Poll of the Day > I accidentally asked a female colleague about her weight and...

(+) Yeah! (+)

... And I didn't get scolded for it.

We were talking over the phone and I don't remember what the current topic was but I suddenly asked her about her weight.

Immediately afterwards I realized that was probably a rude question and I apologized to her.

She said to me that it was ok because only I am allowed to ask her about such things.
(her weight was apparently about the same as mine).

Wow. Is this how trust feels like?

Anyway, we frequently discuss about our diagnoses(she has ADHD and I have Aspergers) and she's aware that I might not always understand certain social situations and rules.

I mean, she says some really funny things sometimes as well and her sarcasm can be so absurd that it short-circuits my brain lol

You got lucky, I do something mildly uncouth and I get crucified for it lol. People treat me like shit no matter what I do lol.

just take a deep breath and laugh at your error, you cant change it now. Learn from your mistakes.

Why is it considered rude to ask someone about their weight?(and it seems to be especially rude to ask that to a woman?)

I mean, if someone asked me about my weight I would've just told them how much I weigh and wouldn't even bat an eye about it.

On a similar note, at work, when people ask me how I'm doing on the particular task I'm currently working on; I tell them if it's going well or not and say something of interest about it.

But I never seem to remember to ask them how it's currently going for them.

Is it considered rude to not ask them the same question after asking me?

It's rude to ask people about their weight because of the fat shaming implications. Women spend their lives being told if we weigh more than X lbs we are basically useless and no one will want us. That's why you should just not do it.

LeetCheet posted...

Why is it considered rude to ask someone about their weight?(and it seems to be especially rude to ask that to a woman?)

I mean, if someone asked me about my weight I would've just told them how much I weigh and wouldn't even bat an eye about it.

On a similar note, at work, when people ask me how I'm doing on the particular task I'm currently working on; I tell them if it's going well or not and say something of interest about it.

But I never seem to remember to ask them how it's currently going for them.

Is it considered rude to not ask them the same question after asking me?

Why is anybodys weight your business? What reason is it pertinent for you to know?

And, while I wouldnt say not asking back is rude, its more that it would be polite if you did.

LeetCheet posted...

Wow. Is this how trust feels like?

I wouldn't call that trust.

Anyway, we frequently discuss about our diagnoses(she has ADHD and I have Aspergers) and she's aware that I might not always understand certain social situations and rules.

This is the reason. She's aware of your conditions as you are hers. I give people who can't help themselves a free pass at times. Doesn't mean I trust them.

Why is it considered rude to ask someone about their weight?(and it seems to be especially rude to ask that to a woman?)

Some folk are very sensitive because they are on the bigger side so want you to not ask them about their weight and want to be considered a attractive "plus size" because they refuse to help themselves. Skinny folk like myself don't get offended strange enough.

kangolcone posted...

Why is anybodys weight your business? What reason is it pertinent for you to know?

Depends. You could be interested in helping them and yourself gain or lose weight for example.

wwinterj25 posted...

I wouldn't call that trust.

This is the reason. She's aware of your conditions as you are hers. I give people who can't help themselves a free pass at times. Doesn't mean I trust them.

Some folk are very sensitive because they are on the bigger side so want you to now ask them about their weight and want to be considered a attractive "plus size" because they refuse to help themselves.

That last part, right there leet, thats why you dont ask. Because of people like that guy. Fun fact: the person I know who is most sensitive about their weight looks phenomenal. She also has an eating disorder.

So Leet, if you want to know why, its because people like the guy Im quoting exist.

kangolcone posted...

Fun fact: the person I know who is most sensitive about their weight looks phenomenal. She also has an eating disorder.

Then asking about her weight is probably a good idea as she'll need all the help she can get to help deal with her disorder. Although it seems she's already discussed her weight with people for you to know about her disorder.

kangolcone posted...

So Leet, if you want to know why, its because people like the guy Im quoting exist.

You mean guys that don't get offended over pointless things? Yeah you're right I do exist thankfully. Get thicker skin....

wwinterj25 posted...

You mean guys that don't get offended over pointless things? Yeah you're right I do exist thankfully. Get thicker skin....

No, because people like you assume that weight is a defining health characteristic, which it isnt, and that you assume that only fat people are concerned with their weight. Your feigned concern for their health is hollow.

Has nothing to do with thicker skin.

LeetCheet posted...

Wow. Is this how trust feels like?

yup

now you get to bang

>_>b

take this advice with a grain of salt, I've been drinking

kangolcone posted...

No, because people like you assume that weight is a defining health characteristic, which it isnt, and that you assume that only fat people are concerned with their weight.

