Current Events > "Women have it so easy when it comes to dating!"

(+) Yeah! (+)

Pogo_Marimo posted...

Ironically, the only guy that is probably a good fit for her that I've seen is engaged to someone else (And their relationship is taking a dive). She works with him and I know they got close to physical intimacy before they made some boundaries. Ah, forbidden love.

I agree with most your thread but then you said this.
There is often a fallacy parrotted that all the good men are taken and I have a feeling this is coming to play here.

WingsOfGood posted...

I agree with most your thread but then you said this.
There is often a fallacy parrotted that all the good men are taken and I have a feeling this is coming to play here.

What is there... to disagree with? This man exists, I've hung out with him on several occasions, he is a pretty cool, emotionally stable, and successful person. I didn't make any claims about the good men all being taken.

More choice just means more chance to meet the weirdos and dangerous ones.

Antifar posted...

I don't doubt you, TC, but I am curious as to what makes the men in question weirdos and assholes. How weird are we talking here?

The majority are just very inconsiderate or emotionally unavailable. They might try taking things to quickly and when she politely asks to slow it down they get defensive. They'll ignore her (infrequent) messages throughout the week and then when the weekend comes they'll still try to hang out (And get some, presumably). A couple of them pretty much hid the fact that they're Trumpers and wanted the 1/6 Riots to succeed or shit in that vein, which is a pretty big no-no if you're dating women who aren't also insane. Lots of "toxic masculinity and neg women to get them to do what you want" behavior. Guys that are dating but don't really care about getting to know their date (Motive is pretty obvious there). A couple have actually been weirdos who became obsessive or just did not understand social cues at all (Like someone who watched too many "Sigma male dating strategy" videos). That last one applied to the most recent date, who was the famous Waffle Stomper because he was afraid his brother would give him hepatitis from the toilet seat.

Just a nice broad spectrum of stuff men do and don't realize most reasonable women hate because it's exploitative, neglectful, or emotionally stunted behavior.

She did date a guy who had come out of prison like 6 months prior and had a huge neck tattoo from his time in the clink. That one was completely on her. She wanted to "give him a chance", lol.

Pogo_Marimo posted...

The majority are just very inconsiderate or emotionally unavailable. They might try taking things to quickly and when she politely asks to slow it down they get defensive. They'll ignore her (infrequent) messages throughout the week and then when the weekend comes they'll still try to hang out (And get some, presumably). A couple of them pretty much hid the fact that they're Trumpers and wanted the 1/6 Riots to succeed or shit in that vein, which is a pretty big no-no if you're dating women who aren't also insane. Lots of "toxic masculinity and neg women to get them to do what you want" behavior. Guys that are dating but don't really care about getting to know their date (Motive is pretty obvious there). A couple have actually been weirdos who became obsessive or just did not understand social cues at all (Like someone who watched too many "Sigma male dating strategy" videos). That last one applied to the most recent date, who was the famous Waffle Stomper because he was afraid his brother would give him hepatitis from the toilet seat.

Just a nice broad spectrum of stuff men do and don't realize most reasonable women hate because it's exploitative, neglectful, or emotionally stunted behavior.

She did date a guy who had come out of prison like 6 months prior and had a huge neck tattoo from his time in the clink. That one was completely on her. She wanted to "give him a chance", lol.

Has she ever tried asking a man, rather than waiting for one to ask her? I feel like women would be better-served going for men that they actually want rather than waiting for random men to approach them and hoping for the best

Giblet_Enjoyer posted...

Has she ever tried asking a man, rather than waiting for one to ask her? I feel like women would be better-served going for men that they actually want rather than waiting for random men to approach them and hoping for the best

Uh... Yeah, she often does.

so what I'm getting here is men suck so much that being able to get with them is actually a negative

Pogo_Marimo posted...

Uh... Yeah, she often does.

Oh...oh dear.
I'm gonna have to go with this then

divot1338 posted...

