Current Events > I think my relationship of six years is over

(+) Yeah! (+)

We made it one more time, she went to bed, and it just felt like the end. I held her knowing that and knowing how it felt, and she probably felt somewhat the same. I don't think she realizes it's over yet, but her heart has been made up and it's just the mind that has to come around.

I'm a musician; I live paycheck to paycheck. The life of getting some dayjob and checking in and checking out has never appealed to me; I'd rather be poor and free, doing what I do, than be shackled into some life. I used to want a lot of kids and now I'm not sure if I see myself having any. I had a good dayjob, room for advancement, and left it months ago. It was a few months into the pandemic, and I realized if I died tomorrrow I'd be thoroughly dissappointed in how I lived.

I've paychecked to paychecked our entire relationship, and she's been aware of it. I think she's realizing she wants to build towards this future, and she wants someone who can provide classic-husband style, and over the last year I've realized that absolutely isn't me. I'd rather try and fail with my music than build towards something that I'm just not and never wanted to be. I think she's realizing what she wants long term... and that it isn't me. And I think I'm done with the pretense.

We'll be together six years next month. In the last two months I've changed a lot about my personal work ethic; every day, I work on music, in some regard. I'm practicing for hours or I'm learning while I produce, record and write my own music. I'm still young and as dumb as it sounds I'm actually getting traction on TikTok, which is the only social media I've had success with in terms of attracting viewership. I have a plan and I'm all-inning on this. It's do or die and I realize the end game. I believe in myself and my abilities, and I don't see any other path as giving me real happiness and satisfaction. If I fail then I WILL pass on what I know to help others succeed, but I honestly don't believe I will.

I love her more than anything and I'd give up all this to keep her, but I don't think it works that way. If I give up then I'm not me, if that makes sense. It's too much a part of who I am.

This week I'm giving it my 100% to make this work and to make me work and make us work. And then I think I'll know for sure.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1v1AAxQcrjLwjJdd72jyLT2YKmwpYpVMp/view?usp=sharing

This is the song I just wrote. I don't usually write auto-biographically but I felt too much. I still feel too much and it had to come out.

Lyrics are all stream of consciousness, I don't usually do that but

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This is a significant factor of what ended my previous, decades-long relationship. I don't think there's a way around it.

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LivingLegend posted...

That song sucked

lol your opinions are garbage, why would I care what you thought?

EnvoyOfTheLight posted...

This is a significant factor of what ended my previous, decades-long relationship. I don't think there's a way around it.

Aside from just shoving everything I have down and trying to be someone I'm not, I'm not sure there is salvaging this. And then I'd be miserable and it still might not work.

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This is a bad idea

You'll regret it

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the song wasn't very good, but i hope you're happy at least

how often do you think you'll be using the term "wagecuck" on online message boards from now on?

That was pretty terrible.
You should probably have a conversation with your girlfriend about your plans and intentions for the future. Maybe what your thoughts about her are wrong and she wants to support you no matter what.

Your music is garbage, you need to reconsider before you really fuck your life up man

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Ilishe posted...

This is a bad idea

You'll regret it

I mean I've changed a lot for her, and would change more, but I'm not sure there's a choice here. I'm going to do my best, and that's all I can do.

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lmao ya'll are fucked up

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JTilly posted...

Your music is garbage, you need to reconsider before you really fuck your life up man

Ah, so ya'll are up to date on my catalogue?

That was a one off performance, ya'll are being pretty harsh about it lol. It's not a hit, it's off the cuff.

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LivingLegend posted...

That song sucked

XFFD

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Start selling commercials and then make cars for your company.


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Returning_CEmen posted...

That was pretty terrible.
You should probably have a conversation with your girlfriend about your plans and intentions for the future. Maybe what your thoughts about her are wrong and she wants to support you no matter what.

We did have this conversation. She said she'd support me, but I think she's realizing now that isn't true and that she's lying to herself because she loves me. She wants vastly different things at this point in her life.

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ShyOx posted...

Ah, so ya'll are up to date on my catalogue?

