Current Events > RIP left leg and hip

(+) Yeah! (+)

DuranOfForcena posted...

i've never watched the show, but from what i've heard about it, yikes, that sounds like a red flag

It's kinda bad imo since that guy left his fiancee in the US for a month while he went to work, when he came back he was already drinking getting off the plane at like 9 AM, his wife tested positive for pregnancy and he made her take the test in front of him because he thought she was making it up. Guy's just a dirtbag.

Anyway sorry to derail the topic but I do find it interesting that he seems to ... relate more to the worse characters on the show -_-

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Bleh hes being all sweet and helpful today. Im just keeping him at arms length. I want to see consistency before I get any hopes up

Parappa09 posted...

i can't wait until i catch up to the current eps

i'm on ep 6 now and i hear a lot about crazy alcoholic Jovi but not seen it yet

Jovi is such a dick lol

JScriv posted...

Does your health insurance cover paramedical care? Like a physical therapist, chiropractor or even a massage therapist. You might want to start getting care for your pelvis. The hip pain is only going to get worse as you approach full term.

It does and my husband has commented that I need to go. But Im worried about catching covid. The only time I leave the house is for my OB appointments because those are necessary. Id rather manage my pain at home.

Not saying you need to like get on all fours and kiss the ground he walks on but if you haven't yet take the moment to just give a simple thanks and specifically call out the behaviors he's doing right.

As a fellow irresponsible pitiful excuse for an "adult", I always just get frustrated when I do take initiative to do a chore around the house and then it turns into "oh ok after that you need to do these five other things you haven't done in years" -_- Getting at least a little recognition means a lot, I dread doing something just to hear it's too slow or why don't I do it more often or something like that.

I don't know if you do that or not!

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(also not trying to empathize too much with the guy, don't think I ever... made fun of my wife like that. just saying a little appreciation goes a long way to reinforce positive behaviors >_>)

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Cleo_II posted...

Im just keeping him at arms length.

Cold as ice.

Cleo_II posted...

Jovi is such a dick lol

but dat smile and dick sucking lips...plus he dresses like a proper fuckboy which i dig

but hearing that he slept with a stripper that ended up pissing in his bed is disgusting

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Hexenherz posted...

Not saying you need to like get on all fours and kiss the ground he walks on but if you haven't yet take the moment to just give a simple thanks and specifically call out the behaviors he's doing right.

As a fellow irresponsible pitiful excuse for an "adult", I always just get frustrated when I do take initiative to do a chore around the house and then it turns into "oh ok after that you need to do these five other things you haven't done in years" -_- Getting at least a little recognition means a lot, I dread doing something just to hear it's too slow or why don't I do it more often or something like that.

I don't know if you do that or not!

Oh yeah I do that lol. I try to give positive reinforcement without overdoing it. He knows I appreciate where he does help. Even when Im pissed at him Im sure to tell him that I appreciate the things he does and Im not saying he doesnt do anything, I just need more help temporarily.

Cocytus posted...

Cold as ice.

Yep. This has been a cycle. Its not the first time he will act all nice and helpful for a day or two and then go back to doing what he was doing before and randomly snapping at me. Im not giving in this time until I see consistency.

Parappa09 posted...

but dat smile and dick sucking lips...plus he dresses like a proper fuckboy which i dig

but hearing that he slept with a stripper that ended up pissing in his bed is disgusting

His smile is so off putting to me, and his teeth. Like he sucked his thumb for too many years lol. The stripper thing is so nasty

Lol had another nosebleed start right before a call I had to make for work. Because my husband left windows open on a dry day and the humidity inside is now 16%. But if I say anything Im just complaining /eyeroll

I stuck one of those absorbing stick things for nosebleeds and sounded terrible. I just said I was sick lol

all belly pregnacy? Means you having a boy

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Willy_Lopez posted...

all belly pregnacy? Means you having a boy

Nope, having a girl. I think its genetics more than anything. We had a virtual baby shower at work and all the ladies were saying how lucky I am and how theirs wasnt like that at all lol

Knock on wood no stretch marks yet either. My mom didnt get them so Im hoping that means I wont either.

trus me despite what they tell you, its gonna be boy

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Cleo_II posted...

Lol he has a very hard time understanding. I get it. He doesnt feel my aches, or a baby kicking around, or the feeling of a huge stomach in the way, my ribs being pushed on etc. When I asked him to start driving me to my OB appointments because Im getting more uncomfortable, his first response was does being pregnant mean you forget to drive? Wanted to throw something at him lol. But he didnt argue more when I explained it.

