Current Events > Anyone here mostly ruin their life?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Doesn't feel like I can fix this mess. And even if I can there is still the legacy of cringe I have left in my wake.

---

Well if you consider ending up in a dangerous job that doesn't pay as good as it should based on said danger and there is so much short staffing you dont have time off to improve yourself to do better then sure. Got decent benefits though

---

What did you fuck up? List it out, then we can see if its fixable.

---

mooreandrew58 posted...

Well if you consider ending up in a dangerous job that doesn't pay as good as it should based on said danger and there is so much short staffing you dont have time off to improve yourself to do better then sure. Got decent benefits though

Sounds like it

Are you just gonna roll with the punches and see what happens?

---

So many times! But lifes a series of reboots and lessons learned.

Existence is its own reward. Try a new save file.

---

pinky0926 posted...

What did you fuck up? List it out, then we can see if its fixable.

Nothing is so broken it can't be fixed

It just feels like every version of past me, however, made decisions that did not benefit present me

---

I'll tell you this much. So much in my life that I thought was an unfixable fuck up turned out to be very easily fixable and also a signifier of a nice watershed moment for a new chapter.

Heres how I try to look at it. If you're miserable now, then literally any improvement however small will bring you some happiness. Look inwards, not at other people.

---

pinky0926 posted...

Present me doesn't really want to make changes. I am not a future oriented person at all. Grasshopper and ant type thing I guess.

My worry is just that I will continue digging the hole, not whether it can be fixed. Every day seems to confirm that I just don't care enough to make important changes.

DeadlyNinjaBees posted...

So many times! But lifes a series of reboots and lessons learned.

Existence is its own reward. Try a new save file.

Suppose karma is real and I'm paying for a past life of wickedness, then existence is not really a reward it's actually a punishment

---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Present me doesn't really want to make changes. I am not a future oriented person at all. Grasshopper and ant type thing I guess.

My worry is just that I will continue digging the hole, not whether it can be fixed. Every day seems to confirm that I just don't care enough to make important changes.

I struggle with the same problem. I think the key for people like you and me is to stop looking at the ocean youre supposed to drink and instead just work on sipping the glass every day.

Example. For so long I bounced in and out of working out because id do 2-3 months of intense, motivated exercise and then burn and drop out. These days just committing to a small amount of exercise every day at like, 60% intensity has me going every day and consistently improving.

Building momentum is what I needed to train, not planning the perfect workout.

---

pinky0926 posted...

I struggle with the same problem. I think the key for people like you and me is to stop looking at the ocean youre supposed to drink and instead just work on sipping the glass every day.

Example. For so long I bounced in and out of working out because id do 2-3 months of intense, motivated exercise pinky0926 posted...
I struggle with the same problem. I think the key for people like you and me is to stop looking at the ocean youre supposed to drink and instead just work on sipping the glass every day.

Example. For so long I bounced in and out of working out because id do 2-3 months of intense, motivated exercise and then burn and drop out. These days just committing to a small amount of exercise every day at like, 60% intensity has me going every day and consistently improving.

Building momentum is what I needed to train, not planning the perfect workout.

I think there are many things I tell myself I need to do that I don't care about, or don't want to do. How do you feel about compromising on things like that? Where do those choices fit in? Exercise is an obvious example

---

Life after like 21ish loses all meaning.

Or maybe that's my depression talking.

---

joe40001 posted...

Life after like 21ish loses all meaning.

Or maybe that's my depression talking.

---

Yeah i continue to make terrible decisions concerning my mental health, career and relationships. But the older I get the less I care

The fire burns out

---

joe40001 posted...

Life after like 21ish loses all meaning.

Or maybe that's my depression talking.

I am 44 and happier than ever, so it can get better

---

Part of the problem with being depressed is that non-depressed people don't get it at all and so their advice is usually stupid or condescending, and fellow depressed people are like "yep, life is a miserable slog until one day you die, joy is a faint memory at best"

---

joe40001 posted...

Part of the problem with being depressed is that non-depressed people don't get it at all and so their advice is usually stupid or condescending, and fellow depressed people are like "yep, life is a miserable slog until one day you die, joy is a faint memory at best"

You are right that I do not get it. But it is a common thing for people to think life goes downhill, and I have definitely enjoyed my 40s more than my 20s. There was nothing condescending about stating that. As for stupid, well maybe it was a very simple thing to say.

---

bsp77 posted...

