Current Events > I was hit as a child and didn't turn out fine

(+) Yeah! (+)

Don't hit your children.

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Or hit them harder and more frequently.

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Well yea. If you spank a kid, you should go to prison.

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I wasn't hit as a child and I turned out horribly

I was hit, but that was nothing compared to the screaming.

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SevenTenths posted...

Or hit them harder and more frequently.

sometimes my dad would just reach for the nearest object, like the remote control

boy that stung

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If you were hit as a kid and didn't turn out fine you're probably just weak.

/sarcasm

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Same

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EnvoyOfTheLight posted...

I was hit, but that was nothing compared to the screaming.

Yeah, the screaming is always rough. I'm glad my parents at least realized the error of their ways eventually.

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Mine did until i learned how to fight back. Now i use violence to solve problem and prone to anger bursts.

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Just wait until your parents are old and weak, then you can hit them back, will bring some closure.

apolloooo posted...

Mine did until i learned how to fight back. Now i use violence to solve problem and prone to anger bursts.

Same here, bro. I got violent just last week, though my anger bursts are a lot less frequent than they used to be.

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Seeing how my dad has influenced me has been one of the worst parts of growing up for me.

No one should have to go through abuse. It's isolating and the effects last a long time :/

And dont laugh at trolls who have been abused either

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hockeybub89 posted...

Yeah, the screaming is always rough. I'm glad my parents at least realized the error of their ways eventually.

My mom stopped beating us by the time I was going into middle school. She stopped associating with certain family members who enabled that style of parenting and realized how wrong it was overall.

What she would do instead was hit our knuckles with a brush and flick our ears. Still not great but still better than getting the belt or switch-and-cord.
I get angry just thinking about it sometimes.

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Some parents hit their kids because theyre just horrible people who sees hitting a child as an opportunity to exercise their power over someone whos weak and defenseless. Other parents hit their kids because they actually think it will discipline them to behave better, it doesnt mean they dont love their child. I dont think you can lump the two in the same category.

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Sada_Pop posted...

Well yea. If you spank a kid, you should go to prison.

Yea, that's stupid. Sometimes physical punishment is warranted. There is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child.

For example, you have a 3 year old who is constantly trying to touch the stove. He's 3, so asking nicely isn't going to work and scolding him hasn't worked. Do you say fuck it and let him touch the stove in an attempt to teach him a lesson by letting him get burned or do you smack his hand firmly tell him no and why?


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I hit my parents as a child and they turned out fine

MuayThai85 posted...

Yea, that's stupid. Sometimes physical punishment is warranted. There is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child.

For example, you have a 3 year old who is constantly trying to touch the stove. He's 3, so asking nicely isn't going to work and scolding him hasn't worked. Do you say fuck it and let him touch the stove in an attempt to teach him a lesson by letting him get burned or do you smack his hand firmly tell him no and why?

If they're old enough to understand reason, use reason. If they're too young to understand reason, they're too young to understand why they're being hit.

Don't hit your kids.

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MuayThai85 posted...

Do you say fuck it and let him touch the stove

Yes. Lessons learned for yourself are billions times more effective than lessons someone else teaches you.

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"Small children are incapable of reason... unless you scare them with violence before you use reason"

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MuayThai85 posted...

Yea, that's stupid. Sometimes physical punishment is warranted. There is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child.

For example, you have a 3 year old who is constantly trying to touch the stove. He's 3, so asking nicely isn't going to work and scolding him hasn't worked. Do you say fuck it and let him touch the stove in an attempt to teach him a lesson by letting him get burned or do you smack his hand firmly tell him no and why?

Wrong!
You know how I learned not to touch the stove? By touching the stove. You know how I taught my kids not to touch the stove? By explaining it was hot then turning the burner up all the way and showing them to hold their hand above the burner so they could feel the heat and they realized that touching it would be a bad idea.

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Yes, for once, I agree with hockeybub.

He did not turn out fine.

Parents, please do not do this to your children.

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Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Yes, for once, I agree with hockeybub.

He did not turn out fine.

Parents, please do not do this to your children.

I was thinking more of being a severely anxious autist with violent fits of anger than having disagreeable opinions, but ok bro.

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hockeybub89 posted...

I was thinking more of being a severely anxious autist with violent fits of anger than having disagreeable opinions, but ok bro.

Not sure all of that is related to you being spanked as a child, but I do agree with the central thesis!

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COVxy posted...

Not sure all of that is related to you being spanked as a child, but I do agree with the central thesis!

Yeah I'm not saying it's all, but it definitely fucked me up and the way I was disciplined actively prevented me from getting help as a child. I didn't even get diagnosed with autism until a year after I flunked out of college and got called a fucking worthless loser and treated like shit by my dad.

