Current Events > I Hate Autism

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I hate having autism. I hate having everything I do be judged by this singular fact.

Diagnosed at age sevenand never had a chance to live a true childhood. My peers asked questions, why does he get special treatment and I dont? At the time, I didnt even understand what the issue was! Why was it that kids withdrew from talking to me? Why was it that I enjoyed the kids not talking to me?

I reveled in being alone. The space where no one existed but me, my imaginary friends, and my family was the only entity that I had control over, and that gave me tremendous joy. Maybe its because of the poor environment I grew up in, but I learned that the outside world was exceedingly cruel; I avoided making any true friends.

Years and years of developing without basic human interaction outside my immediate family pass by. In 2017, I vowed to fight my autism by becoming a normal human being. What followed those plans in the coming years were the absolute worst social-decisions I have ever made. At one point, I finally realized the limitations that autism presents: perhaps operating in the normal world just isn't in my physical capabilities, so I give up.

There was a brief stint where I managed to go to a military school; predictably, I was eventually let go due to my having autism. You will never get a waiver to serve in the military, I was told. At first, in my arrogant nature, I sought to challenge them because they were obviously wrong; it did not succeed.

Perhaps they are right. Five years later, I still cannot manage to talk normally with people; I still havent found someone whom I truly can call a friend; I still get paranoid if people suspect my being autisitc; I still struggle to do basic tasks like waking up in the morning, keeping a clean room, and texting back on time.

It has been five years; I have made no progress, and I am still lonely as ever. My few acquaintances moved on, and here I lay, with no one to talk to.

I am simply not strong enough to endure this. I hate having this disability! I hate being alone! I hate being unable to talk to people! I hate never being able to have a relationship! I hate the thought of being single forever! I hate the thought that I can never truly overcome this! I hate how I can never express my feelings. I hate it; i hate it; i hate it ; i hate it; i hate it; i whish i was never born with this fucking useless ass disabliily i fucking ahte my self and I cant fucking take it anmyore i hate it i hate it

i'm sorry you feel this way <3

-Komaiko54- posted...

I still struggle to do basic tasks like waking up in the morning

I hit snooze for 2 and a half hours straight this morning. >_>

You ever try to just lean into being abnormal? Come off eccentric, maybe. I was in a weird spot where I fit in but also wasn't like everyone else. I feel like you stand a better chance if you be unapologetic abnormal. As long as the abnormal part doesn't interfere with others or come off intentionally rude.

I don't understand autism tho. Even though I have friends that have it. I don't always understand what the difference is between autism and just being undiagnosed type of abnormal. As long as it's not putting an unreasonable amount of weight on me, I don't really think it's something to really care about on my end. I'll care about it for the person cause I know it effects them alot. But on my end I don't completely understand the difference. Id rather have an autistic friend than an asshole friend any day

Oh hey you're the dude from potd who posted his aunts ass and said you wanted to fuck her. Then someone contacted your dad on Facebook about it because you previously doxxed yourself

In recent years I've suspected having undiagnosed autism.

I've pretty much always preferred being alone. I *can* engage in social interactions, but only with people I really like or can have some sort of connection with. I am definitely not a "people person" who can just open up to anybody who comes by.

I've also had a chronic inability to get or hold on to a job. It's just not something that I've ever been able to deal with. Currently living on SSI and it's saved my life.

I have been prescribed anti-depressants for many years, but I do fine without them and don't actually take it...

CinderLock posted...

Oh hey you're the dude from potd who posted his aunts ass and said you wanted to fuck her. Then someone contacted your dad on Facebook about it because you previously doxxed yourself

He also went to a Trump rally at a university and was the only one who showed up.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Lol. Depends how rude. My brand of humor could come off rude to the wrong person. But it's how I vent and it's therapeutic.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

You ever try to just lean into being abnormal?

I think the kind of abnormal matters a lot. It's almost a crapshoot between being cool and being bullied.

CinderLock posted...

Oh hey you're the dude from potd who posted his aunts ass and said you wanted to fuck her. Then someone contacted your dad on Facebook about it because you previously doxxed yourself

oh boy

Approximately how old are you, TC? About high school age, or already an adult?

As someone with autism myself, I might be able to offer something, but it might help to know where in your life you are at right now.

-Komaiko54- posted...

