Current Events > Constipation lifehack: eat a jar of dill pickles and drink the juice

(+) Yeah! (+)

...in one sitting.

You'll blast off like Apollo 13.

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A good way to shit like a goose.

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this reminds me of that one 4chan post

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g0ldie posted...

this reminds me of that one 4chan post

>you could hear them ding off the bowl

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is there another one, because this is the one I was talking about

https://imgur.com/Chgpzut

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Got a hangover? Drink pickle brine.

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I'm remembering an unusual amount of butt-related greentexts...

https://i.imgur.com/zmtuVg1.png

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Yo, for real, the stomach acid one happened to me once. Fourth or fifth shit that day, sit down, and a single drop of foul, painful liquid drops out of my asshole. It already feels like a family of wasps have stung my asshole with all the shitting and wiping I've done - it must be close to being swollen shut at this point - and now it's burning from a single drop of what I can only assume is stomach acid. The pain from that genuinely sent a chill up my spine.

Like if you've never eaten a fuckton of pickles before, that greentext is a genuinely accurate summation of the experience. The stomach acid is rare, but everything else is par for the course.

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g0ldie posted...

is there another one, because this is the one I was talking about

https://imgur.com/Chgpzut

NGL that sounds like an amazing cleanse

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That seems like an awful lot of sodium all at once.

Reminds me of what happened when that one guy ate all those gummie worms for youtube cred, too much salt, too much sugar will destroy your anus and your insides, don't do it, I made a mistake like that when I discovered salted almonds and ate the whole bag once, everything hurt.

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https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.html

Another classic.

DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.
Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.

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tremain07 posted...

Reminds me of what happened when that one guy ate all those gummie worms for youtube cred, too much salt, too much sugar will destroy your anus and your insides, don't do it, I made a mistake like that when I discovered salted almonds and ate the whole bag once, everything hurt.

https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC

This one?

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Strider102 posted...

https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC

This one?

nope, I think it was LA beast that did it
12,541 people found this helpful

Fuck those things , i knew they were dangerous but THAT dangerous should be investigated by NFA

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