You are right that I do not get it. But it is a common thing for people to think life goes downhill, and I have definitely enjoyed my 40s more than my 20s. There was nothing condescending about stating that. As for stupid, well maybe it was a very simple thing to say.

Nah, usually the best thing for depressed people to hear is other people who remind them that depression doesn't need to be the norm.

I didn't mean to call it stupid, that was kind of rude. What I was more referring to is the often dismissive comments

These kinds of things:



---

joe40001 posted...

Nah, usually the best thing for depressed people to hear is other people who remind them that depression doesn't need to be the norm.

I didn't mean to call it stupid, that was kind of rude. What I was more referring to is the often dismissive comments

These kinds of things:

Oh, sorry for being egotistical and thinking it was about me! Lol

Yeah, I try to not say those banal things. I have learned it can cause more harm than good.

---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Suppose karma is real and I'm paying for a past life of wickedness, then existence is not really a reward it's actually a punishment

What if your uncle Robert had a vagina and was named Nancy?

Thinking like that is purposefully self defeating and unrealistic.

---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Sounds like it

Are you just gonna roll with the punches and see what happens?

As of now. I like my job. The moment I stop liking it it might be a different story

---

You can always sell everything and move to another state or country to start a simpler and more fulfilling life

joe40001 posted...

Part of the problem with being depressed is that non-depressed people don't get it at all and so their advice is usually stupid or condescending, and fellow depressed people are like "yep, life is a miserable slog until one day you die, joy is a faint memory at best"

have you tried to explore the spiritual side of things?

I felt like that when I got my undergraduate degree in liberal arts and couldn't get a job anywhere but McDonald's. My parents weren't working so I had to support all three of us on a minimum wage job while struggling to figure out how to change my situation.


---

Yes, by being a pathetic, useless, lazy, miserable, worthless shell of a person.

---

KogaSteelfang posted...

Yes, by being a pathetic, useless, lazy, miserable, worthless shell of a person.

Hey! I know you from the sex board. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember you can always message me if you want to chat.

---

In certain ways, but sometimes I feel like Im being overly dramatic lol.

---

No. Cause I learned to set my own standards. So, I can just adjust them to something realistic for the time and aim at my own personal goals without much outside influence. Cause how someone else is doing has absolutely nothing todo with me. They're an individual with different wants and needs. If I chased their wants and needs, Id feel empty even if I achieved what everyone else wanted, because it was just what I was tricked into believing was important.

But I'm still depressed atm because I keep failing the personal standards I need to hit >_>.

But they're not hopeless standards set by people trying to sell me on a dreamlife, so I retain some hope at all times. Plus Im interested in others in my life and how they grow. So even when nothing is going on with me, there's still reason to keep waking up.

Also, for some of ya'll, if you lay in bed at night sometimes thinking "Am I too much of an asshole to deserve happiness?". Thefirst step is to try to be less of an asshole. Or become more funny and helpful so people give it a pass.

---

I wasted a huge chunk of my 20s in a dead end career. When I could have been testing numerous other jobs and careers to see what clicked then.

Which I'm doing at 30 now but I really wish I did so in my 20s.

---

I was addicted to hard drugs and in jail a few times and just a piece of shit in general for a long time in my late teens to early 20s, I ended up being okay

It was pretty rough, you can work your way through anything man
---

Prismsblade posted...

I wasted a huge chunk of my 20s in a dead end career. When I could have been testing numerous other jobs and careers to see what clicked then.

Which I'm doing at 30 now but I really wish I did so in my 20s.

Im kind of in the same boat! Thats exactly what I did- I started working at 18 because we couldnt afford college, and then I just stayed there. It was a weird time in the mid-2000s honestly. The economy getting fucked didnt help. Also getting hurt. I did get to go to college for free eventually and now at 33 Im moving onto a new job!

But still, I should have definitely done a little job-hopping while I was younger and still living with my parents, just to see what I liked.

---

It's only too late once you're dead
---

People ruin their lives, then make a comeback. Your mistakes are not as large as they appear.

Just keep trying new experiences till you find what clicks for you; stop thinking so much, and start doing. By getting new experiences you can find new perspectives instead of being tied to your current limited one; no matter how much you think you can think it through. Instead... try it.