My parents never even knew about my public outbursts towards bullies in middle/high school.

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Sorry to hear tha buddy. I knew a kid on my welrestling team abd football team whose dad would beat him if he lost a match or did bad in the game. I always thought that kid was a dbag but that was before i knew what his dad was like.

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I grew up not wearing a seatbelt and I turned out fine! No children of mine are gonna wear seatbelts!

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IronChef_Kirby posted...

I grew up not wearing a seatbelt and I turned out fine! No children of mine are gonna wear seatbelts!

I admit part of the motivation of this topic was riffing on "I got hit as a child and turned out fine", but with the twist of there legitimately being a connection in my case.

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yeah I was hit a lot as a child and even though my parents did it because they thought it was an ok way to discipline, I did not turn out ok and my relationship with my dad was shit for most of my life in part of it.

it's an awful thing to do to a child and I still remember how absolutely terrified I would be of my dad, i remember little else about our relationship.

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SevenTenths posted...

Or hit them harder and more frequently.

Lmao

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MuayThai85 posted...

Yea, that's stupid. Sometimes physical punishment is warranted. There is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child.

For example, you have a 3 year old who is constantly trying to touch the stove. He's 3, so asking nicely isn't going to work and scolding him hasn't worked. Do you say fuck it and let him touch the stove in an attempt to teach him a lesson by letting him get burned or do you smack his hand firmly tell him no and why?

Oh wow, so surprising to see an astonishingly bad take from you!

As others have said: If they're too young to reason with, they're also too young understand why you're hitting them. Would you hit your wife or anyone your own size for "misbehaving"?

David1988 posted...

Some parents hit their kids because theyre just horrible people who sees hitting a child as an opportunity to exercise their power over someone whos weak and defenseless. Other parents hit their kids because they actually think it will discipline them to behave better, it doesnt mean they dont love their child. I dont think you can lump the two in the same category.

My dad is this way. A couple of years ago I asked him why he abused me the way he did. He responded with "it made me feel powerful." I was stunned that not only he admitted that he did it, but was also honest on why.

Mom hurt me a lot too, but it's clear that he was the cause of that as well. Looking back, it seems as if she was struggling with being an abuse victim too, and it made her quite unstable.

So I was dealing with one malicious one, who is unquestionably a sociopath narcissist, and another unpredictable one who could be set off by almost anything.

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_Rinku_ posted...

Oh wow, so surprising to see an astonishingly bad take from you!

As others have said: If they're too young to reason with, they're also too young understand why you're hitting them. Would you hit your wife or anyone your own size for "misbehaving"?

If the bitch said something racist, punch right in the mouth.

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my mom would hit me with the gameboy link cable

She denied it for the longest it
but she finally apologized


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EnvoyOfTheLight posted...

I was hit, but that was nothing compared to the screaming.

This guy gets it. Don't feel holier than thou for not hitting your kids if you're just doing other toxic shit anyway. Physical abuse has been covered, move on to stuff that can be just as if not more damaging psychologically. No one cares that you know not to hit kids. You passed level 1, good job.

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Sada_Pop posted...

Well yea. If you spank a kid, you should go to prison.

This is so short sighted too. Yes, let's throw the kid into the system where he might never find a home because a parent slapped their butt. You care more about punishing the parents than actually helping the kid, if you're serious. You just skip straight over counseling and throw the kid to the wolves. Just to make sure the parents are punished aggressively as possible

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

This is so short sighted too. Yes, let's throw the kid into the system where he might never find a home because a parent slapped their butt. You care more about punishing the parents than actually helping the kid, if you're serious. You just skip straight over counseling and throw the kid to the wolves. Just to make sure the parents are punished aggressively as possible

Dude tbh there's no point in arguing over this topic. This is one of those never ending, bad faith, mud slinging debates that never leads to anything other than people being assholes

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Agreed. Add screaming to that list as well. Its made me an extremely anxious adult.

As an adult, I still flinch and cover my face when someone raises their hands near me. Even if its just reaching past me.
Someone casually and unexpectedly touching my shoulder or arm makes me scream and jump about two feet into the air.
If someone so much as slightly raises their voice against me it usually triggers an instant panic attack.

Dont abuse your kids in the name of teaching them a lesson

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One parent spanked me as a form of discipline.
One parent didn't.

Ironically, the former parent was a net positive on my life, and the latter I'm just...not on good terms with. >_>

I didn't turn out fine, maybe the spanking had something to do with it. But there was a lot wrong with my family growing up, and I feel like the spanking was probably a drop in the bucket compared to other things. Though it's also likely it contributed to some of my behavior problems back then. But on the other hand, the one parent was, while imperfect, genuinely concerned for my development, the other, just sort of viewed me simultaneously as a golden, perfect child too good for the world, and also a perpetual annoyance whose every choice and action was awful and an embarrassment to them.

