Current Events > So I'm bi and I don't know what do

(+) Yeah! (+)

Dude idk just go fap to femboys that's what I do.

---

i spent a lot of time on r/bisexual

not sure I recommend it.

Anyway, no easy answer but coming out is awesome and you feel a lot better 99% of the time.

Expect to lose some friends or have people treat you radically different, even people you thought would be cool with it. Especially same-sex friends. Even if they say they are cool with it, had my best friend basically never call me again.

Expect to get shit from the LGBTQ+ community as well. You're not gay enough and you aren't straight enough.

"Bisexual erasure" is also super common, so expect most people to lack any concept of bisexuality whatsoever (you're either gay or you're straight, duh).

Realize there are basically no cool canon bisexual characters except maybe Ayla in Chrono Trigger or something. Expect monosex people to explain to you why she isn't bi.

That's some of the negatives. Happy to answer any other questions you might have.

---

Goatsensation posted...

I get mostly turned on by guys, but sometimes women too. Is that normal?

Yes, sexuality is a scale

---

Goatsensation posted...

I get mostly turned on by guys, but sometimes women too. Is that normal?

It's normal if you are bi.

Congrats Goat!

---

Yea it's totally normal. Every person is different, and you might think different, but don't feel the need to justify or clarify your "ratio" of attraction to anyone. It's fine if you want to, but we are often pressured into answering much too personal questions about our sexuality (what we like and dislike) compared to other (monosex) people.

I like guys, but, not gonna lie, my standard for finding them attractive is much higher than women I find attractive. In the end I just wanna be authentic and I DON'T want people to assume I (or anyone else) is straight or gay based on stereotypes.

Also be prepared to be accused of just trying to get attention. Seriously none of the attention I've received has been positive outside of 1) my partner (she's straight) 2) the 2 bi friends I have.

Some people can ignore it, never bring it up or whatever, and still be cool. That's still not a positive re-enforcement of anything, but it's better than your (straight) friend thinking they can just grab your ass all the time while also telling you that you call text too much (once every 2 weeks, when we used to text 4-5 times a week).

Expect plenty of gay guys to freak out, claiming you are "secretly straight" or something.

I've never been in a relationship with a guy, so I wouldn't know! If you want to meet queer people go to a gay bar/club or use Grindr.

---

Just depends on what your folks are like. Would they really care that much? Are they heavily religious or anything?

---

Why do they need to know you're bi? Does it matter to you?

---

dj1200 posted...

Why do they need to know you're bi? Does it matter to you?

Being in the closet has a huge depressing effect on a person.

Everyone else gets to be honest, why can't bi people?

---

A girl and guy at the same time

---

Irony posted...

A girl and guy at the same time

https://youtu.be/tEqi0_cWLEs

---

arent you like in your mid 30s? Just tell them, what are they going to do?

---

If you come out as bisexual, know that it is a major turn off for women. I have a buddy who came out as bisexual and a bunch of girls I knew who were seriously into him, as in petnaming him "husband", no longer felt any attraction to him.

So be mindful of when to be open to a girl of your attraction to guys. I recognize this is going to be a tough moral dilemma as it could qualify as lying by omission, but do be aware.

---

Sad_Face posted...

If you come out as bisexual, know that it is a major turn off for women. I have a buddy who came out as bisexual and a bunch of girls I knew who were seriously into him, as in petnaming him "husband", no longer felt any attraction to him.

So be mindful of when to be open to a girl of your attraction to guys. I recognize this is going to be a tough moral dilemma as it could qualify as lying by omission, but do be aware.

Why? I would think a lot of women would think it was hot

---

I don't really know how to say it more clearly and I know I'm bitching like crazy in this topic, but @Sad_Face is correct.

Really everyone was a total shit to me after I came out.

As far as boomers go: fuck 'em don't even bother coming out to them. I'm so serious. They've spent 50 years making gay jokes and trying to keep same-sex marriage illegal: they aren't changing now.

But your partner and your friends should know you are bi, so that you can get it off your mind. You aren't asking for much there.

