Current Events > I miss my wife. AMA

(+) Yeah! (+)

Literally AMA. I have a degree in Biology so maybe I can help you with your BI 101 final too.

Draw me a diagram and explanation of the primordial soup

I miss your wife, too, bud.

Vampire_Wreath posted...

Draw me a diagram and explanation of the primordial soup

So like... there was this thing called the Urey-Miller experiment? Look that up and it'll give you a pretty good summary.

Metal_Bug posted...

I miss your wife, too, bud.

I'm sure you and dozens of others do.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Right now, quarantined at her girlfriend's house because they both have covid last I checked.

Girlfriends house.. As in her BFF/A close plutonic friend.

spikethedevil posted...

Girlfriends house..

Oh, yeah. My wife walked out on me at the end of October. Told me like... a week and a half later that she still loved me and wished we could be together. She even told me she didn't want me to move out.

Then about four days later she had this new girlfriend.

Im sorry to hear that.
...that she got covid, not that you miss her...

Damn

_Rinku_ posted...

Oh, yeah. My wife walked out on me at the end of October. Told me like... a week and a half later that she still loved me and wished we could be together. She even told me she didn't want me to move out.

Then about four days later she had this new girlfriend.

damn. Sorry to hear

Foppe posted...

Im sorry to hear that.
...that she got covid, not that you miss her...

I mean, you can feel bad that I miss her. It's a little pathetic.

MFBKBass5 posted...

damn. Sorry to hear

It might be my own fault. When she told me she didn't want me to move out, I asked her if she wanted to get back together. I meant it as "is this what you want" and not "I want to get back together" and that kinda caused her to bolt again.

In my defense... she pulled almost this exact stunt on me earlier this year and, within a month, was literally bawling her eyes out begging me to give her a second chance. I thought, "Shit dude, she might just have realized that she messed up again."

What is your opinion on the current mod staff and how they do things here on this websight?

Veggeta_MAX posted...

What is your opinion on the current mod staff and how they do things here on this websight?

I see things go unmodded that seem pretty blatantly against the rules. That kinda sucks. I'm also still annoyed about the time I got modded for criticizing a group that I am a part of lol

One time I was modded for obviously joking/sarcastically saying that it was literally 100% IMPOSSIBLE for ANY woman to be physically stronger than ANY man. In a topic about female bodybuilders or something like that. >_> 3 karma loss I think.

Was that a fair moderation?

_Rinku_ posted...

I mean, you can feel bad that I miss her. It's a little pathetic.

Getting over someone can be hard and take some time. It's not pathetic to miss someone you loved enough to marry.

_Rinku_ posted...

I see things go unmodded that seem pretty blatantly against the rules. That kinda sucks. I'm also still annoyed about the time I got modded for criticizing a group that I am a part of lol

Moderators are jokes sometimes.

I got modded for sarcastically claiming to be a troll to a user who called me a troll every single topic we interacted in.

Is her name Saurav?

_Rinku_ posted...

Oh, yeah. My wife walked out on me at the end of October. Told me like... a week and a half later that she still loved me and wished we could be together. She even told me she didn't want me to move out.

Then about four days later she had this new girlfriend.

That's kind of a low blow. I'm sorry, man.

It's just my opinion but if you're no longer feeling passionate about the person you married that's fine (we're all adults, we have to be thoughtful about how we spend our lives) but you should really at least be upfront about that to the person. It's awkward, I get it, but you're about to change their life dramatically and should be ready to help them face that if it's a decision you're going to make for them. Being vague and shuffling your feet about the reasons then just walking away before they can even process what happened is almost insultingly inconsiderate.

_Rinku_ posted...

In my defense... she pulled almost this exact stunt on me earlier this year and, within a month, was literally bawling her eyes out begging me to give her a second chance. I thought, "Shit dude, she might just have realized that she messed up again."

I guess that's fair. Clearly her mind was elsewhere, although my point still stands that it's not right if you're trying to break it off smoothly to not try to put yourself in their shoes.

The Top Crusader posted...

One time I was modded for obviously joking/sarcastically saying that it was literally 100% IMPOSSIBLE for ANY woman to be physically stronger than ANY man. In a topic about female bodybuilders or something like that. >_> 3 karma loss I think.

Was that a fair moderation?

Doesn't seem harsh enough for a 3KL to me. Maybe a NWD.

MrPeppers posted...

Getting over someone can be hard and take some time. It's not pathetic to miss someone you loved enough to marry.

I can't even begin to express how much I loved this girl. She was my college sweetheart. We were together for ten years.

Slayer_22 posted...

Moderators are jokes sometimes.

I got modded for sarcastically claiming to be a troll to a user who called me a troll every single topic we interacted in.

That's pretty wack.

Monolith1676 posted...

