Current Events > Resident Evil NINE

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AzurexNightmare
11/22/21 11:34:11 AM
#1:


This takes place ten years after Resident Evil Village. Ethan now has a new wife and is laying low in Juarez, Mexico.

A shady looking individual knocks at the door.

Ethan: *answers the door* Look, buddy. I told you. Yo. No. Vendo. Mota. Get the fuck out of here. Don't come back.

Ethan's New Wife: Ethan. Quien es?

Ethan: Uh... Nadie. Nobody.

Ethan's New Wife Antonia: Ethan te dije que no contestas la pinche puerta culero... No mames guey...

Ethan: Antonia. I told you. I don't know that much Spanish.

Antonia: QUE?

Ethan: Yo. No. Se. Mucho. Fucking. Espanol. Comprende!? Holy shit... I'm done with this for today *walks away holding his new baby Guadalupe.* Yeah, that's right. We named you after Antonia's mother. Or her aunt...

Suddenly Chris shows up and kicks down the door. Him and his squad shoot the shit out of Antonia

Antonia: AY CARAJO!!!!!!!!! *falls on the ground and dies*

Ethan: Chris!? AGAIN!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THIS TIME!? WHY DO YOU KEEP MOVING ME PLACES WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris: I'm sorry, Ethan. Take him away.

Ethan: NO!!!!! NOT THIS TIME. LOOK YOU MOTHER FU-

Chris: LISTEN TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH. *slaps Ethan* YOU WANT AN EXPLANATION THIS TIME? FINE. I'M NOT THE FUCKING BAD GUY. YOU KNOW WHO IS? CAPCOM. THEY FORCE ME TO MOVE YOU TO THESE SHITTY PLACES. I HAVEN'T BEEN MYSELF SINCE I WAS IN RESIDENT EVIL 5. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM ANYMORE. THE LAST TIME I DID I WAS ON A FUCKING SAFARI PUNCHING BOULDERS AND DODGING ALLIGATORS. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?

Ethan: Boulders?

Chris: This isn't even my fucking series. The only reason they call this Resident Evil is because IT SELLS. You look like a fucking Silent Hill character. Resident Evil wasn't supposed to be scary anymore. I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT. I HAVEN'T HAD A FUCKING BREAK. I WAS IN RESIDENT EVIL 5, RESIDENT EVIL 6, RESIDENT EVIL 7, THE MERCENARIES ON 3DS, REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS HD, I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WANT AN EXPLANATION? EMAIL CAPCOM. FUCK YOU. I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT!!!!!!!! SO NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR NEW DAUGHTER AND WE ARE GOING TO WING THIS SHIT OKAY?

Ethan: ... O-....... Okay.

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Smiffwilm
11/22/21 11:36:38 AM
#2:


Question: Did you finish Village?

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TeaMilk
11/22/21 11:43:19 AM
#3:


Riveting. When does El Duke show up?

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SSJ2GrimReaper
11/22/21 11:44:05 AM
#4:


TeaMilk posted...
Riveting. When does El Duke show up?
he shows up SKINNY

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Rapid99
11/22/21 11:44:51 AM
#5:


SSJ2GrimReaper posted...
he shows up SKINNY

Never canceled a pre-order so fast

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skermac
11/22/21 11:47:51 AM
#6:


i just want jill valentine, im done with ethan but whatever type game it will be they will slap on the re name is o sell more copies like they did with villiage which was an ok game nothing special but was not resident evil except in title only

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TeaMilk
11/22/21 12:26:51 PM
#7:


SSJ2GrimReaper posted...
he shows up SKINNY
WTF fuck Capcom

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viewmaster_pi
11/22/21 12:36:57 PM
#8:


call of juarez, mexico?

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DocileOrangeCup
11/22/21 10:10:21 PM
#9:


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Ving_Rhames
11/22/21 10:10:58 PM
#10:


Tired of Ethan.

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Solid Sonic
11/22/21 10:11:45 PM
#11:


Resident Evil DOMINATRIX

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SauI_Goodman
11/22/21 10:11:46 PM
#12:


President evil *insert picture of joe biden*

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Teh_Dr_Phil
11/22/21 10:11:49 PM
#13:


cringe

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Yep.
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Waifu-man
11/22/21 10:15:46 PM
#14:


Ving_Rhames posted...
Tired of Ethan.
Cancel H3H3

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Solid Sonic
11/22/21 10:16:16 PM
#15:


Ving_Rhames posted...
Tired of Ethan.

______

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SocialistGamer
11/22/21 10:16:32 PM
#16:


Resident Evil PenIX

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Smiffwilm
11/22/21 10:25:27 PM
#17:


SocialistGamer posted...
Resident Evil PenIX
Resident Evil CervIX

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LeoRavus
11/22/21 10:27:46 PM
#18:


If Ethan somehow winds up in that I'm fucking done with the series.

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Chicken
11/22/21 10:29:38 PM
#19:


LeoRavus posted...
If Ethan somehow winds up in that I'm fucking done with the series.


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Waifu-man
11/22/21 10:29:54 PM
#20:


W
LeoRavus posted...
If Ethan somehow winds up in that I'm fucking done with the series.
I never seen ethan face

Is he identified as abused hands?

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Solid Sonic
11/22/21 10:30:35 PM
#21:


Someone should really tell these Ethan haters...

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SSJ2GrimReaper
11/22/21 10:31:37 PM
#22:


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LeoRavus
11/22/21 10:33:49 PM
#23:


Waifu-man posted...
W

I never seen ethan face

Is he identified as abused hands?

Did you unlock all the figures? This is Ethans



Capcom's trolling hard with this. I hope they don't try to bring him back.

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Smiffwilm
11/22/21 10:39:27 PM
#24:


LeoRavus posted...
Did you unlock all the figures? This is Ethans



Capcom's trolling hard with this. I hope they don't try to bring him back.
Hey, nothing to lose your head over...

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#25
Post #25 was unavailable or deleted.
Smackems
11/22/21 10:42:39 PM
#26:


LeoRavus posted...
Did you unlock all the figures? This is Ethans



Capcom's trolling hard with this. I hope they don't try to bring him back.
They need to face it. No one likes him

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