You need to get him to wear one of those pregnancy vests so he can experience what it's like to have that much weight around you 24/7.

Even if it's only a fraction of what you experience carrying the baby.

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KamenRiderBlade posted...

You need to get him to wear one of those pregnancy vests so he can experience what it's like to have that much weight around you 24/7.

Even if it's only a fraction of what you experience carrying the baby.

I mean, this would be awesome if I was in his shoes. If you dangle a challenge in my face, Ill kill it...and wearing a weight suit is probably good exercise.

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Short lived as I thought. I have horrible lower back pain this morning, along with my hip still hurting. I had woken up several times from the pain at night too. Asked him nicely to bring my heating pad and some Tylenol. Nope, too busy playing games and has a cat on his lap, so he cant move apparently. I end up getting it myself then he gets up and pretends to care but its only because he knows Im pissed. Starts acting all caring and asks what I think my back pain is from. Uhh I dunno Im fucking 34 weeks pregnant??

I asked him what he wanted from me if he doesnt want me complaining about pain but also wont get me things when I ask. No response.

This is beyond Asperger's and is bordering on sociopathy by this point.

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Cleo_II posted...

Short lived as I thought. I have horrible lower back pain this morning, along with my hip still hurting. I had woken up several times from the pain at night too. Asked him nicely to bring my heating pad and some Tylenol. Nope, too busy playing games and has a cat on his lap, so he cant move apparently. I end up getting it myself then he gets up and pretends to care but its only because he knows Im pissed. Starts acting all caring and asks what I think my back pain is from. Uhh I dunno Im fucking 34 weeks pregnant??

I asked him what he wanted from me if he doesnt want me complaining about pain but also wont get me things when I ask. No response.

this reminds me of a friend of mine and her boyfriend. they live together and she's always talking about getting married and having kids but the times I've been around them together he doesn't even take her seriously and he gets pissed every time she asks him to do anything

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VanananaHeyHey posted...

This is beyond Asperger's and is bordering on sociopathy by this point.

Yeah, I'm leaning pretty heavily toward this being abnormal.

He cleared the dining room today as he promised. It had been cluttered with dozens and dozens of random boxes of his. I havent seen my dining table in a year lol

Keeps asking if I need anything.

I think hes trying in his way.

Cleo_II posted...

I think hes trying in his way.

He's trying to get you off his back. This is small potatoes after his cruelty, distance and emotional abuse. You know that he'll be right back to old habits in a matter of days.

I know we don't all know the ins and outs of your relationship and that we're just an Internet peanut gallery, but you really need to consider the truth in everything he's done. He's shown you who he is when you've needed him most.

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A lot of this stuff is hitting home.

My wife is a huge slob when it comes to daily maintenance type stuff. She apparently suffers from garbage blindness. Straight up throws a lot of her trash on the kitchen table instead of two steps away in the garbage. Promises to do stuff but never does. TCs laundry example happens regularly. When she does decide to clean up she'll skip the actual messes and mop or something less immediately needed.

I grew up picking up after myself on a daily basis and so did everyone in my household. It's frustrating to pick up after a grown ass woman. At one point, I played garbage chicken to see how cluttered things would get before she'd do something. I caved when things just started being thrown on the floor.

My favorite incident was when she cut a cake, put the frosting covered knife on the table and left it there for several days. For reference, she'd just need to turn around to put it in the sink. Just pivot. That's it.

She's gotten mildly better over time but tbh is still a terrible roommate in that regard. She grew up in a house that looked like a shithole so she never formed good habits. I'm independent af so taking care of others doesn't come naturally. It's frustrating but I've learned to just accept it as much as I can.

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VanananaHeyHey posted...

He's trying to get you off his back. This is small potatoes after his cruelty, distance and emotional abuse. You know that he'll be right back to old habits in a matter of days.

I know we don't all know the ins and outs of your relationship and that we're just an Internet peanut gallery, but you really need to consider the truth in everything he's done. He's shown you who he is when you've needed him most.

I mean, on the one hand I want to say "Yeah this is cycle of abuse" like this - periods of ups and downs.

On the other hand, maybe he is realizing he was being shitty.