Years and years of developing without basic human interaction outside my immediate family pass by. In 2017, I vowed to fight my autism by becoming a normal human being. What followed those plans in the coming years were the absolute worst social-decisions I have ever made. At one point, I finally realized the limitations that autism presents: perhaps operating in the normal world just isn't in my physical capabilities, so I give up.

What were these "worst social decisions"?

Tenaku posted...

What were these "worst social decisions"?

CinderLock posted...

Oh hey you're the dude from potd who posted his aunts ass and said you wanted to fuck her. Then someone contacted your dad on Facebook about it because you previously doxxed yourself

Probably this

He also used to block the hallway to brush up against his female coworkers. Called it his secret strategy or some shit like that

I wasn't even diagnosed until I was 23.

My school life was a living hell and I flunked out of college before I was treated as anything more than an awkward loser with poor work ethic.

I wasn't diagnosed with autism til around age 12 or 13. Before that they thought I had ADHD

I'm 41 now and I can say it definitely impacted my life. I've always had trouble meeting people and making friends. And I only ever had 1 girlfriend, way back in 1997 for a year.

I feel like my autism caused me to have a stunted life. There are a ton of things I have never done that normal people have by my age

Yeah moderate to severe spectrum placement really sucks.

Hoodroar posted...

Yeah moderate to severe spectrum placement really sucks.

I don't think that's anywhere near where TC is.

Zikten posted...

I wasn't diagnosed with autism til around age 12 or 13. Before that they thought I had ADHD

I'm 41 now and I can say it definitely impacted my life. I've always had trouble meeting people and making friends. And I only ever had 1 girlfriend, way back in 1997 for a year.

I feel like my autism caused me to have a stunted life. There are a ton of things I have never done that normal people have by my age

I'm 33 and I feel like 53 will probably feel the same as now, which feels the same as 23.

CinderLock posted...

Oh hey you're the dude from potd who posted his aunts ass and said you wanted to fuck her. Then someone contacted your dad on Facebook about it because you previously doxxed yourself

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/4/5/AAPV5JAADfnp.jpg

CinderLock posted...

Probably this

He also used to block the hallway to brush up against his female coworkers. Called it his secret strategy or some shit like that

When he said these things, did he sound like he was serious, or was he just experimenting with some sort of anonymous edgelord persona on social media, or something?

And was that what he tried to do when he said he vowed to "fight" his autism?

Guide posted...

I think the kind of abnormal matters a lot. It's almost a crapshoot between being cool and being bullied.

Definitely this... I'm a support worker for an autistic client and I just want to tell him sometimes... Talk a bit less and listen more(he talks a lot, like the car rides are 99% him talking, often assuming what my response will be and moving to the next point before I've had a chance to respond), you'll do so much better with girls (his failures there being something he often laments about). He's super smart and interesting but yeah, kinda just intense unless you know him well.

I'm not qualified to give that harsh advice so I don't say shit, but I kinda want to. Be yourself no matter what is not always the appropriate advice imo.

Tenaku posted...

When he said these things, did he sound like he was serious, or was he just experimenting with some sort of anonymous edgelord persona on social media, or something?

And was that what he tried to do when he said he vowed to "fight" his autism?

Absolutely serious did quite a bit of stuff like this. Never mentioned he had autism before if I remember

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Definitely this... I'm a support worker for an autistic client and I just want to tell him sometimes... Talk a bit less and listen more(he talks a lot, like the car rides are 99% him talking, often assuming what my response will be and moving to the next point before I've had a chance to respond), you'll do so much better with girls (his failures there being something he often laments about). He's super smart and interesting but yeah, kinda just intense unless you know him well.

I'm not qualified to give that harsh advice so I don't say shit, but I kinda want to. Be yourself no matter what is not always the appropriate advice imo.

Most everyone should minmax. If only gamers could apply their strats to functioning.

Guide posted...

Most everyone should minmax. If only gamers could apply their strats to functioning.

Yeah. It's just like he's got so many opinions and wants to present them at 500 words a minute. Any topic he discusses he wants to give the most detailed and nuanced take so there's no chance I misunderstand anything

I really do understand his insecurities but it's an exhausting time being around him.

Guide posted...

I think the kind of abnormal matters a lot. It's almost a crapshoot between being cool and being bullied.

Yeah. I should've specified that I meant to lean onto it as in not be scared to tell others and try to get it out the way. If you can become confident about it, it helpsnot to be worrying about someone finding something out, since you already told them. I didn't mean unapologetic like lean into obnoxious traits. I think we all gotta hold back on some obnoxious stuff we wanna do.