That was a one off performance, ya'll are being pretty harsh about it lol. It's not a hit, it's off the cuff.

Haha, actually I didn't listen to it yet, I was just jumping on the CE hate train for funsies. I just listened to it, it was pretty good. I'm not sure what to say man, do you.

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Are you like late twenties and shes Fredy out of high school and still discovering herself?

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JTilly posted...

Haha, actually I didn't listen to it yet, I was just jumping on the CE hate train for funsies. I just listened to it, it was pretty good. I'm not sure what to say man, do you.

LOL then why punch me in the gut lol! I'm going to do my best, and that's all I can do.

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Good

People that don't have stable income should never married and should never ever have kids.
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dj1200 posted...

Are you like late twenties and shes Fredy out of high school and still discovering herself?

She's 31, I'm 30. I had myself figured out at about 17 after my mom kicked the bucket in junior year. Not near good enough at self-realization then to make it happen but I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

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ShyOx posted...

lol your opinions are garbage, why would I care what you thought?

Aside from just shoving everything I have down and trying to be someone I'm not, I'm not sure there is salvaging this. And then I'd be miserable and it still might not work.

Uhhh you do know opinions are EXACTLY what matters for you to be an artist, no??

You're literally living off what other people want for in music. If you cant give people that, forget about being successful. A lot of artists fail because they just make what they personally want...not what the customers want. It's like you guys dont understand marketing 101.

i listened to the song and as much as I hate to break it to ya...it truly needs work. Your voice tone is way off and too hard to hear and out of tune with the music.

This is the harsh reality of trying to be an artist. Only the top 10% (or more like...top 1%...top 0.1%...who am I kidding) are ever going to make it in the industry.

The rest of the 99% of artists will just fail miserably. You either do what you love and know for sure you'll succeed at it or you do what you love but fail at it.

Try to find another fellow female artist with the same mindset of an unstable but ambitious lifestyle and it could perhaps work out for you in a relationship.

If youre 30 and havent made it yet then yeah maybe time to get a real job.

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Guys, it's a whispered one shot in a building full of sleeping people. I made 150$ in tips alone at last night's gig, I understand entertainer =/= artist and I play what the people want. I got 40$ from a shouty table off ONE Ed Sheeran song. My only rules are no Creed and no nickeback. If you want something more polished check out my channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GupPPfnZYQg

I have full performances on there but honestly youtube is such a dead platform that I host my stuff elsewhere. It's good for quality but terrible for exposure.

I DO think about music like any other job, I'm a working musician. There is no dayjob. She's absolutely worth it, but it doesn't mean that it's going to work out irregardless. I love what I do and believe I will succeed to the measure of what I consider success. I've been playing music for a long time, I've worked with a lot of people, and I know the music world better than anyone on this board.

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SomeLikeItHoth posted...

If youre 30 and havent made it yet then yeah maybe time to get a real job.

Bill Withers didn't even start til he was over 30 brah

Who do you think is writing all the songs for these youngsters who can sing but can't write?

Goddamn CE turned into a buncha lame downers lol

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ShyOx posted...

Who do you think is writing all the songs for these youngsters who can sing but can't write?

Not you.

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Honestly I'm not getting the haterade drinkers this topic has generated, but I also forgot the huge portion of the board that is over 30 and still virgin, so I don't know wtf I expected. Thank you to the few and to the one or two that shared similar experiences with a long term relationship that didn't go how you planned.

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Wutobliteration posted...

Uhhh you do know opinions are EXACTLY what matters for you to be an artist, no??

You're literally living off what other people want for in music. If you cant give people that, forget about being successful. A lot of artists fail because they just make what they personally want...not what the customers want. It's like you guys dont understand marketing 101.

i listened to the song and as much as I hate to break it to ya...it truly needs work. Your voice tone is way off and too hard to hear and out of tune with the music.

Yeah, public opinion is what will sell. But in the case of LivingLegend, whose taste is uniquely terrible, it's actually probably a good sign that he didn't like it.