She can have terrible taste in men

Anony1125 posted...

so what I'm getting here is men suck so much that being able to get with them is actually a negative

Plenty of men have spent years of their life in horrible relationships with women. The point isn't men suck, it's that many men are too myopic to recognize the different ways in which dating for women sucks ass too.

shockthemonkey posted...

Its absolutely bizarre how many men are like sure those guys are terrible and trying to sort through them in awful but at least she didnt have to ask someone out! Like thats the fucking be all end all.

If you're a guy who doesn't ask women out, or tries but sucks at it, it kinda is. Dude never gets his foot in the door at all.

Unless these women have never had an enjoyable intimate experience at all their situation is just not the same.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Let's see who are the people who are trying to date then.

-People who can get dates.
-People who can't get dates.

Anything that comes afterward is entirely dependent on getting a date in the first place. The people who fell in love and are happily married? Started by dating. Those 2 people who despise each other and are only together because they don't want to be alone? Started by dating.

How can one not see that getting a date, literally step 1 in any relationship, is an important step? Without this step, it's not possible to date at all.

So, is it really that confusing that people consider the ability to get a date as a big boon to, idk, actually dating?

KogaSteelfang posted...

Let's see who are the people who are trying to date then.

-People who can get dates.
-People who can't get dates.

Anything that comes afterward is entirely dependent on getting a date in the first place. The people who fell in love and are happily married? Started by dating. Those 2 people who despise each other and are only together because they don't want to be alone? Started by dating.

How can one not see that getting a date, literally step 1 in any relationship, is an important step? Without this step, it's not possible to date at all.

So, is it really that confusing that people consider the ability to get a date as a big boon to, idk, actually dating?

The thing that the shut-ins here fail to really acknowledge is that the social anxiety stuff doesn't stop when you successfully get a date. Dating is an inherently social experience. You gotta get past those dates. Then you gotta meet her friends. Then you gotta meet her family. You are constantly meeting people and trying to make a good impression on her life. You need to step it up and get out of your comfort zone if you can't form connections with people.

If the simple act of being able to talk to people is too hard then how is the rest of it supposed to go?

Judging by what I've read on dating sites and heard personally, I think a lot of women have unrealistic expectations and standards.

Most relationships won't wind up like a chick flick or romance novel. This is the real world where there's a 98% chance you'll never find the perfect mate.

I mean no doubt that it is gender roles that dictate for men to make the first move, but by initiating you're basically saying that you're the one who is going to be wearing the pants in the relationship. That's not to say you're going to be the one who dictates everything, but it means when it comes to the hard decisions you're most likely going to have first say in it than your partner. It also shows that you're pro-active and are able to get out of your comfort zone to meet someone, which shows confidence on your end. I think the biggest reason for the social anxiety is the fear of rejection, which is just an unfortunate part of growing up.

Another reason is that men, on average, just have a higher sex drive than women. So men are already, biologically, incentivize to make the first move to begin with.

Punished_Blinx posted...

The thing that the shut-ins here fail to really acknowledge is that the social anxiety stuff doesn't stop when you successfully get a date.

I'm one of the shut ins, and I realize that. Still would be nice to know that it's possible. To maybe have found a little success in the times I tried. But, I'm not talking about myself in this topic.

Everything that comes after getting a date. Love, sex, marriage, a family, it all depends on getting that date in the first place.

The people who can get dates are the ones that have those options. They just have to find the right person.

The people who can't get a date. They are locked out of those options. So being told that it's not an important step, because some people don't like what happens after is nonsense. Of course it's not always going to work out. Of course some men are asses. But do are some women. The people here are talking like all the men are manipulators and liars, while all the women are angels from heaven. No, both of them, men and women, are just people. Some of them will suck, that's just how it is. It can suck just as much for a man as it does a woman.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Okay, but you were saying the ability to get a date doesn't factor in. So what difference does this make?

KogaSteelfang posted...

Okay, but you were saying the ability to get a date doesn't factor in. So what difference does this make?

No he said that it's not the only thing that matters.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm one of the shut ins, and I realize that. Still would be nice to know that it's possible. To maybe have found a little success in the times I tried. But, I'm not talking about myself in this topic.