Honestly these conditions are all... shitty. My wife is constantly asking me to check her emails or do simple computer tasks and I find myself just losing my patience now and I never did before, I think it's because we're home together 24/7 and I'm not satisfied with work and she's not too satisfied with hers most days. I hate it, I *know* it's not going to be a positive thing if I'm like "wtf srsly you couldn't just send this email?" but I have stopped thinking before I speak. Me getting frustrated just makes me... even more frustrated because I was never like that.

At any rate I am glad that the last day or two have improved, at the very least there's some positive here, and I hope it lasts :(

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

A lot of this stuff is hitting home.

My wife is a huge slob when it comes to daily maintenance type stuff. She apparently suffers from garbage blindness. Straight up throws a lot of her trash on the kitchen table instead of two steps away in the garbage. Promises to do stuff but never does. TCs laundry example happens regularly. When she does decide to clean up she'll skip the actual messes and mop or something less immediately needed.

I grew up picking up after myself on a daily basis and so did everyone in my household. It's frustrating to pick up after a grown ass woman. At one point, I played garbage chicken to see how cluttered things would get before she'd do something. I caved when things just started being thrown on the floor.

My favorite incident was when she cut a cake, put the frosting covered knife on the table and left it there for several days. For reference, she'd just need to turn around to put it in the sink. Just pivot. That's it.

She's gotten mildly better over time but tbh is still a terrible roommate in that regard. She grew up in a house that looked like a shithole so she never formed good habits. I'm independent af so taking care of others doesn't come naturally. It's frustrating but I've learned to just accept it as much as I can.

This hits home for me in a different way. My wife does a lot of this stuff. Not out of garbage blindness, but out of some pretty bad depression. So it can be hard for her to maintain a level of cleanliness that we both want so a lot of it lands on my shoulders. Then with pregnancy even more has landed on my shoulders, which I'm totally willing and glad to take on to do my part, but it's hard and I'm ready for some backup, that's for sure.

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

A lot of this stuff is hitting home.

My wife is a huge slob when it comes to daily maintenance type stuff. She apparently suffers from garbage blindness. Straight up throws a lot of her trash on the kitchen table instead of two steps away in the garbage. Promises to do stuff but never does. TCs laundry example happens regularly. When she does decide to clean up she'll skip the actual messes and mop or something less immediately needed.

I grew up picking up after myself on a daily basis and so did everyone in my household. It's frustrating to pick up after a grown ass woman. At one point, I played garbage chicken to see how cluttered things would get before she'd do something. I caved when things just started being thrown on the floor.

My favorite incident was when she cut a cake, put the frosting covered knife on the table and left it there for several days. For reference, she'd just need to turn around to put it in the sink. Just pivot. That's it.

She's gotten mildly better over time but tbh is still a terrible roommate in that regard. She grew up in a house that looked like a shithole so she never formed good habits. I'm independent af so taking care of others doesn't come naturally. It's frustrating but I've learned to just accept it as much as I can.

Im sorry. Thankfully hes not that bad at cleaning after himself, its the areas he sets himself up in that become a disaster. But not so much dirty things just stacks of papers everywhere, empty soda/water bottles, IT equipment all over, etc

Its hilarious because if I forget to put one thing away in the kitchen after Im done cooking, he will always point it out and make a show of it.

I grew up in a similar household to your wife. We werent taught to clean. We lived in squalor and filth. I could never bring friends over. So seeing a dirty home really triggers me.
Hexenherz posted...

I mean, on the one hand I want to say "Yeah this is cycle of abuse" like this - periods of ups and downs.

On the other hand, maybe he is realizing he was being shitty.

Honestly these conditions are all... shitty. My wife is constantly asking me to check her emails or do simple computer tasks and I find myself just losing my patience now and I never did before, I think it's because we're home together 24/7 and I'm not satisfied with work and she's not too satisfied with hers most days. I hate it, I *know* it's not going to be a positive thing if I'm like "wtf srsly you couldn't just send this email?" but I have stopped thinking before I speak. Me getting frustrated just makes me... even more frustrated because I was never like that.

At any rate I am glad that the last day or two have improved, at the very least there's some positive here, and I hope it lasts :(

Having you check her emails and do computer tasks seems a bit strange. Are these work related? Did she grow up with her parents really involved in everything? I know mine were super controlling and when I got married I had a difficult time being independent and it caused us some issues

We talked a bit more this morning. He shared more about his childhood and feeling like he had to care for his siblings all the time. How he was caring for babies at the age of 10 and was the one to make his 4 brothers lunch, take them to the bus stop for school, then take a 45 minute bus ride to the rich white kids school because he was gifted as a child. He was the only brown person and he had to take up a job as a janitor at 14 cleaning gum off rich white kids desks while they went to summer camp and stuff. In order to feed his family. Then never knowing what he was coming home to. At 16, his 6 month old cousin was dropped off and he took care of her too. At 18 he went to the military and sent money home. I think his childhood really damaged him. I cant imagine having to be turned into a parent so young.

