Current Events > I was hit as a child and didn't turn out fine

(+) Yeah! (+)

Im kind of against it but not because I think occasional spanking in key spots can cause irreparable damage but just because I think its a suboptimal way of dealing with the issue at hand and well Im obsessed with using the optimal strategy in any scenario, maybe I should seek therapy

IronChef_Kirby posted...

The key to promoting desired behaviors in children is to give them something to work toward, rather than something to run from.

Your extraneous words wont hide one little issue Id like to highlight.

Not everyone even has the means to give their children something to look towards. And we cant ignore that some children are just bad.

hockeybub89 posted...

What if they realize all you're going to do each time is slap them on the butt? Do you break out the ruler? Do we move on to punching them, maybe somewhere more painful? How far does it go? If your only option is to ramp up the violence until they are too scared or too incapacitated to continue breaking the rules, then you have already failed.

I agree.

However, physical punishment has its place for repeated disobedience.

Surely you, as an adult, can think of things that you just disobey. As a child, there often times isnt actually a good reason for it. Children who arent babies know how fear works. Its no different than the stove analogy. Touch this, and youll get burned.

Keep doing stupid shit I told you not to do with clear explanation, get hit.

This is also how the real world works. Do stupid shit enough, someone is going to knock your ass out. Better to simply spank than have them think theyll never be touched when they grow up.

We have to have nuance here. Not everyone who spanks just mindless spanks their kids without deploying other options.

And not every kid is going to just nod and agree if you explain things to them. Some kids lie. Some kids steal. And some kids are little shits. This aint a video game.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Surely you, as an adult, can think of things that you just disobey. As a child, there often times isnt actually a good reason for it. Children who arent babies know how fear works. Its no different than the stove analogy. Touch this, and youll get burned.

Keep doing stupid shit I told you not to do with clear explanation, get hit.

This is also how the real world works. Do stupid shit enough, someone is going to knock your ass out. Better to simply spank than have them think theyll never be touched when they grow up.

Most people will never be touched for being stupid when they grow up. Hitting people for doing nonviolent things is never ok and would likely get you arrested in the real adult world. You'll teach the kids to fear their parents unless you're somehow confident they understand parental violence is different from any other violence. Fear does not teach obedience or respect.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Not everyone even has the means to give their children something to look towards. And we cant ignore that some children are just bad.

Born bad is some ancient bullcrap. "My kid is just naturally bad so all I can do is hit him to keep him out of my hair until he's old enough for me to kick him out." Make the kid the state's problem if you truly think they are "just bad."

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hockeybub89 posted...

You good.

And I will say that, as I got older, I definitely started lying to avoid getting punished, knowing full well that the lie would absolutely be exposed later and result in an even bigger blowup. I was just scared and wanted to push off the inevitable. I kept doing the same things regardless. That cycle didn't end until my literal 20s.

I'm sorry that you had that experience. How did you manage to break that cycle? Because that's no easy feat.

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Emotional abuse hurts worse

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I'll never understand why some people on here are so desperate to hit children

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I was hit and turned out fine same with my siblings

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To this day, my mom is all like hit you and your brother with a wooden spoon and you turned out fine. Just the past month I told her, well, fine is subjective, but I do have anger issues and absolutely no regard for authority whatsoever.

She didnt really know what to say about that.

Dad never laid a finger on me. Im never spanking my kid.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Your extraneous words wont hide one little issue Id like to highlight.

Not everyone even has the means to give their children something to look towards. And we cant ignore that some children are just bad.

There's nothing extraneous about what I posted; I gave a very brief overview of how behavioral interventions work. I'm a school psychologist, and I've dealt with some very difficult behavioral cases, but not once have I thrown up my hands and said "Welp, yer kid's just plain bad, better start smackin' him around."

There are no bad children, only bad situations. Finding the right incentive for a child can be very difficult especially with limited means, I won't deny that for one second, but it is essential if you want to improve their behavior, as opposed to just training them to hide from the next whooping.

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IronChef_Kirby posted...

I'm sorry that you had that experience. How did you manage to break that cycle? Because that's no easy feat.

Honestly, I think it was just age. I was no longer in any school and was out there trying to function like an adult and my dad finally realized that maybe I wasn't just a lazy bum. What good does hitting a 22 year old do anyway? My 10 year younger brother had been diagnosed with autism previously and my dad used some connections from that community to help me see someone. Everyone let up on me after that, but the wasted years had already done a number on me. A few years later, I also spend some time with therapy after I was having some outbursts and got things handled a little further.

Unfortunately, I later found out my dad was cheating on my mom with said connections. I also learned my mom had begged my dad to not let me go to college because she knew it was going to be bad for me.