Being concerned about weight isn't the same as being offended when someone asks about it. Also a eating disorder for example isn't healthy. I assume your friend is getting the help she needs. You seem to miss the part where I acknowledge underweight folk have issues too.

Has nothing to do with thicker skin.

It certainly does. If it's clear you have a weight problem then people will ask about it. Either out of concern or maybe not. If nobody asked people with weight issues would never get help.

kangolcone posted...

Why is anybodys weight your business? What reason is it pertinent for you to know?

And, while I wouldnt say not asking back is rude, its more that it would be polite if you did.

I think I recall she mentioned wanting to do a liposuction and that's what got me to ask.

She's a bit shorter than me and weighs as much as I do which makes her kinda overweight I guess, but I wouldn't exactly call her fat.

She's physically strong and I think it's just her muscles that makes her heavier.

I think my problem is that after I answer their question I immediately go back to whatever I was just thinking about only to realize a while later that I should've probably asked them as well >__<

wwinterj25 posted...

Being concerned about weight isn't the same as being offended when someone asks about it. Also a eating disorder for example isn't healthy. I assume your friend is getting the help she needs. You seem to miss the part where I acknowledge underweight folk have issues too.

It certainly does. If it's clear you have a weight problem then people will ask about it. Either out of concern or maybe not. If nobody asked people with weight issues would never get help.

Ahh yes, because they are unaware of their weight?

LeetCheet posted...

I think I recall she mentioned wanting to do a liposuction and that's what got me to ask.

She's a bit shorter than me and weighs as much as I do which makes her kinda overweight I guess, but I wouldn't exactly call her fat.

She's physically strong and I think it's just her muscles that makes her heavier.

I think my problem is that after I answer their question I immediately go back to whatever I was just thinking about only to realize a while later that I should've probably asked them as well >__<

If it was already a topic, then its not rude. What is rude is what you are seeing from the other person who has assigned themselves the role to let fat people know they are fat so they can be their savior.

How often do you talk to female colleagues on the phone? Just curious

FrozenBananas posted...

How often do you talk to female colleagues on the phone? Just curious

Just her and it's not often but when it happens we talk a lot. Well, she does at least. I usually get to listen to what she says at least 70% of the time.

But it's fine, I like to listen even though I always have a lot on my mind that I want to talk about.

I'm afraid of calling her myself though so I must always wait until she happen to call me(or text me for that matter).
It's not only to her I'm like this, I'm always hesitant to call or text people for some reason.

Man I am really a screwed up person, aren't I? I don't even know what I'm so irrationally scared of.

kangolcone posted...

Ahh yes, because they are unaware of their weight?

As they are aware then I don't see why they are offended by a simple question. I get asked my weight a lot because I'm skinny as fuck. I don't cry about it when folk point it out too. It's pathetic to do so.

kangolcone posted...

What is rude is what you are seeing from the other person who has assigned themselves the role to let fat people know they are fat so they can be their savior.

Weight watches and the like exist for a reason. Also things to help skinny folk gain weight too. Some folk can't help themselves so need guidance. What not ok is to just live in a little bubble pretending your weight is a issue if you have weight issues and expect people to dance around that clear issue.

wwinterj25 posted...

As they are aware then I don't see why they are offended by a simple question. I get asked my weight a lot because I'm skinny as fuck. I don't cry about it when folk point it out too. It's pathetic to do so.

Weight watches and the like exist for a reason. Also things to help skinny folk gain weight too. Some folk can't help themselves so need guidance. What not ok is to just live in a little bubble pretending your weight is a issue if you have weight issues and expect people to dance around that clear issue.

Again, this is where I can tell your concern for health is fake. Its about your need to provide guidance. Its about you wanting to feel superior. Are you a nutritionist?

I ask people their weight when they introduce themselves to me. Just get it over with right away

kangolcone posted...

Again, this is where I can tell your concern for health is fake. Its about your need to provide guidance. Its about you wanting to feel superior. Are you a nutritionist?

Do I need to be to be concerned about someones health and well-being? Surely you're concerned about the person you knows disorder yet it certainly seems you are not a nutritionist. It's not like I'll go up to a random in the street and demand they put down the cake. Still in what way would I feel superior to people who are overweight or underweight when I'm skinny myself? Granted I'm not underweight but due to illness I was basically a skeleton at one point. You really don't know anything about me or my life to assume the things you do. You're just offended for others it seems. Unless you need to drop the pounds too or something and refuse to do so.

You got lucky because most women hate being asked about their weight and their age.

BUMPED2002 posted...