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marthsheretoo posted...

Yeah, public opinion is what will sell. But in the case of LivingLegend, whose taste is uniquely terrible, it's actually probably a good sign that he didn't like it.

Right? I've always said I'm an entertainer, not an artist. Thanks for the weigh in, thought I was taking crazy pills for a second

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It almost sounds like you're projecting the narratives of future songs on your present life, setting up your failures seemingly with intent. I'd be careful, man. What you have is more than a lot of aspiring musicians. You get gigs, and get money. But it'll never, ever fund your life. You'll statistically never be that guy. I have known many band members in my life, and still do, and even the ones who make splashes or get some bucks their way for all that hard work /always/ maintained a regular job.

Job supports life and art. Grow art to be supplemental income. If you make it big, then be the wandering bard. Don't get ahead of yourself. I lost my own six year live-in relationship in 2019. She was my everything. I can't remember the sound of her voice, anymore. Spending so much time with someone else can really change you. If you throw this away, it'll haunt you forever.

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Damn TC, sorry to hear. Also a musician here. Percussionists drummer, and play a bit of piano.

Props to you for making music your career. Fuck the people ITT talking shit. They dont know how the music world goes or is. Going gig to gig and performing live for people is something you wont understand unless youre a musician yourself.

I mainly teach nowadays, but I 100% dream about a life of making it big as a drummer for some band and hitting the road, escaping all of lifes problems.

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shockthemonkey posted...

Oh youre trolling

Mane I been getting trolled from post one fam

CommunismFTW posted...

It almost sounds like you're projecting the narratives of future songs on your present life, setting up your failures seemingly with intent. I'd be careful, man. What you have is more than a lot of aspiring musicians. You get gigs, and get money. But it'll never, ever fund your life. You'll statistically never be that guy. I have known many band members in my life, and still do, and even the ones who make splashes or get some bucks their way for all that hard work /always/ maintained a regular job.

Job supports life and art. Grow art to be supplemental income. If you make it big, then be the wandering bard. Don't get ahead of yourself. I lost my own six year live-in relationship in 2019. She was my everything. I can't remember the sound of her voice, anymore. Spending so much time with someone else can really change you. If you throw this away, it'll haunt you forever.

But this is my only job and it's how I support myself... I play three times a week.

I get what you're saying though, and I'm glad someone else has been in my shoes. I dont want to make it big, I just want to make it and keep music as being my life. I'm cool working at like a recording studio or songwriting consultant, hell I'll truck gear, I just don't want to get back in the grind and never get out.

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ShyOx posted...

Honestly I'm not getting the haterade drinkers this topic has generated, but I also forgot the huge portion of the board that is over 30 and still virgin, so I don't know wtf I expected. Thank you to the few and to the one or two that shared similar experiences with a long term relationship that didn't go how you planned.

Damn, dude. People being real with you and this is how you react?

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ShyOx posted...

https://youtu.be/GupPPfnZYQg

Idk wtf you're saying but the beats pretty good

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ShyOx posted...

But this is my only job and it's how I support myself... I play three times a week.

I get what you're saying though, and I'm glad someone else has been in my shoes. I dont want to make it big, I just want to make it and keep music as being my life. I'm cool working at like a recording studio or songwriting consultant, hell I'll truck gear, I just don't want to get back in the grind and never get out.

I get it, and hope you make it. That belief in yourself is important. If she's along for the ride, then so be it. If you have to stop dating her or being romantically involved you can always try to become friends -- six years is a lot of time to lose only never to speak again, trust me. I only advise caution, not abandoning your path. It doesn't have to be do or die.

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ShyOx posted...

Guys, it's a whispered one shot in a building full of sleeping people. I made 150$ in tips alone at last night's gig, I understand entertainer =/= artist and I play what the people want. I got 40$ from a shouty table off ONE Ed Sheeran song. My only rules are no Creed and no nickeback. If you want something more polished check out my channel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GupPPfnZYQg

I have full performances on there but honestly youtube is such a dead platform that I host my stuff elsewhere. It's good for quality but terrible for exposure.