Everything that comes after getting a date. Love, sex, marriage, a family, it all depends on getting that date in the first place.

The people who can get dates are the ones that have those options. They just have to find the right person.

The people who can't get a date. They are locked out of those options. So being told that it's not an important step, because some people don't like what happens after is nonsense. Of course it's not always going to work out. Of course some men are asses. But do are some women. The people here are talking like all the men are manipulators and liars, while all the women are angels from heaven. No, both of them, men and women, are just people. Some of them will suck, that's just how it is. It can suck just as much for a man as it does a woman.

The problem is focusing on that one step like it's the entire issue. It isn't.

Flirting with women you're attracted to is supposed to be a fun process.

Punished_Blinx posted...

No he said that it's not the only thing that matters.

I agree with that.

Punished_Blinx posted...

The problem is focusing on that one step like it's the entire issue. It isn't.

Obviously not, but it is an absolute requirement to find ANY form of romantic success. And in that regard, women have it easier than men.

Like I said, what comes after that is dependant on a ton of other factors and there's no set way to tell if it'll work out or not. He may be liar, she may be a manipulator. It's a crapshoot for both, some work out and others don't. But the thing is, if it doesn't work out you can move on to someone else... Provided you can get a date, that is.

Edit: Do you see why this step is one of the most important ones in finding a partner, if not THE most important one?

If you can go through over a dozen guys and they are all awful, then the problem is you.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Obviously not, but it is an absolute requirement to find ANY form of romantic success. And in that regard, women have it easier than men.

My wife and I started as an online relationship. So not necessarily no.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Like I said, what comes after that is dependant on a ton of other factors and there's no set way to tell if it'll work out or not. He may be liar, she may be a manipulator. It's a crapshoot for both, some work out and others don't. But the thing is, if it doesn't work out you can move on to someone else... Provided you can get a date, that is.

I don't think it's really a coincidence that people who have already had relationships tend to have an easier time getting new ones compared to people who haven't had any.

Esrac posted...

If you can go through over a dozen guys and they are all awful, then the problem is you.

A guy can go through a dozen girls and have the same results?

JBaLLEN66 posted...

A guy can go through a dozen girls and have the same results?

Yes. If you're trying to date and you go through a dozen girls and they're all awful, the problem is you.

Pogo_Marimo posted...

with jobs and cars.

Honestly didn't expect them to have that much going for them.

Not that it matters if they are a piece of shit though.

Punished_Blinx posted...

My wife and I started as an online relationship. So not necessarily no.

E-dating or whatever is a thing. Or are you saying you two went from nothing to a relationship instantly?

Punished_Blinx posted...

don't think it's really a coincidence that people who have already had relationships tend to have an easier time getting new ones compared to people who haven't had any.

I wonder how those previous relationships started?

Women have it so easy when it comes to getting new prospects for romance

shockthemonkey posted...

People who cant wont be able to get anything to come from a date anyway.

Surely some form of experience and potentially confidence is gained.

Hoodroar posted...

Surely some form of experience and potentially confidence is gained.

Not to mention a good time lol

KogaSteelfang posted...

E-dating or whatever is a thing. Or are you saying you two went from nothing to a relationship instantly?

I wonder how those previous relationships started?

Almost felt like that yeah. The connection between us was instant.

I get what you're saying but it honestly just is something that screams from a lack of life experience. Like someone saying the most important part of a career is the job interview.

Technically you're correct but when you're out there in the grand scheme of things it's not as big of a deal as you make it. Plenty of relationships start because of a mutual connection and attraction anyway.

Hoodroar posted...

Surely some form of experience and potentially confidence is gained.

Maybe but it really depends on what the issue is. First dates can be even more awkward than being rejected for a date. A lot longer too.

Not to mention if the sole issue is getting your foot in the door why not try things like speed dating? It doesn't have to work out but any form of experience can help.

Just go on tinder, youll find plenty of women on there.

Punished_Blinx posted...