I shared that I grew up in squalor and the house always being so dirty. You couldnt open any cabinet without random stuff falling on you. So it might not be a big deal to him but it triggers me to see a pile of random crap.

He also shared some of his mood swings are sexual frustration. My doctor has pretty much banned us from sex most of the pregnancy and he knows I dont feel well so he doesnt try much else with me. I try to take care of his needs where I can but he said he doesnt blame me. He knows its not my fault just sometimes makes him grumpy. He doesnt want me to feel bad so he internalizes it.

Did you not know that stuff about your husband before this point in time?

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Orchestrion posted...

Did you not know that stuff about your husband before this point in time?

I did but its not something we talk about a lot. Some details he didnt mention though. I didnt know he sent money home while in the military for example. And he never talks about how growing up like that has made him feel. He was talking about how he felt robbed of a childhood, which he never opens up about.

And hearing him talk about it some more helps me understand better. He didnt do a lot of cleaning, chores, etc. Those were the middle kids. He was responsible for their survival, having enough food to eat, making sure his siblings were cared for. May be why he sees being a provider as more important than my cleaning standards. He often sees my preferences as frivolous. I had never thought about how his childhood could have contributed to that before. I just thought he was being insensitive to my feelings.

Cleo_II posted...

I did but its not something we talk about a lot. Some details he didnt mention though. I didnt know he sent money home while in the military for example. And he never talks about how growing up like that has made him feel. He was talking about how he felt robbed of a childhood, which he never opens up about.

And hearing him talk about it some more helps me understand better. He didnt do a lot of cleaning, chores, etc. Those were the middle kids. He was responsible for their survival, having enough food to eat, making sure his siblings were cared for. May be why he sees being a provider as more important than my cleaning standards. He often sees my preferences as frivolous. I had never thought about how his childhood could have contributed to that before. I just thought he was being insensitive to my feelings.

I see - I was just curious if he had shared all of that yet. Maybe he was embarrassed about disappointing you/leaving you wanting more and was hesitant to open up about it. Either way its nice that he was willing to talk about it.


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CHM_Punk posted...

How do you feel after talking with your husband recently about that stuff, TC?

I do feel better and he has been trying more this weekend. Its a bit hit and miss but I see more effort from him. He put up most of the nursery decor I got today for example. Its almost done. And kept asking me if I needed things.

well I hope its lesson learned from the both of you, communicate more and better

Really glad things are looking up lately, I hope ya'll can build on that momentum. It's cool you're taking the time to learn about what makes the other person tick, too.

Funny how our upbringing have such an impact on us later. Reading about your situation growing up, I just thought about my dad's apartment and how the stack of letters grew each week on the coffee table. And now.. I just let my own stack pile up and it drives my wife nuts -. -

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This man seriously puzzles me. Ive been up since 1 am with severe heartburn and acid reflux. Came close to throwing up a couple of times. Its painful to the point where he walked in on me in tears. I messaged the doc who said to try Pepcid AC, avoid fried, fatty and spicy food. My husband immediately went to the store.

He came back with the Pepcid AC and brought me lunch... a spicy fried chicken sandwich, curly fries and an Oreo shake from jack in the box. Normally what I order. But like I just told him what the doc had said. Its like he just stopped listening at need Pepcid ac lmao.

Hexenherz posted...

Really glad things are looking up lately, I hope ya'll can build on that momentum. It's cool you're taking the time to learn about what makes the other person tick, too.

Funny how our upbringing have such an impact on us later. Reading about your situation growing up, I just thought about my dad's apartment and how the stack of letters grew each week on the coffee table. And now.. I just let my own stack pile up and it drives my wife nuts -. -

Ive tried very hard to undo the poor habits I learned growing up. It wasnt immediate. For example, when I first would cook Id leave a giant mess in the kitchen, like my mom always did. It took me time to undo those habits and learn to clean as I go. You can do the same with the stack of papers. Its about being conscious about what were doing and setting goals to undo those habits.

That order does sound bomb tho

Damn now I'm hungry

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