All this said I'm 1000x better, mentally, after coming out. You really don't realize how much of your mental energy goes into "acting" either totally straight or gay, and how much that just drains you of energy and drive.

---

Smackems posted...

Why? I would think a lot of women would think it was hot

You would think this, but, again, I'm not exaggerating when I say most people are complete assholes.

"He's secretly gay."
"I couldn't kiss a guy who sucked a cock."
"I wouldn't trust him not to fuck around."

Are just a few. There is an entire episode of Ally McBeal where she refuses to date a bi guy because she thinks he'll fuck around and the episode plays it straight (pun intended) and justifies her decision as correct. I know it's a dumb show, but that shit sticks with you.

---

Robot2600 posted...

I don't really know how to say it more clearly and I know I'm bitching like crazy in this topic, but @Sad_Face is correct.

Really everyone was a total shit to me after I came out.

As far as boomers go: fuck 'em don't even bother coming out to them. I'm so serious. They've spent 50 years making gay jokes and trying to keep same-sex marriage illegal: they aren't changing now.

But your partner and your friends should know you are bi, so that you can get it off your mind. You aren't asking for much there.

All this said I'm 1000x better, mentally, after coming out. You really don't realize how much of your mental energy goes into "acting" either totally straight or gay, and how much that just drains you of energy and drive.

Hearing everyone in here say stuff like this makes me realize I must be really weird or fucked up in the head because I don't feel this way at all. I don't know in what way I would act different at all if I just went around telling random people I am bi. Ive never talked about my sexuality one way or another with anyone irl so I don't see the point in starting now.

---

Do both

---

MrNintendo1213 posted...

Ive never talked about my sexuality one way or another with anyone irl so I don't see the point in starting now.

That's crazy to me.

You obviously wanted to tell someone, you told CE. Why? You don't see what the big deal is and don't think you should have to hide that fact, but you are aware that society will not respond positively to this even though everyone says they aren't a bigot.

---

Tc didnae come back

---

you don't have to come out until you're ready, and sometimes you just won't. "coming out" is a weird concept because a lot of people think of it as one thing and then it's done, but the reality is that you'll probably be "coming out" to people throughout your life. so don't sweat that part too much

---

Robot2600 posted...

As far as boomers go: fuck 'em don't even bother coming out to them. I'm so serious. They've spent 50 years making gay jokes and trying to keep same-sex marriage illegal: they aren't changing now.

Agreed -- that said, don't hide yourself from boomers just because they're from a more bigoted time period. you just have to learn that their opinions don't matter when they treat gay people badly.

---

MrNintendo1213 posted...

Ive never talked about my sexuality one way or another with anyone irl so I don't see the point in starting now.

have you never hooked up with somebody of the same sex? If I date somebody I always like to talk about our sexualities and how we found out and how we opened up / if our families were bigoted, etc

---

I remember when I realised I was bi, was daydreaming about a guy and I was internally like "oh huh I like men how about that". Not much has fundamentally changed for me; I haven't really went around talking about it too much because it isn't like I was really dating women, so I haven't started dating men either. Too many other issues tbh, no idea if the people around me would give a shit or not.

---

and then a depressing one:



Above image is bullshit because 1) we didn't create the term "bisexual," other people did. 2) you can't empower a group of people by erasing their name 3)pansexual* is a great enough word but seriously it's just another barrier when talking to people. Everyone already knows what "bisexual" means 4) I've literally never met a bi person who wasn't super cool with non-binary, genderqueer, or trans people, so to imply that bi people are a serious source of transphobia is fucking dumb as fuck.

*pansexual=bisexual. back in the day some people used to specify pan- (as opposed to bi-) to mean they would also fuck trans people. i dare you to find me a bi person that wouldn't date a trans person.

---

Robot2600 posted...

i dare you to find me a bi person that wouldn't date a trans person.

i mean there are some i would imagine, but bisexuality definitely includes trans people inherently

---

Kanatteru posted...

i mean there are some i would imagine, but bisexuality definitely includes trans people inherently

i daaaaaarrrree you to try and find one.