Is her name Saurav?

No, but that is sort of close to her name lol

Solid Sonic posted...

That's kind of a low blow. I'm sorry, man.

It's just my opinion but if you're no longer feeling passionate about the person you married that's fine (we're all adults, we have to be thoughtful about how we spend our lives) but you should really at least be upfront about that to the person. It's awkward, I get it, but you're about to change their life dramatically and should be ready to help them face that if it's a decision you're going to make for them. Being vague and shuffling your feet about the reasons then just walking away before they can even process what happened is almost insultingly inconsiderate.

I guess that's fair. Clearly her mind was elsewhere, although my point still stands that it's not right if you're trying to break it off smoothly to not try to put yourself in their shoes.

Yeah. Maybe in her defense, one of the times she told me she still loved me and wished we could be together was when we slept together. It wasn't smart, but she kissed me and I couldn't tell her no.

Of course, now she's telling people that I forced myself on her. I can't begin to tell you how sick that makes me feel. Both from the perspective that she's viewing it that way and from the perspective of "she's gaslit me and manipulated me so much that I'm actually questioning whether or not I did it when she flirted with me that whole night and I asked her multiple times if she wanted to stop."

That's another thing. She's going around telling people that I abused her for the entirety of our relationship. Which is... wild, coming from the girl who broke my heart a week before my birthday, about a week and a half later started acting friendly again (when the girl she cheated on me with wouldn't leave her husband for her), flew off to California, texted me the entire time there about how much she missed me and wished I was there, banged her friend that lived there, and then had the audacity to act surprised when I confronted her about it when she got back.

It kinda makes me sick if I think about it.

Why do wisdom teeth get extracted?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G6tISxVCBnM

Wow I only know you as Mereolona and Archie's servant... I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Has she suddenly left before the time in the spring?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

My life's gone unexpected places lol

Cocytus posted...

Why do wisdom teeth get extracted?

Variety of reasons. I think people typically get theirs extracted because they come in a way that's considered "impacted" where they're basically ramming into other teeth.

I've had two of mine removed because they developed cavities. One of them never got out of the gums, so it was impossible to keep clean. One was a surprise removal; thought I was just getting a cavity filled

I still vividly remember the first day after the first one was removed. I was in college and looking around the food court for anything purely liquid I could eat. The nice lady who worked at the sandwich shop got to talking to me and got me some soup before they were supposed to start serving it once I explained the situation with my tooth. I still think about that lady sometimes.

Duncanwii posted...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G6tISxVCBnM

I like that clip. It's weird that I miss her, given all the absolutely awful things she's done to me (including recently deliberately exposing me to covid).

Ruvan22 posted...

Wow I only know you as Mereolona and Archie's servant... I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Has she suddenly left before the time in the spring?

Oh, yeah. Sorry to be a downer there. Thank you though. Archie and Mereoleona act really stand offish to her whenever she's around now.

Nope. She used to be hopelessly in love with me. Like, we met my freshman year of college and she was obsessed with me for a full year before I asked her out. I'm not sure when it shifted. Well, actually, no, I do know when it started to shift. It was when she transitioned and suddenly started getting a lot of attention. Feels mean to say, because I still loved her and supported her through the whole thing. I just can't deny that she changed and not in a positive way.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This.

Have you ever heard what your friends think of your relationship? Often times a third perspective sees things much differently.

DivideR posted...

This.

Have you ever heard what your friends think of your relationship? Often times a third perspective sees things much differently.

My online friends, who have never met my wife, and have only heard what I've told them: They all think she's an abusive manipulator who never really loved me. They think that the bad times vastly outweighed the good and a lot of the good is tainted by her manipulation. They constantly shout me down when I try to talk about her good qualities or even defend her a little.

My irl friends who are also friends with my wife: mixed reactions. Three of them are pretty on my "side" and think my wife has lost her mind. One of my friends is... super weird about it. I've tried to talk to him about it and he just shuts me down with, "I'm not gonna talk shit about any of my friends." He also dismissed a lot of my concerns about her behavior which... hurt. A lot. My wife nearly cost me my new job and his only reaction was, "This situation sucks for both of you," when it was entirely her fault.

I haven't really told any of my other friends either because they were more my wife's friends or they're just not the kind of friends you open up to emotionally.

Also, all of my family that I've told are fully on board the "Wow, your wife is insane and trash" wagon.

But, before the breakups, people generally had the same reaction to our relationship: everyone thought we were so perfect together. My wife would gush about me. She talked about how good I was to her and how lucky she was to have found me. I had one friend outright tell me, "I wish I had what you guys have." I genuinely thought I'd hit the jackpot because I'd found someone who loved me, whom I loved just as much, and who wanted to be with me forever.