I DO think about music like any other job, I'm a working musician. There is no dayjob. She's absolutely worth it, but it doesn't mean that it's going to work out irregardless. I love what I do and believe I will succeed to the measure of what I consider success. I've been playing music for a long time, I've worked with a lot of people, and I know the music world better than anyone on this board.

are you kidding me? Was that supposed to be a song? Trash.

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MFBKBass5 posted...

Damn TC, sorry to hear. Also a musician here. Percussionists drummer, and play a bit of piano.

Props to you for making music your career. Fuck the people ITT talking shit. They dont know how the music world goes or is. Going gig to gig and performing live for people is something you wont understand unless youre a musician yourself.

I mainly teach nowadays, but I 100% dream about a life of making it big as a drummer for some band and hitting the road, escaping all of lifes problems.

Man thanks for reminding me why I made this topic in the first place... It means a lot.

Hey if you've got beats I'd love to bounce some ideas off of you. Doing a lot of electronic stuff these days and drums are the area I lack the most.

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I had a very similar experience in my last relationship.
ShyOx posted...

I love her more than anything and I'd give up all this to keep her, but I don't think it works that way. If I give up then I'm not me, if that makes sense. It's too much a part of who I am.

This in particular. Its like you know what she wants from you, and you just KNOW deep down, that you can't give it to her, no matter how much you love her. You want the best for her and you want her to be happy, but you know that it can't be with you. It sucks and it's a bit cathartic at the same time, you don't have to worry about constantly disappointing her, and you can just focus on you.

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Damn, y'all got no chill

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dj1200 posted...

are you kidding me? Was that supposed to be a song? Trash.

No that's just a demo I made when I got my new synths. My recorded stuff is on my channel.

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i didnt read the topic but

https://imgur.com/gallery/O3z35Z0

this yo girl?

Wow, six years... If you really can't make another way of living while continuing what you love, I can't suggest anything else.

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LookANinja posted...

I had a very similar experience in my last relationship.

This in particular. Its like you know what she wants from you, and you just KNOW deep down, that you can't give it to her, no matter how much you love her. You want the best for her and you want her to be happy, but you know that it can't be with you. It sucks and it's a bit cathartic at the same time, you don't have to worry about constantly disappointing her, and you can just focus on you.

And you guys parted amicably? I don't want her to hate me for being me. I love her and she loves me... I don't want to see it go downhill to what I've seen happen.

CommunismFTW posted...

I get it, and hope you make it. That belief in yourself is important. If she's along for the ride, then so be it. If you have to stop dating her or being romantically involved you can always try to become friends -- six years is a lot of time to lose only never to speak again, trust me. I only advise caution, not abandoning your path. It doesn't have to be do or die.

The guitarist of my first band is her brother; my best non-family friend is his best friend and the other guitarist. My brother was our bassist, so I'd never let this slide into a zone of not talking or anything. We're all too close.

My devotion to the craft is do or die, but only because that's part of why we're together to begin with; the idea that I'm not the stick up my ass guy, I'm the loose musician guy. But people get older, things change... I don't know if she wants that anymore. I'd do anything for her, but I can't stop being me because that's the person she loves, so then I lose her anyways.

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ShyOx posted...

I have a plan and I'm all-inning on this. It's do or die and I realize the end game. I believe in myself and my abilities, and I don't see any other path as giving me real happiness and satisfaction. If I fail then I WILL pass on what I know to help others succeed, but I honestly don't believe I will.

This seems a bit irresponsible tbh

ALongTimeAgo posted...

This seems a bit irresponsible tbh

And I get that response, and I've tried other things and to do it other ways, but I'm just not happy.

It's absolutely irresponsible.

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MICHALECOLE posted...

i didnt read the topic but

https://imgur.com/gallery/O3z35Z0

this yo girl?

Lol thank you for the laugh fam

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ShyOx posted...

My only rules are no Creed

:(

But at times life is wicked and I just can't see the light.

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