you are paying money for a service being nice to you has never meant they were interested in your sexually.

Evening_Dragon posted...

If you've been accused of flirting uncountable times by multiple individuals, maybe it's not everyone else that's wrong

If someone didnt have the intention of flirting then I dont see how its possible for them to be wrong.

People assume anyone thats nice is flirting. You can think a woman is attractive and nice without being interested. Some dont understand that.

Lol this topic

Another funny topic , CE is a comedy goldmine sometimes.