Current Events > Girlfriend mad at me, am I in the wrong here?

(+) Yeah! (+)

You should have checked in on her, but she also should have let you know she had arrived.

But under no circumstances should you argue about this. Just apologise and move on.

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Xavier_On_High posted...

You should have checked in on her, but she also should have let you know she had arrived.

But under no circumstances should you argue about this. Just apologise and move on.

no. hes not wrong. he needs to stand his ground. she should have texted him on arrival.

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Tell her to "calm down."

That always works.

We should all be mad at TC now for not checking back into this topic.

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Of all the hills to die on, this ain't it chief.

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gna647 posted...

Okay so she sent me a text telling me I've proved again that I've gotten comfortable with her and she doesnt feel important to me

because i forgot to fucking check up on her. I'm tired of dealing with this shit.

Oh she's playing games then

I hate when they do this

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You can tell who the incels are

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I had a serious girlfriend react the opposite to me once. She was an experienced traveler and had backpacked through Europe alone. So maybe that is why.

She was on a red eye flight somewhere. We talked before she got on the airplane. I asked her to call or text when she got to her hotel so I knew she was safe. She got really short with me over this.

In your case, I would have checked. But like my ex, everyone has different expectations.

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eston posted...

Oh she's playing games then

I hate when they do this

She's not playing games.

She's upset that he legitimately made a promise and didn't fucking keep. It might not be the biggest thing, but he's in the wrong here. Almost anyone, guy or girl would feel spited by this.

He should just apologize already.


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She intentionally didn't call him because she was "testing" him. Definitely playing games and at 5 years into the relationship it's a bit ridiculous tbh

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eston posted...

She intentionally didn't call him because she was "testing" him. Definitely playing games and at 5 years into the relationship it's a bit ridiculous tbh

No

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itachi15243 posted...

She's not playing games.

She's upset that he legitimately made a promise and didn't fucking keep. It might not be the biggest thing, but he's in the wrong here. Almost anyone, guy or girl would feel spited by this.

He should just apologize already.

This

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I feel like it's totally normal for someone to text and say "Hey I made it"..it seems like she was testing you and you failed. But, people who test people are whack.

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when my mom and i meet up, we usually text each other to let each other know we made it some safe. but there were a few times where we either forgot to send the text or fell asleep early or something. we're usually cool with it, as long as we are actually safe. to get angry over not texting, kind of sus.

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We know damn well why most users are taking TC's side

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LincolnDuncan posted...

I feel like it's totally normal for someone to text and say "Hey I made it"..it seems like she was testing you and you failed. But, people who test people are whack.

That's what I'm saying

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he didn't say anything about promising to text her when she got there, because how would he know exactly when she's getting there? she should have sent him a text

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Mr_Karate_II posted...

We know damn well why most users are taking TC's side

I don't know why you keep trying to troll

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eston posted...

I don't know why you keep trying to troll

Having an opinion isn't trolling nor is speaking the truth.

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Just apologize and move, this shouldn't be a big deal to either of you. She expressed that she felt you were getting too comfortable and not making her feel important, so make an effort to do that. That's her issue, not you forgetting to text her. Make her feel appreciated.

Now, if you do that and she still brings this up or is still saying she doesn't feel important I would worry. But now? No, this is normal shit, she just expressed it poorly. 5 years in people will feel comfortable and stop doing the little things that make the other partner feel loved and special. The good news is she expressed this to you so you can act on it. Some people will just drift apart and break up without talking about it, but you've got a chance to make the relationship last.

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So I talked to her more and I ended up winning the argument because I mentioned to her that she never texted me to check up on me when I was flying on a plane and taking an Uber from a stranger.

not once, and she realized I had a point.

I also mentioned her sister wouldve definitely let me know that she hasnt shown up, and that she should have texted me first anyways.

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In my experience, it's the job of the one who is doing the traveling to notify the other party when they have arrived safely.

However if she was "testing" you by deliberately not notifying you and seeing if you would check in, then you failed.