You got lucky because most women hate being asked about their weight and their age.

Yeah lucky me that she seems to like me for some reason lol

And I remember this same woman told me that one time she and a few others were talking about me and they all agreed that I'm such a sweet guy.

Hearing stuff like this warms my heart

LeetCheet posted...

Yeah lucky me that she seems to like me for some reason lol

And I remember this same woman told me that one time she and a few others were talking about me and they all agreed that I'm such a sweet guy.

Hearing stuff like this warms my heart

Ask her out.

LeetCheet posted...

Why is it considered rude to ask someone about their weight?(and it seems to be especially rude to ask that to a woman?)

Because people worry about it so either don't know if it's bad socially, or they know it is. It's not rude to people who know they're hot as it becomes a flex.

Revelation34 posted...

Ask her out.

That would've been nice but sadly I'm terribad at asking people out so I would definitely just fuck it up.

And her ADHD seems to be pretty severe case.

I mean, one time she invited me over to her apartment to help her pack things because she was moving to another apartment.
And she was constantly zipping between rooms the whole evening as she was constantly thinking about other things that needed to get packed down.

So most of the evening I was just following her around the apartment and listening to her ramblings about all kinds of things.

It's really hard for her to stay concentrated on one thing at a time.

I think she has enough things she struggles with and me in that same equation would just be too much for her.

ADHD is no joke.

LeetCheet posted...

That would've been nice but sadly I'm terribad at asking people out so I would definitely just fuck it up.

And her ADHD seems to be pretty severe case.

I mean, one time she invited me over to her apartment to help her pack things because she was moving to another apartment.
And she was constantly zipping between rooms the whole evening as she was constantly thinking about other things that needed to get packed down.

So most of the evening I was just following her around the apartment and listening to her ramblings about all kinds of things.

It's really hard for her to stay concentrated on one thing at a time.

I think she has enough things she struggles with and me in that same equation would just be too much for her.

ADHD is no joke.

Well relationships require work regardless.

wwinterj25 posted...

Do I need to be to be concerned about someones health and well-being? Surely you're concerned about the person you knows disorder yet it certainly seems you are not a nutritionist. It's not like I'll go up to a random in the street and demand they put down the cake. Still in what way would I feel superior to people who are overweight or underweight when I'm skinny myself? Granted I'm not underweight but due to illness I was basically a skeleton at one point. You really don't know anything about me or my life to assume the things you do. You're just offended for others it seems. Unless you need to drop the pounds too or something and refuse to do so.

Im not the one who asks people about their weight insisting that they need my guidance. Get over yourself. You have zero background worthy of giving advice. Moreover, nobody is asking for your advice on weight issues.

Of the two of us, you seem to be the one taking offense.

kangolcone posted...

Of the two of us, you seem to be the one taking offense.

"That last part, right there leet, thats why you dont ask. Because of people like that guy. "

Revelation34 posted...

"That last part, right there leet, thats why you dont ask. Because of people like that guy. "

Yes, Im letting leet know why its generally considered impolite. Im not even sure what there is to be offended about since the woman he asked didnt care. Hes the one who is upset that Ive called out his faux concern.

But then again, I know you have a difficult time understanding words and their meanings. Its why I needed to provide the clarification in my signature. Literally everybody else understood but you, so Im glad I could help.

Weight seems to be a pretty sensitive subject. Maybe it's for the best to just stay out of the subject all together

Anyhoo, she claimed that she and our other female colleague(who she's a very close friend with) are fat.

I told her that neither of them are fat (because they both look like normal everyday people to me).

And I guess this could sound sexist but I'm trying to say this as a compliment; they both have their fat in the best places that compliment their feminine curves.

She has in her boobs and the other coworker in her ass and the little belly fat they have isn't too bad(these are my thoughts, I didn't actually say this to her).

I wish I could compliment them without sounding like I'm trying to hit on them lol

kangolcone posted...

Im not the one who asks people about their weight insisting that they need my guidance.

Everyone needs guidance in some shape or form. People with weight issues even more so because it's not healthy. Not really my problem if you can't accept that fact.

You have zero background worthy of giving advice. Moreover, nobody is asking for your advice on weight issues.

How do you know what people ask me or don't? Are you my shadow? Even if they didn't ask me for advice anyway I'll for sure give them advice because they clearly need it. Moreover, getting offended when you clearly have weight issues and people point it out is dumb.

Of the two of us, you seem to be the one taking offense.

Offended by what? I have zero issue with folk asking me about my weight because I have thick skin.

wwinterj25 posted...