It sounds corny as fuck, but I was just so in love with her. Every love song made me think of her and gave me butterflies. I'm still as wild about her now as I was when I was nineteen; maybe even more so. And that's even after some of the truly heinous things she's done.

i miss my wife tails

Hey that's not corny at all, I'm just sad that you were put through the resulting inferno. It's okay to miss the memories while acknowledging they are points frozen in the past.

Oh AMA, right!! Uhhh does your biology degree help with Mereolona and Archie?

Kiyune posted...

i miss my wife tails

I miss her a lot.

Ruvan22 posted...

Hey that's not corny at all, I'm just sad that you were put through the resulting inferno. It's okay to miss the memories while acknowledging they are points frozen in the past.

Oh AMA, right!! Uhhh does your biology degree help with Mereolona and Archie?

Hm. Not really, unfortunately. I skipped the class that went over cat anatomy because it involved dissecting a feline specimen. Think I took Invertebrate Zoology instead (which was a really fun class, tbf).

What's the last thing you ate?

BlingBling22947 posted...

What's the last thing you ate?

I actually had some chicken fingers with fries and toast from Zaxby's. I hadn't eaten anything else since some bagel bites I had before work today.

Did Archie and Mereolona get some of the chicken fingers?

How do you feel about this song

https://youtu.be/6jDHRW6fngg

_Rinku_ posted...

It sounds corny as fuck, but I was just so in love with her. Every love song made me think of her and gave me butterflies. I'm still as wild about her now as I was when I was nineteen; maybe even more so. And that's even after some of the truly heinous things she's done.

have you ever thought that this isn't actually love but it's something else? addiction? obsession? dependency?

it seems to me that you seem to enjoy the pain she brought you. not necessarily that you would opt to tolerate it, but instead, you crave it because it somehow makes you believe that being obsessed with her even after she's treated you wrongly means you somehow love her even more?

Tobey, Andrew, or Tom?

Ruvan22 posted...

Did Archie and Mereolona get some of the chicken fingers?

No. Archie won't eat people food. Zaxby's chicken is pretty greasy and I worry that it would make Mereoleona sick if I gave it to her. I usually will give her a little piece of just the meat (no breading) if it's from anywhere else though.

Smackems posted...

How do you feel about this song

https://youtu.be/6jDHRW6fngg

K-mart brand version of "Butterfly" by smile.dk

https://youtu.be/QzcvRDWgRIE

Guerrilla Soldier posted...

have you ever thought that this isn't actually love but it's something else? addiction? obsession? dependency?

it seems to me that you seem to enjoy the pain she brought you. not necessarily that you would opt to tolerate it, but instead, you crave it because it somehow makes you believe that being obsessed with her even after she's treated you wrongly means you somehow love her even more?

Hm... is this intended as some kind of dunk? Because I've been slowly coming to terms with the fact that she abused me for years and it's still going to take time to rework my brain to not love her. That's kind of how being a victim of abuse works.

She also still pulls little manipulative stunts to mess with my head. She offered to get lunch and then later screamed about me being horrible. I don't exactly relish the fact that I still cry over this harpy.

laowhy86 posted...

Tobey, Andrew, or Tom?

Hm. Tobey is who I grew up with and I still love how corny the Raimi movies are, even if I think 3 is kinda booty.

Andrew was a fine actor, but I was in college when those movies came out. I basically didn't have fun/enjoy myself the entire time because I was so stressed out. I remember renting the first one and thinking it was okay. I know my wife (wasn't my wife at the time, of course) saw the second one with some friends and I just couldn't be assed to go see it with them.

Tom is okay too, but I kinda find the MCU to be a bit too soulless and corporate these days. Like, all the movies kinda start to blend together. I was gonna go see NWH with a friend (first time I've been to a theater since early 2020) but then my wife deliberately exposed me to covid, so I had to skip out on that lol

If I had to rank them on personal preference:

Tobey > Tom > Andrew

On acting skill:

Tom > Andrew > Tobey

Kinda booty?

Andrew should of had a third IMO.

Favorite pizza topping?

spikethedevil posted...

Kinda booty?

Andrew should of had a third IMO.

Oh, booty means like... bad. It's like saying something's ass. Not good.

I heard that the second movie was actually really good. Kind of a Super Mario Galaxy 2 situation.

Ruvan22 posted...

Favorite pizza topping?

Extra cheese

Assuming that's not a valid choice, mushrooms for pizza that I'm going to eat that day and spinach for pizza that I'm going to reheat. Mushrooms sometimes get kinda tough and chewy when re-heated.

_Rinku_ posted...

Oh, booty means like... bad. It's like saying something's ass. Not good.

I heard that the second movie was actually really good. Kind of a Super Mario Galaxy 2 situation.