HowEVER, if the relationship has gotten to the point where she has to "test" you at all, then it's clearly not in a good place for her and a change needs to be made.

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http://imgur.com/a/ErbzdFU
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PatrickMahomes posted...

In my experience, it's the job of the one who is doing the traveling to notify the other party when they have arrived safely.

i agree, though that has to be the plan both parties agreed to. just come up with a joint plan of who informs who and when etc. u just need an agreement between the 2 of you for how to handle it in the future, not a useless fight. after 5 years is this the only impasse youve had?

TC you could have avoided all of this when you text back 'okay, good' just add on 'let me know you got there safe.'. She messages on arrival and the whole thing is avoided.

Just apologise and move on it's not worth a big argument over.

gna647 posted...

I ended up winning the argument

Here's your problem. You shouldn't be seeing this as a competition.

gna647 posted...

So I talked to her more and I ended up winning the argument because I mentioned to her that she never texted me to check up on me when I was flying on a plane and taking an Uber from a stranger.

not once, and she realized I had a point.

I also mentioned her sister wouldve definitely let me know that she hasnt shown up, and that she should have texted me first anyways.

good. you had to put your foot down and did the right thing.

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gna647 posted...

So I talked to her more and I ended up winning the argument because I mentioned to her that she never texted me to check up on me when I was flying on a plane and taking an Uber from a stranger.

not once, and she realized I had a point.

I also mentioned her sister wouldve definitely let me know that she hasnt shown up, and that she should have texted me first anyways.

None of this sounds good or productive to be honest. I don't know your relationship I admit, but I feel like this will give way more room for fighting in the future.

I get that it was a fairly small mistake, and you've both made it to varying degrees, but it's probably gonna set up a future precedent in the relationship.

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If she didnt text you at her expected arrival time you should have texted her

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Crazyman93 posted...

This, hard. Tell her you're very sorry, and it won't happen again and maybe have a gift of flowers or something. Make sure you appear submissive and regretful.

^ this

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gna647 posted...

So I talked to her more and I ended up winning the argument because I mentioned to her that she never texted me to check up on me when I was flying on a plane and taking an Uber from a stranger.

not once, and she realized I had a point.

I also mentioned her sister wouldve definitely let me know that she hasnt shown up, and that she should have texted me first anyways.

Best believe she about to hold this shit against you in until future. Of all the hills to die on, this petty shit wasnt it fam.

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Utilize the ability to schedule text messages for things like this
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You're not wrong. Your girlfriend is on some bullshit and is probably looking for some reason to start a argument, or break up with you. People who do this are toxic, mentally unstable and / or manipulative and devious, and are looking for some excuse to justify something they've done that you may not like, and / or are even trying to sabotage their current relationship because they may want out and want their partner to be the one to break it off, or seem like they are in the wrong so they can, so if things don't pan out with other potential partners they can try to come back and won't look like the bad guy. Seen various women do this to legit decent guys who just weren't exciting enough for them when the women still wanted casual "fun"(sex) with numerous guys over serious stablity and a meaningful commited relationship. Just keep a close eye on her and her behavior for awhile going forward, be cautious, and don't be too strict or too much of a pushover either.

Always say "let me know when you get there". Thats what I always say, and if it gets too late I call or text.

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SpiritSephiroth posted...

Always say "let me know when you get there". Thats what I always say, and if it gets too late I call or text.

I do that too, but some women see that as a guy being too clingy, or even being paranoid and invading her privacy. Usually the shady women who do cheat are like that and get defensive because they know they will probably get caught eventually, but some good women are like that too. It's a Catch 22 honestly unless you luck out and manage to have a good woman who constantly wants you involved in her day to day activities.

Number090684 posted...

I do that too, but some women see that as a guy being too clingy, or even being paranoid and invading her privacy. Usually the shady women who do cheat are like that and get defensive because they know they will probably get caught eventually, but some good women are like that too. It's a Catch 22 honestly unless you luck out and manage to have a good woman who constantly wants you involved in her day to day activities.

You have a good point. My girlfriend rarely gets annoyed about it but sometimes she does get a bit cranky when I overdo it, and I admit I have previously. Guess you just can't win sometimes.