Everyone needs guidance in some shape or form. People with weight issues even more so because it's not healthy. Not really my problem if you can't accept that fact.

How do you know what people ask me or don't? Are you my shadow? Even if they didn't ask me for advice anyway I'll for sure give them advice because they clearly need it. Moreover, getting offended when you clearly have weight issues and people point it out is dumb.

Offended by what? I have zero issue with folk asking me about my weight because I have thick skin.

You are offended that somebody is telling you that your advice is worthless.

You are correct, people do need guidance. I gave you the opportunity to display your credentials. You didnt. And I know nobody asks you for it because youve mentioned several times that you offer it unsolicited.

You arent as important as you think and your advice isnt pertinent. Thats why you are offended.

kangolcone posted...

I gave you the opportunity to display your credentials. You didnt.

He's not obese.

kangolcone posted...

You arent as important as you think and your advice isnt pertinent. Thats why you are offended.

Nah, you're just being unpleasant.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

He's not obese.

Nah, you're just being unpleasant.

Ahhh yes, hes not obese so hes qualified to give unsolicited to medical advice to people he doesnt know. Got it.

And, if Im being unpleasant, why did you choose to engage with me in a topic that doesnt involve you?

Damn, and yall think IM angry all the time.

Havent seen this kangol person do anything but rage since I got back, and unlike me they arent even funny about it, just saltier than the seven seas.

kangolcone posted...

Ahhh yes, hes not obese so hes qualified to give unsolicited to medical advice to people he doesnt know. Got it.

He's not obese so knows how not to be a gross mess.

kangolcone posted...

And, if Im being unpleasant, why did you choose to engage with me in a topic that doesnt involve you?

Because I'm unpleasant too.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

He's not obese so knows how not to be a gross mess.

Because I'm unpleasant too.

Not being a gross mess doesnt qualify you to give medical advice. A large % of the NFL qualifies as obese, yet they would out perform TC in every single physical activity.

You and TC would both benefit from a little mind your own business. Sorry that you overvalue your importance in society. Nobody really cares what you have to say.

kangolcone posted...

Not being a gross mess doesnt qualify you to give medical advice.

Does qualify you to speak on the how gross it is and how to avoid it.

kangolcone posted...

A large % of the NFL qualifies as obese, yet they would out perform TC in every single physical activity.

None of them do, BMI isn't a holy grail, and nothing about obesity requires you hit a BMI result.

kangolcone posted...

You and TC would both benefit from a little mind your own business. Sorry that you overvalue your importance in society. Nobody really cares what you have to say.

Nah that's you, you have nothing of value to add, so should just leave.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

Does qualify you to speak on the how gross it is and how to avoid it.

None of them do, BMI isn't a holy grail, and nothing about obesity requires you hit a BMI result.

Nah that's you, you have nothing of value to add, so should just leave.

No, it doesnt as body chemistry and lifestyle are keys and vary person to person. Your advice may not have any applicability to another person, nor do you know if they have heard that advice before and it proved to not be helpful.

I didnt mention BMI.

You came here to respond to my post. My post sparked your response. Therefore it has value because you care about my post, its why you engaged me. You are free to not respond to my posts at any time. Until that point, recognize that you found me, not the other way around.

kangolcone posted...

You are offended that somebody is telling you that your advice is worthless.

As you mean nothing to me I don't see why that would be the case.

I gave you the opportunity to display your credentials. You didnt.

I don't need credentials to give advice. I've said this before.

And I know nobody asks you for it because youve mentioned several times that you offer it unsolicited.

Again you know nothing about me or my life. Just because I'm opinionated doesn't mean nobody asks for my advice. You're clearly just assuming things to try and validate some kind of argument that makes no sense.

You arent as important as you think and your advice isnt pertinent. Thats why you are offended.

My advice is a gift from the gods. You should take it and praise the lord for it.

kangolcone posted...

No, it doesnt as body chemistry and lifestyle are keys and vary person to person.

Preference in how your meat is cooked varies from person to person, but cremated is cremated. You can't context your way out of blobbery.

kangolcone posted...

Your advice may not have any applicability to another person, nor do you know if they have heard that advice before and it proved to not be helpful.

It is due diligence to speak in case nobody else has, it needs saying and them being told twice, thrice, a thousand times doesn't change the need as long as it's a problem.

kangolcone posted...

I didnt mention BMI.

Your comment only makes sense with BMI, so otherwise you were just going in to insane ramblings. I choose to treat you as though your head works.

kangolcone posted...

You came here to respond to my post. My post sparked your response. Therefore it has value because you care about my post, its why you engaged me. You are free to not respond to my posts at any time. Until that point, recognize that you found me, not the other way around.