---

i probably won't

---

Robot2600 posted...

That's crazy to me.

You obviously wanted to tell someone, you told CE. Why? You don't see what the big deal is and don't think you should have to hide that fact, but you are aware that society will not respond positively to this even though everyone says they aren't a bigot.

I didn't really have a coming out on CE, I just bring it up sometimes when it is relevant. And I really don't interact with anyone who is bigoted against gay people. Well unless random cashiers or whatever count but Idk their opinions on anything. But growing up my parents and friends said it's okay if I was gay. My dad was fairly conservative but he loved dumb sitcoms so he would laugh at Will and Grace, and make the boomer style jokes about it wishing he didn't have to deal with women either.

But I would be almost equally uncomfortable talking about any part of my sexuality irl so it has never come up.

Wetterdew posted...

have you never hooked up with somebody of the same sex? If I date somebody I always like to talk about our sexualities and how we found out and how we opened up / if our families were bigoted, etc

Ive never done anything physically with anyone in a romantic or sexual context ever. Oh wait I did get hugged by my crush a couple times when I was like 14. But that's it. I just can't talk with anyone about pretty much anything irl. Ive just been in a room by myself a large majority of the time. So mostly I guess I just don't relate at all to people with normal social lives.

---

I thought pansexual meant you'd bang furries, trans folks, whatever gender etc. Just any consenting adults basically

---

Smackems posted...

I thought pansexual meant you'd bang furries, trans folks, whatever gender etc. Just any consenting adults basically

well furry is not a gender for one thing

---

MrNintendo1213 posted...

I didn't really have a coming out on CE, I just bring it up sometimes when it is relevant. And I really don't interact with anyone who is bigoted against gay people. Well unless random cashiers or whatever count but Idk their opinions on anything. But growing up my parents and friends said it's okay if I was gay. My dad was fairly conservative but he loved dumb sitcoms so he would laugh at Will and Grace, and make the boomer style jokes about it wishing he didn't have to deal with women either.

But I would be almost equally uncomfortable talking about any part of my sexuality irl so it has never come up.

Ive never done anything physically with anyone in a romantic or sexual context ever. Oh wait I did get hugged by my crush a couple times when I was like 14. But that's it. I just can't talk with anyone about pretty much anything irl. Ive just been in a room by myself a large majority of the time. So mostly I guess I just don't relate at all to people with normal social lives.

Well if you do get close to someone, you'll eventually want to just be honest about who you are. I'm sure you'll be fine, but all that aside have you considered finding a weirdo on the internet that shares your interests?

---

Kanatteru posted...

well furry is not a gender for one thing

My point is I thought it didn't matter what gender/how they dress/whatever

But my knowledge of it is also just vaguely remembering it being talked about in GTA V too so lol take everything I'm saying with a mountain of salt

---

Robot2600 posted...

Above image is bullshit because 1) we didn't create the term "bisexual," other people did. 2) you can't empower a group of people by erasing their name 3)pansexual* is a great enough word but seriously it's just another barrier when talking to people. Everyone already knows what "bisexual" means 4) I've literally never met a bi person who wasn't super cool with non-binary, genderqueer, or trans people, so to imply that bi people are a serious source of transphobia is fucking dumb as fuck.

*pansexual=bisexual. back in the day some people used to specify pan- (as opposed to bi-) to mean they would also fuck trans people. i dare you to find me a bi person that wouldn't date a trans person.

Can I tag you as Based Bi Bestie

---

Smackems posted...

I thought pansexual meant you'd bang furries, trans folks, whatever gender etc. Just any consenting adults basically

That's how some people use it. It's outdated tho.

You literally won't find a bi person who isn't open to other queer shit. 99.99999% of bi people won't blink an eye at someone being trans except maybe to get excited.

Our understandings of gender as a society have grown in the last few decades also. There isn't the need to clarify "yes i like trans ppl toooooo." It's understood.

---

ApherosyLove posted...