I'm doing relatively well these days finally, renting out a house with my two siblings and my mom. But like I said, I still occasionally go ballistic at home. I feel like I have such bad experiences in the past with arguments, that I literally get mad if I hear an argument brewing. It's like a poorly thought-out preventative measure, where I just direct the heat unto myself. I'm considering therapy again because I still hate myself when I do it and the general state of the world has been freaking me out. Arguments freak me the hell out.


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Sada_Pop posted...

Well yea. If you spank a kid, you should go to prison.

Awful take lol

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El Mexicano Texano posted...

I was hit and turned out fine same with my siblings

You definitely didn't turn out fine
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FlameTurtle posted...

I'll never understand why some people on here are so desperate to hit children

I'll never understand why some people on here think not being against spanking means it's something they want to do. No matter what your stance on physical discipline, it should be common sense that there's a difference between parents using spankings only as a punishment, and people who simply enjoy beating up children.

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hockeybub89 posted...

Honestly, I think it was just age. I was no longer in any school and was out there trying to function like an adult and my dad finally realized that maybe I wasn't just a lazy bum. What good does hitting a 22 year old do anyway? My 10 year younger brother had been diagnosed with autism previously and my dad used some connections from that community to help me see someone. That resulted in an ASD diagnosis. Everyone let up on me after that, but the wasted years had already done a number on me. A few years later, I also spent some time with therapy after I was having some outbursts and got things handled a little further. That nailed me down a decent job too.

Unfortunately, I later found out my dad was cheating on my mom with said connections. I also learned my mom had begged my dad to not let me go to college because she knew it was going to be bad for me.

I'm doing relatively well these days finally, renting out a house with my two siblings and my mom. But like I said, I still occasionally go ballistic at home. I feel like I have such bad experiences in the past with arguments, that I literally get mad if I hear an argument brewing. It's like a poorly thought-out preventative measure, where I just direct the heat unto myself. I'm considering therapy again because I still hate myself when I do it and the general state of the world has been freaking me out. Arguments freak me the hell out.

Damn, that's quite a journey. I'm glad to hear that things are going better now, at least. I'm of the opinion that counseling is helpful for people even when things are going relatively well; it's just helpful to have someone (especially a trained someone) to bounce your thoughts off of and get feedback from. I hope you're able to find one you click with well; finding a good match in therapy can be hard.

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KeeperOfShadows posted...

I'll never understand why some people on here think not being against spanking means it's something they want to do. No matter what your stance on physical discipline, it should be common sense that there's a difference between parents using spankings only as a punishment, and people who simply enjoy beating up children.

Their logic is flawed is why.


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I was spanked, but not beaten. There is a difference even though yall disagree with me every time i post in a topic on the subject. I understand some people had it much worse

What was more prevalent to me was the mental abuse i faced from certain teachers... i still dont understand why they treated me that way. It was eventually obvious to the principle because i had a -42 coduct grade in one class with no previous examples of insubordination, so they put me in a room with a different teacher for the remainder of third grades... third grade yall. It still bothers me tbh

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IronChef_Kirby posted...

Damn, that's quite a journey. I'm glad to hear that things are going better now, at least. I'm of the opinion that counseling is helpful for people even when things are going relatively well; it's just helpful to have someone (especially a trained someone) to bounce your thoughts off of and get feedback from. I hope you're able to find one you click with well; finding a good match in therapy can be hard.

Thanks. Yeah, I have struggled finding someone to stick with when I have done it.

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Lathissamus posted...

Their logic is flawed is why.

Of the people that think it's ok to hit children as long as they do it "the right way" and don't get off on it, yes.

If you aren't playing sports or fighting in self-defense, you literally should not be hitting anyone. And if you wouldn't hit everyone, then you shouldn't hit your kids

"Small children only understand fear". Congrats, then they will understand their parents are scary.

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Me and my 3 other siblings were all spanked as children but it wasn't that bad imo.

I kinda accepted it as being a cultural thing from where my parents came from (Africa). My dad once told me that back in Africa, if you were extra bad in school the parents would let the teachers spank you lol.

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ChrisTaka posted...

Me and my 3 other siblings were all spanked as children but it wasn't that bad imo.

I kinda accepted it as being a cultural thing from where my parents came from (Africa). My dad once told me that back in Africa, if you were extra bad in school the parents would let the teachers spank you lol.

Teachers could paddle students here too unless parents opted out. I got paddled once as a teen

It was weird

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Smackems posted...

Teachers could paddle students here too unless parents opted out. I got paddled once as a teen

I wish my parents used a paddle lol

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Smackems posted...

Teachers could paddle students here too unless parents opted out. I got paddled once as a teen

It was weird

I had a Geometry teacher who would smack people on the head with a bunch of wrapped together metal rulers. This was considered a rite of passage at the school that kids deserved for fucking around.

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ChrisTaka posted...

I wish my parents used a paddle lol

Mine used a belt. My dad went overboard a few times

My mom was much more "gentle" for lack of a better term

But being paddled by some adult you barely know when you're like 14 is weird. He was a goofy lookin bastard too

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