Current Events > Ugh my chubby pic is plastered all over ig

(+) Yeah! (+)

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

The easiest lives are for white cis-men based on structural power of our culture.

It's why i don't correct strangers if they assume Im full white lol. If strangers don't know Im hispanic, maybe I get some that white privilege going around.

Most the time people are friendly to me, it's hard for me to assume they're not friendly to everyone tho. Because the only insight I have on their character is that they were cool to me. Like yesterday when the 7-11 clerk gave me the refill price on a drink even though I didn't bring a cup. I have no reason to assume he doesn't do that for anyone. But, Im also a super harmless lookin white/light hispanic guy. So, I can't know if that's why people are nice to me. I also use manners everywhere. So, Im gonna get the best out of people through that too.

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Wha? Am I crazy for feeling like thats not a compliment? And no I dont have a spending issue. We just bought a nicer home and new furniture so I dunno if maybe he feels resentful about it because hed be happier with less?

Thats not a compliment, its a guilt trip.

DespondentDeity posted...

Thats not a compliment, its a guilt trip.

Exactly. He genuinely doesnt understand why Im upset now.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I do wonder if hes on the spectrum. I dont mean that in a bad way. Hes also wondered as well. In what world is that a compliment?

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Wha? Am I crazy for feeling like thats not a compliment? And no I dont have a spending issue. We just bought a nicer home and new furniture so I dunno if maybe he feels resentful about it because hed be happier with less?

What does he want, to live in Barracks for the rest of his life?

Has tc been complaining.about her hubby the whole thread? Show him the thread and see if he changes or leaves. Either way you're better off. If he does neither flirt with other guys in front of him.

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

That gets a yikes from me.

Id call it tone deaf, but that would be an understatement.

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Wha? Am I crazy for feeling like thats not a compliment? And no I dont have a spending issue. We just bought a nicer home and new furniture so I dunno if maybe he feels resentful about it because hed be happier with less?

That's very much a backhanded compliment..

Cleo_II posted...

Exactly. He genuinely doesnt understand why Im upset now.

I do wonder if hes on the spectrum. I dont mean that in a bad way. Hes also wondered as well. In what world is that a compliment?

FWIW having worked with people on the spectrum, this seems different - not the clumsy efforts at reading and responding I usually see

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/0/0/AAZq5IAADe4E.jpg

Stay beautiful TC

k1zzl3_82 posted...

Be beautiful TC

TC was always beautiful.

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Wha? Am I crazy for feeling like thats not a compliment? And no I dont have a spending issue. We just bought a nicer home and new furniture so I dunno if maybe he feels resentful about it because hed be happier with less?

Jeez. Sorry, Cleo.

I don't know if that's autism or not. I, and some of my friends, are autistic and I don't think any of us would say something like that.

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

TC was always beautiful.

You are right. I fixed my post

bsp77 posted...

Jeez. Sorry, Cleo.

I don't know if that's autism or not. I, and some of my friends, are autistic and I don't think any of us would say something like that.

Yeah that was my thoughts too.. going to the complete opposite isn't common in the people on the spectrum I've worked with.

I didnt mean to turn this into complaining about him, but I genuinely feel crazy sometimes with how much he doesnt understand how he comes across. Its good to hear other perspectives and that Im not insane.

Yeah, that's def not a compliment lol. I mean I don't know him but it sounds like a typical thing a guy would say thinking it's a good thing he is saying.

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Wha? Am I crazy for feeling like thats not a compliment? And no I dont have a spending issue. We just bought a nicer home and new furniture so I dunno if maybe he feels resentful about it because hed be happier with less?

Roughly translated. "Aren't I an amazing person, even though you do these things that are wrong? Nobody else would be as nice as me about it"
Classic mental abuse.

Cleo_II posted...

My husbands attempt at verbal affirmation today:

I did a budget as if I were single and had like thousands left over. But I stay married to you because Im grateful for what youve given me and done for me

Not even "because I love you" from him but because of what you do for him. Christ, that's horrible. And you're married to the guy? What the hell.

Darkprince21 posted...

Yeah, that's def not a compliment lol. I mean I don't know him but it sounds like a typical thing a guy would say thinking it's a good thing he is saying.

Lol Maybe it's me being defensive but I initially didn't read it as horrible. I mean, without completely changing it, I can think of ways to slightly alter what was said, and it being romantic. Or at least, better show the intent of the message

Cleo_II posted...

I didnt mean to turn this into complaining about him, but I genuinely feel crazy sometimes with how much he doesnt understand how he comes across. Its good to hear other perspectives and that Im not insane.

You're NOT insane! He's just dense, insensitive, or detached from reality.

Take your pick as to which answer it is.

It's almost like watching a bad sitcom.

emblem-man posted...

Lol Maybe it's me being defensive but I initially didn't read it as horrible. I mean, without completely changing it, I can think of ways to slightly alter what was said, and it being romantic. Or at least, better show the intent of the message

I should probably clarify this a bit more. For my relationship, I could see it coming off better. As someone who's language is acts of service and words of confirmation, acknowledgment of the things that I do is a good way to show me appreciation and love. And for my partner, she's always felt "bad" in a sense, that I'm very independent and that she never gets a chance to do things for me. So one thing I know that makes her feel seen is acknowledging the services she does end up doing for me.

Obviously with Cleo, it's a different dynamic from the limited info we know about their life. So this kind of "compliment" is.. not good

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Hmm I think the first was a while back but he got over that eventually. He was more upset that he was super underpaid and his job requires so much more training than mine does to advance. But hes since got a new job and a nice bump and hes been fine even though I still make quite a bit more. But yeah the housework was not split evenly. He has been stepping it up considerably the last few weeks. Even taking on more than me some days. So thats been a nice change. He is trying so that is why I stay.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Thank you! Ive read a few but never posted. Because it often just turns into bashing of some kind. Either the OP or the SO. But I appreciate the views I got here because its nice to know Im not totally crazy. Thankfully he admitted after what he said was fucked up and apologized. Going to try and set up a therapy appointment. Someone gave me a referral. And to your point in another post, the last therapist we saw was absolutely terrible and one sided. She would gaslight me it was awful. It turned me away from it for a while. Im going to be much more selective about who we see this time.