Extra cheese

Assuming that's not a valid choice, mushrooms for pizza that I'm going to eat that day and spinach for pizza that I'm going to reheat. Mushrooms sometimes get kinda tough and chewy when re-heated.

Very nice choice!!!

Do you eat pizza often?

Last piece of media consumed?

Ruvan22 posted...

Very nice choice!!!

Do you eat pizza often?

Thanks!

Not as often as I'd like unless you count bagel bites. I could go for some pizza right now, actually. I don't like to pay delivery fees though and I don't currently have a car to go pick it up. Maybe next time I hang out with my friends I'll suggest splitting one.

BlingBling22947 posted...

Last piece of media consumed?

I put on The Santa Clause this morning and kinda half paid attention to it while playing FFXIV. I just like to have stuff on in the background because it gets a bit lonely otherwise.

I can't remember the last piece of media that I actively consumed with no distractions though. I did recently finish the second expansion for FFXIV if that counts. Most of my books and games are packed up right now because I was, at one point, planning to have moved by now.

Did your wife take your car too? :0

I have some bagel bites a friend made, shall I mail them to you?

Ruvan22 posted...

Did your wife take your car too? :0

I have some bagel bites a friend made, shall I mail them to you?

Yeah. She had a super well-paying job and told me, for years, that she didn't want me to work. I'd been out of a job for a while (until recently), so I have basically no savings or car of my own. I've scraped together a bit from selling things and I got paid recently. It's not nearly enough to pay for everything, but it's a start.

As long as they're not the sausage kind!

Dang...you usually hear of financial isolation being done by a guy to a girl, not the opposite. Are you getting some help from friends/family?

Ruvan22 posted...

Dang...you usually hear of financial isolation being done by a guy to a girl, not the opposite. Are you getting some help from friends/family?

It just shows that anyone can be an abuser. You'd look at my wife and think, "Aw, she's a sweet, quiet nerd who enjoys miniatures and Star Wars." And she was that. She was charming. She was generous. She was so many wonderful things that made people, including me, love her.

But she was a lot more things in private. She makes six figures but she'd spend her money to the point that bills didn't get paid. Again, she always insisted that she didn't want me to work and that she could handle everything. There were times that there wasn't money for groceries for the week. Rent was late a lot. My mother was in an accident last year and it looked like she might not be able to walk on her own ever again. I broke down crying to my wife about it and all she had to say was, "You're exaggerating for sympathy." She accused me of lying about the time a previous ex had assaulted me. She'd insist on buying me things: stacks of books, games, etc., and then she'd be "broke" the next week and I'd feel super guilty. There were so many problems in addition to the money issues.

And truth be told, I looked for work constantly. I hated being dependent on her and I knew I couldn't trust her financially. For years, I couldn't find anything in my field, so I switched to looking for literally anything. I finally got a lucky break with my current job and I am putting myself through a lot of awful situations just to make it work. There are a lot of problems with it, but it feels so good to have some financial freedom. It was soul-destroying for her to have that control over me.

My friends and family have been a tremendous help. A lot of them have given me money outright and others have given invaluable moral support. Some of my friends have been angry because she did this once before and they were all screaming at me that she was an abuser/to never give her a second chance. I have had one friend essentially say that I'm equally to blame for what's happened to me. That was hard to deal with.

I'm going to be okay though. I've got a job. It's not great, but it's something that will pay and I can do it from home. I'll probably stay there for a year or two and try to pivot into something better. I might be moving in with my mom, which isn't great, but at least I have that option. I feel horribly alone because I very suddenly lost my best friend, almost lost my home, and had my entire life plan change almost over night.

The worst part though is that she is peddling the lie that I was the abuser. She's such a good manipulator that I believe it at times. I have to step back and look at it objectively: abuse requires power. I never had power in the relationship. She demanded that we move away from where I did have a job, from all my friends, and closer to where she worked. She controlled the money in the household. She controlled the car. Any attempt by me to take any control back was met with fierce resistance. She'd make token concessions, like letting me draft a budget, but then she wouldn't follow through. It sickens me to think of everyone patting her on the back for "escaping" when she's the one who tormented me for years and tried to leave me on the hook for about $8k when she decided she was just going to walk away from the apartment.

What's the last thing you drank?

BlingBling22947 posted...

What's the last thing you drank?

I'm drinking some iced coffee right now. I put caramel oatmilk creamer in it. I need to get some more coffee, since it's usually what I have for breakfast/lunch.

If by chance you mean last alcoholic drink: I had some of these cocktails called "Kinky Red." They're strawberry watermelon flavored and only 5% ABV. I'm such a lightweight that drinking half of one makes me feel a little fuzzy.

Bump in case anyone wants to really pry. Or just ask questions about anything else. I play FFXIV a lot.

Getting/receiving any gifts this holiday season?