Even if you turn out right and think "yeah, I was right, not for me." At least you are now more certain of it. Keep going in other unexplored directions till you find something.
---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

I think there are many things I tell myself I need to do that I don't care about, or don't want to do. How do you feel about compromising on things like that? Where do those choices fit in? Exercise is an obvious example

I cant really help with that. Fundamentally you need to want to do it.

For me, I always wanted to do it but always struggled with how big the mountain seemed.

I guess I'd ask, is it that you don't want to be fitter, or is it that you don't want to be lose 2 hours a day in a gym exhausting yourself?

Because I always conflated the two and that was why I never made progress.

---

How do you define ruining your life? Is it something measurable? (Money, Education, Fitness, Relationship Status). If so, why do you think these measurements are important?

If there is something you're bad at, try to get outside help or find tools that will make the process easier.

If you have a medical problem, then that's tough. There are certain things that you simply don't have control over, so spending mental energy on things that you can will be more effective.

Honestly, it's really easy to fail at things. However, it only takes that one opportunity or slight tweak in schedule to begin to change things. I was without a job for almost 2 years after college since I was so jaded about what I wanted to do and what I could accomplish.

Volunteering and viewing other groups of people's perspectives really helped ground my wandering train of thought.

---

Conflict posted...

Or maybe you're just extremely nihilistic. There are literally people with depression that don't agree with your extremely gloomy takes

Sounds like the type that puts on a fake smile for the world, but never considered that a large chunk of the population is doing that same exact thing.

Also, if you can actually climb out of depression for a second, you realize all those cliche factory setting phrases people say actually have meaning behind them and make sense. Getting out of depression makes everything seem more simple, so those simple sentences become "damn, it really does feel like that makes all the difference". They're just meaningless when you're depressed because part of depression is the intrusive rejection of looking at things as simple and in the brightside. So, those people could genuinely want the best for you with those statements. Like, the fuck else they suppose to do? Magically cure your depression? Study you and write a book specifically dedicated to your type of depression? You should be appreciative that they're not trying to push you or take advantage of you while you're down.

---

bsp77 posted...

Hey! I know you from the sex board. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember you can always message me if you want to chat.

You'd be wasting your time.

---

I understand how you feel in regards to feeling like you just don't care. For awhile, I didn't care what happened to me at all. I did dangerous shit for the small thrills it gave me and some of the time I was honestly hoping I'd fuck up and die from it. I was not and am not suicidal by any means but sometimes death sounds like the solution when you just don't care about anything.

I had reasons to be spiteful against the world. So I found myself channeling those feelings of spite into motivation to do a little better for myself every day. You have to find something that can motivate you and it doesn't matter where that energy comes from, you just have to find it and harness it into something more.

You can be great. You can pull yourself up and get to a better place even if you have to drag yourself through miles upon miles of suffering you just have to keep a goal in mind. Some days you'll only be able to take a few steps forward, but if you do, you've won for the day.

Just keep moving forward.

---

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Doesn't feel like I can fix this mess. And even if I can there is still the legacy of cringe I have left in my wake.

how did you ruin your life?

ok, suppose karma is real then. if you do good deeds and help make the world a better place, then it would overtake the bad stuff out.

---

I agree at times its overwhelming but staying paralyzed in that mindset is not where you want to stay for years. Believe me.

Try doing thing you can control instead of looking at the whole thing to magically disappear. Anything of value takes time and effort.

Another thing is accepting whats done is done. Dwelling about the past without learning to be and do better from it is one of the self discovery breakthroughs that inspire a better mindset to overcome adversity in all forms. We are naturally built that way to adapt and overcome if we allow ourselves to

---

Mine was born ruined

---

Yes

---

Did. And pulled it back together

---

Write down a list of things you want to change and then just do it one at a time. Things like get a new job, saving goals, whatever you want to do. That period of change is gonna be hard and uncomfortable but you can do it.

When I was with my ex I thought I was stuck and my life was over. Wasnt at all though. We broke up and I improved in every way possible. Better shape, better job, awesome girlfriend now.

Its all up to you bro.

---

I was newly divorced and living in my car 6 years ago. Thought that was it. Now Im newly married and just paid off a brand new house way, way early. Things can change at the drop of a hat.

KogaSteelfang posted...

You'd be wasting your time.

Koga pls
There's this part of me that wants to move to where you live and force you to socialize with people under gunpoint
---

daynlokki posted...

I was newly divorced and living in my car 6 years ago. Thought that was it. Now Im newly married

You got assraped by divorce and thought it would be a good idea to get married again?
---