I get what you're saying but it honestly just is something that screams from a lack of life experience. Like someone saying the most important part of a career is the job interview.

I'd say actually being hired is a pretty important step to having a career, yes. Not so much the interview itself, but actually being hired. Which is pretty fitting since you had to compete against others to get there, and in this situation the one doing the hiring would equate to the woman. So, who has it easier in that situation? You competing against a bunch of other applicants, or her for having to choose one? Some are saying she has it worse because you might end up being crap at the job, I say it's the other way around.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'd say actually being hired is a pretty important step to having a career, yes. Not so much the interview itself, but actually being hired. Which is pretty fitting since you had to compete against others to get there, and in this situation the one doing the hiring would equate to the woman. So, who has it easier in that situation? You competing against a bunch of other applicants, or her for having to choose one? Some are saying she has it worse because you might end up being crap at the job, I say it's the other way around.

Again this all just points to you focusing on the wrong things.

Stop worrying about how easy others may have it compared to you and focus on your own shit. It's easy to judge life on shoes you've never walked on.

If you can't get a date that's not the fault of women. It's not the fault of society. It's no one else's responsibility but your own. Nobody owes you anything when it comes to relationships. If others have dates lining up the door for them and you have zero then instead of crying about that being unfair try and do something about it for yourself.

When it comes to social situations absolutely nobody is on equal footing. It is on us to find people we relate to, get along with and find connections with.

shockthemonkey posted...

In the same way that you should be doing anything that you want to gain experience and confidence in. So if you dont have the ability to talk to people, you need to talk to people and gain that experience. Learn and grow, bro.

Point is that if people want to talk you to begin with then you have more opportunities to gain experience.

Just asking questions... What makes a guy well rounded?

Punished_Blinx posted...

If you can't get a date that's not the fault of women. It's not the fault of society. It's no one else's responsibility but your own. Nobody owes you anything

I have never said anybody did. I totally blame myself. But I'm not crying about myself here, this is my opinion of the situation in general.

Having the option to date opens the door to many more options and experiences. Not having the option, you're locked out of those. So Imo, having options makes it easier for one to find what they're looking for.

Of course some are going to end up in bad relationships, but that's just the risk everyone runs.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I have never said anybody did. I totally blame myself. But I'm not crying about myself here, this is my opinion of the situation in general.

Having the option to date opens the door to many more options and experiences. Not having the option, you're locked out of those. So Imo, having options makes it easier for one to find what they're looking for.

Of course some are going to end up in bad relationships, but that's just the risk everyone runs.

If someone doesn't have the option at all then the problem goes beyond just having dates or not.

Punished_Blinx posted...

If someone doesn't have the option at all then the problem goes beyond just having dates or not.

Lots of options vs a few, then. It's still better and easier with access to more options. Would you rather be someone with people asking you out, or one in a crowd competing for a chance.

One is clearly the easier option for a person, no matter what they're looking for. Yes, that does come with some risks, but those same risks apply to everyone, just in smaller sample size. So it shouldn't be used to discount the clear and obvious advantage that ease of access gives.

I think the confusion is, some are discussing the ease of getting something started, while you and others are discussing the ease of keeping something going. It's two halves of a whole situation, but you can't get to the second half without the first. The second half is also the more unpredictable and wildly variable half that depends on do much more than can be discussed here, this half also only comes into play after successfully dating for a while. So, I really don't see much reason to act as if they're the same. The "easy" part of dating is getting it started, while the rest is pretty much equal. So it still tips towards it being easier overall for women.

Punished_Blinx posted...

If someone doesn't have the option at all then the problem goes beyond just having dates or not.

Whatever the problem is is still gendered though, since it's not keeping equivalent women from getting dates.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Lots of options vs a few, then. It's still better and easier with access to more options. Would you rather be someone with people asking you out, or one in a crowd competing for a chance.

One is clearly the easier option for a person, no matter what they're looking for. Yes, that does come with some risks, but those same risks apply to everyone, just in smaller sample size. So it shouldn't be used to discount the clear and obvious advantage that ease of access gives.