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SpiritSephiroth posted...

Always say "let me know when you get there". Thats what I always say, and if it gets too late I call or text.

only correct thing to do

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If I'm traveling somewhere the onus is on me to text people and tell them I've arrived safely. Otherwise it's them texting going "are you there yet?" "No." "Are you there yet?" "No."

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wtf? no. if hes not wrong then dont fucking apologize.

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ModLogic posted...

wtf? no. if hes not wrong then dont fucking apologize.

Yeah, I edited that part. I'm super tired, and was thinking of my ex who trying to reason with was a waste of time in a lot of cases.

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Getting strong incel vibes from the dudes telling TC to stand his ground.

Don't die on this hill.

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Xavier_On_High posted...

Getting strong incel vibes from the dudes telling TC to stand his ground.

Don't die on this hill.

been with my partner over 5 years. Dont enable bullshit attitudes like this. It was on her to let you know when she got back. Shes not a child


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Again, it's not even the not checking in on her that she's really upset. She expressed to TC that she feels like he's gotten too comfortable with her and isn't making her feel like an important part of his life. Not checking in is just a symptom, not the problem.

TC wants to "win" this argument? What he should do is make an effort to make her feel appreciated. "I don't feel important and you've gotten comfortable" is another way of saying "I don't feel like this is worthwhile because you're not putting in the same effort as I am" and she's going to leave soon.

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Crono99 posted...

I read the OP to my gf and she legit raged. Now she won't stop asking me to reply to the topic telling TC he doesn't understand anything

why don't you let her? lol

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codey posted...

She expressed to TC that she feels like he's gotten too comfortable with her and isn't making her feel like an important part of his life.

Did she? It seems she didn't act like an adult and instead of saying these words she felt like doing a passive aggressive test that TC failed. The conversation would be way easier if she just expressed her feelings directly and told her that she didnt feel loved/appreciated.

codey posted...

What he should do is make an effort to make her feel appreciated.

This is probably what TC needs to do, however I'd wonder if she is also doing something to make TC feel appreciated as well or if this is a one sided thing where she only demands but doesnt reciprocate. Flags like these are things to watch out for. Not saying this is the case for TC.

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samurai bandit posted...

Did she? It seems she didn't act like an adult and instead of saying these words she felt like doing a passive aggressive test that TC failed. The conversation would be way easier if she just expressed her feelings directly and told her that she didnt feel loved/appreciated.

Yeah he said in a later post that she verbalized that to him.

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codey posted...

What he should do is make an effort to make her feel appreciated. "I don't feel important and you've gotten comfortable" is another way of saying "I don't feel like this is worthwhile because you're not putting in the same effort as I am" and she's going to leave soon.

That depends. If she's pitting in more effort, and thus asking for reciprocation, then sure, go ahead and consider that. But otherwise it's a case of:
BeantownHero posted...

Dont enable bullshit attitudes like this. It was on her to let you know when she got back. Shes not a child

If this kind of toxic 'testing' is coming from her own insecurities then the relationship ultimately won't work. In this case, she's pressing boundaries to see how far she can swing control of the relationship in her favor. Even if he gets completely cowed it will only stall the breakup as that kind of toxic personality ultimately gets "bored" and moves on; which might be a case of cheating for half a year while gaslighting his behavior before officially breaking up.

It's up to TC to determine which type she is. If she did take his point about how she didn't even once check up on him during a long distance trip then she might just be feeling underappreciated in the moment. Still, it's important to set boundaries for healthy two-way communication. As such, the suggestions to automatically cower in submission while profusely apologizing are ultimately unhelpful.

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Crono99 posted...

I read the OP to my gf and she legit raged. Now she won't stop asking me to reply to the topic telling TC he doesn't understand anything

your gfs IQ is probably in the single digits tbh

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gna647 posted...

Is she just looking for a reason to be mad at me?

I meanit kinda seems that way. Its a little dramatic imo.

But I would just apologize and not make a thing about it. Waste of energy.

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