I mean i feel like I can't even complain. It's not like, one of those misery porn situations where my entire childhood sucked constantly. It was ultimately such a banal form of suffering. I eventually learned to just stop caring about the latter's opinions and judgments. The further I distanced myself as I grew older, the more hostile they'd treat me. Not like, openly hostile. Just that sort of low key disdain. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life, was convincing myself that that parent was capable of genuine, selfless love. I ended up betrayed at a critical juncture in my life, and it really fucked up the path I was taking at the time.

So idk. I could never bring myself to spank a child. But on a personal level, if I had the choice to relive my youth and needed to choose one of my parents to be stuck with, I'd pick the one that spanked me. I think, whatever problems spanking might have given me, I could've worked through a lot better than the other. Especially since the parent who spanked me, if they could understand the potential damage they were doing, they'd fight like hell to repair it.

People aren't perfect, idk

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I find it both vindicating and empowering to see people sharing their experiences. Like, I usually only see people defending hitting and screaming as necessary or harmless. I certainly never found it to be either of those things.

I'm really sorry for everyone that had to go through physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in this topic. Don't have much more to say :(

Lost_All_Senses posted...

This guy gets it. Don't feel holier than thou for not hitting your kids if you're just doing other toxic shit anyway. Physical abuse has been covered, move on to stuff that can be just as if not more damaging psychologically. No one cares that you know not to hit kids. You passed level 1, good job.

Uh, I care that people know not to hit their kids.

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hockeybub89 posted...

I got violent just last week, though my anger bursts are a lot less frequent than they used to be.

@hockeybub89
You gave me something to think about, so I reconsidered. Sorry about being a dick earlier.

I dont know what the solution is to what youre going through, but I hope youre doing (Feeling?) better. And, yeah, parents shouldnt hit their kids. You were right about that.

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The23rdMagus posted...

If they're old enough to understand reason, use reason.

What happens when they dont listen?

When they realize the most youre gonna do is put then in timeout or take something away? Or when they realize youre too scared to do something in public?

What do you do then?

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

What happens when they dont listen?

When they realize the most youre gonna do is put then in timeout or take something away? Or when they realize youre too scared to do something in public?

What do you do then?

Sounds like you raised a sociopath at that point.

What if they realize all you're going to do each time is slap them on the butt? Do you break out the ruler? Do we move on to punching them, maybe somewhere more painful? How far does it go? If your only option is to ramp up the violence until they are too scared or too incapacitated to continue breaking the rules, then you have already failed.

If a child is old enough to be this cunning, then they are old enough to understand reason. If you wouldn't hit your spouse, parent, friend, teenage child, co-worker, or random stranger for not listening, then you shouldn't hit your small child. "If people won't listen to you, then you need to get violent" is not the greatest life lesson to teach children unless you're trying to raise a supervillain.

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I was hit too and there was screaming but I turned out fine I think, Im a little of an insensitive assholes at times but dont think it scarred me

cuttin_in_farm posted...

What happens when they dont listen?

When they realize the most youre gonna do is put then in timeout or take something away? Or when they realize youre too scared to do something in public?

What do you do then?

Punishments only train children in what not to do. Strict parents only raise better liars; a child who is driven by punishments will only behave so long as they are in situations where they are likely to be caught. A well-behaved child needs training in what the desired behaviors are, and incentives to demonstrate those behaviors.

The key to promoting desired behaviors in children is to give them something to work toward, rather than something to run from. Instead of playing whack-a-mole with misbehaviors, a successful behavioral intervention ascertains the function of the undesired behavior, and incentivizes the child to demonstrate a functionally equivalent replacement behavior. Consequences have their place, but they alone will not drive a child to behave properly, especially if the consequences are corporal punishment, as research has repeatedly shown corporal punishment to be associated with poorer socioemotional and behavioral outcomes.

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hockeybub89 posted...

I admit part of the motivation of this topic was riffing on "I got hit as a child and turned out fine", but with the twist of there legitimately being a connection in my case.

Im sorry, I shouldnt have overlooked this. I hope Im not derailing things; I can shut up if you want, haha.

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IronChef_Kirby posted...

Im sorry, I shouldnt have overlooked this. I hope Im not derailing things; I can shut up if you want, haha.

You good.

And I will say that, as I got older, I definitely started lying to avoid getting punished, knowing full well that the lie would absolutely be exposed later and result in an even bigger blowup. I was just scared and wanted to push off the inevitable. I kept doing the same things regardless. That cycle didn't end until my literal 20s.

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