I think the confusion is, some are discussing the ease of getting something started, while you and others are discussing the ease of keeping something going. It's two halves of a whole situation, but you can't get to the second half without the first. The second half is also the more unpredictable and wildly variable half that depends on do much more than can be discussed here, this half also only comes into play after successfully dating for a while. So, I really don't see much reason to act as if they're the same. The "easy" part of dating is getting it started, while the rest is pretty much equal. So it still tips towards it being easier overall for women.

The problem is you are focused on 'getting a date' as getting started instead of 'having a healthy social life where it's normal for me to meet new people'

Those introverted women that get hit on by men are still in situations where they're talking to and meeting men. How many of them sit at home and do nothing?

Hoodroar posted...

Whatever the problem is is still gendered though, since it's not keeping equivalent women from getting dates.

That still vastly simplifies how things actually are for people.

An extroverted guy also has it way easier. He doesn't give a shit if he gets rejected. He isn't sitting at home whining that people don't ask him out. He's out there taking the initiative. There are loads of guys like this. Which is why introverted men are more likely to be ignored.

Punished_Blinx posted...

The problem is you are focused on 'getting a date' as getting started instead of 'having a healthy social life where it's normal for me to meet new people'

Those introverted women that get hit on by men are still in situations where they're talking to and meeting men. How many of them sit at home and do nothing?

A woman opens tinder and sees 75 matches and 60 messages.
A man opens tinder and sees 30 matches, 20 sent messages, 5 replies.
The woman flips through to find a good match for the weekend.
The man messages those 5 to see if any are actually interested.
She lines up a couple of dates and goes about her business.
He gets a date for the weekend too.
They both go on the date, but weren't feeling it.
She opens tinder to see another 50 matches and 40 more messages.
He opens it to see nothing has changed.

^ Which of those 2 will be more likely to find someone they click with? Same situation between both, they both got matches and messages. They both lined up dates. They both successfully went in the date and both decided to look for someone else.

Punished_Blinx posted...

An extroverted guy also has it way easier. He doesn't give a shit if he gets rejected. He isn't sitting at home whining that people don't ask him out. He's out there taking the initiative.

And getting rejected over, and over, and over until he finds someone. He has to learn to become numb to it, then get it thrown in his face that he's not emotionally invested. There's no incentive for him to care about who he picks up because he's just going around till someone says ok. Then it's held against him(and men in general). While she's just hanging out, and turning people away.

I mean those of you guys that are complaining about women having an easier time getting into a date than men, have you ever asked the question why that is the case? I can guarantee you, it's really only true with online dating and in no way is that reflective IRL dating scene. In real life, women can struggle just as hard in finding a date as men. If you're not good looking, I would absolutely suggest away from using dating apps because those apps promote superficial stuff over things that actually matter. Let me just tell you that the way these dating apps are designed are purposely done to make sure you spend a longer time using them and eventually forcing you to spend real money.

Also, it's very possible for a introvert to be sociable because I'm one of them. Extroverts and introverts simply just means where you get your energy and how you recharge, it has nothing to do with social anxiety. Extroverts gets them by being around others while introverts get it just by being by themselves. I will admit though that introverts can have a harder time to be sociable, but that can only be done by one getting out of their comfort zone and try to communicate with others, it's honestly how I was able to get into a pretty lucrative job straight out of college.

Punished_Blinx posted...

The problem is you are focused on 'getting a date' as getting started instead of 'having a healthy social life where it's normal for me to meet new people'

Those introverted women that get hit on by men are still in situations where they're talking to and meeting men.

But there are plenty examples of passive men doing this stuff and still not finding themselves in any intimate scenarios since just being present isn't sufficient for men.

Punished_Blinx posted...

An extroverted guy also has it way easier. He doesn't give a shit if he gets rejected. He isn't sitting at home whining that people don't ask him out. He's out there taking the initiative. There are loads of guys like this.

And they likely make up a lot of the 12 men being complained about in the topic.