Negative value is not value, I need to offset your bullshittery as long as you spew it.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

Preference in how your meat is cooked varies from person to person, but cremated is cremated. You can't context your way out of blobbery.

It is due diligence to speak in case nobody else has, it needs saying and them being told twice, thrice, a thousand times doesn't change the need as long as it's a problem.

Your comment only makes sense with BMI, so otherwise you were just going in to insane ramblings. I choose to treat you as though your head works.

Negative value is not value, I need to offset your bullshittery as long as you spew it.

Body chemistry isnt a personal preference.

its not due diligence, its the overestimation of your knowledge and importance.

What definition are you using tor obese?

You havent offset anything. By repeatedly responding to a topic you werent involved with, you actually amplify the number of people who see the topic.

kangolcone posted...

Body chemistry isnt a personal preference.

Use your brain, read it again and get back to me.

kangolcone posted...

its not due diligence, its the overestimation of your knowledge and importance.

Nah, you're just mad grossness isn't tolerated.

kangolcone posted...

What definition are you using tor obese?

Let's go with the NHS definition: "The term obese describes a person who's very overweight, with a lot of body fat."

kangolcone posted...

You havent offset anything. By repeatedly responding to a topic you werent involved with, you actually amplify the number of people who see the topic.

I'm not leaving your bullshit unchallenged, more people can see your views are not tolerated.

kangolcone posted...

By repeatedly responding to a topic you werent involved with, you actually amplify the number of people who see the topic.

Good. Then maybe people will stop getting offended by simple questions about their weight and what they are doing to fix their issues.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

Use your brain, read it again and get back to me.

Nah, you're just mad grossness isn't tolerated.

Let's go with the NHS definition: "The term obese describes a person who's very overweight, with a lot of body fat."

I'm not leaving your bullshit unchallenged, more people can see your views are not tolerated.

Yes, I said body chemistry and you replied about how to cook meat. I dont know why you would connect meat being cooked and body chemistry unless you believe they are connected.

Again, I was explaining to Leet, a person who misses social cues, why it is considered rude. You continually calling people gross reinforces that.

Ok, by that definition lots of NFL players are obese. Im glad we agree.

And Im not even sure what view you think Im espousing other than people should mind their own personal business.

wwinterj25 posted...

Good. Then maybe people will stop getting offended by simple questions about their weight and what they are doing to fix their issues.

Yet again, overvaluing your importance.

kangolcone posted...

And Im not even sure what view you think Im espousing other than people should mind their own personal business.

Why though? If I see someone who clearly needs help I hope they are getting it and certainly won't dance around the fact they have weight issues. If they choose to stay that way then that's on them and others will comment on it because that's human nature. Although as I said before I hope "someone you know" is getting the help they need with their weight issues. Although by your logic doctors and the like should mind their own business too.

kangolcone posted...

Yet again, overvaluing your importance.

Not really. I just don't see why people like yourself get offended by simple questions and advice. Even if people are happy being underweight/overweight it shouldn't bother them.

wwinterj25 posted...

Why though? If I see someone who clearly needs help I hope they are getting it and certainly won't dance around the fact they have weight issues. If they choose to stay that way then that's on them and others will comment on it because that's human nature. Although as I said before I hope "someone you know" is getting the help they need with their weight issues. Although by your logic doctors and the like should mind their own business too.

Not really. I just don't see why people like yourself get offended by simple questions and advice. Even if people are happy being underweight/overweight it shouldn't bother them.

I pulled this from another topic. Seems to fly in the face of your entire diatribe about fat people needing to be reminded they are fat so you can give them guidance.

wwinterj25 posted...

It's probably best you just be there for her to talk to and give advice without sticking your nose in too much. She is probably aware of the issues.

kangolcone posted...

Again, I was explaining to Leet, a person who misses social cues, why it is considered rude. You continually calling people gross reinforces that.

Being obese is rude.

kangolcone posted...

Ok, by that definition lots of NFL players are obese. Im glad we agree.

Not at all

kangolcone posted...

And Im not even sure what view you think Im espousing other than people should mind their own personal business.

Suppression of thoughts you don't want to hear, which is pretty abhorrent.

kangolcone posted...

I pulled this from another topic. Seems to fly in the face of your entire diatribe about fat people needing to be reminded they are fat so you can give them guidance.

As they are responses to two different topics and my quote was in reference to one person not a group of people I don't see how. Nice try though. Your argument about people with weight issues(not just obese) not needing help is bizarre. Even more so getting offended when folk point out weight issues.