Can I tag you as Based Bi Bestie

<3

---

Robot2600 posted...

<3

Sick. You can tag me as "El Zilcho."

---

Goatsensation posted...

I've been holding it in for a while and I don't know if I can come out to my family.

Anyone have some online resources for a hatchling LGBT person? I have a lot of questions and I don't know where or who to ask.

Don't worry about it until you find a partner.

whats the point of telling your family you found someone you love if you don't know what you're looking for.

---

Robot2600 posted...

Well if you do get close to someone, you'll eventually want to just be honest about who you are. I'm sure you'll be fine, but all that aside have you considered finding a weirdo on the internet that shares your interests?

I mean yeah people can see my post history online so anywhere I would meet someone they would know. And I have tried for probably thousands of hours trying to find weirdos online to be with, but it just always ends with ghosting from one of us. Its weird looking at discord and seeing so many people in my friends list and I still talk to less than 1 percent of them. Right now I am talking to a nice lonely girl from reddit actually. Hopefully im not getting catfished though.

---

Robot2600 posted...

That's how some people use it. It's outdated tho.

You literally won't find a bi person who isn't open to other queer shit. 99.99999% of bi people won't blink an eye at someone being trans except maybe to get excited.

Our understandings of gender as a society have grown in the last few decades also. There isn't the need to clarify "yes i like trans ppl toooooo." It's understood.

I got ya

---

---

Robot2600 posted...

Lmfao

---

and the depressing one:



edit: Captain Jack from Dr. Who is literally the only one I can think of and Dr. Who literally runs away from him as fast as possible.

---

Robot2600 posted...

@cuh


---

ngl I really love the bisexual flag colors. I didnt know those colors were bi colors tho

---

Robot2600 posted...

i spent a lot of time on r/bisexual

not sure I recommend it.

Anyway, no easy answer but coming out is awesome and you feel a lot better 99% of the time.

Expect to lose some friends or have people treat you radically different, even people you thought would be cool with it. Especially same-sex friends. Even if they say they are cool with it, had my best friend basically never call me again.

Expect to get shit from the LGBTQ+ community as well. You're not gay enough and you aren't straight enough.

"Bisexual erasure" is also super common, so expect most people to lack any concept of bisexuality whatsoever (you're either gay or you're straight, duh).

Realize there are basically no cool canon bisexual characters except maybe Ayla in Chrono Trigger or something. Expect monosex people to explain to you why she isn't bi.

That's some of the negatives. Happy to answer any other questions you might have.

How can you say you feel a lot better 99% of the time but then go on to list only a whole bunch of negatives? Asking seriously.

Also Oberyn Martell is another fictional bi character that is badass.


---

My biggest piece of advice to a fellow bisexual.......

Don't expect gay people to welcome you if you choose to be open about your bisexuality. It's pretty sad, but a lot of gay people really look down on bi people. I was honestly very surprised that hanging out with somewhat homophobic people who knew I was bi could actually be more pleasant than hanging with gay people who knew I was bi. Part of it is that it is easier to dismiss general homophobia, but judgment from gay people has more of a sting to it and it is way more of a widespread belief.

Definitely met some great gay people too. I just wanted a queer social group. I sort of got that at times, but nothing too crazy. It was ultimately more difficult than it seemed worth it.

Also, I've had potential romantic partners turn on me too. I recommend revealing your sexuality early, but not right away. Something like 2nd or 3rd date territory. It is a mix of not wanting to play that card right away and letting them get to know you first as well as weeding out people who have personal problems with bisexuality.

I was very surprised on more than a few occasions by both the types of people who would reject or accept me based on my sexuality. You don't always know how they'll react.


---

Also, someone ITT mentioned that bi people are always down to date Trans people. I don't believe I belong in that category. I've always been attracted to very masculine men and very feminine women. The only trans people I've ever met were closer towards the middle of their gender expression spectrum than what I would be typically attracted to. I have nothing against it, but there has never been an urge or real interest at all to seek out trans people for dating nor am I aware of very many trans individuals that I've come across.


---